At 21 years old, I was brutally attacked on a college campus. Immediately following this, I had begun experiencing panic attacks and other physical symptoms (insomnia, physical illness, paranoia, auditory delusions). Eventually, I developed severe depression.
Before I continue, I want to explain that the depression I experienced was not just ‘sadness’. It was a real dark, empty state of being. I was very tired, I stayed in bed all day. I was physically weak. Although I had grown up in a Christian family and was born again- but at that moment of my life, I didn’t ‘feel’ anything. Just emptiness, severe sadness and guilt. I cried at everything.
The depression deepened because I felt guilty about what happened to me on that college campus. I thought everyone was angry at me for allowing this to happen. My family was so desperate to help me that they turned to the church for prayer meetings, they turned to psychiatrists and medication as well.
I had been on several kinds of medication, and they just were not working for me. I was so deep in this that I couldn’t rationalize what was happening to me. I would say to myself, “this doesn’t make sense why Im feeling this way?” but I couldn’t shake the feeling regardless of all the good things that people were trying to say to me.
One day, after a long night of insomnia, I decided to just take a whole bottle of my medication. I didn’t think twice about it, I just wanted to end it. The next day, my mother found me because I didn’t wake up. I don’t recall what happened, but the next few days were unclear. I just know afterward that I got medical attention and returned to my parents’ home where they watched me and took care of me.
Finally, my sister and brother in laws (strong prayer warriors for Christ) said that enough was enough. Even if I didn’t ‘feel like it’, they told me to get in the Word of God. Read it every day. They put cd’s on in my stereo and played it 24/7 with praise and worship music.
My niece and nephew (their children) would visit me and ask me to watch their little Christian cartoons with them on Saturday morning. People from church called me to pray with me. If I was home, alone, I had the phone numbers to prayer counseling if I felt like talking to someone. The point being- I had to immerse myself in the word despite what I was feeling physically, I needed to feed my spirit.
Within weeks of focusing on God (and not myself or what I was feeling), I started to change. Something in my spirit wanted to get up and get out of the house. I had a joy inside of me that was being re-awakened.
Yes, I still felt physically ill and very lethargic, but the joy of the Lord was coming through again! After several months, I was a completely new person. I was happy again (inside and out) and I was just a shadow of my former self. I enjoyed reading about the hope of the Lord and what God has planned for us. It’s a comfort and a peace that no one else can bring.
My psychiatrist (whom I hadn’t seen in the months since my sister and brother-in-law intervened), called to ask what happened. My family told her that I was healed! I actually remember calling her the week before the last ‘scheduled’ appointment and letting her know that I won’t need to come in! It was a very happy conversation to have.
This situaton took place nearly 10 years ago. I’m 31 years old now, I just completed graduate school last spring and I work in the counseling field. I want to give hope to people who are struggling with depression. God has given us the ability to understand medical issues and the talent to address them through dr’s and medical professionals. But as I Christian, I also understand and KNOW FIRSTHAND, that healing comes straight from the Lord God Himself regardless of how what form the healing manifests itself in.
Depression is an ugly, dark place in a person’s life. Please fill it with the love of God and the hope that tomorrow is another day. Jesus lives for a reason! And so do you….
God healed me from depression too, but only AFTER I left an adulterous marriage. I was living in adultery with my third husband. Also, I had some misconceptions about salvation. When I obeyed God and agreed to leave the marriage God took the depression from me.
Rhonda
I’m a psychology major…and like you I grew up in a Christian family. My mother had depression when I was in my second year in high school. God healed her after a year of praying for her. I became on fire with God because of that situation. Years passed, I suffered in depression too. I suffered from it for two weeks and until now there are still residues of depression. Like what you’ve said it was so dark.. I worship God but it’s like the darkness covered my eyes. I was trying to rationalize what was happening to me through the knowledge that I have in psychology. But the more I knew about it. The more that it attacked me. I had a hard time doing my everyday activities. I even felt that I was not alive because depersonalization got into me too. I didn’t look for professional help and until now never did I…I’m in faith that God could heal me and set me free from this depression. Before I suffered from this depression I prayed to God saying, “I want to leave my old life and I want to experience you as if I’m already seeing you face to face”. I believe that God would show himself to me to this situation of mine. To those depressed people out there. Set the battle with the enemy letting God to be the leader of the battalion. The devil would never want to destroy a person whom he knows will not prosper in God. We are blessed because of this situation because we are a candidate for a miracle. There might still be something wrong within me but I will not leave without the fight of God in my side. To those Christians who read this comment of mine please pray for me.
God bless you. I will pray for you tonight.
I pray for you, and I hope we can all pray for eachother in times of need. I like to think he walks with me in the most desperate of times, subtle yet undefeatable.
I have been speaking the word of God, into my life. My depression has lifted alot but I still have depression. Speak a few scriptures over your life, daily. For example: I am the righteousness of God in Christ; The joy of the Lord is my strength. Say it many times throghout the day. It takes about 21 days to see some changes but you will notice the change.
I too am going through a difficult time in my life with depression and anxiety. I have been suffering with this for three yrs and unlike the others I did take medication and therapy along with God. After three long years of peace the symptoms have reoccurred. I am doing things a little different this time around. I am first putting my faith in God and am praying and listening to Christian music and also going to church during the week and not only on Sundays. I know that God only gives us things that he knows we can handle, but man is it hard. I refuse to let the devil win and take over my soul like last time. Please pray for me!!! Everyday it is a little better. I am still taking my medication but am relying heavily on God.
God bless you all.
I want to say that reading this has given me hope. I keep on reading it because if God can heal someone that has gone through so much then God can heal all of us. I have had multiple episodes of depression and anxiety and deeply pray for healing, I declare I am healed in the name of Jesus and upon all of my fellow brothers and sisters in the name of Jesus. I know we are all warriors and the enemy will never attack people unless he knows that we will be doing great things in the future! God has big plans for all of us I just know it. And like Job we too will have double the blessings! we need to stick together and pray, read our bibles, and go to church you all will be in my prayers. God will never give you more than you can handle.
I totally agree with craig we need to quote scripture daily as i would lay there in my bed daily with no human strength I would cry out to daddy and pray I would eat and throw it up I was panicky and crying all day with derealization with doubt and fear. But daily I kept praying and literally submerge myself in prayer, bible, church,music the devil will trick you by telling you this is not real and that Gods not really there but I started declaring Gods word, yelling it out God lives in you he never fails so we cannot fail, I recommend a website nancyarantWilliams.com read her story! Email her she has a great message but always pray first for Gods understanding not because you don’t feel him doesn’t mean he’s not there. Pray so the holy spirit gives you rest this is the 4th depression I’ve been true but I declare in Jesus name that I will learn this time because the other times I would get delivered and then forget God I wouldn’t commune with him and guess what glory to God I am eating again!
I would love to hear how all of you are doing I feel that praying together we can help each other out! Remember where there are two or more praying the power of God will move in incredible ways! We should set a time where all of us pray at the same time what do you guys say? Imagine! Maybe a day where we can all fast and pray even though we are far away and we don’t know each other one day we will meet in heaven and have never ending happiness! Remember our sufferings here on earth cannot compare to the joy and peace that we will have!
I wanted to join it
Hi Greenleaves,
I am so glad that you got out of that pit. What a wonderful, supportive family you must have. Everyone should have people around them who care. They are after all, God’s hands and feet. I too have suffered from debilitating depression for close on 15 years. Like you, I have immersed myself in the Word of God and spiritual reading, numerous retreats, counselling etc. No meds, thankfully. However, I have one comment: that your healing had to do with PEOPLE who were ready to reach out to you unconditionally, loving and supportive parents who gave a damn, no matter how much trouble it was for them, they never said to you ‘this is your fault, you are giving us so much trouble.’ This is the difference, I belive, between your situation and mine. God often does not work except through people.
I was in the same black hole of depression for years. I found no hope in psychology, counselors, psychiatry or depression medicine or meds for my severe anxiety attacks. Hope, healing and deliverance can only fully come through God and Jesus Christ who came to set the captives free.
I’m going through depression, I’m 21 will be 22 in over a months time. I used to cry a lot but can’t cry anymore I just stay in bed until 3pm so that most of the day drifts away. I play computer games all day to distract myself or stare into space. I don’t read the bible much anymore I can’t concentrate, I prefer to watch GODtv or listen to christian music. I don’t have friends they either left me a long time ago, moved away for their career or I chose to push away simply because I’m too ashamed to explain to them my life. From experience my childhood friend told me I was weird, not normal and didn’t like the way I was. So that’s why I pretend I’m happy and don’t let people know about my depression. I did find an amazing church but left because personally I felt guilty that every week or every month I was never able to tithe because I couldn’t get a job, and every week the same people would ask me the same questions about my rubbish life. And so I just withdrew even though I loved being there. I have family but they have been through enough and get on with life as you do. They know I’m depressed but I don’t let them into my life. I’m lonley I guess and isolated myself. I haven’t left the house for a year or unless it’s to go shop across the road to get cigarettes. It’s just me and God. I lost hope a long time ago. Deferred hope makes the heart sick, and I got sick of hoping and just accept depression and anxiety and whatever bad luck I have as a part of me. I wouldn’t be a success without depression but neither with it. It’s just me and Jesus.
I also struggle with depression. The Lord is showing me that I have unforgiveness in my heart. In order to be healed and to experience all that he has promised (protection, joy, peace, blessings, his presence) I must forgive anyone who has hurt or is hurting me. Unforgiveness causes me to sin, and therefore I am turning away from my God. So I forgive my parents for abandoning me, my husband for hurting me, my sisters and brothers for hurting me, my children for hurting me and anyone else who has hurt me. Lord, give me the courage and strength to forgive all these people and love them as you love them. In the name of Jesus, Amen
I was also attacked on my college Campus,
And I am still battling depressions because
So many things have followed, but your
Testimony has moved me.
God bless!
re: JustMe
what you are experiencing is exactly the same to me. I am around 22-23 years old. I am going through depression and it hurts me so much.
I pray, read bible, watch GODtv and listen to christian music. I dont know when will God heal me, but, i will keep doing these things. I don’t have friends because I’m ashamed to explain my jobless situation. I used to go to a church, but, i am too ashamed that i am unable to tithe as well. Most of them feel that i am just lazy. I don’t even have a life. My family thinks time can heal and provide food, accomodation, clothes for me. I am just too ashamed for staying at home all the time.
I just don’t know what’s happening in me…
Hello all. Hope everyone is well. It’s been a few years but I’m still here. I pray that you all will continue to look toward Jesus for healing that is already claimed and set aside for you. He has declared that it is already DONE!! Please don’t give up hope. Things may not “FEEL” right in your lives at this moment but please understand that you will get through this and GOD has bigger plans for you despite how things may appear today.
I can PROMISE you that there was a time when I thought I would never be happy again. I couldn’t picture how my life could possibly get any better but it did. I can honestly say it sends chills through me to read my testimony and to actually think I tried taking my life at one point. God is good and everything He tells us is the truth.
I love you all in Christ. Please have a great and happy 2012!!
Also, I read a couple of comments about being so depressed that it’s difficult to socialize or leave the house. My suggestion is to connect with someone (anyone) that shares a strong Christian faith. Meeting in person (like a church group) is ideal but if anything join a group online if you absolutely have nothing else.
Depression – the unseen force!
Anything that is unseen or undetected by the eye that literally takes control of your mind and paralyses it comes from Satan.
Welcome to Satan’s culture:
Tribe – Darkness.
Fore Father- Satan.
Native Language – Lies
Genetic heritage:
Fear – the spiritual blessing to those born in this family.
Panic attacks – the Father’s spiritual presence on the family member; aka Demon.
Worrying – that comes by learning the native language called – the Lie.
Confusion – the wisdom [ what we call foolishness] that keeps every member’s feet steadfast in their Father’s presence.
Guilt – a birth mark on every member’s concious.
Death – the perfect will for every soul in this family.
Brothers and Sisters, we need to break out of this family. First you need to cut off the head of this family . The only way to do so is to get born into a new family.I mean spiritually born again. Once you enter in this NEW family, accept the Father as your parental Dad . Learn His customs , ask for His help to speed your heart up .
Remember your former father will be jealous and will try His best to get you back.
Start off by unlearning the ways of your former family. Unlearn the language called – lies. Make this language foreign. The best way to do this is by learning your new family’s language – The WORD of God.
You will know this language and it will set you FREE.
Here is your NEW Family
Tribe – the Light
Fore Father and Leaders:
Almighty God,
Jesus Christ
Holy Spirit.
Native language- Truth
Genetic Heritage:
Love – the spiritual blessing on each newly born in the family. This KIND banishes out fear.
Peace – the Father’s spiritual presence on each family member. aka Holy Spirit
Faith – that comes by timeless learning the native language called – the Truth.
Enlightenment – the wisdom that keeps every member’s feet steadfast in their Father’s presence.
Innocent- a birth mark on every member’s concious.
Eternal life – the perfect will for every soul in this family
IF YOU CAN TAKE SEVERAL HOURS MEDITATING ON LIES [ AFTER A PANIC ATTACK/ before ONE ] , HOW MUCH SO ARE YOU COMMITTED ON SPENDING TIME TO LEARN THE TRUTH ?
LEARN THIS LANGUAGE [ TRUTH OF GOD] EVEN IF TAKES NIGHT AND DAY.
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GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
I have chronic insomnia and I have tried worshipping. I talk to god everyday but my insomnia has lasted 3 years. I have tried medication, relaxation techniques, everything. I replay situations in the past in my head or situations that may arise. I cant seem to slow down my mind. I desperatley need gods help and although i would never abandon god i am begining to feel as though god has abandoned me. I will always believe in god but I feel as though I should give up asking for his mercy. Arrrgghhh
Shazia how is your insomnia?
Thank you for your inspirational story. Unfortunately, God cannot stop all the bad things that happen to us, but it is comforting to know that he is always with us. I am glad to hear that with God’s love and strength you were able to get through your situation. I didn’t grow up in a Christian environment, so I don’t know God very well. Like others, I am also suffering but would like to find salvation. There have many times that I’ve felt God calling out to me, but I was never ready to accept him into my life. However, I am tired of being in the dark and I’m ready to accept God’s love. I am hoping he will guide me through my situation as well. God bless.