July 26th, 2012
I have been a Christian since the age of thirteen, I love the Lord and his fatherly mercies. My life has had many ups and downs, but he is always there for me. One summer God put a country on my heart, Peru. He had told me about three years ago that i’d be traveling there, but as the years go by, my heart felt weak. I have been attending college since then. I made a new friend who used to live in Texas. He had many opportunities to leave out of state, but he told me he had been told by God that his promised love was waiting for him. We spoke of this a few times and i eagerly encouraged him to hold to that promise…and then six months went by and we started dating.I recently have been involved in a premarital relationship with this young man, and have had thoughts of being together for longer than just a normal dating relationship, I have thought of marriage and a future together. But, knowing that this is wrong, it is very hard to know how to approach both my feelings for him, and my obedience to the Lord and his will. I also have been wondering if I am indeed that promised girl, or if we were not meant to become wed. You see, I am more of an outdoors person, and he is more fond of video games and such. I understand that if we did become married, it wouldn’t be a great idea anytime soon. I have been slightly on the verge of contemplating ending our relationship, but at the same time, I wonder if God would bring us together again if I did let go. That is my problem though, I feel loved, and I am fearful of losing someone I care so deeply for.
I am also so alone in my own world right now because I don’t have fellowship often anymore sonce my new job began. I feel deprived of the little things, like church meetings or being around other Christians; my boyfriend is a believer as well, but I feel I need more female companionship. I am still waiting for God to give me that big break on Peru, and I want to obey him in his will for me to ” go to all the world and speak his great love, even sing.” I don’t know if my boy and i are promised to one another, I do love him. I know I am near to those who love me, but right now, all I want is for God to be near me.