- Tanner on Delivered from Pedophilia
- Miriam on Sleeping in the Church
- Jen on God Healed me from Anxiety and Depress…
Can You Relate?
January 8th, 2012
A little over 2 years ago now I came to be obediant to Christ. I had accepted him when I was young, but as an adult I had a true revelation of God through Christ then. When it happened, my world was changed. I stopped hanging out, stopped smoking marijuana, and just really wanted to live a life pleasing to God. I wanted His will.
During this time, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was very hurt by it, but because I wanted God’s will so bad–I believed that whatever was happening was His will. Well, the feelings I had for him never went away. I thought about him a lot and prayed for him. Eventually I fasted asking God why I felt this way and what to do, and God told me that him and I were meant to be. I couldn’t believe it, but it explained why I felt so deeply. In the natural, I really had no reason to.
A year went by with him and I talking here and there. I stayed prayerful and God began to give me signs and wonders in reference to him and other areas of my life. But I was also very focused in, on, and with God. I trusted Him for everything and I just yearned to grow deeper in relationship with Him.
At the time, I was also unemployed. Under instruction of God I had picked up a few part time jobs, but I believed God was and is showing me my true purpose, so he hadn’t placed me into anything full-time. I have been diligent with my money and just learning biblical practices and trying to apply them all over my life. I had even ran for an elected position, and that was a dream to me. I couldn’t and still can’t believe what God brought out of me through those proccesses.
During the year that my boyfriend and I weren’t together, his main issue was because we couldn’t have sex and how my “new” relationship with God and religious lifestyle (according to him, church mostly) had changed me and my conversation. He is saved, but just haven’t really had that true revelation of Christ nor who he is in Christ. So he really didn’t get it. Eventually, God moved and about 6 months ago he said that he really didn’t want to lose me and that he wanted to try our relationship without sex. I have seen such growth in him since. But, we did have sex a few times. Each time, I would feel so bad and him and I would pray afterward, but it kept happening.
Now, it hasn’t happened anywhere near the way it would have had we been “free” to fornicate…but nevertheless, it happened. I found out recently that I’m pregnant. So much has changed, he has begun to come to church with me and is more open to hear the word of God, but he’s still not where I would want my boyfriend to be. Does that make sense?
Throughout the process of getting close to God, I became attracted to men of God. Not that anyone is perfect, but someone who knew the importance of praise, worship, prayer, and sacrifice, became my desire. It’s only because I believe God that I got back with my boyfriend (God saying we are meant to be). And I don’t regret doing so–God has revealed him to me in many different and intimate ways that it has been confirmed in my spirit that our relationship is God’s design….But now that I’m pregant, not only do I have extreme guilt for what I have done, but fear of what will happen, what God thinks of me, all circle through my mind.
I know that God still loves me, I know He knows my heart–but is this my punishment? I also feel bad about not wanting to be pregnant, because it’s just my current financial situation and marital status that has me so regretful. My boyfriend is happy and wants a family. He wants to get married. Somehow I just feel stuck.
I remember a season when I started becoming busier with work and running for office and I felt like God was weining me off of Him. I no longer had as much time to meditate on His word, or at least in the way I use to…I would take long walks near the water and sit and write. It’s like I was being thrusted into the “real world” and I begged God to let me stay with him. I had a revelation then that God was sending me out…and look what happened when I went out?
I know I just need to walk in faith…and I can truly say I feel very humbled. I can’t believe I messed up like this. I just don’t see how all of this is going to work out for my good…..
Can anyone relate?
January 12th, 2012 at 7:01 am
I was in a similar situation but my advice to u is that no matter how much we want our loved ones to be touched by Christ, it will not happen unless that person makes themselves available. I had a boyfriend who also did not understand my journey with Christ and the more i stayed with Him the more i ended up sinning through fornicating. God might will you to be with that person but God will never will us to sin therefore i stepped away from the relationship hoping that time would help the guy get closer to God. Dont focus on the guy but focus on God… and He will deal with ur boyfriend… in terms of being pregnant even though it might seem like punishment a child is a blessing. Just try not to fall into the same traps because the enemy always uses the same tactics… Try ur best not to fornicate until u are married cos with me that was my weakness until i decided that i could not keep mocking God by taking His mercy for granted!! I will remember u in my prayers xx
January 13th, 2012 at 1:39 pm
My prayers are with you. I was unwed and pregnant when I came to Christ. Finding the Lord was an unbelievable experience. But at the same time I was living with the father of my child and had no where to go. I dealt with the guilt daily. But I was taking a stand to save myself until married. He was devastated by this decision. We already had a child, and had been together for a few years. But I knew deep within my heart that I wanted to please the father more than pleasing him. Yes there were ‘slip ups’ and I found myself so angry afterward. At my fiance’ and myself. I told him I could no longer live like this. We had no reason to not marry. We were madly in love with each other, and had been engaged…. so we married 8 months after our child was born. But let me tell you. It was difficult. I was growing further and further in the Lord. Accepting ministry, and working in the church. He too was being used by God, but I was growing leaps and bounds, and he was simply content and not really committed. The frustration of the differnt paces taunted me. I wanted him to be the head of the house, but I was the one constantly in prayer, constantly in the word. But I prayed, and decided to keep my focus on God. I cant change my husbands pace, I cant force him to Grow… God is in control. for a few years things went on like this. I finally found myself in my living room floor weeping … pleading with God…. I wanted my husband to be the man of God that he was called to be…. and I made a vow to God (not to be taken lightly)…. “God, I will go where you tell me to go, do what you tell me to do, and say what you tell me to say…. as long as I have my husband… being the man of God he is called to be”…. I had studied vows, and i knew this was serious!…. I let go of struggling with a battle that was never my own…. My husband now leads our family. I cant compare who I am to who he is. We are two different people in Christ… yet we are one. Where I am weak… my husband is stronger… and where he is weak, I am stronger… we balance. My daughter that was born out of wedlock, is one of the biggest blessing God could have ever given me!… I felt she was a blessing that I never deserved…. But see God see’s who you are in Him… who you will be. I believe God was blessing me in advance
She will soon be 10 years old! Which means my husband and I will be married 10 years this next anniversary. I couldnt be happier with what God has done in our lives. I cant imagine life without my daughter or my husband. God is truly amazing… He is an awesome God, He is all knowing… this pregnancy might have caught you off guard but not God! Your response to things in your life determines the rusult. This also means your response to this baby, to God, to your boyfriend. See the enemy would have you stay in guilt! Thats not of God… God desires you to repent, and move on…. God has plans for you… plans that are good, plans for you to prosper… Let go of the guilt, You can never move forward looking back, and if you do… you will find yourself off course.
My prayers are with you.
January 23rd, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Dear Can You Relate,
Please, forgive yourself and move forward. God knew this day would happen before you were formed in your mothers womb. God do not punish us according to our sins. If so there would be no world. We have all sinned and come short of the kingdom of God. I know it’s hard and financially not a good time. But trust God repent and move on. Psalm 119:169 May my cry come before you, O Lord give me understanding according to your word. Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I put my hope. God Love and Mercy be with you.
February 5th, 2012 at 7:29 am
Hi there,
Sorry I’m off topic here.
Can you please email me? Your story is really inspiring with growing close to Jesus. I grew up in a christian family and been to church all my life. I’ve been trying to work on getting close to Jesus this year, just the way you described it. I wanted to get to know Him on a personal level and have an actual one on one relationship with the Lord. But it seems like nothing I do is improving it or working. I’m so lost and confused, sometimes I want to give up. Hope you can help me. I live in Australian btw.
Sorry about what your going through as well, but I don’t have the wisdom for your situation.
Many blessings to you.
February 7th, 2012 at 7:25 am
Moore, Thank you. Your words were so uplifting and inspiring. I thank God for your testimony!
Everyone else–Thank you too.
I do have an update. Since then, my boyfriend has been awesome and really understanding. I know God is moving. I am no longer allowing myself to be condemed and I’m just trusting God for everything. May God be with all of you.
FallenOwl,
I emailed you personally.
God bless!