March 9th, 2014
I’m not good at this story writing but I have never really fully told my testimony and whether or not anyone read’s this, I do feel the Lord letting me re-live some memories for this purpose but for a brief introduction, hello, I’m Shirley Mann, a 19 year old on-and-off student, I struggle to this day with suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, and self confidence issues, if I could at this moment without thinking of the Lord and my future husband I would murder myself.
It’s funny to say that my life was never hard, I grew up as a “Daddy’s Girl” and basically got what I wanted, or that’s what I’m told. I can try to think back to my childhood days and I get brief images of birthday parties, friendships then they are gone. My real memories start when I was in fifth grade, ironically the day when my father passed away, I didn’t know God then just the visit to a Catholic church on Sunday’s which I knew I hated. Our family changed so much after his passing, there was really never love between any of us, there was fights, arguments and disconnections daily. I would say that I lost my mom during my years of middle school, she wasn’t physically gone but more mentally, while she turned to drugs and an abusive boyfriend, I turned to wrong crowds, though I never used drugs, I let men use me, I let them touch where they wanted and kiss where they wanted, I never let them have sex with me but the feeling is just the same. I do know I wasn’t the only person struggling with things in my family, but that’s their story to tell. When it came to high school, our family moved and I took this chance to change the way men used me, I thought it would change if instead of being just a girl I would be the girlfriend, I dated quite a few people but then I thought I fell in love but trust me, it wasn’t love, I got myself into an abusive relationship, I tried to find a way out, I tried taking myself out of the world and that’s when I started self harming, I don’t remember how but I knew God came into the picture, during one of those days I spoke to a teacher of everything I was feeling, how we treated each other and how I just wanted to die. Of course at that moment the teacher had to report this and I was sent to therapy and I don’t know how God told the man to influence my mom to take me to church but he did, from there God let his word flow and I knew I had to change. I am not a saint, and I do wrong things every day but I try, I came to Lord on Easter 2011 and I still struggle with these thoughts daily, my family may not love me nor respect me but I do know 2 specific people that do, the Lord and who the Lord has blessed me with a man that is going to be my husband and that’s all I have to look forward to in my life but I have to remind myself daily that it will be o.k.
I talk about my walk with Christ with loads of people because I do want to show them that a unperfect person is able to be loved by him and my goals is to show girls that you do not have expose your body to get men to love you because a man will love you for who you are but anything before that, love that God has made you in his image and share your relationship with him. Once you become a follower of Christ things do not get easier, things get much harder but it’s a relationship worth holding on too. I do not know what the Lord has in store for me but I know he has a battle for me to stay while the Devil is trying make me exit this world and he isn’t giving up.
I do not know why the Lord influenced me to type this but I do hope it’s for someone to read this and influence their life.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
March 7th, 2014
I am currently in 12th(CBSE). All the revision exams in school, I did bad. Bad in the sense i used to get 46-52/70. I would know everything in the question paper(95 percent) and would be aiming above 60. I would do a lot of hardwork and efforts and would prepare. But every time I flopped. I do a lot of silly mistakes and other mistakes.
For revision 3 chemistry exam, I knew the concepts very well. I had it in my fingertips. I studied almost 95 percent of the theory as well. But i got only 47/70. I came home. I just thought about my performance and tears started rolling down my eyes. I put in a lot of effort and hard work. But nothing happened. Every exam, it was the same. I wasn’t the mugging up type. I knew the concepts thoroughly. But somewhere something was going wrong. All the teachers lost faith in me. They thought I would top the class. But all my performances were way below.
I cried so many nights in prayer-why is this happening with me lord. U have been my guide from the day I was born. U have taken me to great heights. But why did u forsake me now? I am just the same sinner who have been sinning against u for the past many year. But u have rescued me out of every trouble. Why did u suddenly forsake me? I scored just 378/500 in boards. With just 4 more days for board exams, I trusted him blindly.
I gave my physics exam on 5th march. Everyone said it was way tough. But I am expecting 95-96.With Jesus I can get 98 or 99 as well. Those who scored way more than me, would score less than me in boards. Whatever I studied the day before, that came in the exam. I went with the same level of preparation as I went for preboard. Jesus can do miracles. He is glorified through us. Finally when my results come, my teachers would be really shocked. They would finally see the roaring lion(Jesus) who is inside of me. Only now i understand why i scored so low in my preboards. Jesus is glorified through me. Trust him blindly no matter what. Our Lord doesn’t need swords and spears to save us. He will save us from great troubles. And the whole world will know that Israel has a living GOD. AMEN
March 5th, 2014
This might sound a bit crazy and random. Well, I am a 19 year old girl who has been through some hardships in life and have survived by God’s grace so far. I can not thank him enough. I have looked for an avenue out of these problems I was facing and a modelling career seemed to be the way forward. I prayed about it and God gave me more than a go-ahead.
End of last year, I measured my height and it was just under 5’9″. I prayed to God and asked to grow an extra inch! Because that can actually determine how far you go in the industry. In two months, I am now 5’10″ ! This is weird because none of my parents is this tall and I’m already past the age for growth in women. My father may even be of below average height. I am going to share this because I am not going to take this for granted. This really shows me that God cares about EVERY detail of my life. And he hears me when I pray.
March 3rd, 2014
I have believed in Jesus most of my life although I didn’t have a relationship with Him until about six years ago. A couple years later I met some people who changed my thinking. One said they used to do witchcraft but claimed they were now Christian. I thought they were decent people. Something seemed a little off but I didn’t know what. The more I was around these people I started slipping back to my old ways. It was as if I didn’t realize what I was doing. I started drinking again, listening to music other than Christian, cussing again, taking God’s name in vain, eventually I started to hate God and blame Him for everything wrong. I’m married and even became attracted to a guy.
After hanging around the woman who was “formally” in witchcraft, I started suspecting something more. Things she would say would be things and thoughts I would have when not around her. The same with the guy. It was though they could read my mind and tell things I did in the past and present. Only they would mention these things as if about other people. It just sounded too coincidental. I suspected they knew each other and later found out they did. I would tell the woman things about him and she didn’t let on about anything. There is a lot more I won’t get into here.
Obviously they are into occult practices. Witchcraft, Satanism, divination. It all comes from Satan. It is kind of funny people are into other religions apart from God and are not aware they all come from the same source. Satan. White or Black Magic, Witchcraft, Satanism, Wiccan, and more. Demons work through different religions and practices to provide powers that when people performing the rituals or prayers associated with these different practices, think they are getting the power from the ritual itself. It all comes from demons working for Satan.
Later I started posting nude pics of myself on a popular website. I started slandering people I was angry with. I was out of control. It was as if I had changed into a different person. It was like I was going back to my past life of sin. These people were on the site too and started to try to bring me down. Mocking me, making fun of me, being really hateful. I started getting hateful back. Back and forth it went. On and on and on. I started talking and reaching out to God because there was no one else to help.
My husband said to ignore it. Just forget about it. I needed someone to understand. The only one I could turn back to was God.
I wasn’t sure God and I was ok. One night I was out walking and went a different direction than I intended. I was lead to a vehicle that had a bible verse on it.
“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39.
I knew it was going to be ok. God was always there just waiting for me to come back to Him. He didn’t leave me. I left Him.
Now I am not blaming the people I was around. I should have had on the armor of God. I let my relationship with Jesus slide. It seemed like more fun to be around people and trying to fit in a little. I shouldn’t have let the devil have a foot hold by entertaining thoughts from others that are of sin.
These people did not like me from the beginning. The more I was around them the more insults they would throw my way. It was like they were trying to cause me to lose my faith, make me go crazy and discredit my testimony. The devil is the father of lies and he starts with the mind. He uses people that are willing to do his dirty work. He hates all people and doesn’t mind taking them to hell for eternity along with him. I love these people and pray for them to turn to Jesus before it’s too late.
I am not by any means perfect. Before I began a relationship with Jesus, my life was full of sin. I had sex with many men and some females. I was in a lesbian relationship for a year. I was a stripper. I cheated on my ex-husband. I’ve had three husbands. I’ve prostituted, done drugs and had a drinking problem. I had three abortions. I have committed so many sins. God has forgiven me for all my sins. He can and will forgive you of yours too. All you have to do is ask him with a sincere heart and He will. 1 John 1:9,
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
I am a new creation in God, 2 Corinthians 5:17. No weapon formed against me shall prosper, Isaiah 54:17. God will destroy all witchcraft, Micah 5:12. If you backslide, Jesus will take you back, Luke 15:11-32. If you go astray he will come looking for you, Luke 15:4-7. He wants no one to perish, 2 Peter 3:9. Jesus came here for sinners, Mark 2:17. Jesus is the only way to salvation, John 14:6. Jesus will never cast you out, John 6:37. God will wipe away every tear, Revelation 21:4. When all others forsake you He won’t, Deuteronomy 31:6. Even if your parents forsake you He will not, Psalm 27:10. Turn to Jesus and repent and he will forgive you of all your sins, Hebrew 8:12. God is a merciful god, Psalm 86:15 and Ephesians 2: 4-5.
If you are into occult practices or deep in sins turn away and turn to Jesus. You can’t serve God and Satan too. You must choose one or the other. Exodus 20:3,
“You shall have no other gods before me.”
“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
I pray for God to cover this testimony with the blood of Jesus. I pray that this testimony blesses all who will read it. In Christ Jesus our Lord’s name, Amen. To God be the glory.
February 23rd, 2014
Born Again Testimony of Stacy Piland
Jesus IS Alive
I met, Amazing Grace. I had heard the song, even sang the song many times in my life, before I ever met and then received this amazing grace that so many sing about. In the later part of 2011, in a small trailer in Valdosta, Georgia, with two small children as a single mom, Jesus Christ visited me. He was Alive, not dead, not just living in heaven as I had previously thought, but Alive, well, and very real.
This is the “most” important meeting, precious memory and gift that has ever born into my life, with the two second, being the births of my two precious children Kati and Mikell. You may well know the feeling of meeting your babies for the first time. The first time you lay eyes on them and behold them. The one you’ve loved, from a distance, is now made “manifest”, very real in your life and tangible to you. In much the same way, that is how it was for me, when I received my first real encounter with Jesus. Read the rest of this testimony »
February 23rd, 2014
I’ve always wondered why are people so against believing in God? What is the harm? What would they lose out of it? Is it not cool? I have no problem asking believers questions like that. My problem is when I get responses like “I believe in Him, I’m just not religious” or “I don’t like thinking that someone has control over me or being wrong on if He is real”. My response is never coming from a judgmental place but in fact an understanding. I’ve been there; I understand those thoughts, that mindset. Therefore, I am not going to preach, I’m not going to speak on how foolish that sounds because we’ve all might have played the fool at some point, in numerous situations in our life. Instead I’d rather share my story:
I’m an overall blessed person. Big family, nice house, great parents who I know love me, and the amount of things I have (i.e. clothes, cars, game systems, etc.) are what some may consider borderline sinful in the indulgence sense. I won’t sit here and lie as if I have the hardest life to live, many people have worse living situations than me, that is recognized. I can sit and brag as if I deserved everything I have, as if I built the roof over my head to keep the rain from caving it in. However, I know, and I’m pretty sure you know yourself that that would be false. So you ask yourself,
“Okay Christany what is the point of this story? It seems like you have a pretty lucky life to me so what do you need God for?” Keep reading…
There are at least 4 important key parts to a human being that effect their behavior in life. Your physical, emotional, mental, & spiritual state of being. 2 out of 4, in my opinion, are NOT as easy to manipulate into how you want them to appear to the public eye. Those two are physical and mental. You can get the newest pair of Jordan’s, the rarest form of gold, the shampoo with the most suds, and you will still be inside the same physical body you were born in. You can be someone who has 15 academic degrees on the wall that come from book smarts while common sense may not be an asset you choose to be a braggart about. I’m not saying mentally and physically you can’t grow and change but they are very matter of fact “you have what you see” factors.
The emotional dimension of your life you cant study for, you cant throw some jewelry on and make look pretty. It is quite in fact unpredictable, and what some might label a “rollercoaster”. There are the good emotions that bring you happiness and peace and other emotions that make you feel sad and maybe even overwhelmed. You can’t predict when your about to experience a loss in your life or even gain. Some people choose to handle their emotions by not addressing them, maybe placing them aside to not have to deal with as if nothing has happened. I’ve heard those people be considered “strong” because they can be offended and seem fine with it until years later when the situation may get brought back to their remembrance and they hold it against someone else. Others can choose to indulge in their emotions rather than ignore them. They choose to base their actions off of the current emotion they might be feeling, for example going through a break up and eating bowls of ice cream and cake while reminding themselves how much that person may have hurt them. You can wake up on the wrong side of the bed or the right side of the bed and you can choose to let it effect your entire day. The main point is emotions are uncontrollable and most times unpredictable, whether good or bad.
It seems for me that a lot of memories that stick out in my life have been memories of loss. Throughout my academic career, before college even came into play, I’ve attended 9 schools. My parents wanted what as best for me and they didn’t quit until they got it. However, I didn’t see that then, I saw the numerous amounts of relationships I lost due to environmental differences. Mentally I was growing but emotionally, hit after hit of putting effort into relationships that didn’t last, I was breaking.
I lost my godmother when I was 3 years old. I wish I was able to get more time with her but I still miss her from the memories I was fortunate to have experienced. However, I was only 3 so the pain of loss didn’t have as much impact on me that I can remember. I went through losing the relationship I had with my sister when I was 10. That I can remember clear as day and was also a hard experience for me. However, the loss that impacted me to want to end the cycle of all these negative emotions I was going through was when I lost my grandfather the same year at 10 years old. That was by far the 1st hardest year/hurt for me and watching the others around me hurt, made me feel helpless. I needed something in my life to be different; I needed to know that something in my life would be constant. I grew up with a bunch of God talk. Everyone around me seemed to mention God at some point, whether it was my siblings or friends of the family, and the list goes. Now at this point I was just sick and tired of feeling like I couldn’t do anything, of feeling like I was the only one who wasn’t rejoicing over something.
So I sat down with my mom and that same day I made the decision to ask God to be my Lord and Savior in my life. Now you’re ready for it right? The story of a huge change, a miraculous difference, smiling from ear to ear. Here’s the catch: nothing happened. I still felt those same emotions, I still went from loss after loss from hurt after hurt, formed relationships with people I felt I learned nothing from. I went through my high school years feeling like I was worse off than how I was and I grew bitter. I was angry with myself, God, and everyone around me. I rebelled way past my character in school and at home, at church. I literally felt like I was fighting everyone and everything by myself, with no one to rely on or depend on because all they would and could do was hurt me.
I pained the people around me during this time in my life and I didn’t care because most of what I saw was the pain that I was experiencing. In the midst of all this, I knew people were praying for me and I didn’t care about that either. I didn’t want to hear, see, or know anything about God because I asked Him to be my Lord and Savior and I felt like He never showed up. It was as if I was going through more trials after asking Him than before. The biggest relationship that was affected was between my mother and me. For those of you who have met my mother, you can see Gods light shine through her and I wanted nothing to do with it. In my heart and my mind I just cut her off, she was just there, another someone who didn’t know me and would eventually hurt me. She knew some of the things I was doing, the times I would sneak back in the house, she’d see the scars on my wrist and as much as it hurt her, she loved me anyway. I’d wake up and she’d give me a scripture, I’d go to school and she would pray for me, I’d ignore her when she spoke but she kept on talking. She would still hug me and tell me she loved me when I wouldn’t say it back, she would still take me out to eat when I wouldn’t say a word to her but stare down at my food. I may have hated it at the time but I realized she was my first real example of Gods love. She was constant, never changing, she never wavered, and she continued to love me passed my decisions and flaws. Most importantly, she never made me feel condemned.
When I told you I asked God to be the Lord and Savior in my life that day, that’s just what I did. I asked Him but I never allowed Him to be until I was actually ready to accept Him to have that role in my life. He showed up but I just refused to recognize Him. As I felt He was the farthest, He was actually the closest ready to save me from myself. You can ask somebody to pass you a glass of water, but if you keep pushing it away once they hand it to you, how do you expect to receive that glass? You have to reach out and take it.
See these relationships we hold dear to us, our boyfriends or girlfriends, our best friends, our family members, they are important people but no human being is perfect. We cant put our faith in them and then be upset when they fail our expectations. You may have been friends with someone since birth and when they hurt you, you were devastated. You may have been in a relationship where you knew beyond the shadow of the doubt that they were the right one for you and they ended up with someone else. You may have woken up yesterday and found out a loved one passed away at an early age. All or none of these situations may be something you have had to go through or currently going through.
Here is my question for you: are you tired yet? Are you tired of depending on things and people when they end up being unpredictable? Are you sick of feeling the same hurt not having any control in what to do about it? You have an option. So what are you so afraid it? If I’m telling you that there is someone who will never fail you, never forsake you, who will ALWAYS love you. Why would you choose to pass up a relationship to have with them? Is it because your ego is too big to relinquish the control in your life? Well despite what you may think, some of you have already relinquished that control to situations your in, circumstances, people, and emotions. All of which are unpredictable.
I got tired, I got weak, I felt broken, I was torn. That was all until I chose to change where I placed my faith. I wanted to have a reliable relationship. Not a relationship where I felt I wasn’t good enough, or that anything I did may have changed how things stand. I needed a relationship where they stood with me the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
If you’re feeling physically, mentally, and/or emotionally weak and frustrated, do not give up! You still have a chance to be strong spiritually. I’m not writing this as a devout Christian looking down on you. I’m not writing this in a tone of judgment, to condemn you, to tell you what is right or what is wrong. I am writing this because I want anyone who is reading this, who is relating to this, to know they aren’t the only ones who have hurt. You may be the only one who is hurting from the situation you’re in but it’s nothing God will not let you depend on Him for if you choose to. If you choose to accept God into your life, not just as someone who is there in the distance, but actually reach out and have a relationship with Him, you will see Him work in your life. Try it, for your sake, not for me, but because you want a change in your life.
Honestly if you can continue going through the hurt you may experience everyday with the people in your life, what is the harm in trusting someone who is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (psalm 34:18). A person that when you’re at your weakest will not kick you while your down or add on to the pressure but rather gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak (Isaiah 40:29).
I pray today that whoever comes across reading part of my journey I chose to share will see that everyone has a story to tell. I had mine, and cannot imagine what yours entails. I pray that if you choose to work on your spiritual state of being, you begin to notices changes and be more confident with your mental and physical state. I pray that you realize you do not have to live based on the roller coaster of your emotions, but in fact the promises that God has kept for you once you seek Him.
He does not count your good works, or keep records of your sins to condemn you with. He does not have a reward system that He is judging you by but rather a gift He wants you to accept, and that is His salvation. Give is a try…
This is how:
“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For this is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”
- Romans 10:9-10
February 23rd, 2014
When I was 2 years old my parents converted to Christ, so I was born in a christian family. we went to different Christian churches but there was something lacking like justice, so 10 years of looking for something rare, we felt on the CTMI church, the message of the cross. The moment I put my feet in this church there was something beyond words there. So I was going church every Sunday but I knew that I must put my life in order, clear before the Lord. However on Dec 2010 there was a youth convention and on one of these day I was born again.
My bad experience with pornography started when I was about 12 years old,it started with magazine, then CDs, then on TV at night and then finally the poison internet. Before I had been born again I did not knew if it is bad to watch porn, to masturbate, I was doubting. But after I born again the Lord put in my heart that everything I was doing was really bad, for masturbation you can think that it is not written in the bible but try to think a bit: to masturbate your penis should be erect so to be erect you have to think about something ???,so when you have these bad thoughts are you not committing adultery!
The day I was born again(2010) to the day I was delivered (2013),i been struggling a lot. I sent prayer request to a lot of pastors but nothing worked, I was begging the Lord to set me free because I was tired of porn, every time I thought I have stop it, I fell again. I was tired of life because I could not have victory on porn. On Dec 2013 CTMI organized a youth camps and in this 4 days in the camp the Lord spoke to me and heal my heart. It was another turning point after I was born again.
Personally I was expecting something great during the camp because I knew that nothing is impossible with JESUS CHRIST. I am not perfect and I will not be it until the coming of the Lord but I know that in temptation situation I will not bow my knees to porn but lifted my eyes to JESUS.
To conclude my experienced I encourage you to feed your spirit with the Word of God otherwise your fresh will be hungry of the desire of this world, because it is either fresh or spirit.
My contact: ronishpallany at yahoo dot com
February 22nd, 2014
Hi I am Sheeba, this is my Testimony: To Jesus Christ Be All the Glory
The Diagnosis In the design of God’s will, I suffer from GERD. My problem heightened in the last two years as I had considerable challenges with my breathing. Consulting a pulmonologist only resulted in being poorly medicated with no improvements to my health. I sought one doctor after another in the hope of finding relief. Finally an ENT doctor checked my voice box and vocal cord with a laryngoscope but came up empty with any conclusive solutions except more impotent medication.
At last I turned to my Great Physician. The Lord promises to do what is impossible with men (Matthew 19.26) I said: O Lord my God, I am broken and empty. I am nothing before thy sight, but if you wish to use me I am available for you. Rabbi, my teacher, speak to me your words, you are the treasure of hidden wisdom and knowledge, fill this empty vessel with your living words and let me proclaim your Good News to all who are thirty.
As I started to read the Bible regularly, the Spirit of the Lord guided me in understanding His words with clarity. God was teaching me to know Him intimately through His words and prayer. In the following two month, I was given an opportunity to share His words at our church’s women’s ministry. I gladly agreed to serve the Lord. That evening I knelt and prayed to the Lord and told Him that I had difficulty breathing and could not speak continuously. How then was I to share His words with His people? I petitioned the Lord to reveal my problem. Within two days I consulted a Gastroenterologist. He performed an endoscopy as my frame had gotten thin and I had lost 10kgs. My medical reports confirmed that I had Esophageal Cancer. As my family stood in disarray at this shocking news, I thanked my Lord for revealing this problem to me. My heart rested content in the hope that my Lord would heal me, even as my family were unsettled in their hearts with the whole matter.
Waiting on the Lord One month following my cancer diagnosis, I had a lot of follow up tests and scans done. This part of my life was filled with travel from one hospital to another; one test after another; one doctor after another. Finally a second opinion on my lab biopsy from Mumbai confirmed that I had cancer. My situation had gone from bad to worse. My breathing diminished and I was not able to swallow food. The doctors were concerned about my cancer’s rate of growth and worried that it may have spread to other parts of my esophagus.
I was referred to a Radio Oncologist to provide radiation therapy to kill the cancer. Unfortunately in my case, the Radio Oncologist refused to treat me due to my young age and the long term side effects. I was sent to another Gastroenterologist to surgically remove my cancer. His assessment of my tumor made him helpless and he hesitated to operate given my tumor’s location and complexity in my throat. The cancer was situated at the center of my voice box, food and wind pipe. Any wrong move by the surgeon would mean drastic life-long problems. I stood to lose my voice. This doctor declared my surgery complicated and said only four doctors in the world were talented and trained to handle it. By the grace of my God, one of these surgeons – Dr. Reddy (Dr.R), lived in Hyderabad, India. Getting an appointment with this world renowned surgeon became my next challenge. It was in a race against time, as my life was at risk. Yet my God was in full control.
The Promises of God Never Fail By the mercy of God, we got an appointment in a few weeks time. I traveled from Bangalore to Hyderabad to the Institute of Gastroenterology and consulted Dr. R. He was a very pleasant and humble man, down to earth and elderly like my father. He reviewed my report and assured me the surgery would be a simple one. In order to confirm the location of my tumor, he did a Narrow Band Endoscopy. All seemed well, or so I thought. After the results were evaluated, Dr. R seemed perplexed. As a guest lecturer at Harvard Medical School and a man of many prestigious awards in his field of medicine, Dr. R was shocked at my cancer. In all his years of experience, he never saw a condition like mine, and therefore he did not want to operate without further consultation with another specialist in Japan – Dr.Ii. If he was not able to perform my surgery, I needed to travel to Japan to get it done. This meant that I needed to spend more than 25 laks in addition to all that I had already spent to treat this cancer.
Dr. R was honest about my situation. There were three major complications in performing my surgery:
- I might lose my voice permanently
- Nothing can be done to stop the internal bleeding, as they had to operate through endoscopy. He was afraid that he lacked resources to treat me.
- As they operate the inside of my throat, I might have a hole on the outside of my throat.
As Dr.R laid out the details, the Lord spoke three powerful promises to me:
“I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27)
“Can I not give life to dry bones?” (Ezekiel 37:3-5)
“I have spoken; will I not bring it to pass?” (Isaiah 46:11)
I was in the midst of a fierce storm, but the Lord was my Shelter and High Tower. The Lord alone was my Dwelling place; therefore, I closed my eyes and worshiped Him:
O Lord my God, to you alone are all things possible. You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for you.
The Power of the Gospel unto Life
Dr. R said he will consult Dr. Ii and let me know if he can operate with his guidance. My sister, husband and I went to our rooms. There we read the scripture and prayed. The Gospel of John (John 6.1-12) tells the instance of a large crowd following Jesus. Moved with compassion for the people Jesus asks his disciple Philip where to buy bread to feed them. Philip in all practicality weighs the cost at half a year’s wage to feed such a massive crowd. At this most overwhelming time Jesus performs a remarkable miracle. He feeds the multitude. I was reminded of my situation. The cost to Japan was more than 25 laks. Dr. R said he lacked the equipment to do the surgery in India. I realized that the Lord was testing my heart as He did Philip to see if I would believe Him. My God knew how He was going to heal me and treat me. I only had to believe in Him.
Whom Shall I Fear The next morning, Dr. R agreed to perform the surgery with the help of Dr. Ii. The only condition was that I sign a High Risk form releasing the doctors from any responsibilities in the event I die during or after the surgery.
Again the Lord spoke to my heart:
From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. (Psalm 61:2-3)
The Lord answered:
“I have bought you for a price; I have engraved you in the palm of my hand; death cannot snatch you from my palm.”
I attended the surgery and within an hour it was complete. However, there was more shocking news to come. While performing the first surgery, the doctors noticed the cancer to have spread and it had gone deep inside my esophagus. I needed to have radiation after the surgery
The Lord Who Owns All My Ways The Lord would take me to another place of worship after my surgery. The next forty days, at the Baptist hospital, would also become my place of ministry. Forty days of intense radiation to my throat physically weakened me and I had to endure severe burning pain. This all happened two weeks after my surgery. However, it is here, that God would pour out of me the faith that He gave within my heart to speak of the great Hope that I have in His unfailing love. The Lord would refine my faith in a fire and use me to speak of His goodness in the midst of my trials. Since my Jesus suffered, I too was granted the privilege not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him. In my deepest of pain, the Lord showed me His great strength. He allowed me to walk amongst the lowly and downcast, to be a voice of comfort to the people whom He loves. Since Christ Jesus comforted me, this Lord is in the midst of the broken hearted, and has asked me to comfort others. I have come to bear witness to this great God of Glory. This is One and Only God who saves men from sin and death.
I am a cancer survivor by the power of Jesus Christ and His grace. Do you want to know this Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour?
Thank you for reading. God Bless You.
February 21st, 2014
I grew up in a family that did not go to church. They all lived “good” lives and valued people, but church was something we just never did. There was no Bible in the house and no focus on praying, religion or faith. I grew up in a home that had strong values on education, performing well and having the look of perfection. My family did not show emotion. We did not talk about our feelings or allow ourselves to be upset. We needed to look put together and that did not include drama, arguments or emotions.
I was made fun of throughout school. I felt like I was not like everyone else. I saw myself as different and not good enough. Because of the high values I created on being put together, I began striving for approval through my deeds. I made sure I did well in school, aced every test, did every science fair and was the teacher’s favorite. I saw these things as valuable even in third grade. I thought that I would gain approval by succeeding. I thought my classmates would like me if I were perfect. I thought my parents love was based on these things. Every thing I did, had to be done in perfection. I remember never feeling satisfied with myself unless I was the best. This perfectionism began a huge influence in my every action.
Around 5th grade, I began going to church with my grandmother. I didn’t really understand anything about church, but my big brother was going… and I wanted to be like him. This church was old, but I met some kids there. We had giant dinners to raise money and Sunday School classes. I thought it was exciting. I never really understood what was being said and the questions I asked were always ignored, but I was at church. Just adding another thing to my list that makes me a good person.
Even with all these things I could check off my list, my incredibly high standards for perfection still said I was a disappointment. This became even more evident in seventh grade. I went to a new school. I went from a class size of 30 to over 500 students. I saw so many new people and boys that my insecurities grew. I focused on what I saw as beautiful. I saw long, blond hair, blue eyes, thin, outgoing and fake. I thought that was what perfection was. I thought that if I could obtain that, I would finally be happy. I would finally be good enough. I would finally have worth. My obsession with my physical appearance caused me to dye my hair, dress differently, strive to be thin just like the magazines. I began struggling with anorexia early in seventh grade. I began lying to my friends and family about what I was eating. I began lying to myself. My eating disorder became my identity. I saw my ability to control what I ate, and my weight as my control of my life. If I could be in control of this one aspect of my life, I would be okay. I created this false identity based in my starvation. My personality changed. I became a fake, insecure individual who was just seeking for approval.
I remember sitting on the bleachers before school and blacking out. All my friends were around me and yet I felt so alone. I knew their acceptance wasn’t what I wanted. I felt so alone and worthless. All I could think about was how I was not good enough. I knew there had to be something more, but I didn’t know what it could be. I knew I had to have value, but I didn’t know how. I knew this wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but I didn’t know what was.
During this time, I made a friend Natasha. She invited me to youth group at her church. I thought it would be fun because of all the cute older boys. Over the next two years, I became better friends with Natasha. She invited me to go to Camp Patmos the summer after 8th grade. I thought this would be fun! A week away from my family… A week with my best friend. Why not?
I kept hearing about the God who loved me. This God who loved me so much that he died on the cross for me. It just didn’t make sense. Why would someone love me? How would someone love me? I still saw so many imperfections.
After one night’s service, it finally all clicked. His acceptance was what I need to be seeking for. His love was enough. These ideas of who Jesus was all came together. God showed me my distorted view of who I was and replaced it with the true identity I had in Him. This standard of perfection that I had was broken that night. The chains that I created were broken.
It was because of this week that I began my journey with Jesus. I began reading the Bible, praying, seeking friends who know this guy named Jesus too.
In ninth grade I went to a new church youth group. This girl from school invited me and it sounded like fun. When I got there, I was hooked. There were cute boys who could sing (something any girl would want) and some of my best friends. It was here, at Park Heights Baptist Church, that I continued to grow my relationship with God. I was baptized in December, 2005, when I was 15 years old. I began serving and becoming passionate about living my life for God. The youth pastor at this church allowed the youth to serve. We would have crazy ideas of youth services, and he would support us. I would be there for hours every day and would just thrive. This was the place that solidified my passion for Jesus.
As I grew up, I began to understand my distorted views of reality. I began to seek after God’s heart in order to change the blackened heart that I had created. Through years of counseling and mentoring, I have been healed. Healed from sickening views on perfection. I am healed from broken images of who I am and should be. Distorted views on God’s acceptance. Though I still strive for perfection, I do not value myself based on that. I can now see God as a loving God. He is someone who loves me as I am. I do not need to be perfect before Him. I am free. I am free to be me. I am free to make mistakes. And I will never be the same.
February 19th, 2014
The day I had Hannah started out like any other day, we got up knowing that we had to be at the hospital early for a c-cection. I was very nervous because I had trouble having my first son, I almost died having him which scared me to death. So I was up getting ready and praying at the same time. Read the rest of this testimony »