September 15th, 2012
I dont know what to Title this. But I Hope Someone Hears me & Help Me Get back to God!!
Hi I’m 20 years Old & In need of advice. Ok, I Got saved 2 years ago in 2010 on the 9th of June in a hospital. Where God took me basically to get saved cause I was a drug addict for almost 2years, So he called me. I was very passionate for God, Always looked forward to going to Church & Youth Fridays. I was of Fire for the Messiah, read the Word daily, I was addicted to reading my bible. I Prayed fairly on a regular basis, & in the following year became a Youth Leader at My Church. Then things got tough.. 1 of my Ex Girlfriends came back in my life & Me & Her always had this strange sexual chemistry between us that we couldn’t understand, & so I fell & gave into temptation. I was so blind & led away that My Light dimmed & became a lukewarm Christian. Things from the got worse, I ended things with her but now I had a empty void inside, & at the time, I couldn’t go back to God cause I felt bad for leaving him. I then fell inlove with my own Cousin, we were convinced that no one would find out until She fell pregnant, so the truth came out & the whole Family was furious (I Know, Incest. I still can’t believe it either) she then Had a miscarriage, & they were twins. This happened last year June. Ever since, Its been a higher uphill battle to return to God. My Ex came back into my life, & I fell & gave in to the same trap. & we ended for good this time cause we fought everyday about anything & everything. The devil then saw I was striped down to nothing & it was easier to turn to God at that point but I got trapped with Porn. & I’v been battling this whole year with it, trying to Break free. I keep repenting, then I go back & do the same sin. Right now, it feels like my heart is to Cold & hard for God to change me. How do I get back? I want to be saved again & experience the Passion & Fire & Joy I once had in my Salvation. Please Help Me, I dont wanna take my own life, thinking if God doesn’t want me & has a purpose for me, then why live? I don’t wanna live, If Im not living for him. Help!