I believe I am living a testimony now. There are some petitions I have before God; some about spiritual growth, and others about emotional and personal growth that I am believing in him to work out. And I know I’m growing because God has me in a place now where I’m learning to work with people who I know don’t like me and yet still I’m able to love them. Every day I wake up is a testimony; the fact that I have two eyes and functioning body parts, a roof over my head and a loving family back home is enough for me to give him praise. I am so blessed to have wonderful Christian hearted people in my life and my inner circle. God is so awesome that he knows what you need even before you realize what you need. It is only by the grace of God that I’m not one of those people living in tent city, strung out on drugs, motherless/fatherless, or buried 6 ft. under. But every Christian should know God has a plan for your life.

The bible says in Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

There is no failure in God. He wants to bless all of his children. All we have to do is open our hearts and allow him to dwell there. In 2005 I was involved in a car accident, and God spared my life and had mercy on me. But before that accident I was in a place in my life where I allowed sin to separate me from God. I stopped going to church, I stopped praying and reading the bible. I stopped being a witness for Christ. So, I look at that accident as a divine intervention that drew me closer to God. I am so grateful that God loves us so much and that he never leaves or turns him back on us.

Ephesians 2:8 says

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

Had God not spared my life in that accident there was no doubt in my mind where I would open my eyes up. HELL, and yes, it is real.
When I was growing up, my mom and I didn’t have the greatest relationship. My parents divorced when I was very young and although, my mom never said this from her mouth, I believed a lot of our differences were because she thought I reminded her most of my dad. But by no means was I a saint either. Our relationship was so bad that I thought about running away. I made poor choices growing up because of how strict she raised me. Anything that was fun, I had no part of it. I was not even allowed to go to my senior prom and she didn’t show up to my high school graduation or one of the most important days in my life-my wedding. Can you imagine how I felt? My mom, the one who gave birth to me, taking no part of my life; although she had plenty of opinions to throw my way. My mom is not perfect by any means and I do believe to a certain extent that she did the best she knew how to at the time, because she was dealing with her own hurt. A couple of years ago I forgave my mom for the way she treated me and put the rest in Gods hands. To this day our relationship is still not the greatest, but it’s much better. I use to not communicate with her, to save myself from disrespecting her and shorten my days here on earth.

Exodus 20:12 says:

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

God is good. He’s an awesome savior who not only shows us what love is, but how to love one another and he fills the void we have in our lives. We just have to trust him and let him have his way.And in doing so, after I came to the realization that my life is not my own and that I can do nothing without God, he is able to use me for the uplifting of his kingdom. By following the guideline in 1 Corinthians on love, I am able to be walk in love and be a better mother for my son.

For the bible says in James 1: 2-4:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

So, whenever I face trials and tribulations in my life, first I know that it’s only for a season and that it’s just a test of my faith, knowing that we live by faith and not sight. And I know that I’ll grow as a person and spiritually becoming complete and not lacking anything. Again, allowing God to fill a void.

Faith has gotten me very far in my life. It doesn’t even take that much, the size of a mustard seed is all you need. Luke 1:37

“For nothing is impossible with God.”

When I was jobless and had no transportation, it was my faith that got me through. When I was believing in God for a house, it was my faith that got me through. When the devil tried to attack my body, it was my faith that got me through.

Faith is belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. It’s being able to see something without seeing. It’s asking and praying to God and then believing that it’s already done.

I’m so glad that I’m saved and Jesus lives in me. Salvation is a gift from God that anyone may receive by exercising faith in Christ and repenting for their sin (Acts 20:21). Some of the benefits of this salvation is that we become “new creations in Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:17), our sins are forgiven; we receive eternal life and become children of God. We also receive the Holy Spirit, who enables us to live a new life based on God’s requirements and to spread the gospel to others (Acts 1:8 and Acts 2:38).

Non-believers cannot enjoy the full benefits of knowing God in this life, such as peace, comfort and help in times of trouble, if they are not born again, and will not spend eternity in God’s presence.

I would like to end my testimony with two scriptures.

1 John 2:15-16 which says:

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world.”

Matthew 16:26 says:

“What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?”

In Acts 3-12,13,Peter mentions to the crowd after he healed the cripple in Christ name,

“Men of Israel, why do you marvel at this? Or why look so intently at us, as though by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? 13 The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of our fathers, glorified His Servant Jesus,”

My testimony of the greatness of the name of JESUS : I am an animal lover. In my locality, I know every dog that roams on the street. Among these is a beautiful golden fellow who I named Fluffy, because of his glorious fur. To my dismay in the month of October, he got mange and became a mess…itching, bleeding, scaly and his fur all fell out. I was so upset and didn’t know how to help him. Suddenly the thought came to my head, if I cant heal a dog then my faith is not much! A dog is flesh: no spirit. All flesh follows my spirit because

“He who is within me is stronger than he who is in the world.” 1John 4:4

Every time I passed Fluffy on my errands, I would just say

“be healed in the name of Christ Jesus”.

Friends within days, he stopped itching, started eating. He was so grey and disgusting but I was searching for his healing and I could see it happening! the itching stopped, the bleeding stopped, started gaining weight, FUR STARTED GROWING.

Today he is back to his old self. That dog is a testimony to the Name of Jesus!

I have one more to relate. My mother in law is unsaved as yet. In December she contracted a terrible cough. She couldn’t sleep AT ALL. She is not exactly supportive of my faith to put it mildly. I kept on having the urge to give her the Word to claim but each time I would withdraw in the fear of being ridiculed. But one night the cough was so bad that I just went and in the name of Christ prayed and rebuked that illness. Friends that cough just dried out and didn’t return.

In both these instances, I was relying totally only on His name. A dog will never condone my faith :-) and neither would mummy, but in both instances, I was convicted my faith and His name is enough! and it WAS.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. – Psalm 34:5

Praise the Lord!!!

Jesus Protected A Girl

March 7th, 2015

Brother and sisters in Jesus Christ.
Let the love of Jesus Christ dwell with you forever in Jesus name. Amen

I would like to share a testimony as we know women are not safe in India but one thing which I personally experienced while on my way to Allahabad in train.  I was sitting on upper berth reading a book of Joyce Meyer then I a saw a family standing and arranging seats so that can sit there. One of them asked their daughter (might of 20years or more) to sit on my seat. I gave her place to sit and her parents sat on the next coach. A boy sitting next to my seat started staring her.

Next station a group of boys boarded the train they were also travelling to Allahabad, they to notice the girl and started staring at her. The girl felt uncomfortable so she hid her face under her lap. But the boys didn’t give up. Then suddenly one boy threw a piece of paper on her but she ignored it. I was feeling very uncomfortable and was very shocked to see this, I wanted to stop them by my strength but I was alone so could not help. I was praying to our lord Jesus that he should do something. Meanwhile I started reading bible so that the girl might ask me for the bible, but our god is an awesome god.

Later one of the boys came next to the girl and started staring at her very closely and then threw paper at her. The girl threw paper away and called her mother and asked if there are any seats next to theirs. But there were no seats so her parents request her to sit on my seat.

Then I dare to talk to her I offered her a bible but she refused then I shared with her a testimony of believer girl (Following Christ) from Pune who was coming from office late night as she was walking towards her house she found a group of men drinking. To her fear she started praying to Jesus and repeated a quoted from bible of PSALM 91.

A thousand may fall at your side,
and ten thousand at your right hand;
but it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
and see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.

Then the girl reached her home miraculously without been disturbed by the group of men. Next day she read on the newspaper that on same place where this girl saw the group of men drinking raped a girl last night and those men were arrested. She became very curious to know why she was saved so she went to the police station and met those prisoners and asked them, she too crossed the same road then what made them not to harm her. To this they replied

“we actually planned to rape you first but we saw to 2 huge person dressed in white cloth walking behind you.so we did not dare to touch you.”

These two huge persons were the angels of God whom Jesus had sent to protect her daughter.

(Main Story continued) after hearing this testimony that girl who was travelling in train with me took the bible from my hand started reading it.  Then suddenly I was really shocked and amazed to see the group of boys who were staring at her, did not dare to look into her eyes and they all eloped from there.

I was so thankful to JESUS that he fulfilled his words and save that sister sitting next to me.

The girl could make out the difference after taking the bible so she asked me is there any procedure I need to follow to read this bible, I said you can read it any time any day and try to read it regularly and read it every morning. Even if you have not taken a bath you can read it.  Jesus is looking for clean heart.

When her station came she kept the bible in her bag and got down from the train.

I really want to thank Jesus for he is greatest of greatest and is the true living God and he protected that girl and encouraged her that He is with her at the end of the world, even her parents cannot be with her all the times but he will be with her all the times.

Thanks to Jesus.

Healed and Forgiven

March 6th, 2015

Written February 28th, 2015 @ 4:04pm
Jessica Wolf- Cheyenne, WY

My Testimony

Sunday, May 13th 2007
It was Mother’s day of that year and I hadn’t been to church in almost 2 years. I’d been raised on Christian beliefs my entire life. My dad asked if I’d join them for a special guest speaker service at Cheyenne Christian Center which is now Family Harvest. He said Dick Mills was going to be preaching for us. I had no idea who the man was but I decided I might as well. It might keep my mind off of the holiday at hand.

Dick had a wonderful message. I couldn’t tell you what it was anymore because what happened during, made me forget that anyone else was even present. At some point during his sermon, he asked all the mothers to stand up. I winced and held back tears immediately wishing I hadn’t agreed to be there. Wishing I would’ve stayed at home in bed. My safe zone. As I sat there, he gave the moms a message from God, praising them for being the women they are and encouraging them in all ways of the Lord. When they finally sat down I relaxed some.

Not too long after that, he got quiet for a brief moment and then turned my direction. He pointed right at me and said, “Young lady, please stand up. The Lord has something he wants me to share with you.” I froze, not knowing what was about to happen had me in complete panic. He reassuringly prompted me to stand once more. This time I did and stood there beat red and restless. He continued by saying, “God wants you to stop messing with all these stupid boys. They can’t love you the way God wants you to be loved. They can’t cherish you the way God wants you to be Cherished. He has a husband waiting for you but first you need to seek Him in all things. No man before Him. He loves you more than anyone ever will.” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Just fought back tears and nodded. Pastor Mills then told me I could sit down with a very sincere smile across his wonderful God fearing face.

You see, not even a year and a half before that, I was pregnant. At only 17 years old I was scared, felt alone in my own thoughts and was extremely sick. I lost roughly 10 to 15lbs the first month after finding out. I had crushed both my parents as well as my heavenly Father. After influence from some people and feeling like I had no other option, I decided I was going to get an abortion. We scheduled the appointment in Boulder, Colorado and I tried to cut my emotions off. The night before the appointment, I laid in bed and my emotional dam split wide open. Tears fell and I prayed, it was all I could think to do. I asked God to tell me somehow if I was doing the right thing or not, to give me a sign. After saying ‘Amen’ in a very muffled sarcastic tone I said, “twins would be an obvious one”.

At the clinic, you had to walk through 3 walls of bullet proof glass. There was so much paperwork and I was terrified I was making the wrong decision. After intake and everything else they had me go through, I met the doctor. He was an older man, emotionless and seemed to avoid eye contact as much as possible. He explained that he was going to do an ultrasound to see where the baby was. As he looked at the screen, his eyes squinted ever so slightly and he asked me if I had done this with my OBGYN in Cheyenne yet. I told him no and while he stopped the machine and removed his gloves he told me I was having twins and that if I needed a minute he would lead me to a private room and get my mom for me. I nodded. I knew right then that God hadn’t taken my sarcasm lightly and that I was not supposed to be there. We needed to leave immediately. Mom didn’t hesitate and we went home.

One night, about a week later, after finally being able to eat without becoming nauseous, I ate 6 pancakes to myself, fairly big ones at that. Mom got home from work and I followed her to her bathroom up the stairs. I sat on her bed while she did her usual makeup removal routine. I didn’t even get 15 minutes of conversation before I knew I had to race for the toilet. I puked every last bit of pancake back up. I laid on the bathroom floor sobbing. My poor body had had enough and I was helpless. I told mom I wanted to go through with the termination.

The next week we were back at the clinic and going through everything I had bailed on previously. They require an over night stay in town for a part of the procedure to be more effective. I won’t share those details. Laying at the hotel, I wanted to go home so badly. To this day I don’t know why I didn’t just say something. The afternoon of the next day I was lying on an examination table, drugged and being “operated” on. I wanted to cry but no tears came. I was numb, I felt like I was dying and I was screaming on the inside ‘Jessica get up and leave! What the hell are you still doing here??!!’. I was grieving before it was even done. My head told me I was a horrible person, that if anyone found out I would be hated and ridiculed and some wouldn’t talk to me anymore. I pushed back my thoughts as best I could. Once done, I looked at the nurse and with tears finally able to come through I told her I was going to puke. She handed me a small bowl and I vomited 4 times. I was disgusted with myself. I didn’t want to be me anymore.

Once home and recovering I made the decision to lie. To tell everyone it was a miscarriage to avoid the judgment and to avoid hurting anyone who wouldn’t understand because hell, I didn’t even understand. The twins’ father comforted me as well as his whole family. The guilt washed over and through me, nightmares and shame haunted me for the next 16 months. The nightmares were so detailed and real. Their father found out the truth after the first 5 months went by and he loathed me. He was so angry. I didn’t blame him. I expected it. I was so incredibly sorry but there was nothing I could say or do to show him my guilt and remorse. He cut me off and we didn’t talk for a couple years.

Going back to the Sunday service with Dick Mills, you can now understand why mother’s day was a weakness for me and why I was so scared for Dick to call me out. I didn’t want my shame evident to the church. I wasn’t ready for anyone to know that about me when they saw me as a sweet girl with a wonderful heart. I told myself that I knew better, I was ugly and horrible and could never get away from the decision I’d made.

When it was my dating life that the Lord had Pastor Mills preach to me about, relief swept over me. I knew he was right and that God was telling me something I needed to hear but I didn’t listen. I didn’t feel worthy of Him so what was the point in listening? What was the point in living for God when I was doomed already for taking the lives of my own babies.

Later that evening, I went to Village Inn on the west side of town and was hanging out with a few friends while we waited for another friend to get off of her shift in the kitchen when Pastor Dick and Pastors Jerry and Opal walked into the restuarant. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Pastor Dick after service. Something urged me to although I couldn’t understand why, I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. Regardless, I wanted to meet this man whom I had come to find out was an evangelist spreading God’s Word wherever he was called to go. He’d been all over our continent and I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity.

I walked towards their table forcing a smile and introduced myself, shook his hand and gave my Pastors, Jerry and Opal, hugs. I told him thank you for telling me exactly what I knew I needed to hear. Before I could even gather my thoughts or feelings, I broke down right there. Through broken tears I explained my abortion to Pastor Mills and I didn’t have to mention how much I hated myself or how I thought God felt about me before he lovingly cut me off and said, “Jessica, you’re a wonderful young woman. You made a wrong decision but you’re not any less of a child of God. He forgives you and your babies forgive you as well. The problem in your heart is your lack of forgiveness in yourself. You have to let go and let God, you know that but you’ve been needing reminded. Let Him take it for you.” My tears cleared up almost instantly. He wrote down a few scriptures on a napkin for me to look up later on. To this day, I still have that napkin somewhere. I thanked him and hugged all three of them so tightly making sure I expressed how much I loved them and walked away with hope for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

Sometime within that next week, I had a dream. A good dream. Something I hadn’t experienced for too long. I was in heaven but it wasn’t anything elaborate like the out of body experiences some people have been blessed with to visit heaven. I was simply in a setting that I knew was heaven but I saw nothing except two beautiful similar looking mulatto children, one boy and one girl. They looked about 4 or 5 years old and were smiling up at me. There was a silence for a few moments and in that silence I gasped and thought ‘no way, it can’t be’ and just then their mouths opened and said to me, “It’s okay mommy. We love you and we know you love us. We’ve forgiven you.” I just starred and slowly but surely happiness swept through me. The twins reached their hands up toward my face to comfort me and wipe away the tears I hadn’t yet realized were present in my eyes. Before they could make contact, I awoke and sat straight up in my bed. I was in disbelief and then like a flood, I was able to let go of everything I’d held onto since that horrible day. Happy tears poured out and I was so grateful to God for letting me see my precious babies. They were more beautiful than I could have ever managed and they loved me! I slept peacefully through the rest of the night.

I know now that I can’t live with regret for something I cannot change. Remembering Dick Mills last night was triggered by my finishing of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and realizing just how bad my obsession was with the jealousy I felt of a fictional character. I wanted to crawl into the books and be her. After sulking and tears and longing for my own love, for the man I’m supposed to be with I was abruptly stopped in thought by the message I received that Sunday morning. ‘Stop messing with all these boys’ ‘they can’t love you the way God wants you to be loved’ ‘put God first’. I have ignored those words for almost 8 years and have been broken, battered, discouraged, taken advantage of and for granted, I’ve hurt men as well and been a guarded mess. All of that heartache could have been avoided if I would have just listened. If I would have reveled in my Savior and put my attention and time into Him and seeking His Word.

Last night, I was a mess…I was angry with myself, with God, with the world. Was angry I’d let so much of my life go to nothingness. I know what I have to do and I want so badly to be the woman He wants me to be. The woman that He’s made me to be. I want to fulfill my calling and be the daughter to Him I know I can be. I want my Daddy, my Creator, my Yeshüa to live in me and do with me as He sees fit. I’m done trying to do this life myself. I’m rededicating my heart, mind, body and soul to Him and with Him all things are possible!

Take me Lord, forgive me of my sins. Please forgive me for laziness, procrastination, answering to my flesh, for being of the world and not following you. Forgive me for thinking I could do this without you! Forgive me for not tithing, for not praying to you except in times of crisis, forgive me for using your name in vain and for being more concerned about my belongings than your way. I surrender to you! Take me and mold me. Give me strength and give me patience. Grant me peace and help me to give worry and stress to you like you’ve called your children to do. Make me whole. And all of this I ask in Jesus name. I need you Father.

Prayer in Time Saves Four

March 2nd, 2015

On 31st December 2005, I declined a lucrative offer from my friends to ring in the New Year at a pub downtown and instead chose to spend the last moments of the year at Church. All the while, my mind was drifting towards the revelries outside but I decided to focus on God and pray. Raised in an Orthodox Christian family with Christian virtues, I was considered the black sheep of the family for my bratty behavior and outspokenness. My sister was sober, docile, meek, and humble. I remember most of our near and dear ones referring to her as “Job” of the house and me, “Jacob-the cheat.”

On a hot summer morning in 2006, my dad woke up with his face twisted to the right and his right eye was closed. He couldn’t talk, eat or drink and we got all panicky. We called the doctor who diagnosed his condition as Bell Palasy and was advised lots of rest and heavy medication. This definitely took a toll on my mother, who fell very ill and used to sleep all day. Though my sister and I dismissed it off as over exertion, heart of hearts, I knew something was terribly wrong. Sometimes, I would go near her, wake her up and ask her if she was alright, she would then smilingly reply, “I’m as fit as a fiddle”, walk around the garden and go back to sleep like a dead man. She looked pale and sick but we sisters were too busy to notice as we took up jobs to cover the mounting medical expenses and had to take care of our parents as well as the household chores. It was quite taxing and despite medication and attention, my parents’ health was gradually deteriorating.

One fine morning, my sister couldn’t get off the bed or talk. She was running temperature but her body was cold, immediately I took her to hospital and after a series of medical tests doctors declared she had pneumonia, dengue fever, viral fever, jaundice and measles all at the same time. I was the only physically strong person in the house shouldering all the responsibilities with a confused state of mind. I didn’t inform my parents and whenever Dad inquired about my sister I told him, she was doing an extra shift at office and whenever was home from work, he was sleeping.

As for mom, she used to sleep all day and never interacted much. At the hospital where my sister was admitted, the nurse who befriended me suspected that, mom had some serious medical condition and it would be better if I admitted her. Despite mom’s feeble resistance and weak protests, she was admitted and the doctors were amazed that she was still alive. Her blood count was 2.3 and had uterine fibroids. This of course was my breaking moment and I wept by my mother’s bed hoping for help, comfort and someone to give me courage.

Suddenly, I could see a white light coming closer to me and even though my eyes were shut, it seemed real. A little inner voice told me, “You are in God’s presence.” I started praying fervently and never felt such peace. I felt new and lighter as if a heavy load was taken off my shoulders, I was reborn. This was for real and since then I never stopped praying.

Miraculously, my dad got better within a week and was helping me take care of my sister and mother. My sister took six months to recover and never had any relapses. As for mom, it took over a year for her to get completely healed. Though, I faced many trials in 2006, I never regretted any of it as it drew me closer to God. The only regret I had was that, I was too caught up in my own lifestyle that I forgot to give quality time to God and if I would have prayed a little early, maybe my family would be sickness free. After feeling guilty about it, my inner voice spoke up again and said, “God has His own time, chosen one and a different way of bringing back His lost sheep.” After seeing death so close my sister and mother decided to start a prayer group and I joined in too. We used to start our prayer at 12 in the midnight and used to let it go on till we fell asleep, which apparently never took place. I remember being able to sit all night praying and be energetic at work, the next day. I started having visions of angels protecting my family and my face used to glow. From “Jacob- the cheat”, I became “Joseph- the dreamer”, and I was quite happy with the promotion.

One day while praying, God showed me a vision, I saw my paternal uncle and he was holding a voo doo doll. I prayed and asked God the meaning of this vision. I had seen my house and my mother standing beside it. I shared this with her and she told me that when I was a toddler, our grandfather asked us to leave the house and live elsewhere, but soon he realized how empty it was, called us back and divided the property into two equal halves, one for my dad and the other for my uncle, who wanted the whole house for himself. Soon, his greed surpassed him and he resorted to Witchcraft to finish all of us up one by one and mom was the first on his hit list.

It was in 2006, where he chose a weak moment and attacked us, but when God brought us back, my uncle’s voo doo magic backfired and his family was in great danger. As our prayers grew stronger, he tried hard but his spells grew weak and whatever harm he wanted to cause reverted back to him threefold. There was ill health in his family, marital discord, his only daughter and the apple of his eye fell seriously ill. He looked for ways and means to fight with us verbally so that we would get tempted, back slide and he could use that weak moment again, but we never let it happen and prayed for a spiritual change in him. One night, we could see black shadows surrounding our house; we couldn’t believe it and went outside. Nobody was there and when came inside, the black shadows towered over our living area and were bloating up. In full faith we prayed and mom screamed, “In Jesus name I command you, go back to the place you came from. Amen.” Suddenly, these shadows shrunk and jumped out of the ventilators and windows. We were astonished and thanked God all night for his miracle.

Next morning, we received the news that my uncle had a heart attack and he died. We immediately rushed to the hospital, his body was all bloated up and his face was dark without the glow of death. Near and dear ones who visited us to pay their condolences were shocked with his premature death. I was affected too and asked God that only if You had given him a chance, he would have survived, why You didn’t change the course of his life and bring him on the right path. Just then, the inner voice interrupted my thoughts and said, “God waits for His children to come back to Him, but they lose faith and resort to Pagan Gods for instant solution, still the Lord waits upon them. But when they despise Him and submit their soul to the Devil, He leaves their hand.”

Hello,

I am a Christian, 21, and was baptized about 4 years ago. I am going to share my story of anxiety because this website has really made me realize that I am not the only one being targeted by the enemy with the same problem. My boyfriend of 4 and a half years introduced me to Christ and I fell in love. Since then, I would attend church service on Sundays and youth group on Fridays regularly but would not actively participate. My boyfriend is the youth pastor while his dad is the pastor. After starting college, I placed my education before God without even realizing it. I would even go a couple of days without even praying or opening my Bible.

Approximately 3 weeks ago, I was in a restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. At the table, my boyfriend’s dad and his friend began to talk about death. My boyfriend’s mom passed away a little over a year ago and in the conversation, they were recounting what had happened towards the end of her earthly life. My mind began to wander. The enemy hit me with a thought “I wonder what that person felt right before they died…” The thought that caused my very first panic attack quickly followed .. “What if I think these thoughts for the rest of my life?”

At that split moment I knew that I had opened a door that should have been shut! A heat wave went up my body and my heart raced rapidly. I ran to the bathroom and prayed hard. When I got back to the table, I told my boyfriend that I felt like I was being attacked. He took me outside and tried to comfort me. When we got back to the house, we told my boyfriend’s dad and he prayed over me. (Afterward, I had revealed to him that when I was about 12, I had the same account except it involved thoughts about whether or not I was gay after watching a show on MTV. I KNEW I was not, but thinking it bothered me SO much because I was SO disgusted. The devil is intelligent. He knows our weaknesses and strengths.) I told him that my mom, brother, and sister had previously suffered from anxiety and intrusive thoughts and have had to take medication and see phycologists. It was a generational curse! The enemy was trying to attack me using the same method!

The following week and a half consisted of frequent panic attacks throughout the day especially in class when I felt the need to concentrate the most. There were times when I had to run out of class because of the severity of the attack. I would also let my mind wander even further. There was a time when the enemy placed into my mind “What is the worst thing I could possibly do?… kill myself.” The enemy hits us with darts that will bother us the most! When the thought crept into my mind, it spiraled out of control.  I managed to pull through 2 more days when the enemy hit me with another dart…” What if none of this is real? What if life is absolutely meaningless?” I quickly called my mom and told her because I was terrified I would have to go to a mental hospital! She took me to the ER and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder.

The following day my mother took me to the phyciatrist because I had lost 7 pounds due to loss of hunger and a feeling of a knot in my stomach. I would get about 2 hours of sleep a night per night. I felt like the enemy was dragging me into a black hole. The phyciatrist prescribed Zoloft, an antidepressant and an anxiety/insomnia pill. I also had to take melatonin to fix my sleeping cycle.

Often I would look up Zoloft reviews to see how soon the medicine would be effective. I did this for about 2 days until one day I woke up and realized something very important. The enemy was trying to make me forget my identity, that I am a strong woman of Christ. I quickly got out of bed and prayed out loud, through tears I asked the Lord for forgiveness. I was looking for a solution in the medication instead of a solution in Jesus Christ! I asked God for increase in faith and strength to only trust in Him. Although I trust in the Lord, my family trusted in the medication. I am the only Christian in my family so I KNEW the enemy would make it hard for me.

For another week I experienced great anxiety. I would feel a cloud of doom surface over me and I would feel so helpless. A part of me, the holy spirit, urged me to open the bible and just read! Instead I would call people for advice.

About 4 days ago, I withdrew from all of my classes because of lack of concentration. I felt God pulling me towards Him. He wanted 100% of my attention. The following day, I felt the need to go to my cousin’s house. They advised me to go to their church that night. God revealed many things to me. The only I was I was going to overcome this was through the Word of God and having total faith in Him.

I have been improving greatly. At times, the anxiety hits me like a wave. When this happens, I usually repeat, “God did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind”. Whatever thought comes into your mind that is not pure, wonderful, or godly is NOT from God or from YOU. It is from the enemy! The enemy is the principle of the world and all this is bad. He only wants complete destruction and death.

God is love. He wants us to have life and have it abundantly! He has plans for each of us and sometimes Satan tries to keep us from receiving all of the wonderful things God wants to give you.

Sometimes Satan tries to attack my faith, saying, “You don’t have enough of it”. However, it is a lie! He is the father of all lies. Keep your eyes fixed on Him. Focus on bible verses pertaining to oppression, fear, anxiety, and peace. The bible says to seek first the kingdom of God and then He will fill you with a peace that is not comparable to any other peace.

When your faith begins to waver, take a walk outside. Look at the sky, the clouds, the beautiful flowers, the earth made so perfectly, the birds that are all provided for, etc. God has made everything so perfectly! Examine yourself. The insides of our bodies function harmoniously. Only God could have created everything so beautifully and perfectly. The bible says that God created us in HIS image. We are like Christ and have all the potential. You are his masterpiece and he is proud of you.

Read the Bible, meditate on the word, and seek a greater relationship with your Heavenly Father. When depression and anxiety seem to be drowning you, think of God and his eternal love. That eternal love is never-ending. That love is everywhere! Jesus is the only way, the truth and the light. The truth shall set you free! God allows Satan to tempt us so that we may grow in faith and be the tools God needs us to be. He is the potter and we are the clay. God will build us, destroy us, and build us again until we are molded the way he wants us to be. Our trials are only temporary and help us grow in faith.

I am sorry for the long post and I hope that I am able to help others suffering from anxiety as well.

You all will be in my prayers! Let us keep our minds steadfast on Him!

 

I was raised in a loving Christian home with my four siblings. Brought up knowing the Word of God and asked Jesus into my heart at Good News Club at the age of four. At the age of 15 I started hanging with the “wrong crowd”. I soon was pregnant. By the age 19 I had already been married two years and had three babies. My husband was not a Christian. I was divorced soon after my third child was born. By this time I had put Jesus “on the back burner”.

I was introduced to meth at 20 years old by a family member who I was close too. That was all it took for Satan to get his grip tight on me. I had two babies while using. I thought I was different because I kept a job and paid my rent and bills. I was a ” functioning addict”. My walk with the Lord was non existent. I was lost in Satan’s lies.

My life slowly but surely spiraled down. I eventually lost everything. I placed my four oldest children with family and still had my youngest who was still a new baby at the time. I walked the Dark Road of IV Meth use for five years.

The very last time I put that poison in my veins I overdosed and was unresponsive. That was when the Lord came to me and told me how precious I was to Him and He would not allow me to continue life on earth if I continued to make the bad choices I was making. He showed me my children’s faces and reminded me that they were His gifts to me and my second chance at life on earth if I chose to give my life back to Him.

I chose to live and quit meth and everything I lost was given back to me by my Lord Jesus Christ. That was over ten years ago. Today I serve Jesus by caring for my 87 year old grandmother and am a Grandmother myself to four beautiful little girls. My hearts desire is to help other mothers with there struggles with addiction. I am living proof that with God all things are possible!!!

No More Fear and Anxiety

February 19th, 2015

Well, here I am alive and kicking and enjoying life…in Christ.  It wasn’t always this way.  When I was six my 5 siblings and I woke up to find our father dead in the living room and our mother on the phone trying to find out what was going on.  My father never picked her up from work the previous evening so she went to my grandmother’s house for the night.  That’s when it started – the fear.  Fear of death and dying haunted me most of life.

As a young teenager, I went to church because that was what was required of me by my mother.  I would sometimes be overwhelmed by the moving of the Holy Spirit in my church but it never seemed to stay with me.  At the age of 19 I left my mother’s house and I left the church.  I was tired of all the rules and regulations and being told what I could or couldn’t do or should do or had to do.  It was a very confusing time for me.

I continued to run for almost 25 years.  One day I became ill and went to the emergency room.  Shortly after being examined the doctor told me he thought I was having a possible heart attack.  I just fell into a black hole.  This was what my father died of and I thought I was going to finally follow in his footsteps.  I almost immediately began to suffer from severe anxiety, panic and depression.  I was unable to live alone, had to step down from my management position at work and my teenage daughters had to take care of me.

I believe right at this point in my life, God began saving me and He hasn’t stopped since.  I re-dedicated my life to God and began going to church and just tried my best to listen to what God was trying to teach me.  I was so desperate and I couldn’t really tell anyone what was going on with me.  I was so ashamed because I had heard all my life – “be anxious for nothing” and yet all I could was be anxious.

While it’s true that God is telling us not to be anxious He knows we’re far from perfect and have to be taught how not to be anxious.  It was through His loving kindness and patience that I began to trust Him more and while I still suffered daily, my life was changing.

Over the next few years I began to study the Bible and pray constantly.  Being close to God was the only thing that kept me alive.   After a few years, I began to have the same dream on a very regular basis.  In the dream, there was a house that was far away and it was built in the side of a mountain.  When I went into the house it looked like everyone who lived there stopped what they were doing and just left.  The house was a total mess.  As I started walking through the house, it went on forever.  The deeper I went in, the more fear I felt.  I just knew at the end death was waiting for me.

I continued on in my study of the Bible and began to get involved in the music ministry of my church.  It was tough.  I remember singing at Easter time in a special service and I starting to have an anxiety attack.  I didn’t know what to do.  I kept looking from side to side trying to figure out how I was going to get off that stage.  But with God’s help, I made it through the entire performance.

It wasn’t long after that that I had that same dream for one last time.  Only this time I was taking someone with me into that house to show them what was going on.  I took a friend into the house with me and when we went in, to our surprise, the house was all cleaned up.  The walls were freshly painted and everything was in it’s place.  The most amazing thing about the house was that no matter how far I walked into that house I felt nothing but peace.  For a while I didn’t know what the dream meant.  One day during a church service, the Lord spoke to me and told me “that’s you, all cleaned up, everything back in order and no more fear”!

Needless to say, I soon realized that I was no longer suffering from anxiety, panic or depression.  As the song goes…God saved me, He raised me, He filled me with the Holy Ghost and healed me to the uttermost!

I am forever grateful to God and the power of His saving grace.  No matter what happens to me, I now have a house built on the solid rock!  No matter what the devil tries to do to me, I will serve the Lord.

We wanted to give our daughter a beautiful wedding.  When she first met her soon to be husband, we all thought he was the “one”.  Then they broke up and she was devastated.  I prayed for my daughter that if this man truly was the “one”, in which the holy spirit was saying was true, he would come back to her.  If he wasn’t, then please help my daughter heal and find the person that you have for her.  Well, he came back into the picture and before the year was up, on Christmas day, he asked my daughter to marry him. Read the rest of this testimony »

The Vacuum in my Heart

February 15th, 2015

I come from a Christian family. After finishing my schooling and when I was doing my pre-graduation course, I sensed a kind of emptiness in my heart. (That emptiness, which I later-on understood, was God’s way of drawing me to Himself). In my desperate attempts to solve that problem, I found myself bunking college and attending Christian meetings or visiting a Christian bookshop that was located near my college with the hope of finding a solution. Read the rest of this testimony »