Testimony Share

I was 14. I was alone, i was depressed, i was hurting myself on the outside and the inside. I was literally punishing myself and feeling empty and i had no idea why.
Then one day, on the lowest day i’ve ever had, i felt like my entire body was empty, that my heart was broken, that i’d lost my mind. I sat in silence for hours just staring at the wall, tears streamed down my face and i have never felt so close to insanity in all my life. I was in a state of unconsciousness. I found myself sitting in front of a pile of painkillers, 4 rested in my palm and i glanced up for a split second and caught myself in the mirror. I had no idea who i was looking at. I had make-up smudged down my face, i had a huge mess of hair, i was pale, i was shaking. I looked close to death. The emptiness i felt left prangs of pain down my arms and legs, my heart felt weak and my whole body was heavy. I took one last glance at myself in the mirror and that was when i saw the postcard.
Earlier in the week i had somehow acquired a postcard that had the words ‘Prayer Helps’ on, and i had stuck it to my mirror when i had got in that day.
In my last fit of desperation to feel normal, to feel alive, i got onto my knees, i dropped the pills to the floor and i prayed. I have never prayed so hard in my entire life. I poured my heart and soul out, i sobbed, i begged, i told the lord how much i love and adore him. I have no idea how long i prayed for, i lost all concept of time. All i know is that as i was on my knees praying, the emptiness in my body that i had felt was slowly filling, my body felt warmer, i felt like i was being listened to, that i was not alone, that somebody loved me and somebody cared. I felt my sadness and my darkness leave me and i realised that i had stopped crying, my tears had dried, i was completely calm and everything that had seemed to be destroying my soul only an hour, two hours ago became trivial and pointless, i had been comforted and healed and my heart was no longer broken. Since that day i have been trying to accept my faith, trying to devote myself to Jesus and the Lord and to follow my heart. I have found it so hard, especially in adolescence, to hold back from temptation, to ignore Satan’s lies and to let Jesus into my heart. It is only now, at 17 years old that i have grown as a person enough to realise i CAN turn away from my sinful life, i CAN be the person i know i can be and i am ready to change. For myself, i am ready to fight Satan’s lies, to say no to temptation and to be a better person. The lord saved me in my greatest time of need and i shall never turn my back on him as he did not with me.

I was almost 2 when my father left our family. I was confused as to why he left us all, His beautiful wife, handsome son and 2 gorgeous girls.
I never really thought it was my fault, but my Mum did. She was hurting and I could tell.

I thought Dad was a Rock star and I was a fan. I always stared like he was famous. He was in an unknown band and I don’t think anyone ever expected him to have groupies until he was caught in the act.

I was upset when I found he was gone one morning. I was too young to understand, it was like in the movies how someone dies and somebody says ‘He has gone on a holiday for a while.’ Except he wasn’t dead and this was reality.

I got a bit older and we went on vacation.

From New South Wales to Queensland, but we stayed ‘cause it was for the best. By the time I was nearly 3 my father had a little boy named Levi. He was the beginning of a new commitment my Dad would have had to make. I can’t remember my age when my mother filed for divorce, but I do remember having to talk to various amounts of councillors about who I wanted to live with. I was still too young and confused so I couldn’t come to make a decision.

Dad won the first two or so court cases, but it’s not like he really appreciated that. He was out with his girlfriend almost every single night, Usually at the pub. We lived in a shed in the middle of the bush. I was scared there. I could feel a certain vibe about it and I didn’t realise ‘til I was older and found Jesus that there were evil spirits about and I’d had many encounters with Demons.

I am now 13 and am in my first year of high school. I love Jesus more than anything. The things he has done for me and my family are amazing. I now have a step dad and he is very sweet and treats us three girls like princesses.

My older brother, Jack, is now 20 and is an incredible cartoonist. My sister is school captain and in around a month’s time has an interview with defence jobs about joining the Air force and becoming a pilot.

I know the Lord has an amazing call on us kids’ lives even if we don’t know what it is yet. His blessing are continually reigning down upon us and I am excited to see what my future holds. I want my story to be an inspiration to teens around the world with going through divorce or people who feel alone or unhappy. Jesus plays a huge role in my life and is an awesome father figure. He has taught me that I am never alone and that he hears my cries always.

If you are struggling with any issues, I do encourage you to pray and ask the Lord, Jesus Christ into your lives. You may not hear him, but he can hear every word you say and is always watching over you.

My Name is Ibe Gideon, A Nigerian.
I really want to thank ALMIGHTY GOD for the New Year gift He gave to me (Promotion). I was promoted from as a security guard at the gate to the secretary to the Group Executive Director. Even if I was promoted but my salary was still at old rate. I prayed for the LORD to change my salary status to new rate even before this time, I was bettered in my mine in fact I was worried. But before I could know it, there was a memo raise for the approval of my new rate salary. Thank GOD ALMIGHTY for the prayer answered.

I feel really dumb doing this but i just will because I know that I should
I was legitimately saved like three months ago though I gave my life to Christ a year ago. But it seems like im never satisfied. I feel stupid, all the time. Like i have no right to even say that I gave my life to Christ,
I feel like or I tell myself I have no purpose just because i dont want to face opposition. Opposition as someone whispering in my ear that
stuff like “he doesnt care about you” and more stuff like that.
Sometimes, and this is few, i feel like im not really doing anything.
Like im being tossed about by God for no real reason. A little
demon activity here, a little revealtion there. I have grown
complacent and at times get annoyed listening to Christian songs.
But i have so many problems. Like I im impatient withh God and dont wait on him. Part of it is low self confidence but then I am so proud.
I cant understand it. And i havent been able to discuss this with God and i dont want to talk to my Pastors. they scare me becaus ethey always quote scripture and tell me that I shouldnt be feeling the way I do. I dont want a quick fix. I dont want somebody to tell me that God loves me except maybe if its was an angel but then again im just thinking too much of myself. As if an angel would talk to me. Ive started agreeing that im helpless but then i dont think so. like i believe that this is just a phase and i know eventually i will get over it. I hate it. I think about this over and over. I just feel so useless but I know that i allowed myself to think. But its hard to accept anything else. To believe anything else. I hate crying and avoid it. Its like im always crying. Is there anyone out there that has beenthrough this. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Prayer just doesnt seem like an answer. I’m not confident enough for a response though ive gotten so many. I think that i am suppose to feel this way but I am newly converted. And bam! Its too much. Please i need some kind of answer.

I was born in raised in a god-believing family. No we didn’t go church for personal reasons due to my parents choices of not going to each-others church but yes we were believers of christ. When i was 7 years old dad would pay me to read the bible ( obviously money was my motivation for just about anything at the time ). As I grew up reading the bible slowly strayed away from me and I continued to live life. At the age of 13 I suffered severe loneliness, then at 14 I went through depression and turned to witchcraft for answers. Half the year I was in Australia for dad had work there , then we moved back to New Zealand when his 6 months was up overseas. Long story short I was haunted in everynight , saw a demon face on my window, lights went on and off, couldn’t even sleep with the lights on either. Every night was a torment for me but i didn’t know at the time it was because of the witchcraft i had commited early on in the year. I’d try to call on the lord and read my bible but my faith was lacking and i still followed my ways of witchcraft. We then decided to move to Australia and that calmed things down a bit. New Environment. It didn’t seem that god was talking to me but he was. Going through depression I only stuck to one bible verse ( Mathew 6:34) because of the paranoia i suffered from smoking ciggarettes everyday. At the age of 15 I prayed and asked god for new friends, eversince he answered my prayer a passion blew up in me and it was never- ending. At 16 I decided to get baptized , had demons haunting me every night that i went to church. One night i prayed and they all went away, no more dreams , no more visits. At 17 my last year of school the lord was trying to talk to me through dreams and through other people but i ignored him and went my own way. I didn’t realise that i had played the role backwards. Instead of repenting and giving my heart to god and then getting baptized, i got baptized first and forgot about the rest and went my own way still. I strayed for awhile still sinning in my pleasures until I hit 19. The lord exposed my sins to other people in dreams they would have about me. Hard to believe ? Not so. I would be confronted about the sins i commited and soon enough alot of people found out. I then realised how shamed & guilty i felt and thought about the lord dying on the cross and cried my eyes out . I knew that i was guilty of sin and guilty of running away from the lord. That’s when the lord decided to show me how powerful he really was.  After all that i then one day fell on my knees and surrendered to the lord and gave my heart to him. And boy did it feel good ! I felt a great sense of protection, satisfaction and all my voids were filled with his love and presence and mercy. I then ran away from the lord because of the shame & guilt i was feeling , it was so bad that i could’ve commited suicide , but thank the lord for he kept encouraging me to hold on for another week…and another….and another… and here i am today. I confessed my sins, asked to be covered with his mercy and grace . I then came back home and straight away gave him control and felt like everything was being taken over by the lord above. As soon as i forgave those who have hurt me he covered up all my pain and to my surprise i can’t even remember half the things that happened ! Actually as soon as i forgave them he erased all of it ! The only memories i get of them now is when they really friendly to me…… And here I am today. I don’t know where i’d be without him, he is merciful yet loving and caring. Praise the lord =]

I know the power of God and I know the power of Payer, so that is why I am asking… no begging for prayer !

I am falling away from God and I am being pulled in the wrong direction, my pride has allowed me to believethat I was ok that I was a strong man of God that couldn’t be pulled away! Well in the midst of that I have slowly began to open my eyes and truly see what is going on.

Please pray for my safe return to Gods loving hands and the strength to get there! I know even in the midst of sin he is still there for we sin daily, but anyone who knows the ways of God and still walks in sin will have a harder punishment to pay!  I now understand why God opposes the proud!

Matthew 18:20 (KJV)

 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Hi, I am Gideon, and English is not my first language. Here is my testimony.

I began to surf internet for photos. I started to look at girls in swimsuit. I was a porn addict many years before, and I managed to quit after asking the Lord to intervene. But this time, it is different. I thought it was harmless for me to do.

Worse, I am a singer in church worship. I began to become more aggressive in searching for photos on internet. I do all this in my room, alone and nobody is watching. I began to exchange holiness with pornography. It is when I started to entertain thoughts of oral sex only then I began to find out how to fight porn. I found out I was not alone. I knew the verse: … if your eye caused you to lust, gorge it out. But it made little impact on me.

Anyway, God is real.

He revealed to my pastor that I’ve sinned, that is I didn’t stay holy. So, when it was my turn to sing in worship, my pastor changed the scheduled revealing there is a reason for him to do so. And he preached about holiness. I was ashamed. I got the message: God caught me with my pants down!

So I quit cold turkey. No more porn for me. Just like that. Now I look at the other way whenever I see pictures of girls in nude/semi-nude. I also try to stay aloof by downplay them in my mind.

But for some reason I didn’t strongly regret what I did. Somehow it seems that I’ve little regard of sin. Now I pray that the spirit of repentance comes so strongly upon me that I would not do it again! Life is too short to exchange for eternal shame! Praise to God! Amen!

It all began back in the summer of June 2009. I had just turned 25 and was preparing to graduate from UTA with a degree in Business Management in the fall. At the time I was working for Lowes and had worked there for 3 yrs, as a Delivery Driver. I really liked working for Lowes and I had become so comfortable that I was almost scared to leave. Well I knew I was about to graduate and wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do and really had no direction. I had gone to the job fair that fall and really didn’t see a job that I was interested in besides an entry-level management position for a railroad company. But my world took a turn for the worse when I had to take a physical for my job to renew my license to continue to drive for Lowes. They found a hernia that I had for two years and told me that in order for me to drive for Lowes that I would need to have surgery to return back to my job. So I was put on short-term disability. That’s when I started to attend Friday night service at the Potters House called, Brickhouse. The Pastor of Brick house, Pastor Ross was truly amazing and I loved his style of preaching. He was so real and authentic and I could really relate to him in so many ways. He is truly an anointed man of God. Well at the time I and a close friend were both attending the church service together. So I began to pray and ask God diligently what my “purpose” in life was and let his will be done in my life. I didn’t have a relationship with God and really didn’t even know if he existed. I was raised up in the church and it had almost become just like a habitual routine. So even though I was in church Friday night praise and worshiping God later that night I would be in the club praise and worshiping all the ladies. I was a ladies’ man and used to love the attention I would get from woman in the clubs. Than I would end up having sex with some of these girls knowing that I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with them. I even started having sex with Married woman and had no Fear of God, and was headed down a path of destruction. So I started to realize that I was going to get fired at Lowes and I became depressed. One day I was lying on my bed depressed and thinking that I would become a loser .So I picked up a Jet Magazine and started to read an article that my cousin Taj Stansberry (Photographer/Music video director) had did a photo shoot for Steve Harvey and Steve told my cousin, “Find something you love to do, And make money with it”. At that moment a light-bulb went off in my head and I knew exactly what I loved to do and would do for free. Fitness has been my passion and I just fell in love with it over these last 4 years. I had worked for 24hr fitness as a personal trainer back in August 2008. At the time the economy was taking a turn for the worst and all the 24hr gyms in the metroplex numbers were way down except for one gym, Southlake. I inquired about that and a friend told me that Southlake just had a bunch of wealthy women with nothing better to do but purchase a bunch of training. At the time I wore braces and my orthodontist wanted to start training with me and presented me with the idea of starting my own boot camp. He stated that I could become the next, Billy Blanks. And that he would fund all the money for the gym, equipment, and basically everything to start it and I would just run it. At the time I didn’t even see what he saw in me and kind of blew him off. Basically I wasn’t ready to start a business and was just focusing on finishing school. So I prayed and asked God if this was what he wanted me to do, start my own boot camp. And I knew without a doubt in my heart this is what he wanted me to do. So I approached my close friend and had told him that I wanted to start this boot camp and if he would be interested in helping me get it going. I told him that I had been approached a year prior about starting a camp but at the time I wasn’t ready. I told him that my orthodontist may be interested in still investing but I was scared to approach him because it was a year ago and wasn’t sure if he would still be interested in investing. So I told my friend that if I find a location, build a website, and have business cards, with shirts then he would know I was really serious and he would still be interested in investing. I believed in my heart without a doubt that he would still be interested in investing. So I and my friend began to work on my business plan diligently and even though the first copy we had was horrible we kept revising it over and over again. So we then had to decide on a location to start the camp and were debating on whether to start in Mansfield, Arlington, or Dallas. It was hard to decide because the economy is in a recession and people aren’t spending money like they used to .Well I personally really liked Mansfield, but Mansfield is a middle-income area and fitness is really not a need so I wanted to start in a location and give my business the best chance to prosper considering the economic situation .So I wanted to start in an area that had “disposable income”. So I kept in mind the info I had learned when I worked for 24hr fitness about Southlake. But I was intimidated to start in Southlake because it was high-dollar and even though fitness is my passion and desire I had never ran a boot camp. So I at least wanted to be seasoned before I went to Southlake. But I continued to pray and we met with an owner of a Gymnastics facility in Southlake,TX (spirit xtreme gymnastics) Walter Maeweather. Walter said he would be interested in renting out the facility to us and we told him we were interested but would contact him after we finished shopping gyms. In the meantime my close friend and I continued to work on the business plan but as time went on I started noticing that my friend didn’t quite have the same passion and vision I had for the camps. We started disagreeing on a lot of things and I started to see it would become a problem later down the road so I prayed about it for 4 days and I knew what I had to do. I had never been so nervous in my life, but I had to tell a close friend who had become like a little brother to me that we should no longer continue our business relationship. And it’s ironic because the very reason I ended our business relationship in hopes of saving our friendship is what ultimately ended it, we no longer talk. But I kept on working on my business plan diligently by myself and realized that it was nowhere near complete. So while I had been on short-term disability this entire time I had purchased some Health-insurance (to have my surgery) which my HR manager at Lowes referred to me. So finally I went to my Pre-opt appt for surgery and they told me all the procedures that were going to take place the day of surgery. Well when I left the receptionist notified me that she would call me and let me know what my benefits were. So when she called she simply said, “Mr. Haynes on the day of surgery were going to need to collect $11,000 up front from you”. I almost thought she was playing and I was like, “Well can you just bill my insurance??” And so they gave me the run-around and I ended up calling the receptionist back and she came out and told me that I didn’t have “Health-insurance” instead I had a “Discount-plan” . And that my discount plan only covered up to 20% of the surgery. So to make a long story short I didn’t end up having the surgery which was why I was on short-term disability and I couldn’t return back to work because I still had the injury and therefore I was fired. Well I panicked because I was still trying to get this business going but I didn’t even have gas money to get around. So I applied for a valet job and worked there for three days and my unemployment came thru. I was so excited because I knew it would allow me to focus all my attention on getting my business up and running. So I kept diligently working on my business plan until the vision was very clear to me. Well In December my cousin Taj who I hadn’t seen in 4 yrs sent for me to spend the Holidays with him. I was extremely excited because Taj has always been a role-model and someone I’ve always looked up too; a big brother. The last time I had seen him he wasn’t doing that good, he was living in a living room that he turned into a room with no car or job. But when he sent for me this time things had really changed, his career as a music video director/photographer had really taken off and he was really successful. I knew things had changed when I got there and he told me his assistant would pick me up, I couldn’t believe it. Remember the last time I had seen him he didn’t own a car or have a job and now his assistant was coming to pick me up. So I was so glad to see him doing well and it was the most “inspiring “ moment of my life to actually see him go from nothing to something. It gave me hope that hard work and persistence pays off. So even though I was on unemployment I was thinking to myself well I can’t complain I had more than he did when he started. So we talked and we both agreed that L.A would be an ideal place to start my business but since I already had a commitment in Tx I wanted to get things started out there and then eventually come back to L.A to get one started out there. So I went back to Tx extremely inspired and worked harder than ever. By this time I had one page up for my website which was all I could afford at the time, but I knew it was a start. So I began to make business cards, flyers, and T-shirts and really started marketing my business. Now keep in mind I stepped out on Faith and put a start date on my camp Feb 15th but I never had a for sure commitment from my orthodontist who I believed would be interested in investing and really didn’t have a clue on where I would get the money from for my rental fees or money for my equipment. Well I started to get nervous because I didn’t have everything ready to present it to my orthodontist just yet and I always wanted to approach him when everything was complete. He is a successful business man and owns two dental offices so I wanted to have my website complete, t-shirts made, business cards, and business plan ready to go. So I got desperate and asked my Dad for the money, my great –Grandma, My broker, and even asked my mother to refinance her home to give me the money to start. All these options failed so I started to lose Faith and didn’t think God would pull through for me. I started questioning if I heard correctly and if this was what God really wanted me to do, was this my “purpose “in life. So I’ve always struggled with a porn addiction and sex and I had been trying to give it up and walk right with God. But I was depressed so I started to watch porn daily. So as my start date came nearer I noticed that I was staying up all night and losing sleep in hopes of adding 100’s of friends on Face book and MySpace in hopes that enough people would sign up and maybe I could get the money to start my camps that way. I was losing weight and was going to bed at night scared not sure if God would keep his promise. So I finally had everything put together and felt it was finally time to present it to Dr.Lee (orthodontist) who I felt would always invest from the beginning. So I called him on Wednesday (Feb 3rd) and remember my camp started Feb 22nd because I had pushed it back from the original Feb15th because I wasn’t sure if I would get the money. Well I tried calling him 5 times that day with no success, he was busy. So I was about to give up and had started to think about erasing my Face book, MySpace, and twitter. I had a lot of pride and had been marketing and telling everyone about it, so for it not to go through would have been very embarrassing and tough to swallow. So that Thursday I was depressed and had lost hope and basically watched porn all day. So that Friday came around and I was about to hold off on calling Dr.Lee again because I was tired of calling him and was just going to watch porn all day, but something told me to call him one more time. Well when I did his receptionist picked up and notified me that he had a cancellation for the following morning and asked if I wanted to meet him then. I said yes, and when I hung up I started crying because God still blessed me in the middle of my sin. He knew what I was about to do and allowed me to get through and setup a meeting the 1st time I called compared to that Wednesday when I had tried to call him 5 times and couldn’t get through. So at that very moment I told God I that I wouldn’t have sex again until I was married and I would no longer watch porn. I just knew Dr.Lee would still be interested in investing and I began to Thank God in advance for allowing him to invest. Well when I met up with him in the morning it went exactly as I had envisioned from the beginning. I had my “Rip It Up World Fitness” Shirt on with a business card and my website was up and it looked Awesome. He looked at my business plan and all he could say was “Nice” . He was presented with 8 months of work all at once and I think he was a little overwhelmed. Well we met again on Wednesday and he said he would be interested in investing and would just lend the money to me. He told me he would have his lawyer Amortize a contract with an interest rate of 12% over three years and give me the money up front. I drove off in my car crying because I was so grateful that God had kept his promise to me and was on fire for the Lord and began to share my testimony with everyone I knew. I started to realize that God is Amazing and he really does exist. So my start date for my camp was getting nearer and I started getting nervous because it was taking awhile for Dr.Lee to get back with me to sign the contract. Well I contacted him the Saturday and Sunday before my camp and didn’t get a response. So I started to think negative and that maybe he had a change of heart. But I just kept praying and believed that God would still come thru. So my camp started on Monday and I decided that since I hadn’t talked to the Dr. yet that I would just have an introductory meeting and just take my clients body-fat measurements. I notified Walter the Gymnastics owner of the situation and he said he was fine with it and to just pay him within the 1 week or 2. So I met with the Dr. on Tuesday and I wasn’t quite ready for what he was about to tell me. He stated that he had been fighting with his lawyer and his lawyer didn’t feel that this was a smart investment for him and that he should invest the money back into his business due to his major tax obligations. I was in shock and was lost for words and was really speechless. It was like this whole time I had been fighting a 12 rd match to start this business and I was in the 12th round and I was winning until the Dr came and just dropped a haymaker on me and knocked me out. I almost was on the verge of giving up because I couldn’t understand why the Dr. had backed out of the deal, it was devastating. So my mom told me that it was best for me to go in seclusion and pray and ask God what he wants me to do. I told God that I was tired and that I had exhausted all my options to get the money and I was tired. I had almost been at this for a year and I just was tired. There were plenty of times when I would sell video games to get gas money to get out to Southlake to market a business that I didn’t even have the first dime to start. I was pretty much looking like a fool and started to have a lot of doubt. So since I was a very prideful person I had been lying to all my friends and associates about how my camp was doing. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I had lost my deal with my investor so I lied and told everyone my camp was going great and that I even had 40 people sign up. Well God put it on my heart to tell everyone that I had been fronting with the Truth. So I began to send out mass text messages telling People that God had blocked it and had something 100x greater for me and that he would still come thru and keep his promise. So that Friday I went to church and the first thing Pastor Ross said is what do you do when God blocks your promise? I couldn’t believe it; I was thinking is he in my house or listening to my phone conversation. I really needed to hear that because at the time I was at my end and was ready to throw in the towel. But once I realized that God had blocked it and why I began to ready the story of Abram myself. And this was another turning point in my life because never before have I read my bible. As I started to read I started to notice that I and Abram had too many similarities in the way we were waking in Faith. When Abram first met God and God gave him a promise to have many descendants , Abram didn’t even know who God was, all he knew was God had given him a promise. Well when I prayed and asked God what my purpose was , I really didn’t even know if God existed, I just asked God what my purpose was and all I could focus on was how he would bless my business. Then Abram went to Egypt because there was a “famine” in the land and Egypt was the only place that had “food”. Well I went to Southlake because our economy is in a “recession” and Southlake is the only place that had “disposable income” for my camps. It turns out that “Southlake had been ranked by Forbes magazine in 2008 as the #1 richest community in the nation. I didn’t even know that at the time. Next Abram told a little white lie that put his promise in jeopardy and Pharaoh was about to sleep with Sarah which would have went against the Promise that God had told Abram. He said through you, you will conceive a child through Sarah. He didn’t say Pharaoh would conceive a child through Sarah. So Abrams Promise which lied in Pharaohs bedroom was in Jeopardy. So since Abram used his lack of judgment God blocked it and sent a plague of locust to come eat Pharaohs crops. And Pharaoh sent Sarah and Abram on their way. Well my promise was my business and it was in a Pharaohs bedroom (Southlake Gym) and it was in Jeopardy. It went against what God had promised me and wasn’t what God had told me. But because I used my lack of judgment he blocked it by not allowing the Dr. to invest. Also Abram started of on his journey with his close friend Lot ,who he started to have conflict with and they had to part ways. Well I had a best friend Randal that I had to part ways with. Abram also was walking around looking like the man of faith and telling everyone God is going to come thru, but he was going to bed scared at night not sure if God would come thru. Well I was doing the same exact thing and was losing weight and going to bed scared and worried. I had two instructors with me at the time, Chris and Dessa and I had approached them very highly motivated and inspired to start this business. But as time passed and I didn’t know where I was going to get the money to start my camp I began to get discouraged. It was extremely hard on me because I had to keep them motivated but I had no one in return to motivate me, but God who I didn’t even know. Also Abram lost Faith and went with his good idea(Plan B) which was suggested by Sarai when she offered her servant Hagar to Abram because God was taking too long to fulfill his promise. Well when my close friend Stephanie was notified that my investor had fallen through she mentioned coming up with some 2nd options(Plan B). Well since I realized that God works in patterns and Pastor Ross gave a message on being careful during the period you’re waiting on your promise because your Plan B or Good idea will give you your promise instantly. So Stephanie mentioned a Business loan and I knew immediately that was my Sarah offering me my Hagar. I instantly shut that down; if I would have applied for a business loan I could have got the money instantly after all this time of walking in faith and being scared. Same with Abram, when he slept with Hagar she conceived instantly. But he had been trying for years to conceive with Sarah with no luck. Also in the end when God confirmed his covenant with Abram he changed his name so it could fit the blessing he was going to give Abram. He told Abram he would be a father of many nations. Well the name Abram means, glorious father so that name was too small to fit the blessing God wanted to give him. But the name Abraham means father of multitude of nations which fit the blessing God would give him. Well my business name at first was “Rip It Up World Fitness Boot camp, which was too small and limited to fit the blessing God wanted to give me. He said I can make an impact and help people get in shape worldwide so he had to change the name to fit the blessing. So I changed my name from “Rip It Up World Fitness Bootcamp” to just “Rip It Up World Fitness” so It could fit the blessing God was giving me. Also He changed the name of Sarai to Sarah because she was going to be a mother of many nations. Well I changed the name of my gym from (spirit xtreme gymnastics in Southlake, to Josephson Academy of Gymnastics of Los,Angeles). Now also the name of my new Gymnastics facility (Josephson Academy) now fits the blessing God wants to give me. Abraham had a son name Isaac who beget Jacob who beget Joseph who became a great King in Egypt. Well before Jacob (Israel-God’s chosen people) died he blessed Joseph’s son. So the name Josephson Academy of Gymnastics is the place where God will give birth to my promise. I confirmed that he was calling me to L.A because in the promise he says that “I will take you to a Land I will show you. Well he showed me because I had visited my cousin Taj 3 months prior and I knew that L.A would be the ideal place for me to start. The way God has revealed himself to me has been unreal and I just can’t believe it. All this time I never knew him and he found favor in me. I’m forever grateful and I will fulfill my purpose for his glory. Everything he is doing I will make sure people will know about it, which is the reason why I’m writing this letter. I want everyone in the world to know that God is real and to know how much he can bless anyone if they truly seek him and walk according to his word, as well as having Faith in him. For it is impossible to please God without Faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for , the evidence of things not seen. Walking in Faith I must say has been the most uncomfortable experience ever in my life. I used to step out of my faith realm and into the worldly realm and be like why are you marketing a business and telling people to come to your camps and you don’t even know if or where your getting the money from . But then I would hear a message from Pastor Ross or in a song and I was able to hear the “word” and keep my Faith, and continue foward that way. “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word.” So even though I wasn’t reading my word, I was attending church and hearing the word which allowed me to have Faith. I’m so grateful that God had me under the right ministry to guide me along this path. If not I would have been lost and would have had no reference point and probably had given up. GOD IS TRULY AMAZING. I WILL MAKE SURE THAT THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS GOD IS REAL AND NOTHING IS TOO HARD FOR HIM. Not even turning an Unemployment check into “Billions”

MY TESTIMONY OF CONVERSION
As a child I was in the Church, Zion’s UCC here in Pottstown. PA. My parents insisted on mandatory attendance. At a young age I went to Sunday school, I sang in the choir, was an acolyte, had my conformation classes and took my first Holy Communion.
When I turned 16 in rebellion to my parents authority I went into my life I packed up and left home. I became a prodigal. For 38 years I traveled the world spending time in many foreign countries. I was solely in charge of what I did and where I went. For a while this worked out just fine. But in time I found the world to be a hardhearted place. To get what I wanted or felt I was cheated out of I believed I needed the same dead heart. So I played the role, hardened my heart, lost my faith and became a poster child for the Devil. I indulged myself in it all. Broken marriage, destroyed relationships, abandoned children, desertion, drunkenness, drugs, debauchery the whole gambit. In my pride, life was all about me. So it was most of my adult life. I squandered my inheritance.
I eventually returned to my home and parents in the early 90’s. My Dad accepted me with open arms. I however continued in my selfishness and rebellion. Until the summer of 2007; this was when I finally reached the end of myself. With my health in question from constant drunkenness and drug abuse. my job prospects gone, a personal concern for my sanity and on the verge of loosing what little bit of my world I had left, I fell to my knees and admitted to God that I could not go any farther on my own. I was broken and defeated. Everything I had attempted in my life ended up as a dismal failure. I began turning back to the Jesus I vaguely remembered from my youth. I had to re-learn how to pray for I found I had forgotten the words. But pray I did. I asked the Lord for help, I was lost. I needed direction; I had lost direction for my life. 2007 was a tough year but I never stopped asking the Lord for help. I had even picked up the Bible and was trying to read it. What was it I needed to know?
Then in February 2008 I came to the Berean Bible Church for Pastor Jace’s Wild Game Dinner. For the past several years (at my Dad’s invitation) I had attended this gathering it had become a diversion from the mid winter cabin fever. I always figured it was a good deal. For 5 bucks all I had to do was listen to some Jesus talk and I could get all the wild game I could eat.
BUT this year was different! When Pastor Jace spoke I could actually hear what he was saying, like he was speaking only to me. I’m not real sure what his topic was. All I kept hearing was that everything was going to be OK. That Jesus loved me and my prayers were answered. Our Father accepted me with open arms!
I broke down and as the tears flowed I felt such a weight lift off of me! The Lord came to me that night. God shed his grace on me and the Holy Spirit opened my heart. I felt then and feel now humbled and ashamed. I’m nothing but a worthless sinner.
Revelation 1:17-18. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the first and the last. I am the living one; I was dead, and behold I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.”
My life is now in God’s hands, to serve and glorify his name. Through his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen

It all started at the doctors appointment mum had. Well actually it started days before that but to cut the story short and get to the main points it was my fault. I was decieved in my mind because my mind is my weakest spot. I thought there were angels standing around me praying for me and i asked them to come into my body. NOW I KNOW THAT IS NOT TRUE lol I know it was really silly of me but i learnt my lesson.

So then it started off from there. I had different voices, i was strangling myself, i was actually having fun cause i thought that my family was with me because i was lonley at the time.

I would have my favourite auntys voice, my uncles voice and all these different type of voices. I even thought i had god’s voice ! Let’s just say the demons ( if it was demons ) were having fun. Anyway wherever i looked i would see demons on the curtain, on the couch even in the clouds ! Just smiling and scaring me ! The demons i saw on the curtain and couches would be fighting eachother, i even saw them on the walls ! So lets just say i had no ecape in my house. I was even introduced to a ghost witch ( result of being involved in witchcraft at the age of 8 and 14 , I’m 20 now ). The voices in me would say ” Come here let us introduce you to your witch “. Off goes the light , there i saw a ghost witch with flies flying around its head lying on my bed. I was afraid of course ! I even saw ghost curtains, went through a process of believing that this boy was satan’s son and i was god’s daughter and i had to save him ! I would spin around and around and around and thought i’d changed ages. I even thought I was in heaven and I’d look out my window and think that every house would belong to a special person that god had instore for them and that they were rich houses that he had. The sky would be blue and there were doves flying around too it was peacefull ! I even got to the point where “benjamin” was my little brother and i had to save him from satan !

So yes i was greatly decieved ! I believed the devil was laughing at me the whole time but he had no idea that god was waiting to protect me. To shower his upon me =].

The day my faith hit rockbottom was on a Sunday. I kept telling mum i was sick but she didn’t believe me. She got out the bible and started reading, but as soon as I looked at it all the words started to change into the exact opposite …. talk about a satan bible ! Everything was like THOU SHALT LIE THOU SHALL MAKE IDOLS etc etc and i was afraid and lost hope in getting better.

Anyway I went with mum to her doctor’s appointment and sat there with her. It was weird cause now I was HEARING the voices that SOUNDED like my aunty’s voice that I had in ME.
I sat there and listened for awhile and they were calling me and LAUGHING so hard off their face they could’ve fell off whatever they were sitting on. They were saying ” look she can hear us ! ” and laughing so hard. I walked to the toilets to wash my face, to my surprise no voices. It seemed that the toilets was my safe spot, I have no idea why but the toilets was where i felt safe. Anyway I walked back to mum and she got up and went in with the doctor while I waited. All of a sudden everyones faces slowly started to change into monsters. It was then that i believed I was in hell and needed to wake up quickly before things were too late. But little did I know that the day it all started it was ALREADY too late. I bet Satan couldn’t laugh any harder. When I looked at tv and saw all the bad disastrous things that were happening I wanted to get out of hell straight away ! I walked outside and drank my last bottle of water.

All of a sudden it started to get hot… and I mean ..REALLY hot. It wasn’t even hot that day ! It was freezing cold !
I stood there looked up as the sky turned into black , turned to the buildings and the had ashes all around them , even the ground ! I decided that because I was in “hell” I had to find a way to escape. I walked around looking for a church , but then because I was loosing faith and thought I was in hell I had the belief that church was an occult and it’s where they learn about satan.

So i turned around and nearly jumped off a bridge, the only thing that stood in my way was this big black bird. I was afraid it would pluck me eyes out so i kept walking up and down the same path. Mum then drove past and I jumped in the car as she gave me a lecture on walking off like that, but obviously she didn’t know what was going on. As i looked at the sky they started to fill with monster clouds and ashes ! It started to get hotter .

We were on our way to the plaza/shops. Mum went in to do her shopping, I stayed in the car. The car started to change into something rusty. I put on the radio and all i heard was my brothers hiphop secular music and it was all evil to my ears and started to scare me so I kept changing every song to see if there was any about god. None.
I got out the car and tried to kill myself to get runned over cause I thought that since I was hell I might as well do it since I had no escape. I even tried to drive the car so I could crash and kill myself but praise the lord I cannot drive! I forgot to put the handbrake down LOL ! Mum came back and saw the car window down with nobody inside.
Upset she drove me back home.

That’s when all the spinning and singing and everything started.
My brother & mum were getting ready to go to the shops again cause it was her 60th birthday and how dare I ruin that birthday !

To cut things short . I was running around touching everything cause I believed that if I did it would be blessed. But dad kept following me and I thought he was demon lol He tried to explain to me how sorry he was and showed me a picture of my great grandmother who passed away when i was 9. But when I did look at it all i saw was 8 demons staring back at me in the picture and I ran off. I ran straight to the computer to find a gospel song and I kept going back to “Fred Hammond – Your Love Is ” . And because i believed I was in hell I wanted everyone to know I was here and I knew they’d hate it but I wanted them to know that I was a witness to God so I blasted up the computer speakers as loud as it could go . My dad came in and all of a sudden I just thought he was Satan So I kept punching him asking him to give back “Benjamin” . Then my brother discouraged my faith as I started preaching to him out of nowhere , I’d find every verse relating to ” Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” . But I didn’t know that that verse was for me ! My was being attacked and I didn’t realise it ! I must’ve let Satan in my heart without knowing what I was getting into ! I told my parents that I’d go to the shops just to escape them.

I nearly killed myself by walking into the nearby lake but because I’m scared of water I dared not to. The voices would tell me to walk in because it was the only way I’d get to heaven or earth and be safe again ! I then refused because of my fear and walked back to the path I was on. I heard voices mocking my age saying i was 4 then 8 then 9 etc. The ground was full of ashes and i felt as though my feet were burning through the soles of my shoes. My dad then rang and came and picked me up. Took me back home. And then I went upstairs to get changed.
Went upside down in the shower and nearly died drowning in the shower, all I was thinking about was god and I didn’t even care if I died cause I knew it was for a good cause, but then i remembered god teaching me about temptation and I saw a picture of a crocodile then i fell down !

I ran outside and started spinning around cause i believed that it was the only way to get to heaven. But funny thing was even though I believed i was in hell I was spinning around singing praises to god. Mainly the song ” Fred Hammond – Your love is. I would sing out to god and I’d hear voices telling me WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ! And cursing and swearing tell me to shut up ! I dare not to cause my faith relyed on my singing to god. I got dizzy and fell down and felt as if the grass was going around my arms and the vines crawling upon me holding me down, the grass felt so sticky and sharp. I went back inside and started spinning around singing out loudly to god, thats when my faith hit rock bottom.

When my mum & brother returned home I felt as if demons were laughing at me, discouraging me . They tried to pull me back in but I was too strong for the 3 of them ! and my dad is a big man ! I ran straight back out and started singing again to god I would’nt give up ! I was screaming Repent repent for the kingdom is near ! All of a sudden I was afraid and I started screaming out He’s coming ! He’s coming ! Jesus is coming ! I have no idea why i was afraid lol ! I don’t know if it was me or the demon lol ! When my faith hit rock bottom I was weak and had no faith and didn’t believe in god anymore. I felt that there was no god and it was all a lie and I was depressed as i was spinning around for nothing . All of a sudden i felt a power overcome me ! I started spinning around and acted like/felt like i was being hit with words and out of nowhere the words LOVE JOY PEACE HAPPINESS COMFORT etc ALL THE FRUITS OF THE HOLYSPIRIT came out of my mouth and i kept repeating it over and over and over and i knew that the lord was comforting me. But then my family dragged me back in the house.

I ran upstairs and was about to jump out the window till my brother growled me to come back inside !
I came back inside and there standing before me were about 8 or 9 people…and what did i see ? 8 or 9 demons standing there with big smiles on their faces happy to see me .

The polynesians sometimes believe that there are ghosts around so they tried to put this medicine in me to take the ghost away and i heard a voice in me say a name but i dare not say it because how the bible says that once your dead your dead. I was actually about to say LUST GLUTTONY and all these other sins but i couldn’t , when I was about to say those words the faces around me didn’t look happy at all so i kept quiet . I was lying there and as they put the medicine in i thought they drugging me so i spat it back out. All of a sudden the walls changed into green moss and had insects all over them ( im afraid of insects) and then it dissapeared. The people were asking me ( well the demons ) were asking me , WHERE IS HE NOW ? and i go who ? and they go .. WHO ARE YOU CALLING TO ? with a big smile on their face and laughing at me. I didn’t say a word.

We went downstairs and they tried again. Didn’t work. I then got up and looked around i saw a monster, a zombie, gluttony pride lust etc those were the demons i saw in people but little did i know that those demons were in me !

Because i had the belief of being god’s daughter i started singing praises to the lord non-stop. I didn’t care if they weren’t happy I just kept singing praises. My dad was holding me back but I tried to break free because I don’t like it when men hold me ( I was sexually abused when i was 6-11 years thats why).

The police then came and asked me if I was on drugs and never in my life have I been on drugs ! ever ! or was an alcoholic either ! They took me to the hospital where the voices continued. I sat there with confidence.
And remembered the song sung at my baptism . Emotions – Peace be still …

Master.. the tempest is raging .. the billows the billows are tossing high … the sky is over shadowed with blackness..no hope .. no help is nigh .. the wind and the rain shall obey thy will .. peace be still peace be still oh peace be still peace be still ..

and thats how my experience went. Exactly like the song. When i looked at the sky it was all black and bats were flying around. When i looked at the hospital staff I only saw Zombies, nothing else. They then transferred me to another hospital and on the way God was comforting me with pure songs like beyonce – halo and ” say a little prayer for you ” . Any other song that wasn’t pure was from hell , well that’s what I believed at the time. I went to the hospital , looked up at the sky ( heaven) and told god I’d come back.

For months i was tormented with demons ! Every time i closed my eyes i’d see demons. Even the feeling of someone sitting down on my bed, footsteps walking around my room and dreams too . Even saw them through people. I’d sit down and pretend there was children there to teach them the bible. Mum came in and everytime she did i’d reject them all the time. But then one day I was back to normal and she said that nanna prayed a prayer for me to get better ( she lives overseas) . It shows how powerful prayer is.

But then I slowly came back to reality. And here i am now ! How i learnt about god’s comfort, timing, love and protection . Sounds strange this story, but it happened. And it was the best of day of my life

Take care