Exam Didn’t Go Well

December 14th, 2014

I wrote an exam today and I wasn’t happy about it because it didn’t go well. I was looking for words of encouragement and I stumbled on the testimony of a student on this site who wrote a chemistry exam that didn’t go well but he or she poured their heart to God and read bible passages. When I got home I did the exact thing… I know and I believe that when the results are out I would excel in flying colors.

I just want to encourage anyone out there that is going through anything…no matter how difficult whether its for healing, provision, success… whatever just go down on your knees and pray, worship, and prophesy into that situation using the word of God. Believe that God has done it don’t worry about the it. Instead start thanking God is advance for what he has done. You too try to do something for God, whatever you can, it can be blessing another persons life or given an offering or a tithe in church. And I pray that God answers my prayer and everyone of us.

I look forward to sharing my testimony on this site when the results are out. God bless.

No More Being “That Girl”

November 28th, 2014

At one point in my life I was in a really low place. My life didn’t seem like a life worth living. I couldn’t see that proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel.” I had given up on life, given up on myself, but most importantly given up on God.

I got to this point for many different reasons. For five years of my childhood I was abused. It was a time when I felt the most alone. At that same time my parents were getting divorced. I felt alone, I felt abandoned, I felt broken.

Flash-forward to being 18. I just graduated high school. I was suffering from depression and anxiety disorder. I felt a mess. In 2012 Evan and I started dating, he was a faithful follower of Christ, I was not. But because I cared about him I thought that trying this church thing out couldn’t hurt. I went a few times and every time I went I felt like Pastor linden was directing the message right at me. It made me confused and uncomfortable.

I stopped attending while Evan was back at Ohio University. But I kept feeling this pulling on my heart that I eventually shut out. A year or so passed and it was January of this year 2014. I was at my lowest point of my 21 years thus far. I was depressed, slitting my wrist and not myself.

In April of 2014 I was sent to Dublin Springs mental hospital because I attempted suicide. I spent a week and some days there. After realizing that suicide was not the answer, and being put on two different anti-depressant I was released back to reality. I did a lot of praying and soul searching the next month.

On May 11th of this year I was here at church watching my boyfriend’s younger brother Ethan be baptized. While he was in line to be next I heard this audible voice talk to me. The voice said “Go and follow me, Show me your faith and I’ll show you mine.” So I went down to Evan and his dad Gary, I asked them if I feel like I should go up there and claim Jesus as my savior should I go? They both answered yes with a huge smile on their faces.

I went up that day and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Since then I have prayed daily about not having negative thoughts about harming myself and hopefully eventually not needing to take my anti-depressants anymore. It is now November 24, 2014 and with the help of my Savior, my therapist and my friends and family, I have not had another thought about harming myself or ending my life.

I am now working on forgiving the two men that hurt me those many years ago. I am a new person. I am finally me. No more being “that girl” who suffers from depression. No more being “that girl” who was abused. No more being “that girl” who doesn’t follow Jesus. I am now a follower of Christ and will forever be changed.

God’s Way of Showing Me Light

November 21st, 2014

Ok , so this is hard for me to let out it’s been a couple of months since I decided to do this. When I was little my step dad was very abusive he hurt my mom and I. It wasn’t until he’d been married to my mom alittle while that I realized this wasn’t right.

So  one of my first memories is of defending my mom. My step dad was backing my mom into the bathroom screaming about something. I remember it specifically, I was watching Barney in my parents room wrapped up in there comforter. I had already yelled shut up several times to be very specific I was only four.

Well when I turned around as I already said he was backing mom into the bathroom. I ran to her rescue I climbed the door frame so he couldn’t get to her. She kept taunting him saying ,”oh look she’s defending me.” Well that set him off he screamed in my face ,” I’ll hit through this child to get to you.”

I never can remember after that. Well not too much later my step dad picked me up from daycare we were fighting about something. When we got home he said,” I’ll show you how much I love you,” and he took advantage of me. I was four. For years I’ve blamed my mother for not protecting me but how could she she wasn’t there. Then as I got older I became more disobedient. You could tell me one thing and Id do the exact opposite. I didn’t care who you were.

It was my way or no way then I moved in with my dad. My anger got worse and more out of control. I punched walls and eventually people. I wasn’t happy. I got saved later because I felt that’s what my family wanted I didn’t know that that would be the seed I needed to get me through the hard times. That’s when I was hospitalized for the first time I had punched a wall.

I was sent to UAB and I stayed a week I got out Christmas day. I was depressed and didn’t know where to turn. I hated God he had put me in that place  then in February I overdosed on abilify. My step mom watched me take it and then when my knees gave she got scared and she called her friend who came immediately. I didn’t have a  gag reflex I couldn’t throw the medication up I thought for sure I would die. I didn’t though I made it only to be hospitalized again.

This time I was through with God. When I was taken out I had lost my best friend of 41/2 years and I wasn’t myself anymore I couldn’t get away with as much. I was addicted to sex by this time I loved it it made me feel in power. It made me feel wanted. Something I didn’t really understand. Well that led to my next hospitalization. My family didn’t want me but didn’t want to send me to foster care.

So they gave me to my grandparents who I then got in a physical fight with and scared half to death. That led to my last hospitalization which was suppose to be longer term after the meeting with my family. I got saved for real that week realizing I had been so wrong I had done a lot of that to myself by pushing everyone away. Now I’m home and safe after a simple prayer for one last chance. God is good and don’t any of you forget that.

Addiction Taken Away

November 14th, 2014

When I was 11 yrs old I found porn in my parents and was immediately addicted and for over 40 years it consumed me which lead to homosexual sin outside my marriage. I confessed to my wife 6 years ago and by the grace of God she stayed in the marriage, praise our Lord Jesus Christ. The addiction has been set free but the pain is still taking a long time to heal in my wife. Praise God for setting me free but please pray for my wife who also needs healing on this extremely shameful sin.

Men you can be set free from this sin. Cry out to Jesus and he will set you free. There is no other reason why I have been delivered from this except by  the grace and love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Praise God and please pray for marriage for complete healing.

Well, I made a major mistake in the last week sleeping with two people, both I really like and have been trying to decide who I want to be serious with. Bad idea, I know. I just feel so alone most days. I wanted to make the right choice.

I had a break out today of two odd spots and after investigating options. I believe it is HSV I’m very scared to tell both of them but its only fair. I have always gone to church and I’ve missed the last couple weeks and have been feeling off. Then I have a break out.

So please help me pray that this clears up and it is not hsv when I go to the doctor. I am so embarrassed and heart broken. I’ve only told one person my concern and they agreed to help me pray it’s not… I just want to get back on the right track. So please help pray that it’s not HSV and I get on the right path…

Thanks everyone, you’re all in my prayers as well. May God be with you.

I need your answer, my Lord.

God, my heavenly father, please save me from these pains.  This year, I had to leave my only sister whom I’d always wanted to protect from evil relatives, so I lost the manings of my life.  But you soon sent me a guy who lead me back to Church, in the opposite side of the earth. We fell in love each other. I didn’t know why but I couldn’t resist to this love for the first time in my life.  With the help of him and his family, I came back to your arms after 15 years of wandering.

I wanted to forgive all of my relatives and start new life with him who was the first and only guy I’ve ever trusted and loved. We talked about marriage but he wasn’t in a good condition to support us. After a few months, I had to come back to my country with Visa problem, after then he suddenly abandoned me. I don’t know what was the exact reason. He just said me that he had never loved me…

But I still remember his voice message crying with love and pains, which I heard in airport. He even posted a message on his SMS just 2 days before our break up:

“If God wants, no matter how long time it takes, no matter how far away from each other, we gonna meet again.”

What happened? I don’t know.  I became crazy and begged him to come back, but he was so cold and stubborn. He said that he was praying for me everyday but he didn’t want to come back to me. Oh, Father, why do you leave your daughter in these pains?

Things got worse after then. My parents started to deny me, sometimes saying they want me to die, as they used to do when I was young. They cut all the financial support and gave me verbal abuse to reduce their pains of losing my sister. My personnal doctor gave me the test result with a critical health problem. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t walk. I often fell down on the street with diziness and started to cry. Some of my friends left me but the other friends tried to protect me and staied with me but we didn’t know what to do. I tried to meet new guys but failed, and I realized more love for my ex.

There was something inside of me which prevent me from giving up. No one in my friends want me to get back my ex. They all said

“Even you don’t have any way to go back to his country.”

After 2 months, I just got a sudden job opportunity in the country of my ex, but with limited time… When I said I don’t have any money to buy airline ticket, mother of my best friends suggest a little financial help. I thought It was you, my heavenly father, who showed me this hope. But when I said my ex about this news and asked him if God had given him any message, he answered me No. He even said that it’s not God’s will that we start again. Why does he speak like that? What did he see from us?

God… I prayed you every day and night, reading your words from the Bible, but my Lord, I can’t see anything about my future. Here is just deep darkness for me. I thought that you had answered to my prayer with a job opportunity, but my ex said that he had never given any message from you. Is it possible that you just show your will to one side of us? I really don’t know what is your will. I know, you showed me the word “Patience” in the Bible, but now I become confused what if I misunderstood your message?  I am not wise enough, so please show me in a way that I can understand.

Something bad happened again. A friend whom I always have believed as your good servant from Church, demanded my body to satisfy himself. He cried like a beast with his sexual desire for me, I was really shocked. When I asked him if he could leave God for my body, he said yes. How can this happen? God, my Lord, what is this? I cut all the contacts with him after then, but still am so scared.

Now, my ex never contacts me, some of our common friends said that he looks totally happy without me. His family members who often talked with me with support don’t contact me anymore. A few days ago, I cut my wrist, crying and asking you why you don’t answer my prayer. Please at least let me know your will.  I will follow it, because I know you always know what is the best for me. God… My Lord… I am too weak and sick. I can’t stand these pains. I need your help. I can’t see anything for my future. Please let me know what I have to do. Please give me a wisdom to distinguish your will from whispers of evil things. Protect me my Lord, let me stay in your arms and never abandon me.

You know that saying, “sticks and stone may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” well that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I grew up in a supposedly christian home, if that’s what you could call it. I vividly remember when I was really little my parent threw mine and my brother’s car seats at each other. They fought all the time to the point where eventually when I was 9 they divorced. I don’t remember how I felt about it or how I took it, but I do remember by 10 I had my first boyfriend. Little did I know at that age I wouldn’t be single longer than a week for the next 6 years.

My dad wasn’t really in my life, he had found a new girl and she had 2 daughters of her own. My dad made a lot of promises and never stuck to them. I had quite a bit of resentment and anger towards my dad. I guess the boyfriend were to replace his absence. I can’t tell you how many boyfriends I had, I honestly don’t know. I wanted to feel loved and treasured, something I never felt at home. I did a lot performances at school and only once did my parents come and see  me, yet they went to my brothers Christmas play every year without fail. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough for my parents to come see me in a stupid play .

While things with my dad weren’t great, things at home with my mum were worse. Any name you can think of I’ve been called it, on one occasion a guy called me an unloved whore, even though I had a lot of boyfriends I never slept with them. The most of the emotional abuse happened at home. I’ve been called a sh**, a b*trd, and the list goes, many times my mum started on me it was like walking on eggshells. And many times she threatened to kick me out or send me to my dads and every time she did she would follow with, “I bet your dad wouldn’t even want you.”

I felt worthless, by the age of 15 I had started harming myself to cope with my mum’s words and by 16 I wanted to die. I remember I used to be one of those people who thought that life could never get so bad to the point where suicide was an option, yet there I was thinking about suicide almost every day. And God although I grew up knowing about a loving God, I though of God as irrelevant, how was I supposed to feel like a beautiful daughter of God when my own mother never let me forget how worthless I was.

Despite the emotional abuse my mum gave me she was a Christian and she was always on my case about asking Jesus into my heart so every time we were in a a church I went up to the alter just to keep my mum happy, I never did it for myself until half way through my 16th year. I had become involved in a youth organisation called youth initiatives and that summer they held a camp where Justin Fatica spoke. It was intense, but it was there I truly asked God into my heart. I had nothing, I was nothing. This loving God offered hope and second chances and I was ready to embrace him.

When I arrived home I was so happy and things seemed to have changed with my mum about 6 months later I started to become depressed again, my mum started with the emotional abuse again only this time she used me being a christian against me. A year of a half later I started cutting myself again much deeper this time, I still have scars. And I tried to kill myself 2 times the second time I was hospitalized. My mum said that she was sorry and that things would be different 3 days later things were just the same as before.

On the 21st of July 2013 I came home from collage I was due to go to America 2 days later. And as always my mum started on me over money, because I didn’t want to give her my bank card so she flipped. She began violently shaking me, then she told me to go cut myself and that she hopes I die in America. So I grabbed whatever I could including my passport and plane tickets and left. That weekend I stayed with my youth pastor and then she took me to the bus stop the next morning. That weekend I had never felt so alone and it not been for my trip to America I wouldn’t be here.

When I came back my dad stepped up and I now live with him. Even though things are far better I still had a lot of trouble with my mental health I was still cutting and I tried to kill myself another 3 times because of how depressed I became. But now I am so much better I still get depressed sometimes but I want to live. And it’s by the grace of God I’m still here. My liver should be a pile of nothing but there is no damage at all to my liver. My relationship with my mum is on the mend. And I know I am a daughter of God and that I am loved, accepted and significant. God has always been with me and always will be and for that I’m thankful.

Hi,

I am  residing in Singapore. I was exposed to Christianity at a young age as I was enrolled in Christian School. . I  believe in CHRIST but I gradually stray away when I was in my teens. I also started stealing things. Its kinda like a roller coaster throughout my teens to young adulthood.

I also got into sexual addiction (lust and maturbation ) at a young age and I had difficulty in breaking free from it. The habit clings on to me for decades. Though I attend Church services but I do not have to freedom from the sinful habit. At one point, it got worse that it result into perversion acts.

I got married in my 30’s. Praise our LORD JESUS. I thought I would stay single for the rest of my life but I believe my  LORD has a wonderful plan for me. When I got married, the family expenses gradually escalated when my first child is born. I went from using multiple credit cards to the use of bank loans. Eventually, I incurred debt of almost 100k. I was literally afraid and I did not even relate the matter to my wife for fear that it may affect my marriage as well. I live in fear regularly. I stole work time to pray with my close friend.

Somewhere in end of 2009, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and in the final stages of illness.

I was worried and fearful that financial situation will lead to bankruptcy and termination of employee service from my company.

In Jan 2010, I was  afraid that I went to contact the Church to request a  Pastor to  pray for me.  The Pastor consented and arranged an appointment with me the following day.

During the appointment with the Pastor, I heard a voice that came to me. “Go and tell your wife. I will help you.”  But I was  afraid t and I didn’t obey my LORD.

My wife was pregnant then and she given  birth to a son  in April 2010.

As for my Dad condition, I contacted a local church  to send people to witness to him . Through a series of events, my Dad received CHRIST and went home to be with our LORD in Year 2010.

In Jan 2011, In the evening, while I was driving, I asked the LORD for a sign  that HE would save me from the debts soon. The following day, I was chatting with a colleague while driving.  Suddenly my colleague said “HE (GOD) will clear the payments for you” in the midst of the conversation. I believe my LORD has answered my prayer request for a sign that HE will deliver me from my debts.

As lead by the LORD in Feb 2011, I told my wife the amount of debt we owe the banks.

I thank GOD that she was calm and we pray together. We started praying together more often. Shortly we rented out one of the rooms in our house to get additional income. In mid 2011, we decided to sell our house and the transaction were completed before the end of the same year.

The value of the sale proceed was more than doubled as compared to what  we pay for the house. We paid off the whole debts and we  eventually moved to a premier neighbourhood with our 3 sons 2 years later.

I want to encourage those who are going through a  financial situation. Seek HIM ( Read the Bible on King Hezekiah and King Jehoshaphat. What they did when Israel faced with amassive enemies )

Keep praying. Keep praising our DADDY GOD in faith.

Pray with a friend or your partner regularly. I want to thank my close friend for praying for me.

Do NOT shrink back but tithe your income regularly (This is also an expression of your faith in HIS promises. )

Malachi 3: 6-12

6 “I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. 7 Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the Lord Almighty.

“But you ask, ‘How are we to return?’

8 “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.

“But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’

“In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. 11I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the Lord Almighty. 12 “Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the Lord Almighty.

Lost

October 31st, 2014

Friends, I feel lost and need help discerning God’s guidance.

Of course, this story will sound petty, but if you feel moved to respond, please do.

A bit about me: I am a grad student and have lived apart from my family since I was very young. God called me to a beautiful city and I immediately knew it was home. I had prayed and prayed for meaningful friendships and for a life filled with love, and I finally found it. The fact that God had answered my prayers was profoundly evident and I was overwhelmed.

About a month ago, the love of my life broke up with me. Now, I understand that many of you may think that someone as young as I cannot possibly be sure to have found the love of my life. But my heart has lived a thousand lifetimes because of my background. I know what it’s like to love and lose – I have watched a boyfriend die slowly for weeks and finally, by the grace of God (truly), miraculously recover. I have watched my family suffer hardship after hardship and experience joy after joy as God’s will plays out. I believe that, a lot of times, I can hear what God is telling me really well, and I am careful to listen.

But now, I can’t seem to see God’s will for this situation. I found so much of God’s will in this now-defunct relationship and came to know the Lord in a beautiful new way. This man and I had just found our home church and were looking for the perfect couples devotional. Then, everything crumbled during a fight we had about the future. He seems to have panicked and withdrawn. Since then, our relationship (or lack thereof) has been one emotional rollercoaster after another.

I pray daily that God will guide my heart toward a resolution of this pain, whether back toward my ex, if it is His will, or toward peace and acceptance. All I have found is frustration and confusion. I still (fortunately or unfortunately) believe with all my heart that this man is the one God put on this earth for me to find, and I pray for the Lord to show me how to stop believing this because I feel so naïve. All worldly signs point to our mutual love being over, and I am confused by any and all Godly signs I receive.

Please, if you feel moved, respond. I am desperate to discern God’s will for this stage in my life and cannot seem to understand it myself. I understand that there is strength in faith in blind faith, and I accept that; I understand that God will may be my confusion and that He desires to test me. But still, I find no peace.

So, I’ve been working on gaining some financial insights using biblical principles, and have a story that I must share.  Yesterday, I was praying to God about what I should be doing to bring in more revenue (I’ve been working and sowing) yet I desire to have multiple nets to gain income.  Immediately, I believe God told me to go to my old job.  I instantly got up and went in to work… the problem was that I wasn’t on the schedule and haven’t been there in like 6 months (which isn’t too uncommon, its a part-time job at as hospital and we make our own schedules).  However, when I got ready to clock in, my badge number didn’t work…

So I began working anyway, and enjoyed the day.  I had not seen some of my old coworkers in a long time, and I got to do some really good work with the patients (its a psychiatric facility). Now here comes the banger…

About 15 min prior to the end of the shift, the charge nurse called me and asked how was it that I was there, yet I wasn’t on the schedule.  Fear set in, and I made up a lie.  At this point, I realized that I had missed God… which was confusing to me since the day had been SOOO GOOD!  Nevertheless, I finished the shift and hightailed it out of there, and felt guilty and ashamed for the rest of the night.  It wasn’t until today that I realized that I wasn’t supposed to work the shift, but I was just supposed to go get some information about an offer that someone in another department had me about a year ago… I just finished my master’s degree, and the new position required me to have certain credentials, which I now have.

Moral of the story, make sure you fully hear God before you step out on faith.  By making a move too quickly, you can easily get out of the Will of God for your life, and the Devil will use the opportunity to attack your righteousness and make you feel ashamed and guilty (condemnation) and try to convince you that God doesn’t LOVE you.  I know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28), i.e. the great time I had, and the counseling I did with the patients, yet that was not what I was supposed to be doing,… although everything seemed fine.

It’s sort of funny now, but I did not find much humor in it yesterday, I was actually feeling condemned all night… I even dreamt about it.  But joy came in the morning (Praise God) and I wanted to share my story.  The word says to confess your sins to one another that you may be healed (James 5:16)… and I thought this was the perfect place to do it.  I hope this helps someone. Also keep me in your prayers lol.

Sincerely,

A growing Christian : )