Testimony Share

I am going to tell you of a very dark event. One which speaks of the power of hate, pride, evil, ambition, darkness and of the power of gods love. I don’t deny the power of hatred because the truth is, hatred is powerful but an even greater power is love. I want to tell you of gods love. It all began when I was a young man, I dreamed that I was anointed by god to preach a message to the ends of the earth. Suddenly, evil men came and the very moment one of them threw a punch at me, I was about to block and fight back but I remembered what Jesus said in Matt. 5:39 about not standing up against an evil person so I let myself be beaten, they covered my eyes and hit me even as I fell to the ground, they left me bloodied and breathless. I was dragged away from my destination. I woke up and tried to find the meaning of the dream but I couldn’t understand so I forgot about it. Years later, I struggled to understand evil. I wondered about Lucifer and wondered “What made him so corrupt,so evil that he cannot be redeemed?, why did he choose to rebel against god if he was so blessed?” I saw satan wickedly grin at me in a vision, yet he took the form of someone else whom I had compassion for and perverted it.

I wanted answers from the words of his followers and they said “You follow god because he is as you call loving, well we follow the enemy of god because he is hating yet he lets people fulfill their own sinful nature, if your god is so loving, why does he punish sinners? he created them and their sinful nature, its because he is selfish, your god cast down Lucifer and cursed him because he did what was in his nature so how can you say that god isn’t evil?in reality, he is a tyrant and that’s why we follow the enemy of god.” I struggled to answer those confusions, I tried to search the bible for answers yet I found nothing. I became frustrated yet one day, I felt satans invisible hand trying to grasp my heart,trying to control me, I rebuked it in the name of Jesus, it left yet it came back stronger each time I did so. I felt uneasy and it burned me spiritually.

I began to be tormented by evil spirits, I woke up sometimes in the middle of the night from nightmares unable to go back to sleep and sometimes I didn’t sleep for the whole night. Later I saw a vision of myself being the warrior of god, wandering in a land, being persecuted by evil spirits manifested as soldiers dressed in black, I swiftly struck them to defend myself with the sword of the spirit (Eph. 6:17). I then struck them brutally out of anger, I wondered “is this righteous anger or not?” later god spoke to me saying “in order for you to understand how the followers of the enemy feel, you must experience what they experience.” I was afraid and I told him “I can’t do it, I can never leave you” he then said “this must happen, you must have compassion to truly love them” I then tremblingly asked him “will I go back to you?” he put his hand on my shoulder and said “i will be with you until the end of the world.” I felt like I descended into a state of suffering and I saw a vision of myself in a battlefield with an army of demons. I drew my sword, fought and struck many down. In the real world meanwhile, they were trying to attack me with lies. I fought for days, when Satan taunted me and said “How strong is your faith?, we will see if you fall!”, I felt his “grasping hand” grow increasingly stronger and I felt his lies become more deceptive and harder to rebuke. He laughed “your strong!, but how strong are you?” he suddenly disappeared from my sight and in the darkness, he prowled like a wolf, stalking his prey, calculating when to strike with such devastating force. I rebuked his lies with the word yet the demons in the vision were numerous and some were very strong yet I struck them down.

I was exhausted, sweating excessively. At times, I almost fell down on the floor but I screamed at myself in a mighty voice “rise up! stay loyal to god or you will die!” I gained strength and kept fighting until finally, I was hit by a powerful blow, I kept fighting but I was hit again by another a little worse than the first, I felt my body being broken. I was suddenly hit in the back and fell down on my knees, I had the courage to stand up again but I found Satan face to face, trying to get me to join him, I covered my ears and ignored him, he suddenly left, I kept fighting but I weakened to the point where I just wanted to surrender, I became angry and I mounted on an eagle which is symbolic (Isaiah 40:31). I fought using the arrows of god (psalm 64:7) and in the air. Immediately, I was in that dark place where Satan was, he again tried to deceive me, I covered my ears yet he said something that seemed to be true, once I uncovered my ears, he asked “who is more evil, god for making me this way, or I for being evil because that is in my nature?”

i was speechless then he said “your idea of good and evil means nothing, only when you have true power will you truly be able to understand.” He left like someone who had great power. Before I could do anything, I lost my faith and my will to fight. I was overpowered by evil spirits, they threw me off the eagle, I was blinded by darkness, I tried to fight but a weapon pierced through my armor into my heart, in a desperate attempt, I tried to strike but it was useless. They tore off my armor and beat me severely, they humiliated me, my hands were bound with chains then they beat me in brutal ways. I saw another vision of Satan, I yelled at him “i still have faith and with faith all things are possible!”, he laughed then I saw my faith which was a strong kingdom then he said unimpressed “This is your faith” then he laid his hand on the wall and it completely shattered, I lost faith, I saw chunks falling down and not one stone lay on top of another. I was plunged into darkness. One day I felt the power of the holy spirit leave me, I was empty, in anger I screamed “Thats fine, leave if you will, ill find my own way!.” I soon realized this is what Satan wanted to happen, he wanted me to keep fighting because it built up pride, true I used the sword and I had strength but I wasn’t deeply rooted in the word and I didn’t let Jesus give me living water then he struck me down, how cunning the enemy can be!

i became suffocated, empty of gods word, I turned evil each day, I felt uglier. Suddenly I felt hatred, pride, and rage explode out of my heart and I was filled with it. All my life, vengeance was in my heart. I was consumed utterly by darkness. One point, I became hurt, I remembered what god told me, what I hoped for, what I thought about love and I became angry, I screamed “this was supposed to work!, love was supposed to get me the victory!” I remembered the times I tried to love with all my heart but I felt it was in vain, I felt it brought me nothing but unbearable pain. I screamed at god “why?!, love heals all wounds but it hasn’t healed mine!” I plucked love and threw it out of my heart, I turned away from god, that was the coldest expression I ever felt when I turned away and walked away from him with my pride, arrogance, and hatred. I began to hate love, even the word love, my hatred turned into burning hatred and I was turning into a monster. Satan then told me “the reason why the most wicked men achieve their plans of destruction is because of their true power which is hatred.” I began to accept this lie. I felt people who loved me, hugging me, desperately telling me to go back to god, I pushed them away, feeling nothing, I kept walking into darkness. I believed that love never was real, that its just a delusion in an attempt to keep the peace in the world, I believed that god just wanted to enslave people to believe in a delusion called “love”, that he just wanted his own glory and didn’t care how people felt.

I embraced the concept of hatred day by day. One day, I had a vision of myself standing on a “troubled” sea (Isaiah 57:20). I saw Jesus humbly himself and manifest himself as a warrior (Exodus 15:3), I knew it was god because when I looked at him he looked so calm. I felt his presence. He seemed absolutely invincible and I somewhat acknowledged his great power. I saw light being absorbed from the world and being drawn to him. He then said “you have said in your heart that evil brings true power but if you can defeat me then I will join you.” He drew his blade and waited for me to attack him, I had a black sword, I can’t completely understand what these visions meant but I knew god was capable of fighting his own people spiritually and perhaps physically (Genesis 32:23-32). I said “i don’t need to have faith in you, I can have faith in myself” then I ruthlessly attacked him yet with one hand, he repulsed me, I flew back but each time I landed on my feet. We fought for days then we appeared in a dark realm, we fought in darkness until finally my blade clashed against his and I was overpowering him for a moment yet he saw just how vengeful I was then he disappeared and said “you have been defeated because of yourself” I then was left alone in the dark, shivering. I was humiliated but I still thought that I needed more power to defeat him.

My hatred grew as well as my pride, arrogance, and rage. It grew so much that it changed me severely, I had a vision of my fingers turning into vicious claws and I was turning into a savage animal like in the bible (Daniel 4:25).I suddenly felt a sort of power of darkness attach itself to me and I didn’t even know what path I was going(1 John 2:8-11), I felt like a warrior who had lost his way, I felt no peace (Isaiah 48:22). I became so selfish, I hated everything in existence, I became the person I did not want to become, I saw myself cursing,insulting, hurting others and doing all sorts of evil deeds. I saw a vision of Christians who came near me and said “a christian never hates and if he does he never was a christian.” I became enraged and fiercely screamed “how do you know if I never was a christian?!, I tried to spread gods love, I know gods word!” I approached them aggressively and stared into their eyes and screamed “look into my dark eyes and tell me I never was a christian!, when I was suffering, love never came to rescue me!, god is a liar and a tyrant!” then one said “who are you to question god?” I screamed again “who am I to question god? who is god to play with my life?! why did he cast down Lucifer and curse him?,why is it always the worst of people who get ignored by Christians while the hurting get their love?, the preachers and ministers sit in special chairs like their some kings so tell me how a supposedly good gracious god would let people suffer?!, and you people, many of you were my so called friends yet when I turned this way, you stopped being my friends, I have seen your hypocrisies, if this truly is gods love then don’t bother calling yourselves Christians and if it isn’t then its not real so tell me how love exists?!” no one answered with scriptures.”Answer me!” I monstrously roared, then they left.

I became even more corrupted by darkness, but I saw a part of my human self, it said to god “Will you still remember me when I completely forsake you?, will you still remember the time when I was looking for love and I found you and you saved me from hatred?” I then coldly turned into my corrupted self. I heard the voices of Christians who told me “God loves you and he wants to forgive you”, I became very angry and lashed out with blasphemies, feeling like an elder who was more experienced than everyone else, I screamed with a hateful look in my face “Don’t tell me about love!, I don’t need to be forgiven by a weak, proud,tyrant who perverts love!, Vengeance is mine! and I would rather go to the lake of fire accepting my just punishment than go to heaven being like you!”, I heard Christians who had lost their way but they came back to god and asked for forgiveness but I arrogantly ignored it, I stopped going to church and when I was invited, I went but not to seek god, I sought to challenge him. I sat there, angry, unmoved, and I swore to myself that if the preacher belittled me by laying his hand on me, I would do a very wicked deed. It was just as proverbs 26:24-26 says “Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.” I realized I was fully capable of having a lying tongue, a hand that steals, indulging in greed rather than sharing with the needy, a hand that destroys the innocent without mercy. I was capable of doing anything evil. I thought I found the greatest power of all, hatred, I felt powerful but one day I felt very depressed, hopeless, desperate, I felt so alone, I felt so much self pity and guilt and I cried, those were the loudest, most sorrowful cries I had in my life, I almost committed suicide, feeling nothing but my guilt, rage, and sorrow, but deep inside I felt a broken hand, holding me tightly so that I would not kill myself, I found that it was my other self, the warrior whom I thought was already dead, even though he almost had nothing, he was still willing to fight, my evil self wanted to get rid of him so that nothing would stand in my way.

I swore that if anyone told me that they loved me, I would give them a very terrible punishment, I would turn them like me and then humiliate them. I had a vision, I saw Jesus, the warrior, he spoke truth but I laughed hysterically and screamed very arrogant words at him then I attacked him with the power of darkness, it destroyed the environment except him, he repulsed me, yet I vomited to show my eagerness to destroy him, I tried to consume him in darkness but he was faster than I anticipated, I soon traveled at superhuman speed and charged at him, trying to destroy the truth but I was pushed back, finally I mustered up all the darkness and hatred I had (Matt. 6:23) and in a powerful fist filled with my blazing fury, the size of a world, I threw the greatest strike I could at him but to my amazement, he blocked it and pushed me down on the floor, I could barely move. I was humiliated, I couldn’t believe it. I had left this path of love, I thought hatred was the greatest power, I thought it was supposed to make me apathetic to fear, to pain, to being human, but I found that hatred failed to do that, I found that hatred is caused by the lack of love, I thought that my hatred would keep my rage aflame but it didn’t, it eventually extinguished. Those who hate aren’t freed from pain, they are enslaved to it. My hatred turned me into a very corrupted person, I thought I was supposed to be more powerful than Jesus but I wasn’t, meanwhile he remained unchanged (Malachi 3:6), still more powerful than i.

Confused, I asked myself “What is love?!” he left, my pride filled me but I felt his angels chain that corrupted part of me. I felt powerless, still very angry, but very depressed. I met a christian and he prayed for me. I was about to threaten him but I couldn’t, I asked him “Why is the enemy attacking me like this?”, he replied “because he is afraid that god is going to use you for very great things, god has called you to be a preacher.” I refused to believe him, I was still angry at god. “How could I ever be a preacher like this?!” I wondered, but god told me “when I found you, hatred has caused you to be weak, but my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). Eventually, I rejected the help of my fellow christian, I felt the enemy put heavy chains on me, he took me to a cliff above hell, I became so hopeless, so broken, I cried out “If there is such a thing as love, if anyone loves me enough that they would keep praying for me, I ask them to stop and forget about me because there is no hope for me, I will always hate and I won’t ever have eternal life.” I saw a vision of myself in heaven, whole, but then slowly, I fell down into hell, as I fell down to the deepest part, I became transformed into that very corrupted monstrous form, full of darkness. When I fell to the ground, all I could hear was the inhuman roars that I made. Despite all of my despair, I heard god say to me “Has darkness completely consumed you?, you don’t even know your own words, but if you still love me, come find me and I will give you truth and make you a new creature.” I didn’t know what I felt but I crawled and in the vision, I went to mount Zion, I kept crawling and I found Jesus as he was in the gospels. He was preaching on loving your neighbor but when I approached, he stopped and looked at me, his followers looked down on me, he walked near me, I ashamedly looked down at his feet then I looked up and I saw him stretch his hand and felt his hand touch my forehead, suddenly I felt burning oil fall on my head, it was like boiling water and the darkness, burning hatred, rage, and evil left me, I felt gods fire move through me and burn the demons, making them flee and the heavy chains broke, fell then shattered. All at once, the place turned into hell and I heard Satan roaring very angrily, he tried to take me away with a torrent (Rev. 12:15) but Jesus carried me and placed me in a safe place. I could finally walk on my feet but then I fell down, feeling dead, I then arose when god gave me life. Abruptly, I felt the devils hand grasp my heart, and he told me weakly but wickedly “im not going to let you go!”, I then saw myself being violently dragged back into hell. I suddenly found accusers disguised as “pharisees.” they beat me brutally almost to death not with fists but with words. One said “You are still under the curse of the law and that shall be your death!.” I knew they were parts of me because another said “your own law of vengeance shall kill you because of your sins!” They were right, the bible says “The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you” and the words I said condemned me because the same words the pharisees used, I used. I mocked, accused, and humiliated Jesus, I was like the high priest who tore his vest in Matthew 26. In that time, I felt what it was like to be ashamed and condemned. I felt unworthy to be saved but Christ interceded for me and the punishments which were meant to be given to me were given to Christ.

When I remembered his death, my hatred became destroyed and my accusers left me. I had an incredible vision, I was powerfully filled with the holy ghost and I found new robes which represented gods law of love (Gal. 5:14), my eyes were blazing, the light inside me made my skin shine brightly and it vastly illuminated the dark places. I understood the truth, the truth god revealed to me was that those who truly love god gladly go to his light and nothing can separate them from his love, those who are with god for a while but ultimately forsake him never truly loved him in the first place. I once was filled with and shielded with so much hatred but love pierced my heart, I didn’t like the feeling of being weakened by love, but finally it consumed me from within and my wounds were healed because “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12), when once I felt burning hatred, I felt burning love, I had new desires, when once I wanted to curse and scream hateful, hurtful words at people, I now want to speak words of peace and of love, when once I was proud and arrogant, I now wanted to be humble, when I once wanted to destroy the innocent not just with violence but with words, I want to preach about Jesus, when once I wanted to be consumed in my greed, I now want to give many of my possessions to the poor and show gods love and when once I was so filled with depression, sorrow,rage, and vengeance, I was now filled with the joy, peace, gentleness and love of Jesus Christ. I encourage everyone who hasn’t accepted Christ as their savior to truly call him and ask him to be your lord and savior, I promise you, you will never regret it.

God bless you all. I would like to give s testimony for the glory and honour of Jesus Christ. I suffered for years with painful menstruation. Back then I thought that it was suppose to be that way. Sometimes the pain were so severe that I felt I could pass out. Since my body got use to the pain tablets I used it only relieved me from the pain occationally. One day decided to browse the web to see if there was someone whom God healed with the similar problem as mine. Praise the LORD! I found such a one. Since God has no respect of persons. What He does for others He’ll do for you. So I started to confess my healing. So when my next menstruation came I expprienced no pain. I am healed by the grace of God. Only believe all thing s are possible.

My sister has been suffering from the stomach from last few years. We reached every doctor and everybody said that there’ nothing to worry about and it can be healed with some medication since its just a normal stomach disorder. The pain increased little by little we feared that it could be something serious. We reached some more doctors and a better hospital. We did all the tests that were possible and thank God, today the reports were normal. And this can be healed with some more medication. though a small tesimony but yes, I prayed for ths long while. and have been praying for God’s intervention in this healing. And I want to thank God for this, that the reports are normal and this can be surely healed. Praise to Lord Jesus Christ.

It’s almost 2012, nearly 4 years since I testified on this website. what has changed? that’s hard to describe. do I still feel lonely? lustful? yes. I selfishly lost my virginity to some girl, and porn is still there too blech. I did have close friends for a while but they drifted off (what a shame) but now I’m still learning that people come and go in our lives, no matter how I feel. It sucks that I never had that core group of friends or that best friend growing up, which makes me bitter sometimes(>:( ) . I know a lot of people today but they’re merely acquaitances. I understand that everyone has responsibilities to take care of, especially with age.  I’ve always been the black sheep in the family, amongst my relatives. I cringe at family reunions haha. But enough of me,God is good. I’m not here to seek help, God is my help, I must die… to self. A daily struggle for all of us, but it’s through our struggles we learn to wait on Him and Him alone. works don’t mean anything! just the perfect work of Christ in us, God doing a supernatural work in you , not to make your problems go away… you see, when I posted this, my view was that if I followed christ, all my problems will be solved, I’d be successful, feel smart and have a better social life . Are those things ok? sure, but that’s not the whole goal of christianity, even if the prosperity gospel teaches that, it’s just incorrect. either we esteem self or we esteem God. pick one, that’ll be your choice. Looking back on that now makes me seem a bit selfish, like having God fulfill all my selfish needs rather than live for Him, no matter what! to hell with everything else! my view now is on Him, God saved me from Himself, and the outpouring of His wrath. How loving is that? He didn’t save me for me. God’s glory manisfests even if humanity didn’t exist! (#truth) He saved us for His glory. That alone keeps me going, even in the midst of suffering, I am learning to trust Him. I never felt suicidal since those days and that’s a good thing, God sees worth in me even if my friends left me, etc.. Life may not turn out the way I want it to be, but that shouldn’t keep me or you from living and knowing who God is. It’s not about you, it was never about you. Don’t wait till you get to heaven to rejoice, start now! What should I do now? is no longer the question, because God answered me. (testimony below for those who haven’t read)

Mar 19, 2008

i grew up in my church my whole life. my dad is an assitant pastor in my church. everyone loves him. everyone expects me to be a good guy. i pretty much have been a good guy throughout my childhood. growing up in a christian household, was so different from everything outside of the world. my parents never really taught me anything about stuff like music, all they would listen to is christian music, i did not kno anything about any music. . . and bc of that i was made fun of by other ppl. i’ve been pushed around mostly my whole life even in church. . . by the time high school rolled around, i started becoming more and more rebellious. i would start by cutting a class and that would increase to more classes every day. i even started hanging out w. the wrong crowd, who all they did was cut and smoke weed and juss be lazy. i never smoked at all. thank god. but me and a friend starting doing graffiti, and eventually we were caught by the cops and taken to jail. it was my 1st time so i was let go the next day w. five days of community service. but then i realized that people i used to talk at school didn’t want to talk to me no more bc i cut so much. and by the end of senior year, i only had a few friends and that’s about it. now for my main problem, i was a porn addict. it all started at middle school, ppl would juss show me pics and eventually i started lookin on my on. from that, it led to clips,and then films. eventually i started masterbating which was like 3 yrs ago. it was a daily routine for me. i even did it more than once in a single day. near the end of 07, i got into a relationship w. a girl. which was good bc i stopped w. the porn, but i was pretty lustful. the 1st time me and her were together, i had the urge to have sex w. her. but then, i stopped bc it was too quick and she would get mad at me. . . i was pretty happy w. her, i didn’t need porn at all, maybe like once i looked at it. . . eventually, we broke up. . . which really saddened me. . . and i went back to porn, by feb, something happened to me. . . i had a fight(not physical) w. her which had me furious with anger and resentment. that rage eventually turned into bitter loneliness, and even w. the porn, that didn’t help at all. . . i started feelin isolated from the world, and there were times were i even threw up bc i was so depressed. i couldn’t even focus on school bc it was so stressful and when i came home, i broke down into tears. i even started thinkin about committing suicide. . . and so i prayed and for the 1st time, after all those yrs growin up in church, i accepted christ. it’s been a month since i stopped w. the porn, but i still get images in my head. there are times where when i sleep, i start dreamin about it. . . and the are times where i have the urge to go back to the net to continue where i left off. . . but i never went back to that. anyways i’m 19,  but i do not feel 19, i barely know anything in the world, 1) bc i never paid attention, 2) i’m a pastors son.  i’m like the worst talker ever bc i have nothing to talk about.  i’m not really funny. and i’m quiet most of the time. which makes me feel even more lonely. & other than that, i don’t feel like i’m independent. i’m always takin orders from somebody else. i’m the type of guy who gets pushed around. the reason i don’t do anything back is bc i don’t wanna make it worse. but like i said, i’m like the worst talker ever. and the only real people i have in my life is my parents, a few of my cousins, and like a few friends. idk what to do from here, i know i trust christ now, i get sad but then i get better, but still, what should i do now?

Hi, my name is Bharat. I grew up in the hindu faith family from India. I have been taught to respect everybody as God lives in everyone’s heart. I would like to share my experience which I had about 7 years ago during christmas time. It was my first time leaving and staying away from my family. I was studying in United Kingdom. During Christmas holidays I was working in a Cafe restaurant. It was one fine day and the cafe was very busy. I was working hard as there was not enough staff available on that day. I still remember that I was doing something near counter, a man came to me and was smilng. He was old man with moustache and was holding Bible in one hand. I thought he was having problem with food as he was having his food at near by table. But he came to me and asked me what is your name, I said my name is Bharat than he asked me what is your father’s name, I told him that his name is Bhurabhai. He was having that magestic smile. After the conversation I turned towards counter to get something and turned back to him, he was gone. I could not find him anywhere. I can still remember his face. He was having a divine shine on his face which was making him glow.

I do not know who he was, but sometimes I feel that I met God. He was Jesus. He came to me to say that do not worry, you are not alone I am with you. This gives me a lot of positive energy.

I always wanted to share this experience with someone but was afraid someone will laugh at me. But I believe in him and that is the reason I am sharing my experience with everybody today.

And He Saved me from Going to Hell and Took me away

I used to be in a gang. I was in the gang for 2 years, but i was bangin for 4 years since i was in the 8th grade and i am now a high school senior. As a kid i was always attracted to gangs. My family was brought up in gangs, my parents when they were younger and cousins who i grew up with. when i was in elementary i dressed like a lil gangster. As the years wet by I grew older and started doing different things because i was in middle school. I was always a good kid, never in trouble, always did my work, never in fights, and listened to my parents. as i was in 6th and 7th, there were people who messed with me. i was never a snitch but i was kind of bullied in a way because i was skinny and small.

In 8th grade i started dressing baggier and walking different. i talked different and looked meaner. i always tried to look at someone with a mean look. My family was a good, loving, and caring family. As i was in the 8th grade I started getting in trouble, kicked out of school, breaking and entering and getting 6 months probation for it. right now im on probation for tagging on walls putting the gang i was in on the wall in my hood to let my enemies know we were there. the reason i joined a gang was to be like old school gangsters. and 2 years ago i got into a gang because of my homie who is now on the run for murder. and to get into the gang i fought for about a week straight, fight after fight after fight just to prove to them i was down and crazy, but now i regret that and i want to let everyone know that God can make a change in your life and that he loves every single one of us. He sent his one and only son. We are all his children but Jesus was special.

I’m also an ex-scratcher. A scratcher is someone who does tattoos from their home and is not professional. tattoos are a sin because God doesn’t want us to mess up our bodies. He wants us to take care of them, sure tattoos are beautiful, but Gods love is more beautiful than anything in the world. I love to draw. Drawing is my life (after Jesus of course) I have been drawing since i was 2 my mom says. And now I want to draw for Jesus, the Lord, God. i want him to give me visions so I can paint them or draw them out for everyone to see. I love Jesus and he Loves me and everyone sinners or not. We all have a purpose in this life. Some people are sacrificed and I want to let everyone know that Jesus can make you happy and give you strength. Jesus made a change in my life and he can make a change in yours.

I went from carrying a gun or butcher knife to carrying a bible. I went from running up on people asking them what they bang to walking up to people and blessing them and telling them my testimony. I went from being angry at the world to wanting to save everyone i know and everyone I don’t know. I even want to save my enemies from the depths of hell. Gangs aren’t good. But people should stop criticizing gangs because those people have a reason to be in a gang and they don’t live an easy life. Demons influence people like me or people in gangs especially younger kids. A gang is an army of evil, one of the devils greatest creations to destroy lives, the community, and the world. Devil is bad and evrything good is God. You choose, you know what is wrong and what is right. And for those who are afraid of getting out of a gang because the only way getting out is by them killing you, well call for Jesus and hell come. Cal for the Great almighty Lord and he will come unto you. for any of you gang members out there trying to get out, heres a prayer, you can add to it or change if you’d like…Jesus, oh great Lord i come unto you asking for forgiveness, and i repent from my crimes and sins i have done, oh father for i have sinned and i trust in you and believe in you because i know that God awakened Jesus from the dead, I know that he died for my sins even though i wasn’t even born yet, Oh father, take away my pain and struggles, give me happiness and joy, take away my evil mind and give me strength, courage, and make me wise, Dear Lord i love you and pray for everyone on this earth, which you love, in the name of the father, Amen…..now you will serve the Lord and they to save everyone from hell, you can make a difference, if your going to be in an army might as well make it God’s. God bless you.

My testimony. I dont have one experience that I can really point out. My whole life is my testimony I see now.

I was born the youngest of 7 to two hard working parents with no education. Immigrants from Mexico, they came to the US to make a better life for us. I never appreciated my parents or family as much as I should have. My father and my brothers built houses, my mother worked and made tamales. I look back and remember the hard times, for some reason thats the majority of what I can remember growing up. The hard times. I understand now how stressful it must have been to provide for us. My youth was spent alone being angry and crying, always confused . Wondering why things where the way they were. Even then I remember staying up at night talking to outload and crying to them, asking them why things where the way there were. Even then, I must have know he was listening to my crys. I lost my best friend to diabetes soon after I graduated highschool. I had ups and downs with my faith but with this loss, I definitely became detached for a few years. These years would be the hardest iv experienced so far in my young life of 24. I went out on my own wanting to take control of my life but having no direction. I made poor decisions, I made my future and money my priority and told myself that it was me against everyone else. I felt very angry, I felt alone, I didnt think I was worth anything. I hated myself. I found myself in a relationship with a man that was 12 years older than me. I had not had much experience with love and I was manipulated, used and abused. But I felt that was where I needed to be. But after 3 years that person lost their job and had to rely then on me, his young girfriend. I felt that this was part of Gods plan, maybe he wanted to test my streanght and loyalty. I worked, took over bills, I had already fallen for his son, we were very close. So I saw this as one of Gods tests. But this person I thought I loved, cheated on me, and again I was alone. The little family I had come to call my own, was never really mine. I drank, and I hated, and I cursed, and I lost my will for a while. I stayed in bed for days at a time, didnt care about my job, I couldnt stand to be around anyone. I felt ashamed, embarassed, a waste of a person. I was put on anti-depressants that truly didnt change the way I felt, thy just didn’t allow me to react normally, I felt like a robot. Because of the medicine I was always drowsy, my mouth was dry, my legs would shake, this wasnt a cure.

But in all of this God was still working in us, not losing faith in me, his child. My neice Carolyn was born to us 6/26/2002, a real angel from God sent down to earth. She was born with cerbal palsy, scoliosis, constant seizures throughout her days. She went through several surgeries that included her head, her eyes, G-tubes, etc. She could not walk, talk, she lacked the simple luxeries that we take for granted in our every day. But she was a real soldier of God. She smiled like she knew something we didnt. And she laughed, it was the most beautiful sound her laugh. She loved her music, she loved her family. But she was so fragile on earth. The simplest cold could turn into phemonia and send her to the hospital for a month full of poking and proding, with her sensitive skin not even able to have tape hold her tubes in place because it would tear her skin off. She was strong like I could not be. She slipped in and out of comas for a while after a few collapsed lungs. Doctors would tell us that she was on her deathbed and we prayed and 3 times she woke up smiling and laughing like if she had just come back from a trip, leaving doctors in shock. But I wasnt shocked, I prayed to God and I knew he was there. But her body grew week and that 4th time, she was sent home for her final days. God bless my sister for staying by her little girls side till the very end. Doctors said she would be gone by the end of the day, she gave us 6 days. Reminds me of the day she was born, doctors saying she would have at the most a week, and she gave us 9 years. That was GOD.

When I felt selfish and only thought about myself, something would happen, shed get sick, or end up in the hospital. She always had a way of waking me up. We get caught up in ourselves, our drama, our bills, our own selfish needs and we forget that its not about us. Its about God. We should think more about others, than about ourselves. And it took me a while to see that, but I see it clearly now. God sent storms my way to redirect me, much like the story of Jonah. Things happen for a reason, people come into your life for a reason. And I thank God that he has made me the person I am today, by blessing me with the people, and lessons, and hard times. One night I fell on my knees and cryed to God for salvation, I repented my sins. I prayed and I trusted in him. And my days began to improve, I started to read the holy scriptures, I stopped cursing, I stopped all my foolish behavior because my eyes had been open to how real and awesome Gods love was and I needed to try and be christ like. I got off my anti-depresents and I realised I didnt need them. I needed God. Even on our worst days, we should give thanks and love one another. Today I have a wonderful man that loves me and stands by me and I appreciate the man he is and he appreciates me in the ways that I didnt think I was worth. When im at my lowest, he reminds me how God made me beautiful and in his image. He just smiles at me and says “Your a clay pot babe” and I feel better. Thats God. Finding my way back to God when I was at my lowest, realizing how selfish I was being. My life has turned around, I see things so clearly. I am so grateful. I pray for strength, patience and love for all of us. I do not lose faith in Man. We are his children and he wants us so badly to be reunited in his kingdom. But we must take a look at how we are living, help and love one another. I feel like I need to tell everyone how much God loves them. God is such a great and loving God! God is always taking care of me, he is my shepard, I will not stray again. I am looking forward to my baptism, I’m all in.

My name is Simon Peter which I took up after becoming to Christian. I was born and raced in an Aristocratic High cast Hindu family. Being from a high cast Hindu family my daily routine included visiting temples, worshiping idols performing rituals according to the Hindu system  of faith. As I was growing  I experienced emptiness within myself. This feeling gradually increased.

When I entered college I was totally depressed and could never understand why I was depressed. I visited many Hindu Pilgrim places like Sabarimala (Kerala). Etc. in search peace. In college indulged all kind of pressures that my society had to offer. I started getting addicted to intoxicants. Though I tried to satisfy my senses with the treasures of this world there was a deep longing within me for something which I didn’t understand them. I got totally addicted to smoking and began to roam around like a lunatic person in search of meaning for my life. All my efforts to get some peace wherein vain.

I n the meanwhile I took up a job in company located at Coimbatore Tamilnadu. I lavished my salary in finding more pleasures. However emptiness despair was still hunting. I began to contemplate suicide.

One day I noticed an advertisement about Good Shepherded Bible Training Center in a Newspaper. It caught my attention and I got a motivation from my heart to join the training program. I correspondent to Dr.Babu, who was the director of the training centre about my problems. Very soon I got a reply from Dr.Babu and he shared the gospel. I realized that I am a sinner and needed Jesus in my life to set me free from the guilt of sin and the emptiness that I experienced all through my life.

I received Jesus as my personal savior and Lord. From that day life was changed and I have been experiencing lasting peace and joy. On May 26^th 1994 I took
water baptism in obedience to God’s word and proclamation of my faith to the world. I was forsaken by parents and other members for receiving Jesus. In 1997, I got married to a born again Christian her name is Giji God has blessed us with three wonderful children. Jemuel 12 years He is in sixth standard, Jemeema 9 years she is in 4^th standard and Jackie 5 years He is in 1st. Lately I have moved to Mumbai city with my family and we are involved in full time Gods Ministry. We have started an Independent Ministry registered by the name Hosanna Mission trust India. We have Sunday worship services, weekly prayer meeting, Fasting prayers & Bible teaching systems. Each day we experience Gods Faithfulness as we trust in the Lord for our provisions.

It is my vision to serve the Lord in whatever capacity possible. I wish to preach Gospel and plant churches. I believe that youths can be used enormously by God for which I wish to set up bible training centers to train them. I praying fervently and waiting patiently for Gods time.

In the Service of the Master

Rev. Simon Peter.

HI, i’m a college student who is having a lot of trouble with some classes. i study so hard and seek help but nothing is clicking. i have final exams soon and it’s defintely a fail. i have been asking God to help me with all my heart and praising him everyday but his silence is getting on my last nerve. I just quit and don’t care anymore.  please pray for me because i just broke my cellphone out of anger and i might just rip off my bible.

My testimony
Believe what you want to believe… im giving a fully honest testimony about how Jesus healed me. i will give it in full detail only witholding my identity. The reason im witholding my identity is because im a police officer and i do not want to lose my job because of this. I only want to glorify the Father in the Son with my testimony and my hearts desire is to see you get healed also. Please read my writings to see how i postured my heart toward the Lord to recieve healing. I did have to read the bible. I did have to labor get get free. I did have to repent to get free. Christians CAN have demons otherwise there would be no need to drive them out like Jesus and his believers did. The salvation experience does not drive out demons. A believer MUST at least read the Four Gospels… Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and preferably Acts. They are not very long and are very easy to read.

Matthew 17:14-21

The Healing of a Boy With a Demon

14And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying, 15Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water. 16And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him. 17Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me. 18And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.

19Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out? 20And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. 21Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.

The Testimony…

The Resurrection

When I was younger I had my first unforgettable experience with our Almighty Creator. The year was 1989, my Sister, Felicia was 4 years old and at the time I was 6. My father wasn’t home this particular evening because he was out playing cards with his friends. From what I remember it was a Friday night, the time was approximately 9:00p.m. I remember there was a full moon on this particular night and it must have been in the summer since it wasn’t cold. My sister and I were playing, got into a disagreement and started fighting, as kids sometimes do. I shoved her, she fell, and hit her head on the protruding corner of a wall. The fall knocked her out and she stopped breathing. I got scared and screamed for mom. Mom came in and saw Felicia knocked out on the floor. Mom reached down and shook her with no response and then noticed Felicia wasn’t breathing. Mom began to panic and scream. Mom immediately ran to the phone, dialed 911, turned to me and said ”Go get Doug!”.

Doug was a friend of the family, an evangelist, and a neighbor who lived up on the hill right next to us. I ran up the hill, knocked on the door, and after what seemed like 2 minutes Doug finally answered the door. He had been asleep in bed and I awoke him by my frantic knocking. When he answered the door I yelled “Doug. Please. We need your help. Hurry!” He went back inside and put on some clothes and shoes and we proceeded down the hill. My mother met Doug in the driveway with my sister in her arms.

I remember the transition almost in slow motion. I saw my sisters face in the moonlight and she was pale blue and lifeless. The whole time she still hadn’t taken a breath. Doug took her from my mothers arms, looked at my sister, and looked up. He lifted my sister with both of his arms over his head and said out loud ”Heavenly Father I ask the you save this child in the name of Jesus!” Immediately she started breathing and crying. This was an obvious miracle from God. Felicia hadn’t been breathing for about 5 minutes. Brain death starts to occur at the 5 minute mark.

We took Felicia to the emergency room that night anyways, just in case. The doctors did a CT scan of her brain and said that the trauma and lack of oxygen had effected certain parts of her brain, primarily the parts that deal with learning and happiness. Unfortunately Felicia did end up having problems learning in school and still, to this day, has issues with happiness. But she has two beautiful little girls of whom are very healthy. Praise God for his mercy!!!

In the Name of Jesus

My father used to have seizures. And I remember 2 different instances when the powerful name of Jesus was used to stop them. The first on was when I was very young and I do not remember what age but I do remember that I was riding on a little Tonka toy car on the deck on the back porch so I must’ve been about 3. I was on the back porch playing on the toy truck when Dad walks out of the house and walks out to the car. I noticed that he was walking weird, almost like how a drunk walks, he was staggering. He tried a couple of times to get the door to the car open with success on about the 3rd attempt. Finally he got into the car and sat down. I was watching him because he was acting funny and it drew my attention. I asked him “Dad are you okay?” He answered with “Yea son, I’m fine”. He then started poking at the inside roof of the car with his index finger. I asked him again and he didn’t answer, then he passed out. I went and got Mom, she called Doug. I don’t remember all of the details but I remember that Doug came down and started praying over my father. Doug lifted his hands toward the sky and this is all I remember “… In the name of Jesus” Immediately my father came out of the seizure and started acting better. The 2nd time Doug prayed over my father the same thing happened but unfortunately I do not remember the details on that time. I just remember that it happened.

Salvation Experience

I remember when I was 11 years old I was going to Bible School at my local church. I learned about Jesus and the plan of salvation there. I went home one night that week and I remember I was lying in bed to go to sleep. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and I felt my heart pounding. I got goosebumps and started to cry a little. I ran in the living room and told Mom and she was happy for me.

Early Signs

I remember a couple of things that happened to me when I was younger that were rather weird. One time I was on my way to the store in the car with Mom and Dad and I was dwelling what I had learned from my family about the Anti-Christ. I started thinking “Well, what if I am the antichrist?” all of a sudden I experienced a high amount of anxiety rush through my being. Then I started saying to myself that I don’t like these feelings so I let that thought go. The anxiety subsided immediately.

I was at home one night laying on the floor in front of the TV. I was halfway asleep when I felt as though I was floating off the floor. I immediately woke up and actually felt myself fall about 2 inches down back onto the floor. I remember the impact because it knocked the breath out of me a little and hurt. I really believe I levitated.

When I was in kindergarten I remember that I was almost asleep in my bed when I saw a face of what I believed to be a spirit come over me. Its face went into my face and I felt the presence of it pass through me. And I jumped up frightened. After a while I just went back to sleep with no problems.

My best friend Dustin and I were playing with a Ouija board one night when we had an experience that was beyond ordinary. I was in unbelief and decided to test this thing out. I took a pen and wrote a long number on some cardboard without the possibility of Dustin seeing it. We asked the Ouija board what the number was and it actually got it right! I was astounded. Dustin, in unbelief then tried it also and it did the same thing. Dustin actually experienced something in his house that scared me to hear it. He said that he heard something out in the hall and went out to check it out because nobody was home. He came out of his room and when he stepped out onto the tile floor in the hallway he felt and heard like someone was hammering from under floor onto the bottom of his foot. Every time his foot made contact with the floor it did this. He said that the impact was so hard it was actually painful. Dustin at one point could not swallow food and lost 50 lbs because of this. He had to take Prozac for depression. Dustin died from a one vehicle accident at 18 years of age that involved alcohol.

The last time I smoked marijuana I was at a 2 day party at Jessica’s parent’s house. The first night I drank, and the second night I smoked weed. I remember taking one hit from a gravity bong. Now I had smoked marijuana before and had bad experiences but I was willing to try again. This time I actually got so high I freaked out. I actually panicked. I thought that I was so messed up I was going to kill someone. I was very mad at the guys who brought the weed and set up the hit for me because I thought they laced it with another drug. And I still believe that they did because I have never felt like that before. I decided to calm down and try to have fun. When I did I acted like a monkey for a few seconds, jumping hooting and hollering for about 7 seconds. In the middle of the “monkey rampage” I had a thought pass through my mind that scared me even worse: “Oh my God I cant stop acting like this!”. Then after about 3 more seconds I finally stopped with an extreme amount of fear and embarrasment. I had just embarrassed myself in front of everyone. I tried to sleep it off. The high lasted until midday the next day and then finally wore off.

The Demonization

I never experienced that amount of anxiety or fear again until I had another panic attack. I was a Deputy at a sheriffs office and I was in jail school. Jail school was a forty hour class qualifying one as a correctional officer for work in the county jail. I was sitting in the back of the classroom and was wearing my gun. . I remember we were actually talking about dealing with mentally ill people and how they had certain thought patterns. The teacher was talking about how some of these mentally ill patients believe they are someone special like Jesus Christ, or the Anti-Christ, etc. I remembered about how I actually thought one of those thoughts at one time and how I felt when I did. I actually used that to “see how it felt” to be a mentally ill person. All of a sudden I actually started acting it out in my mind. That’s when it hit the fan. I got the thought of pulling out my gun and shooting everyone in the room. I felt an extreme amount of fear, anxiety, adrenaline, and panic rush through my being. It was so strong I had to calm myself mentally and act like I was going to the bathroom to use it. I actually went in there to calm down. I told myself that I would put my gun away during the next break and so I did. Ever since then I had carried a fear of being around firearms. I actually acquired a fear of knives too. As I confronted it more and more I got to where I was only afraid to carry loaded firearms. And then it slowly became where I was afraid of carrying them around other people. Whenever I would get into these situations, like when we were out to eat at a steak restaurant with knives. I would have an extreme rush of fear, panic, and anxiety. I would actually try to avoid them sometimes.

I took another job that wasn’t in law enforcement. Not because of the anxiety, fear, or panic. I stayed in this field for approximately 3 years and decided to apply for another law enforcement job. I believed that I could overcome this stuff. As a matter of fact I knew it could be done. I prayed about it and asked God to help me overcome this. All was fine until I went to the training facility and started our firearms training. Every time we got on the firing line I had a panic attack. I had 2 weeks straight of panic attacks all day long. It left a scar on my mind and started interfering with my sleep. I made it through the training at our training facility and moved on to the site of my assigned work. then i started thinking about having to confront sitting in front of everyone in our daily briefing and having to deal with panic attacks. I stared off into space most of the time because I was so afraid of the next time I had to confront it. not only was i having panic attacks, but i wasn’t sleeping but once every 3 days because the anxiety was so bad. I would have heart palpitations while i laid in bed that were so strong i was surprised they didn’t keep my wife awake. I went through 6 months of this hell. I would sleep maybe 1 or 2 hours a night and every 3rd night i would sleep a decent 5-6 hours. It took a great toll on my health. The whole time I was dealing with this I began reading the bible. I read the entire new testament and didn’t receive a healing. I then read the old testament and still wasn’t healed.

The Healing

I read the whole bible in 6 months and wasn’t healed. I believed the scriptures and saw how Jesus healed and cast out demons. I wasn’t for sure but I believed I had a demon, about 80 percent sure. I was also reading books on spiritual warfare. I got desperate and broke down crying out for the thousandth time. I begged God to please have mercy on me and show me what was keeping me from receiving the healing. It wasn’t immediate but He faithfully showed me I was still looking at pornography and that I needed to repent. I repented immediately. Three days go by and im laying in bed, i was in a face down position trying to go to sleep. i was half awake and half asleep having heart palpitations when my right leg and whole upper torso lifted off the bed. my left leg and hips were still face down on the bed. I felt no pain or discomfort. the only way i can describe it is it felt like someone grabbing you by the shirt and pulling you up, only on the inside. I felt something being pulled out of me! I tried to command it to leave in the name of Jesus but when i would try to speak my tongue would stick to the top of my mouth. I was in a state of sleep paralyzation. finally after 10 seconds or so something came out or something just let go and I went limp and passed out immediately. I woke up to go to work about 3 hours later. I thought about what happened all day. I didn’t feel any different and was disappointed because I thought I was healed.

3 more days go by and i have another manifestation. I’m still not sleeping but once every three days still by this point. I was laying in bed on my back and I was having heart palpitations trying to fall asleep when i felt something like a wind pass out of my back near the top of my left kidney. then immediately i felt a pair of hands violently but not painfully grab my ribcage and pull itself back into me. I immediately fell asleep. I woke up trhee hours later and went to work still not healed. God had been giving me dreams concerning my situation and showed me i had 3 demons to cast out. Three more days go by and by this time im convinced its a demon. so im trying to go to sleep but with the same usual problems. So i decide im going to command this demon to leave until I either fall asleep, have to get up to go to work, or until something happens(i didn’t expect anything to truly happen). I laid there for about 10 or 12 minutes commanding the demon the leave when i started drifting off into sleep. I was still commanding it to leave but i was just about to fall alseep when the unexpected happened. i began to go into what seemed like a seizure. I started violently vibrating. I then sat up in the bed and forcefully exhaled all the air in my lungs. i then felt this bubble like thing come up from the center of my stomach, up my esophagus, and out of my mouth. It had a tear drop shape and when it left my mouth i felt very small hands grab the corners of my mouth and force itself out. I fell limp on my bed with and overwhelming sense of peace. I then heard someone say my name “Daniel!!!” The voice was female and i thought it was my wife. At that moment I realized what I experienced. I sat up on the bed and looked around the room seeing nothing but darkness. I looked at my wife and she was sound asleep. I remember actually saying to myself “Did that really just happen?” The next day to my suprise I was fully healed of the panic attacks!!! I found out later that I couldnt even have a panic attack if the world began to fall apart. God had healed me!!! I still had many things to walk out like standing in the things that used to scare me but the fear left quickly because the devil was gone. For the first time I was able to experience normal fear and normal anxiety. Neither of which are even close to panic anxiety! I hope this helps someone get healed. Please visit my website for more information: www.panicanxietycure.webs.com