This is my story, I am not exactly sure on how to start so I guess I will start at the beginning.
My experience with Heavenly Father started for a brief period at a young age. It all began with my mom reading my sister and I children’s biblical stories for a winter. To this day I am not entirely sure why she did this as my family was not a religious one, and we had no religious roots that I knew of (other than Adam and Eve); perhaps this sprouted from a personal longing, or from an exposure point of view, but from that moment on Christ had planted his seed in my heart.
After that winter that seed became relatively dormant it surfaced a couple of times but never took root. I remember vaguely a day when I had found a poster with a verse from the bible and posted it on my door only to be taken down by my father that night. There were several similar events like that throughout elementary school but as I got older life swept me away from all thoughts of Jesus, heaven, and God.
The summer after graduating from high school found me working in a restaurant located in a National Park in Alberta. There were many churches around (as this is a particularly religious part of the province) and my interest was piqued once again. However, sunday after Sunday came around, and I found that schedules collided or on the rare chance that I actually had the morning off I found myself too shy to go. I slowly found myself sliding into the clutches of drug and alcohol abuse as is the norm for most resort town employees, and the seed went dormant for four more years.
Last summer after trading restaurants for a chef’s position I found myself working with a group of LDS members (The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints or, Mormons for short) these where some of the nicest people I had ever met naturally I was enthralled! after many lengthy discussions passing the time in the slow seasons I decided to go to church, this was a big deal for me and I was nervous really nervous!
Sunday morning came around rather quickly to my surprise and dismay I was not mentally prepared for this! There I was standing in my room palms sweaty, knees shaking, and brain not functioning, I was dressed in a set of old dress clothes I had borrowed from one of my LDS friends, shirt buttoned wrong, tie haphazardly strewn around my neck and, Jack Daniel’s belt buckle sitting proudly at my waist – (those of you that know about mormons will appreciate this) I was a disaster.
After some rapid re arranging of my wardrobe, and some help tying my tie I was off. We arrived at the church a little late not late enough to arrive during the hymn, but just late enough to receive a scolding from the greeter, a pause from the preacher, and a slightly annoyed stare from the three hundred some odd people in the church what a start!
None of that mattered though as I was too enveloped in the enormity of it all, the whole entire time I felt serene which was a feeling I didn’t feel too often. I was so caught up in the little things, the way the mountains were framed in the cross shaped window, the way the morning light caressed the altar I could go on forever.
Then it hit me I felt the spirit stronger than I have ever felt it this was where I was meant to be. The way the spirit presented itself to me is in that of pure elation, it made me feel like a child back when the world was large and opportunities where endless; I then rationalized it as innocence I hadn’t felt this way since I was a child, since I was innocent, and now I need help getting back to innocence.
The rest of that summer I attended church, I lived by the words of wisdom (essentially no stimulants tea coffee drugs alcohol etc are the basics they get a whole lot deeper though) I eventually was taught by the Mormon missionaries but, never went through with baptism it could have been due to the fact that I wanted to explore other churches so I could make an informed decision, but mostly it was the fact that I wasn’t ready to give up my bad habits which range from smoking marijuana (which I have now quit), drinking I am having a hard time writing this one, and I am ashamed of this but feel the need to get it out: an addiction to pornography (which I think I have now conquered).
However I am stuck at the moment, I have an ever building testimony in Christ, but am not sure on which church to join, I am having moments of spiritual enlightenment and moments when my soul feels dull almost dead and I wish to change, I have not told my parents about my religious endeavors and am petrified to find out what my family will think, I know this is being vain but believe me this will be my greatest obstacle and on top of this I am dealing with the stresses of post-secondary schooling while trying to figure this out, I also am pretty sure I have a social anxiety which has kept me from attending church I feel like I am about to explode, I need direction in the worst way.. I have however prayed every day about this! anyways its 1 am and I need to wake up at 6…I resign more on this later.
Thank you for reading this I needed to tell someone, God bless you.
Tabbs
p.s. sorry for the grammatical errors I lack the mental energy to proofread this at the moment.
Hi, Tabbs. I can’t advise you on which denomination of church to visit, except this: If they have their own book which is specific to their denomination, do some online research to find out who wrote the book, and most importantly seek out references other than the ones provided by the denomination itself.
I agree with Gail, no one can tell you which denomination to join, however this is done by the leading of the Holy Spirit and for starters I would go to a Bible believing church…ie one that is inspired by the HOLY BIBLE..like the King James Bible…Some denominations write their own Bible…I follow the words that are from God the one who created this universe and created us….you are in my prayers and I pray that you find a church home soon. God Bless
Hello Tabbs,
It sounds like you are on the right track. I would search around for a Church that truly believes the words of the Bible and one that you feel comfortable in. It is a very personal choice and I am sure if you pray about it, God will lead you to the right one. None of us are perfect by any means and God knows that. HE will pull you through every time…just trust. HE has pulled me through some of the most difficult times in my life that I honestly didn’t think I would ever get through, but I know now that HE was always there for me. Just put your little hand in HIS big hand and continue in serving.
BEST WISHES & GOD BLESS,
Susan
He does work in mysterious ways 🙂 It’s inspiring to read your story. Thank you for posting it. I pray that He’ll lead you to a church where you can grow. God bless you Tabbs.
Thank you all for your heart felt comments!
Gail you have an excellent point and I have begun researching on various denominations, I find it intriguing learning about what people believe and how they live their lives. It is so interesting how (in many cases) most of the different sections of christianity believe in relatively similar things with the odd tweaks here and there; I find it sad as well that people become so consumed by one belief, or another that they will go to any length to put down, or frown upon other denominations and their members; I don’t think this is what Christ would have wanted!
Iamredeemed you are absolutely right I know when I find the right church the Holy Spirit will let me know, I have been finding that the spirit has had an influence on my anxiety, ant the more in touch I am with the spirit the more comfortable I become in large crowds… it’s truly amazing!
Susan thank you for your words of encouragement they mean the world to me, I feel that being comfortable is one of the most important criteria for me as I find that the more comfortable I am the more concentrated I become on the task at hand, by relieving negative thoughts feelings or impressions that I may have! I am also putting my life both mortal and eternal in to HIS big hands! I find it funny that you said that as I had a dream where I was sitting in a field and a big hand was stretched towards me from the clouds, and I was reaching up, I woke up before my hand touched His but I am sure this is a good sign!
Last but certainly not least Akhila I am glad that I have inspired you in some way, and i thank you all for taking the time to read it! thank you for your preyers – all of you will be in mine.
I found this passage interesting and I would like to share it with you before I sign off: Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” I have been thinking allot about my faith and wether or not i am reading, praying, and loving god enough. This passage I felt told me that faith should be like growing lilies, it should be effortless (Its hard to describe).
I felt like reading the Bible, and praying is like water, God like the sun, life like the wind that tests us and makes us strong, but can make us meek and lowly at the same time, and Jesus like a gardener to guide our growth, pick us up when we fall, and support us when we waiver.
whoops misspelt prayers!
hi tabs,
like others said, pray that God show you the truth in his Word and also, be careful around LDS and their belief in Joseph Smith; Christians consider him a false prophet and his church a cult.
Hello Tabbs,
Please realize that your Heavenly Father has been looking for you to know Him all your life. He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on a cross to set you free from your past. His love for you is beyond your comprehension and His plans for you are just as amazing! Also know that the evil one wants you back and will throw many obstacles at you to get you to quit on God. Don’t! Ask God to help you each day know Him better. Confess when you fall into any all sins daily. Keep praying. It is important for you to find a Christian church (the LDS is not one of them) where they believe the Bible and have the Lord’s supper – these are means of God’s special help for you. You have started on an amazing journey with God. He will always be with you!
It works for them, but it was not for me. I know what the Bible says about false prophets and, until the true second coming I would be hesitant to put my faith in anyones hands but God’s. Just to clear things up the LDS function very much so like any other Christian church apart from the temple, some of the ordinances that go on in the temple I was unsure about… However who is anybody to judge really, does anyone know which is the right church for sure?
oh and by the way I don’t intend to offend anyone with this post this is just the way I see it. (a beginners perspective)
Hi Tabbs,
May God bless you for your enthusiasm in finding a church near you. I hope you have good luck in doing so – I’ll be praying for you 🙂
Just remember in your searches that no church is perfect. You’ll know when you find the right one. Good luck and God bless!!
🙂
Hey tabb, your testimony is awesome! Its always exciting to hear/read about people coming to freedom… I’ve been a christian my whole life but recently switched denominations and I’ve been really liking my new one. I think your completly right about different churches for different people, but if you want to check this style out, there’s podcasts of their worship and sermons on their website. It’s less a denomination than a a group of people just really trying to live out the new testament and switching churches, for me, has really changed my life 😀
Tabs,
Since everyone else decided to tiptoe around the truth, so as not to “offend” anyone, I will take the time to come right out and say this: the Latter Day Saints/Mormons are not of God. They do not believe in Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Son of God, the Word made flesh, the fullness of the Godhead bodily. They believe in so many heresies I don’t know where to start. Little sister, please don’t go the way of the Mormons. Read the Holy Bible and judge for yourself as the Bereans did. The Holy Spirit will illuminate the Truth to you.
And as for the ones who refuse to righteously “judge” truth and fail to warn a fellow sister in Christ so as not to offend or come off as “unloving”, please remember that we are responsible for one another and will have to answer for everything we did in this life. The fearful will have their part in the lake of fire. Don’t be afraid to offend by telling the truth. God bless.
Tabs – feel free to contact me by email anytime if you have any questions – Shalom