March 1st, 2009
At this very moment as I am writing this, I am trying very hard to hold on to Psalm 61 vs 1 When it says, Here my cry O Lord, attend unto my prayer from the ends of the earth when I cry unto thee.Â When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to a rock that is higher than I.
For the past nine months I have been experiencing a very difficult heartache as a result of a breakup. In February I fell inlove with a man seven years younger thanÂ me and while having reservations I continue to fall in love with him. We finally became boyfriend and girlfriend but in our hearts we knew we would face objections from his parents, his family and the church. He is 27 and I am 34. I had never imagined myself being with someone younger but this person brought so much to my life. But in June he called our relationship off and I was caught completely off guard. I continued being friends with him because we were friends initially, but while he was falling out of love with me, I was still hoping for a reconciliation. Eventually he moved on even at times expressing his interests in dating someone else. I was devastated. When I realized that we were truly over with no hope of ever getting back together I cried and I cried. Today I am still crying. I am trying hard to move on but the pain seems to be getting harder to bare. He and I work very closely at our church and we are involved in the same ministries.Â I still love him very much and I cannot shake theÂ feeling,Â I am having a hard time withÂ the memories of our time together. I know the enemy is using thisÂ as an opportunityÂ to sink me further into distress butÂ I amÂ fighting. I keep asking God when will it end. When will this burden be lifted from me.Â I was listening toÂ Michael W Smith song, HelpÂ is on the way and each time I cry. Truth is people do say time will heal but theyÂ have not a clue as to what I am feeling. If I had knownÂ being with him would bring me such pain IÂ probably would have not gotten involved in the first place, butÂ thenÂ I would have missed out onÂ a really good experience of love. I so need God’s divineÂ touch. Â I really don’t know how I can get over this devastating break up. The more time goes by the more impossible it seems.