Thank you God!

Testimony.

My story sounds crazy, but it’s not a lie,
Not a song or a dance, or an alibi,
In that dark valley I cried and cried,
But praise be to God – He lifted me high!

Surrounded by men with malicious thoughts,
Needing to escape without being caught,
I opened the door, jumped out of the car.
Rolled into a ditch, but didn’t get very far.

Three men ran towards me, shoes striking the ground,
Pop! pop! pop! pop! snapped each incoming round.
Guns pointed towards me, bullets whizzed by,
I expected to be hit. I expected to die.

Out of desperation I got up on my feet,
Without any help I would die in that street.
I ran towards a house with a white picket fence,
Maybe someone inside would be my defense.
I banged on the door, but no one was home.
The house silent and empty – I stood there alone.
Then out of nowhere a hand came down,
It lifted me up and spun me around,
And delivered me onto His Holy Ground.

I’d spent so many years always running away
Consumed with feeding my flesh what it craved.
I neglected my children. I starved my soul.
Did I deserve to be saved, or even made whole?
Yet none of that mattered, for the street fight was won
Not by me or some man — but by God’s Holy One.

He reached down from Heaven and grabbed my hand,
Granting me secure entry into His Promised Land.
My kidnappers gone, I had been set free
I proclaim His goodness – life’s not about me.

Gone are the drugs, the parties and the waste
Living in the Fast Lane of hurry and haste.
I now praise the Lord from dawn to dusk,
For He is worthy of all my trust.

My kids had to suffer the drama and pain
Of a wayward mom who’s only gain
Was to fill the God-shaped hole of her life
With stuff that never satisfied and only brought strife.

To my family and friends I am sorry for the way,
I added stress, conflict and pain to your days.
The prayer of my heart is that I will now be,
A blessing to you and that you’ll be set free
Of the chains that bind, like God did for me.

“To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.” Acts 26:18

On December 5th, 1991 a child was born that brought joy to many and pain to others. When I was born I was born addicted to Heroin, Cocaine and other intoxicants. My biological father, was struggling with alcohol while my mother, was addicted to Heroin. At the time of my birth my older brother, was living in a foster family. In the state of Illinois, if a newborn’s sibling is living in a foster family, the newborn is immediately placed into a foster family as well. The state however did not place me with the family that was fostering my brother, but separated us into different families, and so begins my story.

The married couple that took me home, was a couple that were unable to have a child of their own. On June 4th 1994, my mother passed away from a heroin overdose. I do not have any memories of her appearance or voice or her existence on this earth except through videos and photographs but in my heart she lives. Childhood for me wasn’t easy, there was a constant battle between my biological family and the foster family. Through this battle I was often dragged into the middle. My biological family was granted visitation by the courts, on these visits my biological family would feed negative comments to me about my foster family. When I would return, I would have mixed emotions and have the foster family talk negatively about my biological family. This went on for years.

As one could imagine, having two families put a child into the middle of their simple dislike of each other isn’t easy on a child. I had outbursts, fits, refused to go home or to visits, and to the foster family who never had raised a child thought such behavior was not normal, not looking into what was the cause of it. They took me to doctors and had me placed on medication to control my behavior instead of controlling what they were doing. Outside of making that irrational mistake that has impacted much of my childhood the foster family did the best they could raising me, and still continue to be a huge part of my life.

Growing up my foster father had taught me how to play baseball, hockey, football, golf, tennis and a variety of sports which have in turn taught me a lot of things that I use to this day such as teamwork, leadership, being a positive role model, and so much more. As I turned my life more into sports and into school, the medication that I was placed on started having more and more side effects. I gained weight, had tremors, drooled, and was placed into mental hospitals starting at age 8. To this it phases me how a medical professional can drug a child and keep him locked up in a mental hospital, simply because of how he was nurtured, not because of chemical imbalance in the brain.

Throughout being in and out of numerous hospitals and used as a test dummy for multiple medications, I lost close friends, was bullied in school, my grades dropped, and out of which I started to hate life. I grew resentment with the foster mother because the foster father was often on business trips and she was often the one taking me to the hospitals and taking me to the Doctors. I blamed her and grew a hate, maybe some of that hate was also because I lost my biological mother at an age I where I couldn’t retain a memory, that question of why I grew a dislike for her still wanders my head at times but through finding God, I have been able to forgive her and have started to try to repair the relationship between us.

After all of the hospitals, medications, loss of friends, and being bullied and made fun of I decided to make a move at age 14, to live with my biological father. As any child would have thought that after being away for so long from his father that he would be greeted with unconditional love and be overwhelmed with happiness and affection, but that was not the case. I am by no means saying my father neglected me or did not love me but the expectation that I had for him was not fulfilled. My father didn’t change the way he lived his life nor did my brother. Maybe I was too selfish thinking they would want to spend more time with me, I don’t know. After a month of living with my father, there was one Friday night where he didn’t return home. That same night my brother didn’t come home. I didn’t have any idea what was going on and after a while I started to worry. I called their phones repeatedly, no answer. Come Saturday they still were not home. I then started to call hospitals, police stations, and I couldn’t find them. Later that night my brother came home. Sunday night my father finally came home after spending the weekend with his new girlfriend, and when I expressed myself, it didn’t seem like he cared at all that I was worried. My father now lives with his girlfriend. A little later on I decided to move back in with the foster family. The day I went back they placed me into another hospital.

I stayed with the foster family for another year than the depression grew so bad that I attempted to take my life and started to cut myself. I than decided to make another life change and decided to live with my biological mothers side of the family, in hopes it would be better. When I was 15 my biological Grandmother took guardianship over me. My Grandmother was one of those tough love Grandmothers, she didn’t take anything. My Grandmother loves to collect items, and therefore my bedroom consisted of Barbie’s and Beanie Babies which I wasn’t allowed to take out. Closet was all her clothes, and I was a 16 year old guy living in a little girl’s room for the most part. I wasn’t allowed to get my license, and my Grandmother never wanted me in the house and I only having one job wasn’t enough, so I had to get another. While living with her was the first time I was introduced to a Christian Church, the foster parents are Catholic. In the mist of all of this I made the Varsity baseball team. After the season was over and prom came around, my Grandmother refused to let me go to prom. Through all of that I decided to run away.

October 15th, 2009 I was a passenger in a car accident. As a result of the accident I was airlifted from the scene, was in critical condition with death being a matter of minutes away. My brain started bleeding and swelling and I was placed on life support. A craniotomy (part of the skull is removed) was preformed to reduce the swelling and bleeding. I woke up five days later not knowing what had happened. A day or two later a detective came into my room. I was informed that the driver of the vehicle, a guy who I thought to be a friend, was actually wanted by the police for raping, beating, and using a stun gun on a young boy and leaving him duct taped and left for dead in a hotel room. I was in the car with this guy, and I was 17. Too this day I am thankful that he didn’t do that to me even when I was alone with him. As a result of the accident I was left with sixty-four staples in my head, screws in my head, and the left side of my face paralyzed. I was flown back to my grandmother being a run-away and all. When I returned my high school gave me the option to stay back another year to make up for the missed days or get a General Education Diploma. I wanted to stay another year, however my grandmother had the authority over me and wouldn’t allow me to stay in high school and made me get the GED.

After all of that I was arrested for disorderly conduct against my grandmother for simply yelling, note, I didn’t swear, or have any physical contact with her. So there I am sitting in jail at 17 years old with a week before my 18th birthday. I had court and my grandmother told the judge she wanted me to stay in jail on my 18th birthday, so that is what happened. When I got out I was thrown out of the house and was homeless. On March 30th, 2010 I received a settlement of $56,000 from the car accident. At 18 years old I finally got my license, was able to find an apartment, and bought myself a car and furniture for the home. Having a little over $20,000 left over I wanted to be that cool guy that had a lot of cash. The same day I withdrew $17,000, my home was broken into and it was all gone. The investigation is still open.

After my home was broken into the money that I had left was becoming less and less and after a while I was forced to sell my car to receive cash back so I could keep my bills paid. After a while I ended up moving to save money. I went on a vacation for a weekend shortly after and my roommate at the time had a friend over while I was gone. During that time my roommate gave his friend permission to drive my vehicle and he winded up totaling it. I had nothing left at that time and decided to pack up and move down south to Naples, Florida, where my foster parents were currently living.

When I got into Florida I was able to use my foster parents extra car. Soon after my arrival I found a job working at an animal hospital. After a month or so I moved out of my foster parents and moved into a home with a roommate. A few months later I ended up meeting a girl and we started a relationship together. A month later I lost my job and got a different job at another animal hospital. A month after that I was given the opportunity to work for a real estate brokerage, as a property manager. I left the job and the animal hospital and took the job for the brokerage. I moved out of my roommate’s home and got a place of my own with my girlfriend at the time. It was at this time I stumbled across one of the best churches I have been a part of, Life Christian Church in Naples. It was at Life where my faith really started to grow, but I was still caught up in a rough place with Marijuana, my relationship started to head south, and at that time I couldn’t fully give my life to the Lord. At this time my girlfriend and I were currently engaged and trying to start a family when one day she didn’t come home and she winded up sleeping with a guy she worked with. I was a mess and my life went south faster than ever. I turned to marijuana and alcohol to bury the pain. Within 5 days, a Mustang I recently purchased was totaled, the brokerage went bankrupt and closed, the life I had pictured was gone, and then I received a reckless driving and lost my license. Again I was left with nothing.

Following the reckless driving, I boarded a plane and flew back to my hometown in Bartlett, Illinois. I moved into a friend’s home and while I was there I was so unmotivated to do much of anything that 80% of my time was spent either laying down or drinking. I didn’t look for a job for 6 months. Within that time I was in another relationship with a girl whom helped me out a lot and was a true blessing at the time. Tension grew with my friend and I ended up finding a job in Chicago working for Aflac. Things were good for a while but with Aflac being a 100% commission job an income was very limited. I was still struggling with alcohol and I decided to move to live with my biological aunt, who recently became married, in an attempt to seek help.

While living with my aunt I was able to finish my driving classes, I was able to start accomplishing things, and started college for Fire Science. Although my relationship ended I was still getting on a better road than the rocky one I was on before. Being new to the area and not having a license or a car I was limited on where I could apply for work. I ended up working for a small family restaurant within walking distance and soon after that I received a job working at Lonestar Steakhouse, where I currently work. After a few months of living with my aunt, my aunt started to have marital problems which at times I was thrown into the middle of. While I was working at Lonestar I came across a few individuals who were my age whom I found out were also Christians. I started going to a local Christian Church called The Chapel. It was there that I truly started to give my life to the Lord.

Now, some people think that giving your life to the Lord means that your life will become magically better, one’s problems will go away, but that is not the case. After I gave my life to the Lord my life was still faced with more troubles. My aunt’s husband ended up getting physical with my aunt and police were involved however no one was arrested. The police decided to leave it up to the States Attorney. The next morning her husband went to the courthouse where he took out orders of protection against both my aunt and myself. Even when we were both the victims the judge granted his order of protection. I was forced out of the house and was on the streets again.

Being on the streets again, I didn’t turn to alcohol or depression, I turned to the Lord and boy did the Lord help me. A little background is my job a few months ago started a new policy where credit card tips aren’t given out at the end of the shift but on the following week’s paycheck so the only money I walk away with at the end of the day is the actual cash tips. In our modern day society most people will pay on their credit cards. Each day I went into work praying to help me get through the day. I was living in a hotel which was costing me $45.00 a night. For two weeks straight each day I went into work I walked out with just enough cash to cover the room for that night. That is not a common occurrence and I thank God for that. Normally most servers will write down “Thank you” on the bottom of the bill but for me I write “God Bless”. I only have the Lord to thank for getting me through this current struggle that I am facing with each day.

While living at the hotel, a woman came into my life who gave me a promise of helping me by allowing me to stay in her spare room. When I left the hotel the spare room was being occupied by her ex boyfriend who is also the father of her daughter. I slept on the couch. Even though it was a couch I was grateful for it and I asked her what I could do in return. Her answer to me was that I could attend a seminar she goes to called Life Leadership. I had to pay $120 dollars to go for the weekend and had to take off of work which cost me about $300 dollars. While I was there I started to see her true colors come out. The following week I started to notice how she was living her life, which was by using people for her benefit and taking money from people. Sunday comes around and she comes into my work with a note and a receipt to a hotel. This woman took most, not all of my belongings, keeping some, to a hotel room, paid for one night (over double what I was paying for before) and left in her car. And so my testimony begins.

“For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light”

Ephesians 5:8

My testimony isn’t a short story or a story based off of one event, however it is how after giving my life to the lord how my eyes have opened up and that I am no longer living within darkness. God has created us within our mother’s womb, hand formed us, and has created us in his image. That is something that after giving my life to the Lord that I am now able to acknowledge from my past and am able to recognize that in the present. Before I was saved I blamed God for the bad occurrences that have happened in my life, I kept asking why did you put me into this horrible situation full of hurt and loneliness… I was unable to see God’s plan that he has had in place for me ever since I was being created in my mother’s womb.

As you have read in my autobiography my life hasn’t been picture perfect, I was faced with a lot of hardships and struggles, and pain. I do not want you to think that my life was filled only with hurt and rough times because that would not be accurate. I have great memories of my childhood, mostly associated with sports but also with the friends that I have had and things I have witnessed. Understanding the hardships I have faced however brings a greater impact onto my testimony, how far I have come, and how God has worked throughout my life.

Since I have been saved I look back and I am able to understand that God was not hurting my life but putting me through things because he gave me the strength to get through it. I have gone through rough times but I can now look at the negative and see it as positive. I’m sure some people are asking; How is having your mother pass at such a young age a good thing? How is the family tension a positive thing? How is being bullied positive? How is being a victim of a car accident a good thing?

With my mother passing away at such a young age and having the cause be from a Heroin overdose, I carry the wisdom to know better and to never take a drug that could kill me. If my mother didn’t pass away who knows maybe I would have ended up doing heroin and becoming addicted. Maybe I would have tried it and it would have taken my life. My mother although I have no memories nor can remember her voice has taught me to not make the same choice that she did. I have had a past involving drugs and I am so grateful that my mother has left a positive impact on my life, but before I became saved I was never able to see what happened in that kind of light. There were many times where I grew hate in my heart and blamed family for her passing, or I would have so much rage build up in me that I wanted to kill the person who sold my mother the heroin that took her life, but I am now able to forgive whomever that may have been. Maybe that person is no longer living or has had a world of hurt brought onto him or maybe that person found God and became saved. I don’t know who that person was or what has happened in his/her life but I am now able to be a peace and able to forgive.

Without a doubt growing up and having to go through the tension and heartache the foster family and biological family has been hard. It has given me so much that I am now able to see for myself living out God’s plan for me. If I didn’t go through all of that pain I would not have the current mentality that I do have. To me the biggest thing in life I can do is become an amazing father, and amazing husband, raise a wonderful family, and to do good onto others. I do not want my child to have to go through what I went through as a kid. Going through what I have has given me the wisdom to not allow that to happen. Having a family strong in faith, loving God, and focused on building a successful future for my children is something that might not have happened if I didn’t go through what I did as a child.

Growing up I have been placed into countless situations that have winded up teaching me a valuable lesson in life that if one single thing didn’t happen that has happened I may have never been placed into that situation that thought me a valuable life lesson. I often will tell people when they ask me what can I do, I answer with there is not a single thing that I can not do. God has blessed me with an amazing intelligence to be able to absorb things that I see and be able to learn from them. From the things that I learn I am able to do. It is with that knowledge that I can do anything I set myself out to do while Christ gives me the strength.

There have been countless times God has shown up into my life and made his presence clear. The best example I can provide you with is my car accident. Having to be airlifted, having a part of my skull taken out, having sixty-four staples in my head leaving the left side of my face paralyzed and still being alive is a miracle alone. What is even greater than that is the fact that paralyzation healed, and I do not have a single effect from that accident. I have personally seen individuals who have been in that same situation that are left in a wheelchair for the rest of their life, or are unable to do daily functions, or are left in vegetative state or even death. I am so blessed and so thankful that God saw what could have happened to me and had intervened and hand placed individuals to be exactly where they were, that were able to assist me in getting to a hospital as quick as I did. If I was a few minutes later the blood that was swelling in my brain could have caused that permanent damage or death. Another personal witness that God did for me with that accident was that after the accident I didn’t have anyone there at the hospital with me. Nobody came to see me, no one was there to take me home. My grandmother had bought me a plane ticket to get back home and I was forced to go through the airport without any pain medication. Throughout the eight hour trip, I did not have a single ounce of pain. If that car accident didn’t happen I know for a fact I would not be where I am at in my life right now. God saw that I wasn’t doing the right thing and he stopped that car dead in the tracks and showed up into my life and left that huge impact which was the first part of many things that has led me to surrendering myself and giving my life to Him. It has taken me years to fully understand what the Lord did and I carried around that same question of why did that happen to me, until I was able to see what God has been doing in my life.

The night the girl left my belongings in the hotel room I called my old youth pastor, whom I met in Wisconsin while living with my Grandmother. I called him asking for help, but aware of his situation and being a new father and not living in a large home I knew that I couldn’t stay with him. I asked him if he knew people who would be able to help me and he informed me that he was going to be leaving at 5pm the next day for 10 days going to a Chrisitan Music Festival called Audiofeed located in Champagne-Urbana. I asked him what time he wanted me to be at the train station. Upon arrival within a few hours Shaun and I along with a few friends went to a church up in Rochelle, IL where I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and Fire. During the baptism I was becoming drenched with sweat and had an overwhelming sense of peace come over me, the Holy Spirit.

When we arrived at Audiofeed the first night we were hit with one of the worst storms of the year. We were all praying and holding the 40′x70′ tent together and after the storm passed we were left with large puddles where we were all on our hands and knees building trenches to drain the water from the tent. Throughout the festival I have encountered numerous miracles and numerous blessings. During the Storm we prayed that no one would be taken and that the storm would pass, after checking news articles and social media I failed to find a story of anyone being hurt or killed. There was a young man who has been homeless for six years recently had a incident at the festival through dancing where he chipped his tooth and misaligned his jaw and was having financial problems, I prayed over him and the next day he comes up to me telling me that a stranger went and paid off all of his fines, he found a doctor on the first phone call and the Dr. is going to fix his tooth for free and that he has also found a place to stay. That day I went and got baptized by water.

After the festival ended I found myself again back on the streets. I was able to scrape by enough money to get a motel room for the week so I can get community service that has been needed to get done however it is over five miles away. I have been jogging those five miles and working in the sun thanking God every moment for giving me the strength to do so.

My Last Hope

July 10th, 2014

Hello, my name is Jay.

This past Fall I was as excited as ever to start my 3rd year of community college. It was my last year there and I would be transferring to a university and become the first in my family to do so. Well, I was in for a treat. In the middle of the Fall semester I ended up dropping all my classes because my motivation for school was absolutely lost.

In January 2014 I quit my job because I could not take being miserable there anymore. I was confident God had a plan for me. So, back to school I went in the Spring and was super confirme and excited again. No job, meant more time for school. This wasn’t a good thing. I got myself in a little debt, because quitting my job meant me not paying my bills. I wasn’t really worried about the debt, main worries were which university will accept me. That’s all I can think about

So here comes April 2014, the month I been waiting for since I graduated high school. After having a very bad year, the first domino fell, I was denied to UCSB. It really hurt reading that rejection letter, but I still had  four more schools left.  In the next two weeks  I was denied to UCI and UCLA. All of a sudden my dreams were slipping by the minute. What I was happy about was that I was praying to God to pick the right school, so I was assuming he would narrow the school he wants for me by rejecting all and get accepted by one. I was down to UC Berkeley and USC. USC was my dream school as a child and I never thought it would be possible to go there. However, something said apply to it anyways.

The last week of April comes and I get denied to UC Berkely. I was debated, but not done. I had USC to wait on. I had to wait an extra month just to hear back from USC. What made the wait worse was the calls from credit companies about me paying them even though I had no job. The 2nd to last week came and I revived a call from my mom telling me my estranged father was dying. I was really sad because I always wanted to forgive my dad. However, he couldn’t talk anymore. It really hurt me on the inside because I knew I would never get the chance again.

He passed away on May 19th. My mom told me he was in and out the hospital for two years. My father never went back to Mexico, because even though he didn’t see my brothers and sisters and I, just the thought of him being close to is was enough for him to stay. My dad fought for his life for two years, ending with victory because at the end he went with God. It was a beautiful moment knowing that God confirmed to my mom that my dad was indeed in God’s presence. I forgave him. I even went to his viewing even though I didn’t want to see my dad in a casket. I had to honor God’s commandments. My dad left me with a powerful message and it was to fight until the very end. Fight on no matter what the situation is. Fight until your last breathe.

I’m glad my dad got to be buried in his homeland of Mexico and one day I plan on visiting his gravesite there and following his footsteps by believing in God and following his words even though I continue to fail and fall. The last week of May comes and my USC decision is looming. I wake up on Saturday morning and my first intentions are to check my USC portal. As I open up my portal my heart is racing as fast as a cheetah. I open up to a rejection letter. How could this be?

I was absolutely devastated and could not understand what was happening in my life. I got denied to every school I applied to, my stranger father dying, no job, got into debt. I thanked God. I was still alive and well at the end of the day. BUT! Something hit me that morning. I didn’t want to, but something was telling me “this is not it” . My mom called me later on and she told me she was getting the message from God about “where’s my faith?” That whole morning the words appeal kept ringing in my head. I said, fine I will appeal.

The USC appeal rules stated it can only be one page and I must provide new and compelling info. I dropped my bro off at work and when I got back home that second, I was more than ready to write my appeal. I wrote about My dad’s story, how I wanted to become a pro boxer and change the world. I wrote most importantly that message my Dad gave me and how it relates to USC’s motto, “fight on”. The words were just flowing out of my heart. All of a sudden I was happy again.

Here we are today, and I’m as calm as possible. Just the thought of my dad leaving me with one gift of helping me get into my dream school with the help of God brings my to tears. Here I am, as calm as I can be in this situation. I find out about my appeal by the middle of next week July 16th. USC is my dream school, as I want to be close to my Mom and also fight my way out of poverty by boxing and buying my mom that house she deserves in Jesus’s name. I ask all of you for your prayers. The nerves are starting to pick up again. I am not perfect, actually I’m far from it. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry, all I want is to unite with all of you through prayer. Help my pray for my last hope of getting into a university and make my family proud.

“All things whatever you ask for in prayer, you will receive”.   Matthew 21:22

Thank you all for reading my journey about these last 8 months. In the name of Jesus it all comes to a amazing victory by the middle of next week.

God bless you all, God is great.

From Adultery to Victory in Christ Jesus: A testimony on how I came to know the Lord, and got free from pornography

I remember when I was much younger having grown up on the cape flats, being surrounded by gangsterism, drugs and alcohol – saying to myself that “I will never allow an addiction to get the better of me because I was in complete control of my life or so I thought!)….

At the age of 14, I developed a love for computers and at age 15 I hacked into the schools main frame computer and downloaded exam papers way ahead of the exams. At the age of 16 I was made chairperson of the schools computer club as well as an organisation called CICS and today I am a qualified I.T.

Specialist, an achievement most computer technicians only dream of. Am I proud of my achievement? To be honest with you, I don’t even know how to answer that question. In 1996 the internet became popular in south Africa and my love for computers grew even stronger, because I soon came to learn that the internet gave a person access to anything from the study of DNA to the downloading of music to mention but a few. I was not long and I mastered the art of the World Wide Web. (www) Read the rest of this testimony »

Hello there,

I would like to tell you something really cool. I was reading a devotional entry from the book “Extreme Devotion” by the Voice of the Martyrs and came across something that impressed me greatly. At the end of the devotion there was an application section that asked what creative thing do you do to help spread the gospel. Well, I thought and prayed about this and the thought popped up in my head: “Make a blog.” I was a little nervous at such an idea. Blog? How in the world do you make a blog? I prayed about this idea and asked God to help me to want to do it if it was His will.

After a couple of days I went on my computer and came across WordPress.com. When I found out that you can create blogs on the site I registered and began learning how to make a blog. It was a little challenging because I was so new at the thing but soon I began to grow familiar with how the dashboard works. Prayerfully I started my first blog, which is about being a Lightbearer for Jesus. It was very enjoyable giving biblical advice on how to achieve this heavenly calling, and also sharing videos to help encourage people to let their light shine for Jesus.

One night as I slept another impression came to me to make another blog. Only this one would be about fasting from the things of the world to draw closer to Jesus and to be filled more with the Holy Spirit. Using the concept of the SPAM (Spiritual Preparation and Meditation) fast from the book “The Prayer of Jabez for Teens” by Bruce Wilkinson, I prayerfully started creating the second blog.

I’m glad that God helped me to obey Him when He called me to do this. I’m excited on what God will do with these blogs. I hope and pray that He will use them in a way that’s according to His will.

Here are the addresses of the blogs if you would like to check them out:

lightbearersforjesus.wordpress.com

spamfast.wordpress.com

May God continue to bless you all!

My Daughter Saw Jesus

July 7th, 2014

My daughter and I have experience one amazing thing and Jesus has but it in my heart to share this with the world! Recently my family has came to the feet of Jesus and let me tell you it’s one amazing feeling! My daughters testimony is for Jesus Christ’s honor and glory. Jesus Christ has given my daughter something special; she praises him everyday and sings every Sunday at our church. Well yesterday we were practicing a song for this up coming Sunday. I always pray to Jesus Christ to use her and my family to serve him, to glorify him and only him.

Well while I was praying I started crying and praying in another language and my daughter started crying and looked at me. I then stood up and started praying for her in the other language and hugged her. After we finished praying I started talking to her about how she felt and she told me Mom I saw Jesus Christ. I immediately asked her when baby? She said when I was singing he was right behind you, then he walked between us mom and he put his hands on our heads then you started praying in another language.

I was curious about how he looked and she began describing him to me with tears of joy in her eyes. Mom hes beautiful, he was big and tall, he had all white on, and I couldn’t see his face thou it was too bright & shining but Mom he had his hands on our heads and was looking up to heaven. My daughter is eight, she is saved, & sings to Jesus Christ. I feel very blessed to have experience this! I think its important for everyone to know no matter how big or small Jesus is with us all and he loves us no matter what.

Matthew 21:16-They asked Jesus, “Do you hear what these children are saying?” “Yes,” Jesus replied. “Haven’t you ever read the Scriptures? For they say, ‘You have taught children and infants to give you praise.’”

John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Hi. My name is Des and I am 16 years old.

From birth, God has been evident in my life. I was born on May 27, my due date, but I was not supposed to live. My mother had gone into false labor two weeks before I was delivered into this world meaning, her body had thought I was already born two weeks before I actually was, I had not been taken care of in the womb. I was born at 1:18 in the afternoon barely weighing 5 ounces and blue to the face. My dad tells me that it took over a minute to get me breathing-makes me realize why I am such a good swimmer now.

I wasn’t able to come home from the hospital for four days and my two brothers were afraid they would break me if they held me. From then on, I have grown up in church, putting on a dress and nice fluffy white socks every Sunday morning and sitting in nursery. Well, when I was three years old our church split and we stopped going. Around when I was five, my mom was pregnant with my sister, my dad went C.R.A.Z.Y. he was a drunk. I remember only bits and pieces of this time, but it is more than I want to. I remember walking in my dads room to say goodnight and seeing him passed out in front of the shower, or waking up at 6 in the morning hearing my mom scream “Don’t you dare touch me”. We would hide from him as a family, and even when my sister was weeks old, we had to block the doors and lock them to keep us safe. My oldest brother had enough of it and left us. It was a bad time in my household. Well, God is good my friend. As time progressed our family got closer and closer.

Life wasn’t perfect after that. It only got harder in some areas. In first grade my mom was pregnant with my other sister. My parents worried day by day by day how we could afford another baby. We got phone calls and mail letters daily saying we had “x” amount of days before we had to either leave our house or pay a lot of money. It was scary. I remember giving my mom my little money I had and I wish I could do more. But again, God is so good. My dad found another job and got us steady on our feet.

When I reached fourth grade, I was invited to church for the first time since I was little. I didn’t want to go because of the memories and seeing on TV, it looked boring. But I went. GHBC VBS. Little did I know, that is where my family is. After only two night of VBS I came home and prayed beside my mommas bed to ask for my salvation. It was something I knew I had to do unless I wanted to burn in hell, but didn’t fully understand at the time. I pulled my family into this church after VBS ended. We were there every time the doors were open at least 3 times a week. At the age of 11, like every other pre-teen, I began to go less and less to church. I had reached middle school, the “cool” age. I was trying hard to fit in. I was rejected by many and sadly only became friends with the “Not so good” people.

By the age of 12 and 13 I was partying. I was introduced to alcohol and how free it made you feel. I felt away from all the negativity and free from all the bullying etc. Well, one night I was at church with my family and I kid who was a lot older than me turned around to ask me to go get ice cream with him after church, I recognized him from a party a while back so I asked my mom and she said yes. To say the least, I was raped. I still have nightmares to this day about it. I didn’t know how to react so I never told my parents, I just fell deep into depression. I felt like I was not  worth anything, and that I was unworthy. I completely left God in this situation, but I didn’t care at the time. I quit drinking, but I fell into pornography. I just wanted something to make myself feel good. Depression only worsened. I began to cut myself. I remember crying my self to sleep every night and going to church once every 2 months instead of three times a week now. All this lasted until I was 15.

At the age of 15 I went to our annual church camp. It was there that I realized who I was in Christ, what it meant to be a Christian and how to be a follower of Jesus. I also met this boy there. He was as sold out for Jesus, as I was. We began to talk and we would pray together and in my eyes, we were the perfect God centered relationship. As time progressed I realized that I wasn’t God centered but centered around ‘Us’ we got caught up in the world and we did stuff we shouldn’t have. I remember crying out to God, knowing it wasn’t right but continuing to do so, and God gave me a wake up call by letting my parents find out about everything. Of course I found my way back and was fired up for God again, but I still felt like he was punishing me.

Depression began to set back in. I began to cut myself again. And realized that I wanted to be “Someone” I wanted to be worth someones attention, I felt my family hated me and that everyone else ignored me. My ex boyfriend was ripped outta my life and who I thought I fell in love with was to never speak to me again. So, I wanted to get back at my family mainly.

I found my worth in boys. I did A LOT of stuff to multiple guys I shouldnt’ve. I was lying and sneaking around to my parents, skipping soccer practices, etc. I was not myself. I dated a lot of boys, sent naked pictures, etc. But all this did was make me feel more worthless. Depression was hard and multiple times I thought about what it would be like to be with Jesus again. To just die.

3 months ago, I told someone everything. I needed the help. I told God. I poured my heart and he bound up all my wounds, lemme tell you God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. He never gives us something we can’t handle, it just takes faith to get through the storm. Satan pulls at us, but at the sound of Jesus he flees. I live for God now, let my scars be a constant reminder of how strong my God is and to let me know how forgiven I am. It’s hard daily and many temptations come my way, but I have a God who protects me.

After giving birth to my second child, the two-week baby blues that I experienced with my first child didn’t want to leave. In fact, it was worse and coupled with anxiety. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. When my son turned two-months-old I experienced my first panic attack!!! I didn’t realize it was connected to my Post Partum Depression. Fretting about what had just happened to me, I called my OB’s office in which they immediately prescribed medication. In desperation, I took half a pill that night and the next morning felt worse than I had ever felt. Anxiety, fear, and depression hung over me like a lingering dark cloud. I never took another pill.

I remember not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. Sleep was my escape because it was the time when I didn’t feel. I clung to God’s promises and began seeking him wholeheartedly. He truly became my refuge and strength as the depression slowly but eventually left. I sensed the Lord was telling me that He was healing me “day by day” and not an overnight fix.

After the birth of my third child, I didn’t experience a hint of depression, not even the baby blues. Praise God!

My fourth came along. That ugly cloud of depression followed suit. This time I lost my appetite, and felt nauseous at the very smell of food. Consequently, I lost 17 lbs. in a short amount of time, which was major considering I was already thin. During that dark time, I couldn’t understand why God was allowing this in my life. I questioned His love for me and yet clung to Him tighter than ever before.

God has a way of strengthening us through our trials: One scripture at a time?One word of encouragement at a time?One prayer at a time?One day at a time. Have you ever noticed that God never seems to be in a hurry? I often prayed for Him to make me well, while I slept, so that when I woke up I would be all better and go on with life as before. I wanted a quick fix. He didn’t answer my prayer. I’ve learned He doesn’t show us the quick way out of a situation or a back door to avoid all pain and sorrow in this life. Instead, He takes our hand and walks through the storm with us. It’s going through that we learn to trust His tender care over us? despite how hard the trial may be. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you” (Isaiah 43:2).

In the middle of my trial, I remember waking up one morning and the Holy Spirit immediately whispered to my heart, “I have hedged you before and behind and laid my hand upon you.” I later discovered this was Psalm 139:5. It brought so much joy and peace to my heart because it reminded me that I was not alone in my “furnace” experience, and His hand was there comforting, protecting, and guiding me. This was one of many scriptures the Lord made personal to me during that time. His word became my strength as I struggled through hard days. But He has been faithful to me.

Depression has friends. And these friends lie to us:

• Despondency says don’t get out of bed it’s going to be a bad day.
• Hopelessness says your situation will never change.
• Despair says God has forgotten you or doesn’t care about your situation.
• Fear/Anxiety says you are going to go crazy!

God’s Word has promises. And His promises are Truth:

• He will restore. (Jeremiah 30:17)
• Hope does not disappoint. (Romans 5:5)
• He will never leave nor forsake you. (Matthew 28:20)
• He has not forgotten you. (Isaiah 49:16)
• He has not given you fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)

Lean on His promises no matter what difficulty you are facing. Remember seasons come and seasons go and whatever you are facing?it is just for a season.

Corrie Ten Boom’s sister, Betsy, while enduring terrible tribulation said it best, “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.”

hope4you123 at gmail dot com

check out my blog:

http://thereshope4you.wordpress.com/

A relationship that I care for broke up between me and my fiancée. It was a bad break up, which ended up getting a little physical, I didn’t hit her or anything, she has no bruises or anything like that. What I did was smack her cell phone our of her hand, I didn’t touch her hand or anything, and when I told her that I didn’t want to be with her anymore and that I want the ring back, she was about to give it to me, but I was anxious and went for the ring, because she resisted, it caused me to put my hand on her wrist, there was a struggle and I got the ring.

She says I was aggressive and shook her, the next day her parents came to my house and told me to stay away from her, no contact whatsoever. And that she wants the same thing too. So three weeks passes by, and I see her, I felt really bad for what I did so I went to her to apologize, because she was upset with me, she was not hearing me, and reminded me that her parents told me to stay away from her.

So three months passes by, I get prayed for and in the prayer the person said that God wants me to call the father. I know to be weary of what people say, but I did it anyway and called the father, I got his voicemail, I told him that I apologize to him and his wife for what I did to their daughter the day we broke up. I asked her father to please call me back when he has a chance. So far he has not called me back, after waiting a week, I was wondering if I should call him back a second time. I prayed to God and asked him to reveal to me in his word if I should call the father back a second time.

So I’m reading in Genesis, then I come to Jacob and Laban, I was never aware of these scriptures in the bible. This was my first time reading this, Jacob married both Laban’s daughters, but then afterwards, Jacob and Laban were at odds with each other, Laban is Jacobs father in law. They ended up making peace with one another before parting ways.

So I looked at it like Jacob is me and her father is Laban, And in me calling to apologize is making peace with the father, same with this scripture that I saw, I asked the lord to confirm his word, and I asked him to confirm his word at a church service that I was about to go to in the pastors message. I felt that I could be specific like this because Gideon was specific like this and God granted him his conformations specifically to how Gideon wanted it. I go to church, and the pastor said that on his mind all day was about Gideon, and he explained the story of Gideon, the message was that God will be with you in whatever you do, that his power is enough. So that message can be for anything, that does not tell me directly about my situation, but the fact that the pastor talked about Gideon, that was crazy, but still I don’t know if God still wants me to call a second time. I don’t feel at peace, but I don’t know if that’s because I fear calling the father for a second time, or because this may not be from the holy spirit.

What Doesn’t Kill You

June 24th, 2014

My name is Mallory, and even though I am only 16 years old, I believe my story could help someone.

When I was 13, I started going to a christian camp in the summer, and it was an amazing experience. I had never felt God like that before, and there I accepted Jesus into my heart. I got home, I turned 14, and I started my 8th grade year. There was this girl who had gone to school for a couple years, but I never really knew her on a personal level. I had a lot of classes with her, and we started to get to know each other. Her name was Kayla and she was one of the sweetest people I had ever met. It seemed like the puzzle that was my life was finally fitting all together. But, as we all know, life doesn’t work like that.

In October, 3 months after I began my friendship with Kayla, she died. I was blindsided. The greatest influence on my life so far had been ripped away from me. Kayla, along with her mother, were killed by her soon to be step-father. It turns out that the whole 3 months we had been getting to know each other, Kayla was being raped and was actually 4 months pregnant with her soon to be step-father’s baby. As all of the details started to come out about what had happened, my brain started working overtime. It formed its own idea of what went down that night and has played it back to me every night for the past two and a half years in the form of a nightmare.

This was all too much for me to handle. I started pushing everyone away, I only wanted to be alone. I started being reckless, not caring what happened to me. I blamed myself, so I started punishing myself. I would cut myself, punch myself, anything I felt necessary. I started thinking about what would happen if I died, if anyone would care. I didnt care, so I just started taking random prescriptions out of our medicine cabinet and taking them. Lucky for me, none of the mixtures I ever concocted were ever potent enough to kill me.

After a few months, when the initial shock of pain wore off, I stopped blaming myself. I blamed it on God. I wondered how he could’ve let this happen to me when I had just professed my love to him. How he could just abandon me like this. Finally, one night I hit my lowest of lows. I was laying on my bathroom floor crying, asking God why he hated me, praying for him to kill me and get it over with.

And finally, I let my brain stop for just a second so I could hear his voice. And I finally knew that eventually, everything would be ok. I stopped harming myself, stopped blaming myself and God and finally put the blame on the person who actually committed the crime. I finally started letting people back in, didn’t push everyone away anymore. It was an uphill battle, but my life finally got back to normal.

I went back to that same camp I had been at just a year before, but I felt 10 years older. I had been tested, pushed to the breaking point, but I knew that He was there for me the whole time.  I talked with people who prayed with and for me, which changed my life forever. I still have these nightmares, these flashbacks, but no matter how much those scare me, they can’t shake me of what the Lord has blessed me with. I finally have peace. I know that I will see all of my loved ones that have passed away again someday, and that day is the day I will be waiting for for the rest of my life.