February 6th, 2016
I am a 31 year old writer and entrepreneur. I have been a practicing Christian since I was 12 years old and about to commit suicide. I had been chronically depressed for several years due incestuous abuse between ages of 6 and 8. My aunt found me before I kicked the bucket and I was taken to a born-again relative who led me to confess Christ as my Lord and savior. I remember thinking to myself, “So this is what Joy feels like.” It was that foreign an emotion to me.
The testimony I would like to share is about how the trend to be cool in church is leading youth astray. At University I started to date the hottest guy at the most popular church in my country. Even though we professed Christ he saw no problem with sleeping with me. My conscience was never at rest but I did it because I believed we would stay together for the rest of our lives so why not?
Well, in the about 3 years we dated I got pregnant 3 times and whereas I remember being overjoyed the first time he said my parents would not take it well and that I should abort for their sakes and continue with my studies. And because I was afraid to lose him I did so.
Well, pity because either way we did not end up together forever. Somehow God never gave up on calling me back to the right path and one day He literally commanded me to pack up what belongings I had at my boyfriend’s house and go back home (Yes I hear from Him-called in the prophetic). God warned me to never look back-that either I choose holiness or Hell. I obeyed but years later I still found myself dating a guy whom I was in love with but the Lord clearly told me that it wasn’t His will and wouldn’t work out. I ended up pregnant, euphoric only to be dragged to an abortion clinic again. His reason was that his Muslim family would tear him apart and still insist on raising the child in Islam.
Four times was more heart-wrenching than I can explain. I do not know how to tell people that are quick to condemn girls who make these decisions then later regret them that they are demonically influenced other than that, that last time God allowed me to see them-the blood-thirsty demons.
Before I agreed to my boyfriend’s insistence on the abortion (and I had been adamantly saying no for days or so) I saw a swarm of very many little fly-like demons form a darkness around me (in broad daylight). I felt such Satanic oppression and just knew I was going to make the wrong decision. A part of me wanted to run and tell my Mom what I was about to do so she could save me but I was bound; powerless. Girls, please, please, speak up! Do not let the enemy take away your voice.
The entire drive to the clinic I could feel the demons around me. And when the act was done I was overwhelmed with an anger from knowing I let the Devil win again. In the weeks that followed my only prayer was for God to take my life. I was not worth His breath, I felt.
But hey-it’s not all grim and sorrow. I have since confessed every detail of each of these abortions, repented and received forgiveness. It doesn’t mean the wound on my soul is healed yet but I know I am forgiven. On two occasions the Lord has even showed me my unborn babies in open visions. They are in Heaven-grown to toddler size at the time I saw them. I remember one-the eldest- saying to me,
‘Mummy we are fine’.
I cried uncontrollably. I could barely take in what manner of love is God’s to be so so forgiving of the hypocritical Christian I had been.
I share this to encourage ladies who still want to pursue God despite sexual sin in their past-it IS possible. Get your house cleansed thoroughly, undergo full deliverance from demonic oppression otherwise you will remain in the same cycle, live a life WHOLLY obedient to the Word of God and oh, the glory of God in your life can be limitless.
I asked God for a chance to have a baby again despite feelings of unworthiness. I specifically asked for a boy. In September last year I gave birth to one, in wedlock moreover. Watching him play, I said,
‘Oh Hannah, how can you NOT testifiy!’
GOD STILL FORGIVES. You can still be HOLY for Him. Do not give up.
February 2nd, 2016
The short testimony of brother Emad Al Abdy, who embraced Christianity in Saudi Arabia
The long testimony is here:
February 2nd, 2016
Am aware from a small countryside town in England, last year I prayed to God to find me a good man when I was about to give up he blessed me with the best man a woman would want to be with. I am 22 he is 28 we were happy the first few months together but then 2 months of us being together I got pregnant he was supportive of any decision I made I knew I was going to keep my baby.
With time things became a little rocky was getting mad at everything he does and small arguments at times I would not talk to him.At the end he broke up with me when 29 weeks pregnant. I cried myself to sleep everyday as I also realised that I might be in love with him. He raised his voice when I spoke about why it ended, that is not the man I knew, the loving and caring guy had vanished, I was looking at a complete stranger he doesn’t want to give us another go.
I said it was my hormones and things would change when the baby is here i won’t have hormones anymore coz I know am not an argumentative person, he has refused. I started praying to God coz he is the only one who knows my pain. Communicating with God has given me strength and hope and at times cheers me up. I have this weird feeling in my heart that he might give us another go but my friends tell me to leave him and move on coz he is not worthy.
He is worth crying for coz he pulled me away from the evil doings although he does not believe in God. I pray for him to accept Jesus as his Lord and saviour every day. I pray he may want me back and have a stronger relationship and forget the past as this relationship will be blessed by God.
Just asking does anyone think am crazy for praying he changes his mind and faith? Many thanks xx
January 27th, 2016
For five years I have been depressed I didn’t think anyone loved me or even cared about me. But one day I was at church, hoping to find something, and the past was talking about the death of Jesus and how He had died for everyone in the world, but the only thing I could think was ‘everybody but me’ I was sad and was crying.
Then the pastor looked strait at me and said
“you are loved, you are beautiful, and you are more amazing then the stars themselves and I sure God would love to tell you that and hold you in his arms and be proud to call you his own”
After church I went to him and asked how he could be so sure that God loved me and the pastor looked into my eyes and said ‘if God didn’t love you He wouldn’t have made you and if God didn’t love you Jesus wouldn’t have died for you; He loves you more then there are stars in the sky he love you more then there grains of sand in the ocean.
And ever since that day even if no one on this earth loves me I know I have a God that does <3
January 25th, 2016
I was born of Canadian immigrants in 1957 in the Chicago suburbs. My father was a go-getter entrepreneur and my mother worked for the Canadian government and was fluent in 7 languages. I had spinal meningitis when I was 2 years old, which was almost always fatal in those days. A specialist from India was visiting the hospital and heard my mother’s pleas. He was able to drain the spinal fluid and saved my life. The infection reset my brain and I had to relearn how to walk. My parents later tested me and discovered that I was a genius, so they bought me a set of the Encyclopedia Britannica.
I was raised a Catholic, but was a Christian fundamentalist for as long as I can remember. I would spend hours reading my mother’s King James Bible and “reading the red”. I grew up in a normal, upper middle class family in the 60’s, with 2 brothers and 4 sisters. My parents planned for me to go to college. My mother wanted me to be a doctor. I was in advanced placement classes. I also worked in my father’s business, along with my brothers. My mother died suddenly of a stroke when I was 16, and our family unraveled. My father began drinking heavily, and I dropped out of High School to work at various jobs. Eventually, my father snapped out of his depression and remarried, and I moved into an apartment with my brothers.
I met a great Christian girl at a company I worked for, and later at a computer class in college, so I asked her to dinner. Soon we were married. We are still married today, 31 years later. She is still just as beautiful as the day we first met.
Eventually, we planned for a child, and my wife Marie was soon pregnant. One day I came home from my job, and heard a phone message from my mother-in-law – the baby was coming! While driving to the hospital, I heard a clear, loud voice saying “Everything will be OK”. I didn’t know what to make of that, and I continued on my way.
There were complications in the pregnancy and birth, and our son was put in an incubator. In a few days, we took him home. Later, when he would not talk, we found out that he was autistic. He would take us by the hand and point at something rather than talking. As Christian believers, we would pray over him constantly, and we could see his ears turn bright red as the Spirit rewired his brain. Meanwhile, we were told by several specialists that Ben would never be able to express himself, or go to college, or do any normal things.
We joined a large church that had a separate ministry for children with special needs, and Ben has prospered there. He is a big Christian believer and makes people smile. He recently performed a leading role at a play that was attending by over 15,000 church members. We found out that he has an eidetic memory (he remembers everything). Ben has become an Eagle Scout, earned a Black Belt, and graduated from High School. He is now attending college for a degree in Culinary Arts. Anywhere we go in our area, someone knows Ben. By the way – he can talk your ears off!
My father had instilled in me a good work ethic, and I have always had a job. I have worked mostly in the Information Technology field, and that is what my degree is in. I started a multimedia business that went well until the “dot-bomb” crash in 2000.
On February 6, 1999 I was sitting on my bed praying and the Lord spoke to me in a loud voice. He said, “Tell them that I love them. Tell them that I care. Tell them that I am coming for them. Prepare, like a man who has been told he has just a short time to live. Heal, forgive, and perform those acts of charity that you have been putting off. Tell everyone that I am coming soon for My bride.”
At this point, He said, “What do you see?” I looked down at the pattern on the bed. It was a pattern of budding flowers. He said, “Open yourself up to praise Me…receive My love…stretch yourself out to Me”. After that, He said: “My reward is with Me”.
Then I said: “Lord, give me a sign in the heavens or on the earth, so that they will know that this word is from You!” Then I saw a vision of an arm, up to the shoulder, with a gun in its hand. The gun fired two times. The arm was pointing downward. The Lord said: “There will be two shots fired that will be heard around the world. This is a sign, so they will believe that this word proceeded from My throne.”
After He left, I quickly wrote down what happened so that I would have a record of this message. I sent the message to many churches and ministries, but it was mostly ignored. I went on with my life. In September of 2001, I saw the terrorist attack on the Twin Towers in New York City. I knew then that the Lord confirmed His word. The Lord is coming soon!
After the Web business boom went bust, I got involved in a real estate business. Also during this time I worked on physics “Theory of Everything”. I joined forces with a science friend, and we published our theory in 2003. Simply put, our theory explains the relationship between gravity and electromagnetism, between the very large – like galaxies, and the very small – like atoms. We were invited to present our theory at a physics conference in London in 2006. It was the largest collection of nerds I have ever seen.
The real estate business went bad when the Great Recession happened in 2008. There was a lawsuit that was later dismissed. Starting in 2008, my sister and I ran an Internet-based ministry called “Rapture and End Times” that reached thousands of ministers and pastors around the world. We could see the major signs of the End Times in 2008, including the rise of Turkey and the European Union, the increasing environmental disasters, the economic collapse, and the start of a one world religion.
I completed a degree in Information Technology, and was working on a degree in Human Services Management to equip me for running our Christian organization. I was ordained as a Minister through Full Gospel Churches International in 2009. During the ordination blessing, I had a vision of a man in great distress and covered in filth. He was pleading “help me!” At the time, I had no idea what that meant.
In 2010, just before Thanksgiving, I went to check my mail box and there was a letter from the Department of Justice. I read that I was being indicted for mail fraud for the real estate business. At first, I thought this was a terrible set-back for my ministry. Later, at the Federal Prison Camp, I realized what a great learning and ministry opportunity I had. While at the camp, the Lord gave me a much clearer understanding of our place in His universe and our position in Christ. I have continued to track the current events as they relate to Bible prophecy, and the Lord’s message could not be any clearer – He IS coming soon for His bride!
January 23rd, 2016
My name is Fredrick and I’m 21. I’ve had tones of struggles in my life as a Christian starting from doubts and unbelief, masturbation, relationships the list goes on. Right now, I have this deep conviction to write about relationships basically stuff I’ve gone through, lessons learnt in the hope that someone out there might pick something and probably not walk down the path I took.
Ever since I learnt that God wants us to commit everything to Him especially our relationships I had two great doubts. One is that maybe God had this secret plan to keep me single for the rest of my life and two, that He would pair me up with someone I wasn’t attracted to.
I might introduce myself a bit. I was brought up in a Christian family where everything was done using the bible as a benchmark. We went to church, had family prayers, read the bible together even attended crusades. Things seemed to be just where they should be. Life seemed like it couldn’t get better till my dad, I’m told, had this affair with some lady in our neighborhood. At that time I was too young and naïve to understand the weight of issues at home so I thought all dads and moms had to fight sometimes.
My parents sent my sister and me to boarding school just to get us away from the war at home. When I turned 12, I got into a relationship. All through I had been trying to fill this void I felt in my heart. Home no longer felt like a safe haven for us so I set out to find my own that led me to that relationship. Through my life I have been jumping from one relationship to another leaving a trail of heart breaks. I’m a jerk I know.
When I joined college, I knew things couldn’t get better coz here we have all the freedom we’ll ever want. I knew this wasn’t right before the Lord but was too stubborn to admit. I had just come from a relationship with Christine. We had lasted 6 months that’s the longest I’ve been with a girl. During our time together, I started getting this dreams and visions that God wanted me to be more serious with how I related with others especially my girlfriend. We soon broke up. She transferred to a different school we just couldn’t keep up with the long distance. I admit Christine was the first girl I really liked and thought maybe things would be more serious this time. So this break up really hit me. I knew for me to get a girl who’ll be in for the long haul I had to play by God’s rules or at least that’s what happily married people kept telling me.
So during my second year, I set out to learn as much as I could about relationships. Over time I have learnt to trust the Lord. Initially I had doubts: God wants me to be single or will give me a girl I’m not attracted to plus many others but with time these keep fading away. Last week I read a dream a girl once had from the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and I ll just paste it.
It was finally here–Anna’s wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family. Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.
But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David’s other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna. Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. “Is this some kind of joke?” she whispered to David.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Anna,” he said, staring at the floor. ‘Who are these girls, David? What is going on?” she
gasped. “They’re girls from my past,” he answered sadly. “Anna, they don’t mean anything to me now… but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.” “I thought your heart was mine,” she said.
“It is, it is,” he pleaded. “Everything that’s left is yours.” A tear rolled down Anna’s cheek. Then she woke up. “When I awoke I felt so betrayed,” she said. “But then I was struck with this sickening thought: How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day? How many times have I given my heart away in short term relationships? Will I have anything left to give my husband?”
I often think of Anna’s dream and the image haunts me. There are girls from my past, too. What if they showed up on my wedding day? What could they say in the receiving line? “Hello, Fred. Those were some pretty lofty promises you made at the altar today I hope you’re better at keeping promises now than you were when I knew you.”
“My, don’t you look nice in that tuxedo. And what a beautiful bride. Does she know about me? Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear?”
There are relationships that I can only look back on with regret. I do my best to forget. I laugh them off as part of the game of love that everyone plays. I know God has forgiven me because I’ve asked Him to. But I still feel the ache of having given away my heart to too many girls in my past.
What would you want on your wedding day? Nothing is quite as romantic as hearing an honest, account of a married couples love story. Though it’s hard to imagine, someday I’ll tell my children
the story I’m writing with my life today. But that realization does little to save me from the puzzling maze called now. “History never looks like history when you’re living through it,” says John Gardner. “It always looks confusing and messy, and it always feels uncomfortable.” As I stand on this side of matrimony with no potential mate in sight, I’m right in the middle of the messiness and confusion. I still have so many questions. Will I know when I’m walking through the story for the first time? Will I recognize the event that will begin the chapters of my love story with my mate? Will time stand still for one moment to tell me that this person— this one person, out of all the billions bustling on the planet— is the one? Will I realize when it happens? Or might I miss it?
Some questions are probably best left unasked. I know I should push them aside and wait for life to unfold its mysteries. Someday when I’m older and wiser I’ll sit back and tell my story to someone who will listen. And as I tell my story, will I remember the doubts and questioning prayers of today? Or will I have forgotten the silent longings; will they wash away like footprints on an ocean shore? I’ll probably tell some young fool the same things I get so tired of hearing from others. I’ll tell him to bide his time, “for it’s sure to work out in the end.” And, of course, “you can’t rush these things.” Someday I’ll have a story to tell. So will you. How will you respond when one day you look back on your love story? Will it bring tears of joy or tears of remorse? Will it remind you of God’s goodness or your lack of faith in that goodness? Will it be a story of purity, faith, and selfless love? Or will it be a story of impatience, selfishness, and compromise? It’s your choice.
I encourage you (and continue to remind myself) to write a love story with your life that you’ll feel proud to tell.
I leave my email address in case someone has questions or encouragement. It’s always easier walking through this together.
fredrickmangula at gmail dot com
January 20th, 2016
I Greet you all in the wonderful name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I recently applied for a Job at a company I used to work for and I had the opportunity to return when i saw they posted an application. I ask for Gods favor that I get this Job . God says in Matthew 21:22 that
“If you believe , you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer”
I truly believe that this is the job for me and that my King will show me favor tomorrow as I go through the interview process and that they will over look any mistakes that i should make. I ask that you keep me in your prayers.
January 16th, 2016
I grew up in a divorced family. I was the youngest of four. I learned a lot from the mistakes of my siblings and I vowed to myself to never get divorced. However, like my parents I did want several kids.
When I was sixteen, I attended a private school, there was a weekly chapel service where I personally confessed to God for salvation. My mom took us to church when I was 8 and when I was 10, I half heartedly confessed salvation in on a Sunday morning. You know, how Baptists will present you to whole church afterwards, that what they did to me and my mom was right there also. But, when I was sixteen, at the chapel service, God spoke to me and said ‘Let me save you.’ I said Yes! Therefore, I know I am saved.
Years went on, I joined the Marines at 18, but two years previous to this I lived with my dad and grew attached to him. We would talk occasionally about the Bible and one day he told me he was scared to read Revelation because the imagery was overwhelming. Being the serious kid I was, I took it to heart and went to pray to God, ‘let me understand the Bible, so I won’t be scared like my dad.’
While in the Marines, my dad died. As I was traveling to get to him, in the hospital, he became unresponsive therefore I never had a chance to speak to him. Needless to say, I was devastated as was the rest of my family. I spiraled down, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, into a deep pit of sorrow and suicidal thoughts. Having no real spiritual community in Marines, I felt alone. After realizing I could not go through with suicide, I turned to prostitutes. To my own shame, messed with the wrong girl and got herpes from her.
I was living my own life, not submitting to God and got the due consequences. After the Marines, I continued to slip into self hatred and deeper sadness now knowing I had herpes. My problems shifted from my dad’s unexpected death to having personal health problems that no doctor seemed to care about or give good solutions. I accepted my pitiful fate and told myself I would never have a family. Well, this was horrible because that’s the one thing I grew up knowing that I really wanted it.
Years went by living like this, until I couldn’t lie to myself any longer and at bedtime I would cry in my prayers to God for healing. ‘God, please help me! God, please heal me! I don’t want to live with these lies, in this situation, I need hope, I need friends, I need a chance to start over…!’
Peter writes in his letters, those who have suffered physically are through with sinning…well I can relate to that because I feel like I tormented myself emotionally to the point where I was suffering from lies. Lies hold us in bondage and cause us pain. In the end, I was sick of that situation and cried out for help to God.
Eventually, I met a girl at a local church who I was attached to immediately and she attached to me also. It was like magnets stuck together. I said to her, ‘I feel drawn to you.’ And she said, ‘I feel the same way.’ We hung out and eventually, I told her my about my painful past situation. Overall, we mistook our connection to be physical but God intended it to be spiritual, she and her family were compassionate towards me and I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore, which lead to my initial healing.
I also met a friend at my work place and he boldly told me, ‘there is nothing you have done that God won’t forgive…there is no reason to be ashamed…’ is what he told me. Then he said, ‘what is it holding you back?’ I said, when I was 19 I got herpes. He did not even flinch. He said ‘so.’ God loves you more than that. It was a moment of realism for me. One hand, herpes wasn’t so big after all and on the other hand, God loves me and had forgiven me because I sought out his healing. I would later go on to testify in front of local churches about my life. And, I boldly told my family and relatives about my past. It was so freeing. Halleluyah!
Later, I heard about a Christian brother who had gotten AIDS and later repented of a sinful life, God blessed him with a wife and later he had a kid. Neither the wife or kid contracted AIDS. Years later he died because of AIDS. So, he turned from a worldly way of living and was blessed with a family yet still died from his past mistakes. I heard that and immediately thought, if a guy with AIDS can have a family so could I. I was disconnected with the medical community and did not want any prescription drug. Therefore, what I share with you is to the glory of God alone.
I would go on by the Spirit of God to move to Denver and work at job where my future wife worked out. Ha. I met her and we started to hang out. She visited my church and I visited hers and I went to her salsa meetings. Ha. We hung out as friends because on the very first day we ever went out by ourselves, I told her straight up about my past. She understood. She was humble about it. And we continued to hang out. I looked to God and accepted that whomever I would have a family with they had to know first, before we fell in love.
Weeks went by, we still hung out and we had our fights and her parents visited and met me. They disapproved of me. Additionally, it was not easy for my wife because I come from a Hebrew Christian background at the time we met. So, I introduced her to Saturday Sabbath, kosher diet, Jesus’ Hebrew name Yahshua, etc etc. Going to Passover instead of Easter and celebrating Hanukkah instead of Christmas. She had her doubts, naturally.
I am different in my walk with God. So, finding a wife was not easy. Yet, I stand here today married after 7 years with 3 kids and one on the way.
Even now, our struggle is homeschooling from a Bible standpoint and waiting on God’s will instead of trying to make our own decisions, and also fitting in with other believers.
We are ever at the will and hand of God. Going and doing when lead to do so by Him.
January 6th, 2016
I dated a Mexican girl for about 10 months now. Her behavior as time projected seemed questionable. She had excuses for being distant whenever I questioned her. I took this matter to my pastor and he prayed for me about it. I found out the revelation that the pastor got which was she was dating both me and another guy at the same time. She was always stressed out trying to manage as both.
I thank God for bringing this issue to light. I concluded this testimony with the scripture Luke 1:37 which says, For with God nothing shall be impossible. Brothers and Sisters trust in God with (personal life, finances, health,work, personal relationship). Amen
January 6th, 2016
When I was growing up I was privileged to be raised in a Christian family that regularly attended a protestant, Bible-based church. At around the age of five, while attending one of the church’s youth groups, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. At the present moment I did not feel anything spectacular, but through the years I did begin to follow Him more. While growing up I would attend church and youth groups on a regular basis, and as a young teenager I desired a deeper understanding of God’s Word and to have a closer relationship with Him. To do this I started to attend the adult services and a small group Bible study. My intentions were to grow more in the Word, and to feel more of God’s presence as a result. However, in my eyes I was not receiving that outcome, and I decided to stop attending the Bible study as well as church in general.
When I was in college, on two separate occasions, I decided to address my spiritual life by attending church again. During both instances I only stayed for a couple months, but I distinctly remember both sermons being on the book of Exodus and the Israelite’s escape from Egypt. This was significant because the second time I returned to the church, the same pastor was again preaching on the Israelite’s exodus. In retrospect I believe this to be the Lord’s doing, and that He was trying to lead me back to Him. While hearing the sermons the second time, I was struck by the Lord saying
“let My people go that they may worship Me” (Exodus 8:16).
I liked this declaration by the Lord, because I viewed it to emphasize worship and servitude towards the Lord, as opposed to the sole idea of freedom from slavery. Although I now understand that serving the Lord and freedom are complementary, I viewed Christianity as opposing obedience and doing the Lord’s commandments.
Shortly thereafter I left the church and began looking into Judaism, which at the time seemed to be more inclined towards doing the Lord’s commandments. In my pursuit of Judaism, I came across a website titled divineinformation.com by rabbi Yosef Mizrachi. There he presents teachings on the Torah and uses Bible code information. One of the Bible codes that was claimed was of a verse warning the Israelites that they will follow gods of wood and stone. In the verse he claimed to find the words Mecca, the Islamic city with the stone pillar, and Yeshua, the Hebrew name of Jesus. In other words, the verse was allegedly warning about following wood, i.e., Jesus. That led me to doubt Christianity even more. I wrestled with the idea of Jesus as the messiah, and it got to the point where on May 7, 2012 I said out loud to myself and to God that
“He’s [Jesus] not it.”
Immediately following this moment, I heard and felt a sound of the Lord’s anger, like the sound of thunder crashing. I immediately felt a fear that I had done something wrong. However, I soon after experienced the Lord’s mercy and His presence like never before. I could feel His protection right there with me.
In following Judaism I began to look for a synagogue that I could attend regularly. In looking online for a shul, I believe the Lord first intervened because the first website I ended up looking at was for a local Jewish Messianic congregation. But I looked aside and later decided to attend a modern-orthodox Jewish congregation. While attending there I began to read the Torah and the siddur (a Jewish prayer book). The prayer book was important to me because before I was never able to pray formally. If I prayed before it was in song. There were times where I would kiss and cry in the siddur while I was saying the prayers, and the Lord’s presence was amazingly stronger then, than the time before I left Him. Because of His presence I would get in the habit of praying frequently.
One evening in particular, I was on my knees about to pray the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 11:13-21, & Numbers 15:37-41). For some reason I had this love and desire for the Lord, that I bowed low on my knees and prayed with all my heart and soul the prayer. Then when I had finished the prayer, while still on my knees bowing low, I said to the Lord with all my heart,
“I will do anything You want. I love You.”
At that moment I felt this Spirit come in me and my dead soul go out through my mouth. At the time I did not know what to make of it, but the Lord did not leave me on my own, for things started to change. Later on I saw a man in a long white robe, with radiant eyes and a beautiful brown beard, walk into where I worked. As He passed by me, with His eyes wide open, I felt Him say to me “Listen!” I did not turn to see where He went, but in my heart and mind I pictured Him sitting a ways behind me. Then I believe by the Holy Spirit He was talking to me and it got to the point where I asked “He wants to marry me?” That is when the Holy Spirit in me conveyed yes. The man, Jesus Christ, then got up and left. Hours later there then came a storm and after it finished there was a complete double rainbow, with one more faded then the other. I took this phenomenon as from the Lord, but I still did not realize that the man I saw was my Lord Jesus Christ, and that His Holy Spirit was living in me.
Later I was led to the parking lot of the church I went to before. While there I was confused and did not even think to go in the church. The Lord angrily led me away from the church building to a nearby bench on the property. Facing the church I was then pulled down to my knees and I began to cry. The Lord then tried to convey to me that I was on the outside, but I was still not believing in Him.
During the next few days I would cry on Sabbath day whenever I ate bread (which I believe is because Christ is the bread of life and I had not realized it), and on a Sabbath day to follow I went to shul as usual, but as I entered I went from feeling the presence of the Lord to an emptiness in my heart. Shortly thereafter I started to cry and I could not handle the empty feeling. I quickly left the synagogue. Afterwards I felt the Lord’s Spirit again and after wrestling with Him I realized that Jesus is Lord. Following this I cried over what I did to Him for about a month. However, during this time He also let me experience Him more, and I have felt His nails in my wrists and ankles. The Lord has comforted me, and continues to do so today.
With His unfailing love, the Lord’s walk with me has lead me to love Him more and more. There was a time when the Lord was bringing up the issue of me dating someone. I considered the idea for a moment, but from the depths of my heart I declared “No, I love You!” Right then and there the Lord pulled me aside and put an awl through my right ear (see Exodus 21:6). This makes me His forever. Shortly thereafter the Lord put it on my heart to remove all the molten images that were in my room. I believe this was a manner of sanctifying my room for Him, especially since I previously had an elephant figure that may have been an idol. But more generally I see this as the Lord having me make Him the center of my life, and not the things of this world.
In addition to the Lord giving me an awl to strengthen my faith, He also baptized me in the Holy Spirit. One day I was in my family’s backyard pool talking to the Lord. Then the thought of baptism came to me and I said, “I probably should get baptized.” Right then and there I was pulled backwards into the water and raised back up. I cannot make sense of this in any other way than that my Lord Jesus Christ baptized me. I have always been nervous about the idea of being baptized in a church, so perhaps in a way the Lord saw the present time as the best time. But at the same time a lot has happened that has made me need this reassurance of my salvation. Through times of His discipline and tribulations, I have needed this strengthening of my faith.