March 1st, 2009
At this very moment as I am writing this, I am trying very hard to hold on to Psalm 61 vs 1 When it says, Here my cry O Lord, attend unto my prayer from the ends of the earth when I cry unto thee. When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to a rock that is higher than I.
For the past nine months I have been experiencing a very difficult heartache as a result of a breakup. In February I fell inlove with a man seven years younger than me and while having reservations I continue to fall in love with him. We finally became boyfriend and girlfriend but in our hearts we knew we would face objections from his parents, his family and the church. He is 27 and I am 34. I had never imagined myself being with someone younger but this person brought so much to my life. But in June he called our relationship off and I was caught completely off guard.
I continued being friends with him because we were friends initially, but while he was falling out of love with me, I was still hoping for a reconciliation. Eventually he moved on even at times expressing his interests in dating someone else. I was devastated. When I realized that we were truly over with no hope of ever getting back together I cried and I cried. Today I am still crying. I am trying hard to move on but the pain seems to be getting harder to bare.
He and I work very closely at our church and we are involved in the same ministries. I still love him very much and I cannot shake the feeling, I am having a hard time with the memories of our time together. I know the enemy is using this as an opportunity to sink me further into distress but I am fighting. I keep asking God when will it end. When will this burden be lifted from me. I was listening to Michael W Smith song, Help is on the way and each time I cry. Truth is people do say time will heal but they have not a clue as to what I am feeling. If I had known being with him would bring me such pain I probably would have not gotten involved in the first place, but then I would have missed out on a really good experience of love. I so need God’s divine touch. I really don’t know how I can get over this devastating break up. The more time goes by the more impossible it seems.