Dealing with Shame and Guilt

I’ve done quite a few things I’m not pleased with. Things that are hard to admit to because they’re pretty wicked and evil. There’d be a level of rational thinking on why it isn’t easy talking about certain sins I’ve committed. And then there’d just be a flat-out irrational state of shame and fear holding me back.

Anyway, I’ve found that the crippling level of fear, shame and overall cowardice that someone has stopping them from opening up and confessing something to someone can be overcome with the Lord helping you to do it. I also think it is obviously the enemy trying to stop you with the fear and anxiety (especially before you make the act) with confessing a sin/or talking about stuff with someone. Be it another Christian, or anyone for that matter.

Don’t get me wrong: it isn’t easy confessing and sharing what you’ve done with other people. But there is an irrational-self-justifying-cowardly fear and reluctance to not confessing/or talking about sins with someone. Where we may justify in our minds on why we shouldn’t go through with it. Or just merely talking about it in general.

So, someone might justify it in their mind that: they’ll only make the situation worse in talking with someone about something they’ve done to that person. Or worried too much in excess what that person will think of them. So someone (like myself) will rationalise in their mind that: “no it’s just better to stay silent and that it’s less cowardice and more just being practical in keeping a secret or not confessing something.” So, you effectively rationalise and justify your own cowardice, by saying it isn’t cowardice at all. You can, I believe even delude yourself there.

Anyway, I’ve recently been at an healing retreat were I actually talked a lot about the truly wicked stuff I’ve done with other Christians who were assigned as my ministry team. More or less properly, for the first time. *I hadn’t wronged or trespassed them specifically-they were there to help me and others there. Also, to make clear: I’m not confessing my sins or asking for forgiveness from the ministry team at the healing retreat. The idea is to confess your sin/sins to the Lord in the presence of other Christians as witnesses’ present. And to be stronger in prayer as a group in the first place*

But I’ve found that the Lord not only makes me cope better in the aftermath of confessing or opening up with other people, but He makes it easier for you do it in the actual act. Especially after the first time. Because despite the depraved horrible stuff I had done, the people who were assigned to me didn’t judge me or forsake me but kept listening to me and wanted to help me still. And they represent the Lord Himself there. *Albeit on a much lower scale*.

God will forgive the most horrible sinners history has ever known and forget they’re sin. As it was all paid for on the cross by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. His love is incredible in not only forgiving someone wicked but wanting to heal that person. And don’t get me wrong: if I had told anyone else all this stuff I had done (even a doctor or psychiatrist) I’m not sure they would want to stick around with me too much longer. Or continue looking at me the same way.

So, there are 3 cases I will state in this post.

The first was a case of petty delinquency over 10 years ago. In which I felt my family and the world in general had more or less completely turned against me. Where I felt I needed to get my own back. The example was I felt my sister had turned on me (along with a lot of my family in general) and I decided to go into her room and take her Nintendo DS and throw it into a nearby woods. I actually managed to confess to her what I had done. I would never of dreamed of doing that just mere months before possibly. I don’t think I would certainly have the inclination, nor possibly even the capacity to confess what I had done prior to the Lord coming into my life.

The second case was were I contacted a number of people I used to know and play with on an online computer game. In which previously I had left a vitriolic, vengeful post. Because I had enough of a lot of the members in the community treating me badly beforehand. So, end of last year/start of this year I decided to contact a good few of them in the community.

It wasn’t easy for a couple of reasons. The first being, it just simply wasn’t easy. The second, I was expecting abuse to be thrown at me front, right and centre. But while it wasn’t easy for some pretty legit reasons, once again: I do believe there is an irrational-demonic influence of fear in someone to stop you from doing something that is hard but also the right thing to do. And more crucially what the Lord expects and wants you to do.

So obviously I apologised for the message I left. And stated I forgave them. I didn’t contact absolutely everyone in the community, but I did contact a good few of them. I didn’t get many responses, but out of the 3 I did get, 2 were positive. Which was great. And one of them was from the leader of the actual clan that was prominent in the community.

So, Praise the Lord all round. For not only making it possible for me to do something like this (which is not easy). But for giving me a new heart of letting go of embittered hate and unforgiveness all round. Because I had an irrational attitude of just pure ‘never-forget-never-forgive’ with people who had wronged me not only on a game community but in real life anyway.  Because I would never have even wanted to apologise to them in the first place. Never mind that I would be too much of a coward to contact them and make peace. Because following the message I left on the clan website, I still continued playing the game. Albeit under numerous nicknames. And was quite careful, probably obsessed with not wanting anyone to find out the old nick name I used to play under. Some of the people I contacted I did actually mention the more common new nicknames I played under. No way I would/could of done that a year, or even just a few months prior to contacting them.

The Lord can also help you deal with shame and help you cope with it when someone is treating you differently with something confessed to that person. Were you are ashamed, offended, depressed, or angry. Which is a Great Help. Because He does understand.

Another thing which wasn’t easy, but I had to do it, was confess to my friend that I had thrown away a collection of manga books he had gotten me as a gift. I had thrown them away because they’re pretty much cursed and of the devil. But I had not informed him of doing it, and felt guilty. Not guilty because they were of the devil and I needed to get rid of them, but for reasons that I felt bad he had spent quite a bit of his money in buying it for me and felt I needed to own up and explain. I would, put it simply: not be able to physically own up to doing something like that. Especially to a friend. And once again: even if it was possible for me to do this before the Lord coming into my life, the Lord most certainly makes it easier to do something like that when you accept Him as your Lord and Saviour.

Anyway, it’s a well-known Japanese manga-anime and there’s plenty of information on the internet showing its pretty occult ridden.

So, the shame, and fear and guilt someone may feel is stopping them in not confessing to other people where they may have wronged them, I think a lot of the time it is Satan holding them in bondage. So, they go nowhere. So, whatever anyone has done, do not let thoughts of guilt or shame stop you from opening up to God or confessing any sins to anyone you have wronged. Because there is a legitimate case of the actual person not forgiving themselves with not letting go of what they have done.

Being convicted with shame and guilt (which a lot of the time is from the enemy-whether the person knows it or not). So all the Praise of Course to the Lord Jesus Christ for overcoming hard barriers like shame and guilt. And it’s not done by any means completely for me. But I am making progress I would say.

There will be a more complete testimony I will do at some point going into more detail of what I have done and more importantly what the Lord Jesus Christ has forgiven me of and done for me in my life. Either on this site or another medium.