July 28th, 2007
All my life up until Jr. high I constantly questioned whether I truly in believed in God, or if I just said I did because I went to a Christian school. Sure, I would pray, occasionally read the Bible- but in the back of my mind I always felt this small bit of doubt that made me wonder if my faith was truly genuine. Then when I was 13 and in 7th grade the following year, I made the wrong kind of friend, who had some issues back then, and would emotionally abuse and take advantage of me and 2 other of her closest ‘friends’. Nobody else ever knew though how she was acting towards us and thought she was really sweet, so me and the other 2 never really said anything because we didn’t want 2 just abandon her and make everyone turn on her.
Eventually all the stress made me extremely emotionally distraught, and it got to a point where I did indeed want to kill myself. I would pray so hard every night that God would do some kind of miracle of Biblical proportions in my life just to end my pain. After days of me praying everyday that I wouldn’t have to suffer like this, I came to a slow realization that God was always with me. He was with me and loved me when I doubted that I even truly believed Him, He was with me even as I held a bitterness towards Him for not ending a suffering I had brought upon myself, and that He was with me right there, at that very moment. The more I realised that fact, the less it bugged me when that certain friend would try taking out there problems by making me feel bad, and you know what? Eventually she stopped doing it as often, and the more my life began to come together all because I stopped and understood that God loved me, and was greater than any pain I felt. After all of this, I never doubted ever again that God was real, because He IS real, and He never stops loving and wanting what’s best for us, even when we don’t realize it. Nothing I could write could ever describe how truly great He is, so I pray that everyone could understand God’s love for themselves and praise Him everyday of their lives because of it!