Heart Break

March 1st, 2009

At this very moment as I am writing this, I am trying very hard to hold on to Psalm 61 vs 1 When it says, Here my cry O Lord, attend unto my prayer from the ends of the earth when I cry unto thee.  When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to a rock that is higher than I.

For the past nine months I have been experiencing a very difficult heartache as a result of a breakup. In February I fell inlove with a man seven years younger than me and while having reservations I continue to fall in love with him. We finally became boyfriend and girlfriend but in our hearts we knew we would face objections from his parents, his family and the church. He is 27 and I am 34. I had never imagined myself being with someone younger but this person brought so much to my life. But in June he called our relationship off and I was caught completely off guard. I continued being friends with him because we were friends initially, but while he was falling out of love with me, I was still hoping for a reconciliation. Eventually he moved on even at times expressing his interests in dating someone else. I was devastated. When I realized that we were truly over with no hope of ever getting back together I cried and I cried. Today I am still crying. I am trying hard to move on but the pain seems to be getting harder to bare. He and I work very closely at our church and we are involved in the same ministries. I still love him very much and I cannot shake the feeling, I am having a hard time with the memories of our time together. I know the enemy is using this as an opportunity to sink me further into distress but I am fighting. I keep asking God when will it end. When will this burden be lifted from me. I was listening to Michael W Smith song, Help is on the way and each time I cry. Truth is people do say time will heal but they have not a clue as to what I am feeling. If I had known being with him would bring me such pain I probably would have not gotten involved in the first place, but then I would have missed out on a really good experience of love. I so need God’s divine touch.  I really don’t know how I can get over this devastating break up. The more time goes by the more impossible it seems.

23 Responses to “Heart Break”

  1. Joshua Says:

    Hey, I may be younger but I just gotta say keep on truckin. :)
    So many testimonies I have seen of lost loves. God will work through your life with you. I believe you will have a wonderful story to share and teach people.
    I will pray for your health and happiness,
    Joshua :)

  2. josef Says:

    Hi I’m Josef and I am a Christian Friend.
    I would like to share with you through prayer that your faith will be strengthen during such trial times. Just want to let you know that all things work for the good of HIS children. I believe that when God closes one door, he opens the other.

    Be faithful and stay put in him, You’ll be there just when you were about to give up.

    Wait and see his mighty hand will INTERVENE

    God bless you

    josef

  3. Emily Says:

    All I can say is “Hang in there”. While I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, I can sympathize. Someone I have known for years, whom I had fallen in love with broke up with me just 4 days ago. I still don’t know why. I just wanted to let you know that there’s no schedule, no timeline. It will take as long as it takes. Cry, scream, yell. Then pray and take it one day at a time. That’s what I’m doing. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

  4. Fred Says:

    Whenever you think of him, pray for HIS happiness. That helped me when I was in a similar situation

  5. Arun Says:

    Pray, prayer has a lot of power. When Jesus said ask whatsoever you want in my name and I will have it given to you, He was serious. He is God and created of whatever is seen and unseen. He doesn’t have to lie or fake like us. He is our almighty God, so trust in him and pray persistently ask what you want and believe, you will get it.

    I am in a similar situation and I have been praying for more than a year now, sometimes I feel hopeless but everytime deep down i my heart something tells me God will bring my Love back, so like the Canaanite woman I am persistent. I refuse to give up and I am holding on to Jesus.

    All this while Jesus never let that love in me to die or even diminish. I believe it His is will else he would have let me know about it, He would have brought me out of it. This is why I believe it His is will and gives me the strength to go on.

    I believe God has his timings and that is perfect, at the moment it might look like it is perfect, but when it happens you will know that He planned it and He cared for you.

    Trusting in Jesus always

  6. Jamall Says:

    I’m available. No seriously, I am email me at jamallw@hotmail.com. and lets talk. I believe that God says the same thing. I am available. I am here for you just reach out to me. That is so good that you loved him. That means that when you find your next love you’ll love him more. Isn’t that increadible. The love of God goes deeper and deeper. I’m 32. Close to your age. But I’ve been where you are at. And you just have to move on. There is nothing else that will soothe your heart expect moving on. Allow God to heal you. You loved him for a reason. But God is saying move on. Pray and ask God to help you move on. If you don’t you’ll be stuck for life loving a man that dosen’t love you back. Just look at that for a moment. You want someone who is going to appreciate you and tell you nice things about yourself, not someone who is telling this to some other woman. Love is fun isn’t it. I’m glad that I loved a woman and she didn’t love me back. At the time it hurts but sister let me tell you, with God you get over it and you move on. And soon you’ll be happy for him that he found another women. This is the reality. He’s going to be with someone else unless God changes him, but even in that why wait for something that is not your when God is yours and he’s telling you, look I have something else for you, I’m just waiting for you to come to me and try it. DOn’t let Satan get a foothold in your emotions and life and get you hung up on this fellow. Stay with Jesus don’t let this get you down. email me. Peace.

  7. Keith Says:

    unless God meant for it to be, then move on..I know that sounds cruel,but I Don’t mean for it to be..but me.I made the worse mistake of Turning away from GOD for over 30 plus years and just either letting women break my heart,when I REALITY they were not the right kind of women anyway..they where ones you meet in bars or through internet rather then the right place ,which is through Church and/or through GOD bringing them to you..
    Of course some I met other places but I had no girlfriend for more than 3 months that I Remember anyhow.and most where sexual rather than SPIRITUALLY LED AND GOD DOES NOT LIKE PRE-MARITAL SEX..I knew it even though I was backslid in the back of my mind…why I got backslid doesn’t matter but I did and now that I got back with GOD..Women shouldn’t matter at all the problem is …Satan can and will use your biggest weakness..I mean I QUIT LOTTERY,ROCK N ROLL ,BARS ,CIGARETTES AND Other major sinful things to get back and try HARD TO serve GOD WITH HEART SOUL AND MIND..getting saved..when I WAS VERY YOUNG..But I had car wrecks..which when I lived in the world made me think maybe I NEVER WAS SAVED So I RECENTLY Asked GOD AGAIN TO MAKE SURE TO forgive this SINNER THAT I AM.AND DEVELOP IN ME A NEW HEART..I Wish you the best ,but remember GOD DOES COME FIRST, NOT Love romantic or otherwise,not family,not jobs,not money not sports,not hobbies..in fact ANYTHING YOU PUT BEFORE GOD IS AN IDOL..SO let GOD TAKE CONTROL..HIM AND HIM ALONE..
    GOOD LUCK

  8. Kathrine Says:

    you can move on. All you need is more faith and determination to moveon. I know how you feel, I’ve wasted two years for a man not meant for me. I thought my world would end, had suicide attempts and the like… but right now, believe it or not, I dont love him anymore. I’m even thankful we’re through.

    You know what my prayer was? i just prayed that God would take the love i feel for him so i wouldnt expect, feel hurt even when he’s with somebody else. i prayed that when I realized I already wasted a year trying to chase him and as a result, he just moves away. So I left everything in God’s hands. Even when that new prayer I made were the most hardest words to say. I thought I couldn’t move on, I thought I wouldn’t last a year not having him back….BUT RIGHT NOW, I AM HAPPY. Because God helped me move on. He open my eyes everyday, send people to teach me things about life… and you’ll see, God will open your eyes and free you and you will never notice it until you realize it out of nowhere. Have faith. my ex and I had a 3 yr relationship… and to tell you, I know it’s hard. Believe, and be determined to move on. I advice you to stay out of his way for awhile until you’re over him…

  9. H Says:

    Well it has been twenty years since I lost my man and I still have the odd cry. I still go to counselling occasionally that has taught me lots of things-how to write letters to him and burn them, art therapy, music therapy, pamper therapy (get a massage/spa etc), do activities I enjoy, prayer journals… I have done lots of Christian courses and been through a lot of prayer ministry and you know what? I still love and miss him every day, but I have a wonderful life anyway. The grief does not paralyse me anymore, I have learnt heaps and I use it to help others.

  10. jenny allio Says:

    This loss of love is a wonderful test and opportunity for you to have that much love and so much more for Christ that you will get to the point that you will be so glad that relationship did not continue because it was a distraction to what Jesus wants us all to have in Him. Dive more and more into His word.Spend more and more time with the Lord.He is the one you will spend eternity with!!!

  11. Christopher Johnson Says:

    well all i can say is im 18 starting college and had my first girlfriend, and i had to breadk up with her not even a month ago. I just cryed my eyes out asking God to help me. This is a long story of what ive now seen as manpulation and taking the truth and turning into lies. I knw God has so much for me but i cnt get mad at her. She almost tore me from my family, church and friends. And didnt care, well thats not what she said but did. I wnt the pain to leave but the memories and the love is still there. Why? can anyone help me? Am i the bad one? ive never known a boy my age to be this way after a break up, i dont knw i cnt find much about this kinda stuff on the web its mostly about how the guy trashed the girls heart and left..but thats not me…im not that way…can someone help me?

  12. Cathy Says:

    Oh my dear sister in Christ I feel your pain. I carry the burden with you and I understand. I, too, dated a younger man and the pain of the break is impossible. But you have to remember that God promises to be close to the broken hearted. You are doing the right thing, you are grieving and trying to move on. God will dry your tears, I know He will, you just have to hang on to Him and joy comes in the morning. Hold on to Him with everything you are, read scripture, talk to friends, and cry. One day, my friend, your tears will stop, I promise.

    If you need a friend, or someone to pray with, please don’t hesitate to email me: cvirecci@gmail.com. God has plans to prosper you! Remember this:) He is a GOOD God and will not let you go! You are not alone in this walk, He will carry you to the other side of the pain. Trust Him. Bless you, my prayers are for you!!!!

  13. HP Says:

    dear heart break.
    i’ve been there. i know what you’re going through. i dated a guy for 7 years.he cheated on me and got married to the same lady 2 years after our relationship. to top it all-they got married on the date that we started dating! i though that there was no life without him, ’cause he was my world.my job second and God 3rd.in the same year i lost both my boyfriend and my job. now that God is 1st in my life-i could not have asked for a better life! you will get over him. pray for him and pray the prayer of jabez over your life. god will never leave you and He is a healer,friend,companion,etc. everything that your ex meant to you God is all of that and more. Trust HIM!

  14. afua Says:

    I understand how you feel, i was in a relationship for 3 years that i don’t bellieve God had ordained at the time. It didn’t work out for whatever reason, and he married someone else..I was hurt, but I broke it off and was giving him my heart and NEVeR even asked GOD about it. Be careful not to idolize this person, marriage is the purpose for relationships and if he is not focused on you, you don’t need him.God is the creator of marriage, He will lead your husband to you. pray. You want someone who loves you and will treat you right.The way Jesus wants you to be treated. Marriage, sex and children are wonderful gifts but not everything in life. Don’t let the enemy trick you, sometimes it’s just when you can’t have something that you want it. But when you get it, it’s not all that. Be balanced, get a hobby and cultivate interests on YOUR OWN, and you’ll feel the feelings fall off. If you aren’t married to someone, those passionate feelings you have should not be awoke. Remember God gave you those feellings to be in a COMMITTED marriage relationship with someone who won’t break your heart and you can have children. Try to remember God sees your heart, but give Him your heart ALONE, until HE tells you to give it to someone worthy. I will pray for you.

  15. sarah hayes Says:

    SOMETIMES WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO GET OVER SOMEONE YOU NEED TO CHANGE SOME THINGS LIKE PEOPLE,PLACES, AND THINGS WHY PUT YOURSELF THROUGH UNNESCESSARY PAIN WHEN YOU DON,T HAVE TOO???? CHANGE YOUR SURROUNDINGS IM NOT SAYING TO LEAVE YOUR CHURCH BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE TO JUST FOR AWHILE JUST TO GET OVER HIM IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT HE MIGHT DATE SOMEONE AT YOUR CHURCH AND BABY THATS TORTURE!!! YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO,S GONNA LOVE YOU BACK!!!! DON,T YOU THINK YOU,RE WORTH BEING LOVED THE WAY YOU GIVE LOVE????

  16. Perla Says:

    I’d like to encourage you. God knows your pain and He loves you so much. Please know that God has a wonderful plan for your life.

    He has a beautiful life story for you, allow Him to script your life story and your love story. He can give you more than you can imagine.

  17. Roy Mattingly Says:

    Pain, a reality of life, a warning sign, and when physical the healing normally begins after the care of doctoring the wounds. They say cuts heal in a matter of time around ten days with a healthy person, but there are scars remaining as remembrances. Many wish the emotional could be so simple, but with most they aren’t. The scars aren’t visible and resurface at inopportune moments by familiar places, things, and even people or similar events can bring heartrending memories to cognizance.
    She came to my heart as a beautiful voice singing in a group gathered singing praises to God, and I just knew we must meet, and four seven long tortuous, agonizing years I waited, and waited all to no avail. There were many moments though, when I really believed it was about to happen, only I suppose fate or whatever occurs in life to turn it into something not mentally wanted or envisioned, but it never happen. I never even had an opportunity to hold her hand or whisper my feelings into her lovely ear as she leaned on my shoulder. The hurt I felt when I heard her speaking of getting married to another man, and I turned to leave, and she said, “See you later,” only it has never happen, and never will as desired, since she loves another! The lasting ache remains, because she said good-bye, before she ever said, hello….
    Roy

  18. Ely Says:

    Sister,
    when I read your story, I realized we are not alone.

    I’m experiencing now the same situation. I met a christian boy,started a relationship, we made plans, I asked him to take a break to pray and then he told me he though it would be better to be friends for a while. One week later he met a girl in my church and they became gf/bf, and became her fiancée. He did for her what he didn’t do for me and broke my heart telling me lies. That happened 4 months ago and I have to see them twice a week in my church, in the meetings, and now I see all the dreams we planned, happening with the other girl. It’s a hell.

    I know what you are feeling. It’s a nightmare that devastates you in all ways physically, emotionally, spiritually. Put out all your pain, and please work in the acceptance of letting him go. If he doesn’t fight for you, he is not the person for you because love doesn’t give up.

    It has been a hell for me, so I know where you are. Submit to the Lord,and accept is over and take your time to heal. The Lord loves you, your ex-bf doesn’t. Cry, cry all the tears you need to cry and accept the fact that he wont be back. As soon as you accept it, you’ll heal more and more. Pray, rest in the Lord.

    I recommend you also one book: “Forgiving the Unforgivable”, author Beverly Flaningan. I’m reading this and it helps you to release wounds and expectations and move on. But stay with the Lord and remember you are not alone…

  19. DavidC Says:

    Letting him go means accepting that he may not be God’s choice for you. If he is, God WILL bring him back but ONLY when you let go. Not that God can’t but that you won’t let him. Yes, we DO hinder God’s will. Thus the reason we must die to ourselves meaning we give up our wills and trust that his will is sufficient. But letting go will only release your heart from the pain and make you ripe for your soul mate whoever that may be. It may not be the other guy.

    What I say is true. I once suffered the very same feelings you did and for a long time as yourself. This had eventually plunged me into serious chronic insomnia (a killer).
    Furthermore, God once showed me personally that if I, or anyone else, wanted to find their soulmate, I would have to learn to be satisfied with God alone. I would have to stop wishing, stop looking here and there, and just give up this ‘search’ for a soulmate. Once I looked away and up at him, and found satisfaction with him alone, it was then that He surprised me with my soulmate.

    It is vitally important for our hearts to be ready for this. You have to believe me. I had come to a point where I ‘felt’ I was called to be single for years to come and thats when God surprised me.

    You have nothing to lose but everything to gain by doing this. So give up your will and wishes and desires. And the LORD, who is real, will take care of this.

  20. carmin Says:

    Please pray for me you who are reading.. I’ve loved someone who was my best friend and he loves me but since we were together since 21 (we 26 now) he feels he doesn’t want to lose his freedom to flirt etc. We were best friends and I loved him.. Strange thing is that he loves me back :’( but doesn’t want to commit.. I know its hard to explplain but for 3 years we have tried to let go of each other.. I tried. I fasted cry everyday. He said its strange but he wants both..me to be only his and to flirt and he was just admitting the way he felt although he knew it was hurtful. I don’t even know what to take from it, how could he love me so much and yet choose his freedom for other girls? Yes I thought about it from every angle..no one can say anything new to me ..just that I’ve been asking God for years to help me let go. I am suffering as only God knows. My hun is gone :’(

  21. Dave Says:

    I just broke up with my girl of 6 months. She pretty much ticked all the boxes but there was something I knew wasn’t right. We were not God’s choice for each other. We loved each other very much and there is now devastation, it will get better, I’m sure, but it’s like an unending emptiness or literally losing a limb. So before you go deeper with someone consult the living God – He’ll lead you out of unnecessary pain and heartache.

    Agape

    Dave

  22. sharon Says:

    I can’t really say I know wot you are going through but I can say am feeling your pain because am in same situation now….Things aiint going on well between myself and my boyfriend of over a year,I sometimes cry and pray to God to please bring him back to me because I so much love this guy…I need all to pray for me

  23. Bree Says:

    I would encourage you to pray about working and fellowshipping somewhere else. Maybe a fresh start will help you process your broken heart and see God filling the void. Being in ministry with him and working so closely will feed something within you and make it very hard to separate your heart from his, and to heal.

    I’ve had a very similar experience. After time, the Lord gave me an opportunity to move on, and it has really helped me to heal. The age gap was 11 years, I am your age, and he was my junior. We are friends from a distance – and our magic and connection to one another is still alive – but goes unmentioned and unacknowledged.

    Just be wise about your choices. God knows your heart, and it’s ache. Trust Him with it :)

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