Phakama: "God came into the garbage dump of my life and...
Jamall: You know brother. Did you see all of the hits...
Jason: I too am believing in the Lord, Jehovah Rophe. I...
My Testimony - What Should I do Now?
March 19th, 2008
i grew up in my church my whole life. my dad is an assitant pastor in my church. everyone loves him. everyone expects me to be a good guy. i pretty much have been a good guy throughout my childhood. growing up in a christian household, was so different from everything outside of the world. my parents never really taught me anything about stuff like music, all they would listen to is christian music, i did not kno anything about any music. . . and bc of that i was made fun of by other ppl. i’ve been pushed around mostly my whole life even in church. . . by the time high school rolled around, i started becoming more and more rebellious. i would start by cutting a class and that would increase to more classes every day. i even started hanging out w. the wrong crowd, who all they did was cut and smoke weed and juss be lazy. i never smoked at all. thank god. but me and a friend starting doing graffiti, and eventually we were caught by the cops and taken to jail. it was my 1st time so i was let go the next day w. five days of community service. but then i realized that people i used to talk at school didn’t want to talk to me no more bc i cut so much. and by the end of senior year, i only had a few friends and that’s about it. now for my main problem, i was a porn addict. it all started at middle school, ppl would juss show me pics and eventually i started lookin on my on. from that, it led to clips,and then films. eventually i started masterbating which was like 3 yrs ago. it was a daily routine for me. i even did it more than once in a single day. near the end of 07, i got into a relationship w. a girl. which was good bc i stopped w. the porn, but i was pretty lustful. the 1st time me and her were together, i had the urge to have sex w. her. but then, i stopped bc it was too quick and she would get mad at me. . . i was pretty happy w. her, i didn’t need porn at all, maybe like once i looked at it. . . eventually, we broke up. . . which really saddened me. . . and i went back to porn, by feb, something happened to me. . . i had a fight(not physical) w. her which had me furious with anger and resentment. that rage eventually turned into bitter loneliness, and even w. the porn, that didn’t help at all. . . i started feelin isolated from the world, and there were times were i even threw up bc i was so depressed. i couldn’t even focus on school bc it was so stressful and when i came home, i broke down into tears. i even started thinkin about committing suicide. . . and so i prayed and for the 1st time, after all those yrs growin up in church, i accepted christ. it’s been a month since i stopped w. the porn, but i still get images in my head. there are times where when i sleep, i start dreamin about it. . . and the are times where i have the urge to go back to the net to continue where i left off. . . but i never went back to that. anyways i’m 19, but i do not feel 19, i barely know anything in the world, 1) bc i never paid attention, 2) i’m a pastors son. i’m like the worst talker ever bc i have nothing to talk about. i’m not really funny. and i’m quiet most of the time. which makes me feel even more lonely. & other than that, i don’t feel like i’m independent. i’m always takin orders from somebody else. i’m the type of guy who gets pushed around. the reason i don’t do anything back is bc i don’t wanna make it worse. but like i said, i’m like the worst talker ever. and the only real people i have in my life is my parents, a few of my cousins, and like a few friends. idk what to do from here, i know i trust christ now, i get sad but then i get better, but still, what should i do now?
March 19th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Congratulations on accepting Christ and thank you for sharing your testimony. Through an intimate relationship with Him you are sure to experience “life more abundantly” (John 10:10). The Word of God is powerful. Read relevant scriptures that will release you for the hold of pornography - “His light shines in the darkness and the darkenss will never put it out”. Please read Romans Chapter 8. It’s great! Romans 8:9 “You are controlled NOT by the sinful nature but by the Spirit”. Patiently and peacefully wait on God, He will more than meet your needs. He has friends for you, receive them in faith and they will manifest. Stay strong through prayer and the “Peace of Christ which surpusses all understanding” will be yours. Blessings to you.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:04 am
For someone who doesn’t have anything to talk about you’ve done an awesome job sharing your testimony, it’s so honest. All of your sins, weaknesses were put on Jesus on the cross and there’s no condemnation for you now, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! Jesus finished work has made you holy. It’s so hard to try and overcome our weaknesses in our own strength. We can’t do it. The more we TRY to be good the harder it is because it’s only when we rest in God’s grace can we find victory over our weaknesses. You are a Prince, an heir with Christ, an awesome person in God’s eyes. Its hard to say everything I’d like to but if you want one of my sermons I’d be happy to email it. Otherwise if you can get hold of some Pastor Joseph Prince newcreation.org.sg have a listen.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Suicide is the last wrong choice you could ever make. You are worth a lot to Jesus; He paid with His blood for you. Your past mistakes are just that: passed. You are starting a new life in Christ; you need to surround yourself with a nurturing environment. It doesn’t sound like your church has a support group for youth and/or young adults; find one that does. You don’t need to impress or satisfy anyone right now; you need to take care of yourself. The best way to do that is by being part of a group who understands what you have been and are going through because they have had the same battles and have had found strength and victory in Christ through each other. You will find understanding, strength and support for your battles, not to mention the fellowship that you need to give you comfort in difficult times.
March 21st, 2008 at 1:36 am
2 friends are worth 200 associates do not be sad you have only one or two friends for some people travel their lives not knowing any friends. Build your relationship with your two friends and love them from this behavior you will see more friends in time teach them them same as you did and in time you like them will have many friends
March 21st, 2008 at 9:14 pm
When I was 19 I was known as “adanikan”(which can be translated to “solo” in english) cos i had no friends, didn’t attend any parties and generally did everything alone. But I didn’t mind, the people who called me names were so nasty i didn’t even want them around me, not to talk of making them my friends. All through college i had only one true friend, all the others tried to take advantage of me at one time or the other and I had to give them space. Now my secret to happiness at this time was my bible. I always read it when i was by myself because i wanted a friend that would love me and solve my problems without judging me or making fun of me, i found him and He took me under His wing, and i was always very happy. it was so serious that i did not even want to have any other friends. can you believe that? But that is Jesus for you, He will satisfy all your needs, if you would only ask him to. I’ll advise you to get a small bible that you can carry around. Get a small diary and a pencil and read your bible every time you have the chance, you’ll start being at peace with who you are and you won’t rest your happiness on human beings anymore because one day they will hurt you and make you feel very bad about who you are. Please stop sleeping with your girlfriend and reading pornography, those are wrong. Also don’t feel bad about being a pastor’s son, it is more than a blessing for you because you are in a holy home. Try discussing your problems with the parent you are close to, preferably your father, if he counsels other people i don’t think he would want to see his own son in trouble right?
May God bless you and be your one true friend.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:06 am
lol i never slept w. my girl. . . but i had a strong urge for lust. it’s getting less and less by the day. (thank God).
but other than that,i’m starting to build some hope within myself. it’s tough bc i get scared from time to time but i pray when that happens. i know that now, i must not give up, i’m on a mission to get closer to God.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:40 am
hey tjazz, is your life now? you told me about what happened when you were 19, but how old are you now? did God give you friends that you can actually trust?
April 10th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Hey man great testimony, I can totally relate to this. I’m 20 years old and grew up in a Christian home as an assistant pastor’s son as well. I also was addicted to porn and had a girlfriend, and was devestated when we broke up. Thankfully, through Christ I overcame the addiction. The truth is, pornography gives you a distorted view of women, and no matter how hard you try to deny that, it will blind you. Though it is a struggle to get out of it, when you trust Christ and ask for his help to carry you through, He will. And you will look back and think wow, thank God I am not chained to that anymore. It truly is freeing. Jesus saves!