Testimony Share

To many who know me, this testimony may seem to be only a fleeting phase. I admit that I have undergone many transformations in the past few years. I have gone from a former would-be minister, to volatile adolescent, to a dilettante of eastern philosophy, to avid atheist. The latter being with what most people are familiar. I have written in many blogs, “preached” to many people I know about atheism (Oh, the irony), attempted to debate with public Christian groups, and been an overall ‘troll’ on the internet in order to further the ‘cause’ of atheism. I can only hope then, that people see this testimony as both a sincere recantation of those beliefs, and a firm statement in my belief in Jesus Christ. I have prayed to God for the strength to show the world my faults, and through Him, I am able to do this without shame.

Before I reached High School, I wanted to be a minister, but in retrospect, this did not come from a real devotion to the Lord, but rather, it was an outlet for a shy young boy to stand out amongst his peers. Being ‘religious’ was my way of gaining praise from my peers and loved ones, but by ‘religious’, I just mean that I had certain gifts in academics that allowed me to remember an awful lot about what we learned in Bible school, and what I read in the children’s Bibles that I had. I never really had knowledge about putting those lessons to use though, as I was a loner when I was young. I did not have many friends until I was in middle school, and I did not go out very much even when I did finally have a set group of friends.

It is important to note that I did not consciously manipulate and fool those around me into thinking that I was pious. I simply thought I was religious and therefore in the right. There was nothing sinister about it, and in fact, realizing that hardly anyone wakes up in the morning and says, “Well I’m going to be a manipulative asshole today”, is an important lesson that I have learned. We, as people, always think we are in the right, but so often, we are victims to our own arrogance and vanity.

My ‘faith’, which I now see as having been weak, began to seriously crumble when I entered High School. I had a girlfriend and more friends, and I was finally being exposed to the temptations of actually ‘having a life’. I began going out more and more, and when I say my faith crumbled, I certainly do not mean that I started using drugs or drinking alcohol. I actually only drank about two times before college, and I never touched drugs…ever. I just mean that I failed to have God with me. I did not live out my faith. I was morally weak, and my immaturity, unwarranted sense of self-importance, and arrogance played a large role in it.

I was never truly ‘real’ with myself, and that carried over into my college years. I was also having small spurts of things like training for long distance running of weight lifting, but I never had the commitment to actually improve my athleticism. I always had the capacity to be a straight A student, but I never really applied myself as much as I should have. I made the Dean’s List several times, but then I would have semesters and classes that I just thought I could blow off. I was ignorant to the blessing of being in college, and to my ‘shortcomings’ in the more social realm of life being a byproduct of my own insecurities and willingness to blame others.

Once in college, I became disillusioned with the world. I saw how much gray there was, and I somehow took it personally, as though I had been lied to my whole life. I thought of myself as a good, strong, moral person (as no one usually sees their own mistakes), and my own arrogance lead me into a rut. I became very cynical. I was cynical against institutions that were praised, individuals for being regarded as heroes, and especially of religion, as I thought it to be more or less a delusional lie.

I found, however, a temporary peace in my arrogance and ignorance. I had always been told how ‘smart’ I was, and I began to thrive off that. I began reading more, and one of the books I read was “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. That book moved me from ‘fence sitting’ about my belief in God to being an out and out atheist. I became active in my atheism. I treated it as though I was trying to convert people. I would go into blogs, chartrooms, online forums; I would post videos, and even openly challenge ‘theists’ to debating the existence of God. I would do this as often as I could. I came across many interesting people, who adamantly challenged me. When I say ‘challenge’, I mean they answered my call for a ‘debate’, and they used their faith and knowledge about God to combat my ignorance and arrogance. They did not penetrate me much though, but they still played an integral part in my salvation as I would find out later.

As much as I had ‘faith’ in science and reason, the only real satisfaction that I had was telling myself how much smarter I was than the rest of the world. I felt better about myself because of all the fools around me who put their faith in nothing, a delusion. I got such a kick out sites like www.gotquestions.org, which would go to such lengths to contradict the infallible science. I thought that all of the ‘born again’ Christians were fools, fakers, or weak conformists. Yet, the only arguments that I was really proposing to them were just regurgitations of Dawkins, Hitchens, and other cynics, or I was speaking out of my own personal pain. I was still very much disenchanted with life, and felt that I deserved so much more than I had.

This disenchantment helped me start a very unhealthy lifestyle. I used marijuana, but not every day, but I still looked forward to getting high in order to have a good time. Partially due to this, and being in a new school environment, I found myself alienated from many social activities, and it only declined.
This pattern of behavior continued until last winter, when for about three days I found myself in a depression. I simply did not want to talk to anyone, be around anyone, or even be awake, because being asleep was so much better than bearing the loneliness and emotional pain that I was feeling while awake. I felt unable to ‘make anything’ of myself. Then somehow, I thought of my Grandmother and what she would have said to me. She would have told me to stop crying and get on with it. This was a stepping-stone into a life with Christ, as my Grandmother has always displayed amazing strength and love, and she is deeply religious.

It was then that I realized that so many people around me experience similar things. As much comfort as I thought I was receiving by listening to ‘highly artistic’ and ‘super emotional and deep’ music to heal my wounds, I simply was not helping anything. I was just being reassured how wronged I was. Therefore, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I set goals for myself for my grades and physical health.

After a few stutter steps…I had the best semester of college that I ever had. My grades were fantastic. I was able to finally quit smoking cigarettes and marijuana (cold turkey mind you!), I met a wonderful young lady who is quite inspiring, a whole lot of new interesting people, and with all of that it was easier to just be a happier person.

I still felt slightly empty though. This is where I find it a bit hard to explain. I just somehow started going to church a little bit more, and I started to reopen my mind to the idea of religion. At first, I told myself that it was a cultural thing. Church and religion was just a community thing where people could come together to help heal each other of the mutual problems that I thought I had conquered myself.
But I still was not satisfied. There was still emptiness in my heart.

Then one lazy afternoon on the coattails of the cruelest winter I had ever experienced, I was listening to a Podcast talking about philosophy. It questioned our very existence. Then in some of my classes I was reading absurdist and existentialist works. I just felt lost in meaninglessness. So I was trying desperately to fix it.

I was overwhelmed once again. The conclusions and reasoning that I came to on my own failed me once again.
Even with all of my accomplishments that semester: the grades, the physical health, the friends, etc. I still felt overwhelmed and alone.
Then I found myself picking up a Bible, that came to my apartment by offhand chances (I had brought it down with me from home shortly before, just because I thought to have it), and I opened up to a passage in Matthew that I had highlighted when I was younger and a believer.

It was a parable about not worrying about things. That God provides. God provides for all of the other creatures of the world, and do they complain? Do they feel sorry for themselves? No. So why do we feel sorry for ourselves? Do not worry, God was telling me. And that was another stepping stone.
I found myself becoming more and more accepting of the idea of God. Then I understood faith. Faith is believing that God will lift you up and stay with you, despite your sins and inadequacy. I understood that God was not simply a ‘sapient’ creature with a beard in heaven who was the pinnacle of what a man should be. God was beyond me. Beyond any of our comprehension. A force of nature, who speaks to us in terms that we can understand and communicate with each other, but is so beyond all of us.

I understood that the world we live in is nothing without God. All of our arrogance and accomplishments are not greater than the Him. I understood that humans were more than the sum of their parts. We are more than just a hunk of cells. As wondrous and Biology is and how much splendor it shows us about life, they only illuminate the glory of God. We are more than just a mass of matter. We have souls, we have personality, we love, we hate, and we do so much. If I lose my arm, I am still the same person.

I realized that all of the stock I put into art, science, and the ability of man to conquer everything was folly. We cannot cash our own checks.
I realized that all of the pain I had in my life, from problems with my parents and friends, with the world around me, and most importantly with myself were all cured. I realized how blessed I actually am to have the life that I do and the friends that I do. Instead of simply being grateful, I am now inspired to show my gratitude through a life under God’s will. I have asked Jesus into my heart, and for him to take control of my life.

I have never felt a contentment like this; one so consistent and satisfying. He truly is the bread that always satisfies.

This was all progressive over a few weeks time span. I was talking to some of the Christians that I ‘battled’ as an atheist, and what they were saying was starting to make a whole lot of sense to me. I have been talking more and more to ‘born agains’, and their stories and what they are talking about makes total sense to me. I know exactly what they are talking about, and I know that they feel things that they cannot totally express in words. And they were strangers at the time.

Strangers, who I never met before, were experiencing the same things as me. I felt God then, and knew that Jesus was in my heart.
I pray that I can continue to be humbled and be in his care. And I have faith that I always will, and that He will be there until death.
I challenge everyone to lay down their arrogance. Read the Bible. I mean READ it. Read it all. It is entertaining to say the least, and understanding the messages and the truth in it are essential to developing a personal relationship with Jesus. I am working on forming a network of friends and loved ones who have also found Jesus, so that I can strengthen myself that way. We are called to serve in a ministry and show God’s love in all that we do, and I am undertaking that in my journey as well.

I challenge you all to do the same.

I pray that this testimony of an atheist has given hope to you, and that I can continue to be God’s instrument.

I must admit that I do not have any excuse for the direction my life took. It was choices I made bad choices at that. I was raised in a God fearing home and my parents loved Jesus and went to church on a regular basis. I enjoyed church for a while but things around me started to become so attractive hence the name of the book I wrote “Deceived”

I grew up in a good Christian home, but submitted to peer pressure and my own inner lust at the age of 12. I became a drug addict and an alcoholic at the age of 17 yrs.

I was drafted into the South African Navy to do military service and for me this was an opportunity to check out the drug & gang scene on the Cape flats… ‘ It rocked’, here was this white bro hitting the streets on weekends and “time off’ in this so called ” non white area” with a local gang called the MM. It wasn’t long and I hooked up with a girl whose brother was master of arms for MM known to be one of the largest gangs on the cape flats at that stage.

The year in the Navy turned out to be disastrous as I look back today, first my mother died while I was in the navy, I was in military hospital for drugs, I was charged for malicious damage to property when I went on the rampage in a hotel in Cape Town, man this could just not get any freaking worse.

On completion of my training my dad commented that in fact I looked worse than I did before I went into the military. Not long after the end of my military service I again met up with a member of the HELLS ANGELS JO’BURG and eventually the local Chapter in South Africa. I was at that stage the youngest member and loved fighting so earned the nickname ‘ Billy The Kid ‘. I quickly fitted into this subculture of bikes, fighting, women and some things I cannot tell. During the day I would hook up with a gang doing robberies and drugs and at night became this possesed biker who hated everyone who was not part of the ‘brotherhood’ (they were ‘peasants’) I loved hurting people the bigger the better. After many close encounters with death, God began to work and answer the prayers of a Christian mother who never stopped believing that God could deliver her son from darkness.

Things took a drastic turn after I was ‘spat out’ by society with no friends, no job, no money absolutely nothing, I had a shattered life, accidents, overdoses, an abortion, Satan worship to mention but a few things.

Now I was alone trying to start all over at the age of 21, standing on the second floor of a hostel I was approached by a young man and invited to a church service I refused and the entire weekend I could not sleep, by the Tuesday I was in such a state that I realized that I needed to get my life sorted out, I could not take this any longer in my small room I fell on my knees all alone and wept for the first time in years. I asked God if it was possible to forgive me for all I had done this continued for I don’t know how long but while I was weeping there was a knock at the door. At first I was embarrassed to open but the knocking was persistent, eventually I washed my face opened the door and there was a man dressed in a jacket and tie. He told me that while sitting at home God had told him that someone was in desperate need, he drove as God directed him and stopped at the hostel walked up and down the 3 storey building and each time he passed my door God would urge him to knock. The minute he told me his story I knew God cared and was real and that God had just heard my desperate cry for help and forgiveness. The fact that God would send someone directly to my door overwhelmed me than and does the same for me some 34 years later.

This act of God would stay with me for the rest of my life through many difficult times I have always known that God loves and cares for me as he does for us all and he is never to busy to hear our cry for forgiveness and than we become his children he hears our every cry, prayer and supplication.

God is so good to me I was instantly delivered from drugs although I suffered with “flashbacks” for a few years it was soon over. I am now married and have 3 wonderful children and 6 beautiful grandchildren. I have been involved with youth & students for many years and God has used me over the years to share my testimony with thousands of young people from all over the world.

However over the years I had a praying mother & father who never gave up hope that one day I would change and not just change but radically change and proclaim his word to all. Well it happened there prayers ‘paid off ‘ God radically changed my life and now I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ it has changed my life forever. I have been kept by the power of Jesus for 34 years now and I must say that there is nothing that compares with this Christian Life so call me a “Jesus Freak” I would rather ride for the “SON” than for Satan.

If you are praying for someone or perhaps you yourself are struggling with many issues in life and you know that you need a change,a lasting one, than drop me an email via this website or should you wish to order a book please do so, the book is only 90 pages (took me 3 years to write) but its normally read in one sitting with amazing responses. It also makes the ideal gift for someone who may be struggling a troubled teenager or a biker who wants to break loose.

I could continue for days to tell what God has done for me through his Son Jesus Christ but why not try it for yourself. I am also available to share my story so feel free to drop me a line my promise to Jesus many years ago was that any place, anytime, I will proclaim his mighty power to save form the gutter most to the uttermost.

Yours in Christ

Billy The Kid www.billythekid.co.za

When I was young, I remember having so much love and faith in God. I remember being scared at night, and I would whisper a Hindu god’s name over and over again (as I was raised knowing only Hindu gods) until I’d fall asleep- knowing that my God would protect me. You see, to me, there was only 1 God… 1 God with many different names and faces/images. Whether it was Krishna, Buddha, Mohammed or Jesus, these to me were the same god.

While young, I remember seeing people on television wearing a cross. They were ‘white’ people- so I thought that only they wore a cross and worshipped Jesus. I remember wishing that I too were white so that I too could worship and follow Jesus and also wear a cross.

Nonetheless, I still loved my God, or should I say OUR God… the same God that everyone served. He just had different names. To me, there were many different ways to get to God and to worship Him. Religion didn’t really matter (as long as you loved God and did good things, you were on track.) But there was just something about Jesus…

Hindus don’t really know that you can have a personal, real relationship with God. They don’t know that you can talk to God and have Him talk back to you, but I, as a Hindu, wanted God to speak to me ATLEAST ONCE.

I was about 5/6 years old, and looked up into the sky and asked God to speak to me (I thought that I would hear God’s voice audibly, and of course, didn’t). I remember being disappointed but telling God that I still loved Him anyway. Little did I know that He would slowly open my eyes and ears and draw me to Himself in His own way- looking back at this today, I have learnt not to expect God to do things in a particular way, but to be patient even if it takes years, as His ways are so much more different to mine.

I had been attending Indian schools until the second term of standard 3 (grade 5). I’ll never forget when my mum told me that I would be going to a ‘white’ school. I was overjoyed. (I guess it was because when I was young, I wondered what it would be like to be ‘white’ and be a Christian, and now I was going to be surrounded by ‘Christians’).

In standard 4 I befriended a girl who soon became my best friend and she was an awesome Christian with a great love for Jesus. A coincidence? I don’t think so. Anyway, we went on a tour to the Drakensburg. Now, even though I was only 11 years old, I had a bad vocabulary. I couldn’t say a sentence without swearing. I remember swearing and each time I swore, my best friend would cringe at the words- so I tried my best to stop…unsuccessfully.

That same night, my friend told me that I could become a Christian if I believed that Jesus was the Son of God and that He died and rose again 3 days later and was with God in heaven. I told her that I knew that. She asked me if I wanted to be born again. Not really knowing what that meant, I said YES anyway.

I think I was born again…even though the decision was made with my mind in excitement, more than with my heart. I had no idea what it meant to be born again. I even asked her if I would have the same father, mother, brother and sister, thinking that I would LITERALLY be born again! 

Miraculously, I could not swear at such an ease anymore. Every time I’d swear, I would have an uneasy feeling and I’d be troubled by it. This, I only later found out, was the conviction of the Spirit.
 This raised a question.

WHY WAS I NOT CONVICTED WHEN I SWORE WHEN I WAS A HINDU?
My answer is that ONLY Jesus is holy. Hindu ‘gods’ are obviously not holy if those ‘gods’ don’t even convict you when you’ve sworn after praying to them!

Well, I would go to Sunday school at Rhema South with my friend- my mum thought that I was going though a phase and also thought that it was a good thing that I was learning about other religions. She had no idea that I had actually converted. But even I didn’t know what was really happening.

I still didn’t truly believe that ONLY Jesus was the way to God. I didn’t believe that Hinduism was wrong, because when I prayed to Hindu ‘gods’, I did feel a sense of comfort- a ‘holy’ presence- it MUST have been God also…I thought. Because I had felt the ‘godly’ comfort, I believed that God could also be found in the Hindu religion- I mean, in my mind I was praying to God (the only creator); who else could the presence have been from?
BUT EVIL SPIRITS CAN BE DECIEVING, AND EVEN THEY CAN GIVE YOU COMFORT IN ORDER TO DECIEVE YOU.

I have found that unless you feel the Holy Spirit’s presence, you WILL NOT know that the presence you had felt before, was actually more evil than Godly.

So, while being two-sided/ double minded, (but still loving and having a soft spot for Jesus more than the other gods), I began high school at Hyde Park High. During my first three years I slowly began to give up hope in Jesus… not only Jesus but in God in general. In grade 11, I remember being really depressed and once again looking at the sky and asking God if He was there and if He had forgotten about me.

A few days later, one morning I arrived at school around 06:45. One of the teachers had arrived early, so a friend and I decided to go into her classroom and just hang out.

She began to tell me her testimonies about how God had done things for her, and how Jesus was so real in her life. As she spoke, her words lifted my heart… Just hearing her talk about the realness of Jesus- the same Jesus that I wanted as a child- touched my heart. In a second, I missed Jesus and I was filled with so much love for Him. He was once again becoming real to me, and it felt good to know that my love and feelings for Him were still very much real.

I’m amazed at how my heart changed, by just hearing her testimonies.
(Rev 12:11)

Well, I made an appointment to meet with her the next morning. She explained what was meant by being born again and read scriptures from the bible. The time came when she asked me if I wanted Jesus in my life and I knew that I did. As she prayed and as I accepted Jesus, I felt my whole body start to burn up and I knew that I had made the right decision.

For the first time I had felt the presence of the One, True God, and with that presence, came a supernatural joy. My eyes and ears were suddenly opened. Things seemed different to me. I’d walk outside and be filled with so much love for people, appreciation for the trees and birds chirping, the sun shining… I was truly made alive that day.

As a kid, I felt that God wanted me to do something- that he had a plan for me. I told my brother who (to this day) thinks I’m crazy.
I now knew why I felt that God had a plan for my life. You see, I could have been a normal Hindu like everyone else in my family who believe in Hinduism just because they were born into the religion- never really questioning it. BUT, God had a different plan…so did satan… but God won the battle.

I have learnt that a person who truly loves God, WILL find Him. Even if they are in a wrong religion, God will go out of His way for those who truly seek Him. He did for me, and the bible says that He has no favourites, so He’ll do it for anyone who wants Him. (Romans 2:11)

I, of course told my parents about it, but they think that I’m going through a phase and that I won’t feel this way forever- Yeah right… Once you experience the Holy Spirit, there’s no escaping Him; you’ll always have a yearning to have a relationship with Him, the Father and the Son.

UPDATE (22/01/2010)

Well, it’s been about 9 and a half years that I’ve been saved and can only speak of how good God has been to me. I’ve been baptized in water as well as by the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. God walked with me… no, He carried me through fears and failures that were so great, that I did not know that I could ever get past them.

You see, I am the only person in my cast (that I know of, in a close-knit ‘higher-cast’ Gujarati community) that has rejected Hinduism and converted to Christianity. There are plenty of conversions within the Hindu ‘lower-cast’, but not in the ‘higher-cast’. What I did, was totally unheard of and had brought a lot of panic and hurt in my family. There were times when I remember saying to God in tremendous fear, that although I loved Him and that even though I always wanted to be obedient toward His plan for my life, that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go through with it when the day was to come when He was to tell me that it was time to get married. This was due to my fear toward my relatives (aunts and uncles) finding out.

Through His grace and mercy, I’ve stood for Him in the midst of heartbreak and pain that I never knew I’d ever feel… but looking back, it’s as if it’s the least that I could do for Him… to stand for Him the way He has always stood for me. In the midst of the heartache and loneliness, His love and peace was always there. He was always with me, and He really cared. He was always there to comfort me especially in my dreams.

I remember going through a time of hurt and sadness, when I had one of my first dreams of God. In my dream, I was in a church worshipping Him, when all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit came from behind me and picked me up and threw me in the air and caught me repeatedly, just as a Father would do to his child. The joy that I had felt in my heart was so strong when He did that, that it felt as if my heart was about to explode from the joy. I had to ask Him to stop because I couldn’t contain the joy. I then woke up immediately with His presence still lingering in my room, with my spirit lifted up again and having supernatural joy within my circumstances.

After getting saved in August 2000 I was unable to go to church until August 2003. Within these 3 yrs, I had spent much of my time with God alone, reading His word, and He ministered and taught me a lot. He gave me supernatural wisdom, knowledge and understanding of His word. I remember being alone in my room on a Sunday, and thinking how blessed people were to be able to go to church… I remember asking God to please make a way for me to go to church as well, I had such a yearning and strong desire to go to church and to be amongst Christians.

It was during this time that my parents had begun noticing that I was not just going through a phase. Every time my mum or dad would come to my room, I’d be reading my bible. This was of great concern to my mother. I was told that I was just wasting my life away by not “experiencing life” like others my age. When my mum realized that I was heavy into this “Christianity thing”, she had become a complete wreck. She would cry all day and all night. Her boss at work would send her back home because she had been in a bad state. She wouldn’t even eat and was constantly depressed.

One night, my mother was crying uncontrollably in her bed, when my dad came into my room with a look of desperation on his face, and asked me to please do something to make her stop crying. He begged me and I could not stand it anymore. I went up to her and hugged her and told her to stop crying and that I would make an effort to start learning the Hindu religion. She settled down, my dad thanked me, and I went back to my room and broke down into tears. I had felt so empty. It felt as if I had just rejected Jesus just for my mother to stop crying. I had compromised… Heartbroken, I immediately asked God to forgive me and He was faithful to forgive.

I loved to express my love to God with worship music. There was just something about worship that gripped me. I of course couldn’t play the music out loud on a hi-fi (as this would cause trouble for me in the sense that the spirits controlling my mother would get irritated and it made things really unpleasant), so I would instead wait until all my family would fall asleep at night, and then take my earphones, plug it into the computer and “whisper-sing” my worship to God.

This may sound silly but I can honestly say, that I have never felt such a closeness to Him as I used to those nights! I remember feeling the sensation of oil dripping down my face, but when I put my hand on my forehead to feel what it was, there was nothing there. This used to frighten me because at the time I had no idea what was happening, I’d never heard of anything like that before. You see, when I got saved, there were a lot of demonic things that I would experience as I had become a target to the devils in my Hindu home.

My first experience was one night when I was sleeping (a few days after being saved), all of a sudden I felt something pushing me down on my bed. I could not move or speak and was overwhelmed with an evil presence. Being newly converted, my first response was to try and scream for my parents to help me… no such luck. I then tried to ask a Hindu god to help me… no such luck either. Then somehow, something within me cried out, “In Jesus Name, get out!” IT LEFT! That was my first experience where I had single handedly witnessed the power that there was in Jesus’ Name! I’ve been woken up with my bed shaking rapidly, I’ve woken up and seen a being in my room… and have had things try to kill me while I sleep, but Jesus has always been there to protect me. He’s also revealed things/ rituals that have been carried out against me many times.

One day, I was lying on my bed in the afternoon with my head on my pillow just chilling with God, when I felt Him tell me to take a closer look at the pillow. I took off the pillow case, and noticed some stitching along the side of my pillow. I ripped off the stitching and placed my hand inside the actual pillow, only to find a tiny red hand-made object with a pin attached to it. It looked like a tiny 1.5cm x 1.5cm pillow. My mother had gone to a Hindu priest who had given this to her for my ‘protection’, and he had instructed her to place it in my pillow! I of course confronted her about it. She was shocked that I managed to find it! I told her that God told me to have a look at my pillow… she thought that I was absolutely CRAZY for thinking that God was talking to me!

In 2003, I really felt that God was saying to me that it was time to go to church. Oh boy, was that a battle. When I finally plucked up the courage to tell my mother that I was going to go to church at least once a weekend, she kicked against it heavily. It was as if her whole world had caved in once again. She was crying the entire day and well through the night as well. This was a difficult thing to go through as just hearing her cry at night while everyone tries to sleep, just broke my heart. I mean, I understood the importance (my family’s salvation could lie in whether I’m obedient to God), but she was completely in the dark and in utter fear. Eventually I told her that I would be going to church twice a weekend… which really angered her…or the spirits within her, but I had no choice but to keep walking if I wanted God’s fullness in my life.

One night, I got home late after church. I went into my room and felt God telling me to take a closer look at my bedroom tiles. I ran my fingers across the tiles and noticed water marks (the water had been mixed with salt so it had created a bit of a residue after it had dried up). My dear family had tried to ‘bless’ my room by sprinkling “holy” water everywhere! I confronted them… they all lied about it. I still wonder what had been going through their minds after I had found out all there deeds that were done in secret over me!

Eventually, the day came when God showed me the man that He wanted me to marry. I tried to kick against it but God is God, and He always wins in the end . This was the day that I had been dreading since I had gotten saved, as this would mean a Christian wedding and I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to explain everything to my Hindu relatives… and stories were bound to have already spread about my conversion and in their eyes, my rebelliousness.

Well on Dec 6, 2008, I got married. The wedding was completely paid for by God. Let me explain.

A few months before the wedding, I had been told by my family that they would support me and my mum said that she would help pay for it (I had no money of my own, and neither did George at the time… He did not have a job). (My mum said this to try and show me her love and support in hopes that I would soften up and not go through with it). George was also not really on speaking terms with his family so there was no support on his side either.

It was about a month before my wedding and nobody in my family had even mentioned my wedding… I didn’t even know what I was going to wear… so I went to my mum (in fear), and in a matter-of-fact manner, said to her, “Mum, you do realized that I’m getting married in a month hey?” Her reply was, “So?” I responded, “Nothing, I’m just letting you know”, and I went back to my room. I didn’t expect it but my heart just felt like it had broken into 2… over the years I’ve been hurt by family because of standing for Jesus but this had felt like someone had stuck a knife straight through my heart and had began twisting it. Eventually she came to me and told me that I was making a mistake and that she does not approve (which was obvious, but anyway), and that I needed to carefully consider getting married. I told her that I had considered it and had made my decision.

The next day, she came to me and told me how she was hurting and that she felt like a zombie, just going through the motions… that she loved her kids so much and would do anything for them… that she had tried her best to accept it but really cannot. Then she told me that she will have nothing to do with my wedding and my decision. I understood the position that she was in… I understood why. I could relate to the fear… the fear of her fellow community members- i.e. the disgrace that she would have to feel in front of them as they stared at her as she walked by, just because of me… the disgrace of not having raised me well…

I’ve been told that she blames herself for not being there for me as much as she wanted to because she needed to work to help support our family. She regrets the fact that even though I myself was still young, I had to grow up quickly to raise my younger brother and sister. All my memories of my mother have only been of love, goodness and kindness toward me… yet she feels responsible for me going astray because she was never able to spend any time with me.

I’ve tried to explain, that my converting had nothing to do with her. It was God. She wondered why I was trying to hurt them… I’ve tried to explain that it was God who found me… that I would never go through all of this just to hurt them… they believe I’ve been completely brainwashed… my mother lives a life of regret because of me… but how could I ever go back to being a Hindu just so she wont hurt anymore? I’d be living a lie…

I had my wedding two weeks later, and you know what? My heavenly Father made sure that I had the best dress that suited me. He paid for my dress, He paid for the wedding venue, He paid for the food, and He even paid for my honeymoon! Best yet, my family came to my wedding… 20 minutes before arriving at the wedding venue I phoned my dad and asked him to walk me down the isle… HE DID!

It’s been a year since I’ve gotten married. During our first year of marriage neither I nor George had had a stable financial income as we were both unemployed. During this time we confessed God’s word over our finances and lives in general, week after week, and month after month. There was not one day that we ever went to bed hungry. God always provided for us.

Because of the power of God’s word, George now has a job with a stable financial income. He’s given us everything that we’ve trusted Him to provide for us. Now even my family has accepted George completely. My relatives also get along with him very well. I can only thank God for walking me through His plan for my life. I could never have done what I did if it were not for Him. Now, it’s time to win souls for Him. People are dying and going to hell. That’s the reality. The Word has to go out. It’s our duty to get the Word out, but His duty to do the convincing that Jesus is the only way.

My name is Anurekha, I was born in a Hindu family, where the traditions of man are counted more important than man itself. I have learnt to survive in a community where feeling have no value when weighed with norms. Though it may be righteous in the eyes of God or not.

I saw the face of struggle when I first learnt that I was alive. Well, I counted myself different because I knew from beginning that I was special, because my maker is my Lord. In my heart I knew someone loved me but I didn’t know who was that? Just as a hope that I will know the person someday kept me to live.

Till today I don’t understand from where I got the knowledge to know someone thoughts, to predict someone future as well to find the things I or someone else had lost. I think I knew telepathy. Believe me I was only 8 years old then, there was no one around me of that type. Even my parents or others were not involved to this type of things. Though I tried to keep these things out of my mind, yet I could not. There was a burden in my heart and mind; I wished someone could take it out, free me as well love me. In short my search for Christ began a long back. But much before that, I believe the seed of Love was already planted, that is the reason, the root of the tree is so deep and the fruit so sweet.

The place where I am raised up is of Christians. But, I didn’t know Christ, it is like you are thirsty and life giving water is in front of you, unfortunately you don’t know how to drink.

When I was in fifth standard, there was a subject called Moral Science based on the teaching of Jesus Christ, I am a book worm, so on the first day itself, I read it all. I enjoyed it I wished to know of whom it is written, I think I lacked in the Spirit of God, that’s why I could not find the pillar upon which the faith stood.

I didn’t know to whom I used to pray before the day I knew my Saviour (though I know him from the time He engraved me on the palms of His hand) but I came to know later that they were all directed to Him (how can He forget me, though I knew or not, everyday He kept me close to His heart and knew one day I will come to Him as a Bride leaves her father’s house and unites with her Groom).

All glory to Him, who had made the Heaven and the Earth; in my search I found Him, and He reveal Himself to me on those faithful days when I was learning the lesson on His life and teachings. He took my burdens away when I leaned to Him. He set me free from those bondages that had spiritually tied me, so that I could not meet Him. But is there anything greater or anyone greater than He who choose me? By His grace I am saved.

All through my childhood, I felt a deep intimate love for Christ. He had been not only my God, but my best friend and my love too. I remember spending long hours alone; I use to talk to Him in my heart. That relationship was so innocent. I knew I was always special in some way. Inspite all the challenges life brought, one thing I was sure of that ‘one day I will meet the lover of my soul’.
As I grew up I tried to involve myself with the things of the world. Sometime I felt, what I was thinking was just an imagination, how can God love me so much. In short, I whole heartedly loved God but was not ready to accept that He loved me more then I could ever imagine. The very thought that He loves me would trouble me because I thought what is in me that He would love me. I tried to run away from Him. But thankfully, I couldn’t the more I tried to be far, the closer He came.

Since the 9 or 10 years old, some people say I had a great mission in life and one day I would devote myself for the love of Christ. My aim is to extend His Kingdom. I used to pray, “ I would love to do everything for you Lord, but I don’t except anything from you, loving you is living for me’. Also I knew there is no strength in me and what I do is from God, yet I was so selfless. I didn’t know the urge to feel God’s love; it was there were again I lacked.

All my friends were Christians, so sometimes I went to Church. My friends know ‘my passion for Christ’. Years later when I was with my parents after leaving boarding school, I was slowly drifting away from Him. It was not that I forgot my past or my plans for future but simply because my parents are Hindu, so while I was with them, I would not express my thoughts and with time I was feeling lost, I often cried because I knew very well that it was not the place I wanted to be. My pain was going deep down to my soul; at this point of time I began to realize that “I need His love”. Nothing could give me happiness except Him. I can never imagine a life without His presence.

By the grace, of God in the 5th August 2006, I received the Holy Spirit in a crusade; after renouncing Hinduism and repenting for all my sins (I have decided to follow Him). I released I was trying to stand on two boats at the same time, which was not possible. My family turned against me, till today I can’t express the joy and peace that I felt during those tough days.

On 8th August 2008, as I opened the Bible, it showed Mark 2:19-20. All of sudden I heard “The time had come that the Bride will fast along with the world”. I was so alarmed I told my friend about it. I also heard that “when the time will come I will show you the day” I believed it, trusted on it. Well I was also wondering. My mother took my Bible from me. It was only on 15th September 2006, after a wilderness period of forty days that I again read a Bible from one of my friend. Actually when I opened the Bible it showed forty days period when Christ was taken into wilderness, so when I counted mine it was the same. My friend had really been a support during those days.

On 17th I got vision to fast on 24th September, I didn’t know what to do; I even didn’t know to test the Spirit. During the days between 17th and 24th God confirmed of it many times. I and my friend decide to fast on that day, in my prayers I was shown that the Lord will bless that day. Having faith, I did it, but was sad that Lord said many will fast with me, but what I knew was only both of us had fasted, I thought the promise ahead which I got was only my assumption. My prayers were answered when I came to know few days later; that on the same day the Church where I received the Holy Spirit along with others in town had kept the same day as the day of fasting. It was a real joy for me.

My struggle or the time when God started to test me with fire began immediately after that day. Once again I was in New Delhi without a Bible or a single person whom I know would be a Christian and also without my family, I was alone in a big city. I forgot how to pray. The pain within me was much greater than I could express. I felt He had left me. There began my quest for His love. I thought I could not be back on track again. But my faith was stronger then the woven story of my mind. All I remembered to pray was “Deliver me O Lord”, I prayed nothing more, nothing less. I was lured with the love of this world. But, is there anything greater than the love of God? No, I understood it best.

My search for a Bible and a circle of friends where I would spent time praising God; was fulfilled after a struggle and wilderness period of 2 years. I got a Bible and people who also began to pray for me. On 27th July 2008, I met with one of my friend, he was praying for me, when suddenly He prayed two or three lines in tongues. I had never heard people praying in tongues myself, though I often heard through others about it. I asked him, how he did that, and he told it’s a gift of Holy Spirit.

That night, I had a vision in which I saw Our Lord Jesus Christ. What I saw was in His glorious form, where it is only Him and nothing beyond that. What I heard was “I will put my words in your mouth”. The light that enveloped me with Him was so Holy, His love was deep. But yes, there was a deep sorrow too, a pain that a father feels after losing His begotten children to hell. I sensed not only love but pain too.

In the early hours of 29th July 2009 at 4:00 am or so, I woke up, to my utter surprise I saw two great rays of light (the same type of light I had seen in my vision the previous night) covering me, and I was speaking in tongues continuously, it was out of my control and thought; of what I was speaking. I was wondering what happened to me, I shared it with the same friend, whom I heard speaking in tongues. He asked me, whether it giving me joy or fear. I told joy, and he confirmed that the Spirit of God gives joy, so it is from God. After talking with him, when I began to pray, in middle I started to pray in tongues, since that day, my soul is encouraged whenever I pray in tongues.

Its more than six months after that day, I’m moving much deeper in the love of Christ, now I also know the importance of His love, which is my strength. But as a human being, sometimes I’m down. I always have a desire to break the chains that the world had put around me. Actually, I want to fully involve all my time and thought for Jesus Christ – my forever love. I don’t find happiness with the ties of worldly relationship. I want to be fully committed as a Bride to Him. I hold on the promises of my Lord. Whenever I feel that things are moving slowly in my search for Him, I become sad. I can’t bear any distance from Him. Yes, I know He is always around me, but my soul thirst for Him more intensely each passing day. Nothing seems to be sufficient. I can’t laugh neither I can cry. I’m in between. I’m in this world, but still I’m not in it, my quest is greater than life itself. My problem is this also, that I can’t express my feelings to anybody because people would think I’m crazy or mad. Sometimes I say “Why Lord, why you did this to me? I didn’t ask you to bring me this much closer, I didn’t take the first step to fall in love with you, You did it. But now, why do I stand here, where the closer I come, the more closer I want to be”.

Apart from this, I’m glad that I’m saved through His Grace. I’m happy, He choose me and called me His own. Also I’m thankful I have the privilege, to feel His love till this point where I have forgotten myself. It’s a great favor from Him, that I will be working to His Kingdom to a greater extend, because the battle is not mine, rather it is His. I’m just a part of Him, who is I AM. I need prayers so that I will always remain His faithful Bride, sincere and true. Holy as He wants me to be. I believe, one day I will surely meet Him; I’m eagerly and passionately waiting for that day. He will come and take me to where He is.

This is what we call  Christian Faith

Khalid Mansoor Soomro is from the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. He was an ardent follower of Mohammed until the results of a challenge he laid out before some Christian students. Please read this powerful testimony of how this man was converted to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior! And He said unto them: “Go into the world, and preach the gospel to every Creature.” (Mark 16:15)

When I was 14 years old I was studying in a convent school at Saddar Karachi Pakistan. I belong to a Muslim family.

My parents forced me to learn the Qur’an by heart when I was seven and so I did. I had a lot of Christian fellows (or acquaintances) at school. I was surprised to see them studying while I always found Christians of low profile in the society. I discussed and argued a lot with them about the accuracy of Qur’an and rejection of Bible by Allah in Holy Qur’an. I always forced them to accept Islam. Often my Christian teacher told me not to do so. He said,

‘God may choose you as he chose the Apostle Paulus.’

I asked them who is Paulus, I know Muhammad only.

One day during our discussion I challenged them to burn the Holy Books of each other. They should burn the Qur’an and I should do the same with the Bible. We agreed: “The book which would burn, would be false. The book, which would not burn, has the Truth in it. God Himself would save His Word.” Unfortunately they were not ready to do this because they were frightened. Living in an Islamic Country and doing such a thing could lead them to face the law and meet its consequences. I told them I could do this by myself.

First I set the Qur’an on fire and it got burnt before our eyes. Then I tried to do the same with the Bible. As soon as I tried it, the Bible struck my chest and I fell on the ground. There was smoke all around my body. I was burning, but from a spiritual fire.

Suddenly I saw a man with golden hair, wrapped in light on my side. He placed his hand on my head and said to me

‘You are my son and from now on you will preach the Gospel in your nation. Go! Your Lord is with you.’

Then I saw the stone on the grave, which was removed. Mariam Magdalene spoke to the gardener who probably took the body of my Lord. The gardener was Jesus Himself. He kissed the hand of Mariam and I woke up. I felt very strong as if when someone would strike me, I could not be hurt.

I went home and I told my parents about all what happened. But they did not believe it. They thought that the Christians got me under magic, but I told them that all this happened before my very own eyes and that many people were watching this. They still did not believe and they turned me out of my home and refused to accept me as their family member.

I went to a Church close to my home; I told the Father there all about what happened. I asked him to show me the Bible. He gave me one and I read about the event of Mariam Magdalene and I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior on 02-17-85.

My Family refused to accept me. I went to various churches and got more knowledge about the Word of God. I also followed many Bible Courses and then I got a ministry. Now after 21 years, I have seen many people come to the Lord and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior.

Thanks to the Lord, I am now married and have a Christian family. Me and my wife Khalida are involved in the work of the Lord and able to share the miracles God has been doing in our lives.

Even though it is not easy and we face many hardships, we feel like Paul who went through hardships and suffering for the Glory of His Savior, who went Himself through suffering during His walk on earth and on the cross.

We thank God the Father for sending His Son to this earth and giving us free life through Him.
We thank God for His Spirit who encourages us day by day to live for Him.
Email: Soomro1@gmx.com

This is Easter. I was born on a Easter Sunday. Although I studied in Catholic School a good part of my life, like many I never had a real relationship with the Lord. It was only after coming here to Vancouver, B.C. that I came to know Him and other Christians. One month after I came, two Christians approached me in front of the church close to where I lived saying that there will be a conference with a former convicted prisoner telling his testimony and invited me there. I told them I would think about it, they then handed me a tape on that ex-prisoner’s radio interview, I listened and decided that I will go.

I don’t remember much about what he said, but after his testimony, another two Christians approached me and asked me some personal questions and whether I knew the Lord. I said I studied in Catholic school and always knew there’s a God who created the universe and who is in charge, it was pretty much all I could say. They then asked me if I believed that Jesus died on the cross for our Sin and that if I believe in Him, that my sin would be forgiven and have eternal life. I told them Yes, I believe. At that time, my answer was genuine but without much conviction. I don’t remember what date it was that I confessed Jesus was my Lord. It was only many years later that I was asking that question to myself, “When was my confession?” Shortly afterwards while cleaning I found the answer on the tape that was given to me, it printed ‘September 6, 1999′ was the date I was saved.

After that, I went to see the church pastor, was given a Bible and joined their fellowship group doing things Christians are supposed to do. After many years, several different churches and fellowships later, I still wasn’t maturing in my Christian faith. My sin and my selfish ways were drawing me totally out of church at one point. I didn’t think about the Lord at all, only the activities to please myself.

But the Lord is merciful and He never forsakes me even when I was living in my sinful ways. He sent a very faithful sister whom I knew from the very beginning to call me back to church, and so there I was, doing the religious activities again but never had a genuine heart to know Him. Changes starting happening after another friend invited me to go to Willington and I have been going there for almost 5 years now. It has the best worship service out of the many church services I attended. I always enjoy singing, worshipping connects me closest to God.

A few ‘incidents’ happened which drew me closer to the Lord as I believe these were His divine intervention in my life. The first incident happened when one sunny morning I crashed my civic into a truck because I ran a red light as I couldn’t see clearly with the foggy windshield and glare of the morning sun blocking my view. It was a stupid mistake. I don’t even remember slamming on my brake, there was just no time. The amazing thing is I walked out all right by myself, not breaking a bone or having any minor injuries even though there was no airbag. When I got out of the car, the front of the car was leaking and a total wreck. I told the paramedics that I wanted to have a check-up at the hospital because I wasn’t sure if there’re any internal injuries that might manifest later. I remember asking the paramedics if I was lucky to come out all right with the impact of the crash and I remember thanking the Lord for saving me.

The last time I was on an ambulance was back in 1998 taking my grandma to the hospital the day she fell on the bath tub. Later we were told that she had a cerebral hemorrhage. My mom first discovered that she fell. When we found her half of her body was already laying inside the tub motionless. We called the ambulance and so I was leaning besides her holding her and feeling so helpless until the Paramedic came and took her to emergency. For some reason, we decided to go home that night and wait for the news. The moment I walked into my home, I broke down and cried the most agonizing cry I ever did, never had I experience such devastating grief in my life, very close to losing the very person you respect and love the most. I must have cried myself to sleep and I still remember the dream that night very vividly. In that dream, I was still crying, my grandma was comforting me, smiling at me and giving me a look as if everything was going to be ok. Then the phone woke me up, it was from the hospital asking us to go there as soon as possible. I immediately called my cousin and told them to meet us at the hospital. My body and hands were shaken like never before when I was dialing her number, she must have felt it in my voice too, still shaking. When we got to the hospital, the doctor said that they tried everything they could, she passed away a few mins before. It must be around 6:30 am in the morning. While we were waiting for our other relatives to arrive, I sat down in the lobby and couldn’t help but noticed the silence & peace in that hospital. It was as if everything had stopped. It was the quietest morning I ever experienced. I think it could be the Holy Spirit appeared as my grandma to comfort me, that’s why I could have such peace after her death knowing that she is in Heaven watching over me and that she didn’t have to go through the long suffering before her death.

Back to my accident, I had the check-up in the hospital, after waiting for almost half-day there, the doctor told me that I don’t seem to have any problems so I walked back out the hospital the same day. About a year later, I’ve read my experience in a book written by the famous pastor John Piper. In the book he described his experience of having a total loss in an accident, nobody was hurt and he could even buy a newer car for the insurance money that was paid. He concluded that was nothing but the grace of God. Things could have been much worst. I always knew that it was, but after reading it and describing it by John Piper in his words. I believed with a stronger conviction of God’s protection on me that day.

My second experience appeared in another dream that I just had this year. In that dream, I was with my cousin walking on the street at night. It was kind of dark, we kept walking and just after turning at the corner, I saw a big bright cross shining in the sky. I remember I was so joyful when I saw it and kneel down immediately crying & praising the Lord.

Now, I believe Jesus came so that we could have abundant life not just in Heaven, but also in this world. God created the universe and everything in it. The bible says that we are created in God’s own image. He even gives us emotions to experience love, joy & even sadness. I believe everything He created is for our own enjoyment, so why then would He put us in this earth and let us suffer on our own terms. He must provide justice and a way out for us. This is how He demonstrated His love for us by sending his only son Jesus Christ to die for our sins and suffering. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16. I believe Heaven is real, and what we experience in the life is just but a glimpse of the joy that we will experience when we get to meet our Creator.

I am a sinner and the devil will continue to tempt me to sin, but that doesn’t diminish the love that God has for me and that He will continue to give me strength to continue on this journey called life. I’ve experienced more & more peace and joy, have less want and more contentment in Christ as I have more & more faith in His word. I believe He will continue to shape me and mold me into the person He created me to be which is to serve in this world & reflect His glory. It is my hope that those of you who don’t yet know Him, will give room to Jesus who will dwell in your heart. When that happens, you will know that you are truly living.

I was born and raised in Bangkok, Thailand, a country that has a population of 64,600,000. Thais are 95% Buddhist, 4% Muslim, and 1% Christian and other faiths. I was a Buddhist.

I was educated in the renowned schools and university in Thailand. After finishing my Bachelor’s degree, I was ordained to be a Buddhist monk by the Highest Supreme Monk. Our traditional belief is that when a man over twenty years old becomes a monk, he is doing it not only for himself but also for his parents and family. I was engrossed in Buddha’s Teachings, started practicing meditation, felt peace and happiness, and wanted to be a monk for the rest of my life. I mentioned my desire to my mother, but she preferred that I live a normal person. I was a monk for one month. My master was a supreme monk who taught me every day.

My life after being a monk was fine. I was both sad and happy, both satisfied and dissatisfied. I held onto the Buddhist precepts which are “do not kill any creatures, do not steal, do not commit adultery, do not lie, and do not drink alcohol.” I helped the Buddhist temple by being a layman.

After coming to Texas in 2002, I was under a lot of stress. I thought at that time that the people around me were upsetting me. I felt no peace and wanted to move to a new place. I had been looking for a new apartment for two weeks but didn’t find one that I liked. I was very down and called my friend on August 17, 2005, and was told to ask Jesus and I would receive. On that night I knelt down next to my bed and said, “Jesus, I am a Buddhist. My friend told me to talk to and ask You. I want to move to a new place because I feel so down. Please help me find an apartment that I like or let me be happy again at this apartment if You want me to stay here. Thank you so much.” I spoke in Thai and in English in case He did not understand Thai. The next day, August 18, was my birthday. I went to do the merit at the Buddhist temple which I was a layman. I had lunch with the abbot and donated money to the temple. After lunch, I went to an apartment complex that I had been to before. The apartment manager told me that she had good news for me. She said, “We have a vacant apartment for you now.” She showed me the apartment. I liked and took it. I did not know if it was from Jesus or from Buddha.

After that, I still sat in meditation and chanted in Buddhist beliefs. The next week, I met a Thai Christian from Austin. She came to visit my friend and gave me a copy of the Holy Bible (NIV version). She told me that God had talked to her many times. I felt funny about that because I worshipped many gods but none of them had ever talked to me. In early September 2005, I felt in my heart that I had to grab or hold onto only one side. I tried to find a way to see which side was the real one. I usually called my wife, who lived in Bangkok, once a week. The last time that I had called her was the night before and the last time that she had called me was six months before that. I asked God at 1:30 am, “If You are really God, please make my wife call me right now, and I will follow you and your Ten Commandments.” I thought at that time that to follow Him was to follow His Ten Commandments. And then, my cell phone rang. It was my wife. I was so happy that I had found the real God. That call has completely changed me, my life, my wife, my family, my friends and the ones around me. Thank God for His grace and for bringing me and others from the darkness into the light.

I started reading the Bible, praying (talking) to God and going to church. I had fellowship with other Christians. The more I did, the more I felt God’s love. It was a relationship that made me feel safe, secure, and not alone. I felt forgiveness and love from Him. I felt His glory. I had much more confidence than I had before. My wife accepted the Lord on July 23, 2007.

Now I am serving Him in the Mark W. Stiles prison unit in Beaumont, Texas as a volunteer chaplain. I have really found life. I have real joy and strength that is constantly growing as I serve my Lord. I thank and praise Him for His Call.

About six months ago I had some dreams about Jesus Christ and the nature of the world. I say ‘dreams,’ but they were not ordinary dreams. Basically I woke up knowing that the whole Jesus Christ story was true. I walked around in a daze for a couple of weeks, wondering how on earth to tell the people around me what had happened.

I googled what had happened to me and was amazed to find heaps of people who’d experienced similar things (have a look!). Finally I started talking, and also got in contact with an old friend from high school who I remembered was a Christian. Then I bought a Bible which I couldn’t put down, and started going to church. I’d got that the story was true, but now the details were being filled in. I was (and am) quite critical about the accuracy of what anyone said or preached, and did my best to find what I consider the ‘most accurate’ Bible and church. It was quite a dilemma, but in the end I made a fairly educated choice.

There have been several things which I could say about the last six months. First: far out. If I’d known Christianity could make me feel like this, I would have done everything I could to be a Christian long ago. I can’t describe it. Sometimes even people who’ve been a Christian all their lives don’t fully get it. Obviously, it’s the contrast between how I am now and how I was before. I wish I’d understood the jargon. When they say you’ll feel peace, you’ll feel peace. When they say you’ll rejoice, you’ll rejoice. There is no emotion I’ve ever had that comes half-way to what I experience now (and I mean no drugs, no ‘meditation,’ no travel buzz or lover’s high, nothing).

Second, I’ve been fascinated by the Bible. I love literature, but the Bible is something I’d pretty much ignored. Turns out to be the best book I know! The philosophies contained within it are the most advanced I’ve ever read, if presented the most simply; and the verse, if also simple, is beautiful. There are long lists of names and things in some places, but you get over that!

Third, I’m learning to deal with you all! Sometimes, when someone new finds out I’m ‘a Christian,’ they give me the ‘so you’re naïve’ look. My first reaction is to observe: ‘I saw that, but I love this so much I really don’t care what they think!’ My second is: ‘man, I used to give Christians exactly the same look.’ I don’t know that all Christians have this; perhaps they don’t, but it’s something I’m learning to deal with.

Last, most of the people around me are remarking on the changes in me, and becoming interested in the things that have happened to me. Well, I don’t want anyone to miss out; this is way too good, and I’m glad they’re starting to know it. How can I not advertise it like the best thing there ever was or is or will be, with more success stories than you could ever read, when I know (finally, and for sure) that it’s exactly that!! Whoever you are, it’s worth a try. Trust me!

A bit of family background! I was born in 1989, in Swansea, and was brought up in a non-Chrisitian family. My parents did go to Sunday School as children, but that was because they were forced to and opted not to go again when they had the decision. I also have a brother who was in exactly the same spiritual position as me – dead!

I went to my primary school as a kid (like every other kid in the UK). There was one particular day I remember hearing about Christianity. I don’t remember much about the talk, but I remember the scene because I was wearing a Fireman Sam outfit then. Nothing really spiritually significant happened from then on until the age of 8. As a normal child, I was in my kitchen waiting for dinner when there was a knock on the door. It was my next door neighbour. He, as well as his family, were Chrisitians but both of our families got on so well together.  Anyway, back to the story.

He had came over to see if my brother and I wanted to go to their church for a children’s meeting.  He told me that there would be Bible stories, songs, praying, games, food…  The latter two sealed the deal for me.  My parents were willing for us to go, so off we went.  I remember going to the church and feel as if I had gone back in time.  The church is a Baptist church, so you can guess how old it is (it was built in the 1800s by the way).  The meeting went well and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  So I went again the week after.  I don’t actually remember much about the Bible stories, but I do remember the singing, which I still sing to this day.

 As I had turned from primary school into secondary school, I was moved from the children’s Friday Club (so called because it was on a Friday) to the YPF (Young People’s Fellowship).  This was one of two turning points in my life.  Since I was older, wiser and more mature, the stories and talks were much more hard-hitting, serious and challenging than what it was in the Friday Club.  But I was still disappointed because when I joined YPF, I promised myself that I will find God.  But it hadn’t happened.  However, there was a lifeline. 

If you, the readers, hadn’t heard, in the UK, there is a summer camp known as the EMW Camps.  It is placed all over Wales, except for one which is just outside the border (i.e. in England).  Each camp was either outdoor camping or indoor camping.  I had heard this from one of  leaders of YPF.  He has always gone on these camps, whether as a camper or as a leader.  I was so intrigued by what camp would offer me, so I took a camping form and opted to go to an outdoor camp in Dyffryn Ardudwy, along with 2 other members of my youth group.  It was an outdoor camp and I was really looking forward to it.

We arrived in Dyffryn Ardudwy, which is in North Wales, after a 5 hour bus journey.  My first impressions was “Wow!”.  It was in a field which had mountains on one side, fields on the other sides and a beach which was 5 minutes away.  It was a beautiful place.  I hoped that my week would be just as good.  During the week, we went to the mountains for a 5 mile trek, went into the local town centre for a browse and went to the beach in the night.  However, more importantly, we had tent Bible studies where we studied with the other members of our tents as well as our tent leader.  We also had a meeting where we read the Bible, sang songs and also prayed.  Many people were affected, and I think a few people gave their lives to God, but unfortunately, I hadn’t met Him.  I went home, looking forward to meeting my dear family, but disappointed that my life hadn’t changed.  But I didn’t give up hope, and decided to go on another camp next year, but in a new location.

It was the time of year for camps again, so I opted to go to Quinta, with my brother.  This is the camp that is in England, but is very close to the border (literally a 2 minute drive).  It was an indoor camp and, I was told, the best Christian camp possible.  I was not mistaken.  This camp had everything I could ask for.  An all weather court, large fields and woodlands, a hall and an outdoor swimming pool.  But was God there?  That is what I was waiting for.

This week was the greatest one I have lived.  We had a five-a-side football tournament, played Capture The Flag in the woods, played Leg Wrestling (which I was officially champion) and went to Drayton Manor (one of the greatest theme parks in the UK).  As with Dyffryn Ardudwy, I had dorm Bible studies, and we also had meetings.  I loved this week up until the last night.  We had a meeting like no others.

 Like the previous meetings, the meeting began with the funny parts.  As soon that had finished, we would normally have a Bible study with the Chaplain of the week.  However, on this night, people were able to give their testimonies.  These testimonies must have been out against me, because I was touched and challenged by what was said.  It proved to me that no matter the background of your life is, if you are willing to give your life to God and admit that you are a sinner, then God will let you into His Kingdom.  Just as I thought that was that, they played a song that summed up the night.  It has since become my favourite song and the Psalm behind it has become my favourite Psalm.  The song is called “When I Was Lost” by Kate Simmonds.  As soon as the song started, I could feel the room get smaller and the room lit up.  I could sense that God was there and that He wanted to speak to me.  Everyone were pouring out their souls and were worshipping and rejoicing in His Name.  I was singing the song, but I remember that I didn’t have any feelings behind it.  When the song finished, everyone sat back down and prayed.  I could see that everyone was affected by this night.  I went to bed at midnight so that I could get an early night.  The Chaplain came into my room and had a chat with me.  He asked how I enjoyed the week (these words aren’t the exact words, but it is similar).

Chaplain – How have you enjoyed this week?

Me – Really enjoyed it.  Best week of my life.  I could sense that God was here tonight.

Chaplain – Well, I hope that you will accept Him as your personal Saviour.  Good night and God Bless

Me – Good night.

I woke up the next morning, looking forward to meeting my parents again.  I was anticipating for the bus journey home.  After a lot of goodbyes to mates that I had made that week (but had sadly lost all the contacts to), I stepped foot on the bus.  When I was on the bus, I had a sudden, over-whelming feeling of guilt.  I may as well note now, the night before, I had prayed to God to show me if I needed Him.

On the bus, I was thinking of what I had done to feel so guilty.  The only thing that I could think of was slide tackling a girl while playing rounders in the week.  I didn’t intend to do it, I accidentally caught the girl (and most of the earth) and took them with me.  I had apologised which she accepted.  I felt guilty but not enough for the feeling I had at the moment on the bus.  I tried to get rid of the feeling by positive thinking, like scoring the winning goal for Swansea City in a cup final.  That didn’t work!  Then the coin dropped in my head.  I had just been on a Christian week, looking for God.  Is this God telling me that He is forgiving of my sins, or was it just my mind.  Needless to say, God then came into my life and from the 5th August 2004 (day I was converted), we had a good relationship!!!

 My brother later told me that he had met God on that week and had since given his life to God.

 God also answered one of my prayers.  I had prayed for about 2 months prior to my conversion that my parents would be saved as well.  My mum started to go to a church with a friend, and eventually got my dad to go as well.  My mother gave her life to God around the same time as me, whereas my dad gave his a couple of weeks after my mum’s conversion.  So you can see that God does listen!

We went back to my church and told our pastor who had the biggest smile on his face when we told him.  Since the conversion, I had stopped my blasphemies to God, and has now respected people more.  I became involved with the church’s Easter Holiday Bible Club, went to Beach Missions in North Wales and also on another Christian Camp, this time in the Gower (in Swansea) and for one weekend in June each year.  On 26th or 27th November 2006, myself and three other members of the church congregation became baptised.  It was great to tell people my story, and to tell the people how  God was, is and always will be great.

In preparation of my testimony at my baptism, I was given a tip to give an advise to Christians and Non-Christians.  So here they are!

Christians – Be proud in what you believe in.  If people want to cut you down, let them.  You have God on your side and He will never leave you.  God gives us strength and through Him, all things are possible.

Non-Christians -  Never give up looking for God!  It may take 1 hour, a day, a month or a year.  No matter how long it takes, it will be worth it, I promise you!  If you are reading this and think that God still doesn’t exist, then read this bit.

In an Religious Studies lesson in secondary school, we were studying about a Christian in the 1300s (?) who made up a theory about Creation.  He asked a group of people (think they were scientists) how the world was created.  They replied atoms smashing into each other.  He replied “How did they get here?” in which they gave another answer.  He kept asking “How did they get here?” until they gave an answer “We don’t know” or “It just was there.”  When he had heard this, he said “They weren’t there by accident, God put it there.” 

After reading this, I realised that God did make the World and all thing in it and surrounding it.  Something doesn’t appear there because of accident.  You don’t expect MP3 players to grow on trees, they are built in a factory.  You get what I mean?  If not, please leave me a comment so I may be of some help.

Thank you very much for reading this and hope God will be with now, and always.

I was taken to Sunday School at the Congregational church in my small Iowa hometown as soon as I was old enough to sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’. I went to Sunday School and church year after year, and fondly remember my mom holding my hand in church and pressing her thumb against mine. I sang in Junior Choir, and was baptized by sprinkling when I was nine years old.

One Sunday our seventh and eighth grade Sunday school teacher was away, and a college student was her substitute. She raised disturbing questions. ‘How many of you believe Moses really parted the waters?’ she asked. As we looked around the room at each other, not one hand went up. But I believed it! Then she destroyed my belief in that, with a scientific explanation of a shallow passage that later filled in with the incoming tide. ‘And how many of you believe that God provided manna to the Israelites in the desert?’ Again no hands, and again she rationally tore down my belief in that. She said some plant grew there that produced a bread-like fruit. It didn’t take long before my childish faith was destroyed. I put God on the same category as Santa Claus. He was incapable, inept, and of no further use to me. I became an atheist.

But I was a determined atheist! When my grades and extracurricular activities in high school made me eligible to become a part of the National Honor Society, I proved my determination to hold fast to my beliefs. My mother, who worked at the school, tried to get me to go back to church by threatening to make sure I didn’t get this recognition that I craved. I told her to go ahead and do what she felt she had to do. I fully expected to be passed over when the names were called. But they did call my name.

I held to my beliefs throughout my high school and university years. Then my husband and I headed out on the road for our first job interviews in Hutchinson, Kansas and in San Antonio, Texas. We were within 50 miles of our first interview, cruising along at 60 miles per hour, when an elderly pharmacist and his wife pulled out from a gravel road on my left. He froze in the center of the road, and then started to move forward. I slammed on my brakes and steered for the ditch on my right. We collided, and the two cars bounced along side by side, with breaking glass and scraping metal. Both cars traveled through the ditch and came to a rest in a farmer’s field. Amazingly enough, there were no injuries. Only the lady’s wig had flown off. As we waited for the police to arrive, I railed at God: “Why don’t you just leave me alone?.” Being a logician by nature, I was immediately struck by my own irrational complaint to a Being I didn’t believe existed.

We were able to pry the fenders up out of the wheel wells, and put plastic over the broken driver’s side window. We canceled our Texas interviews. We interviewed and accepted positions with Hutchinson Community College. I became a computer programmer there, in a small department with only a director and a secretary. But what a secretary! She was a sweet Mennonite girl, preparing for her wedding and a mission trip toAfrica. I was intrigued by her gentle nature, and occasionally asked her questions about God.

About a year later, I was reading ‘The Liberation of Planet Earth’, by Hal Lindsay, when suddenly I was overcome with the enormity of my sins, and desperately wanted the freedom that he spoke of in his book. I kneeled down and prayed for forgiveness, and asked Jesus to come into my heart. Immediately I burst into tears, tears of joy, as years of denying God His rightful place in my life came to an end. I was free! I was justified before God (Justified: Just-as-if-I never sinned!) because Jesus had taken my sins to the cross, and he proved by his resurrection that he had the power to forgive sin.

I could hardly wait to tell anyone who would listen about Jesus. I wanted to join a church. I wasn’t picky, so long as they loved Jesus as I now loved Him. I had a tape recording of our wedding which had taken place in the Congregational Church several years prior (Now UCC), and with ears longing to hear my Savior’s name, I found no mention of Him. My husband had been raised Lutheran, and so off to the Lutheran church in town we went. We were welcomed with open arms. Within a few weeks, we asked to join the church.

On a Sunday night they had a supper at the church for all new members. They also had a speaker that night named
Virginia, whose daughter had been deprogrammed from The Divine Light Mission, a religious cult. We sat in the front row to hear her speak. We found it ludicrous that anyone would join such a cult, where the drainage from your nose was called nectar, and was to be considered a delicacy. We could not imagine that anyone we knew would be vulnerable to such ideas.

Not quite so crazy was The Way International. That very night, they had sent an ‘ambassador’ named Luke to my younger sister’s house to invite her and her roommate to a Bible study. They had moved from our small hometown to
Cedar Rapids, IA, a much larger city, and they were lonely. He was cute, and they thought ‘Why not?’ By the time I heard of this, they had attended a few meetings, and my sister was in love with him. I called my dad, and asked him to help me convince Rose Anne to come visit me in Kansas. I told him that the Way was a cult, and backed that up with what I was able to learn from the speaker who had visited our church. He wanted to take a baseball bat to the young man! I calmed him down, and he helped me convince Rose Anne to come for a visit. I hadn’t planned on Luke coming with her, though.

My new friend, Virginia, told me not to worry. She would come to my house with her husband and with another couple whose daughter had been deprogrammed from the Moonies. Between the four of them, they believed they could handle the situation. The plan was for the women to all go to Virginia’s house, and for the men to be left to discuss The Way with Luke. This was accomplished, and the women proceeded to educate Rose Anne on the disturbing activities in which the Way was involved, including weapons training at Emporia, Kansas, and illegal adoptions in Ohio. They did not try to discredit the religious beliefs of the Way. My sister was alarmed at what she was hearing. She was also angry with me for not being ‘up front’ about my purposes for requesting her visit. As we returned to my house, the women told Rose Anne that Luke would want to leave immediately, to go to the Way College in Emporia, to have reinforcement for his beliefs, and to try to convince her that what she had just learned was untrue. Luke met us at the door, and immediately left with my sister. The men sadly told us that Luke did not want to hear anything they had to say.

I was discouraged. The next day I called my dad to let him know I had failed miserably. Luke had plans to go out as a WOW (Word Over the World) ambassador for the Way, and had begun selling off his car, his hang glider, and all he had of value to finance his own ‘mission trip’. Rose Anne was planning to go with him. But as I was hanging up the phone, the doorbell rang. It was Luke and Rose Anne! He had wanted to leave for Emporia the previous night, but my sister refused to go.

‘I don’t know why you think the Way is a cult, Gail’, Luke told me. ‘I’m a Christian, just like you!’, he said. I felt my heart sink. He wanted to discuss the beliefs of The Way, which he had been studying for months, and I had nothing to counter with. He had The Way doctrinal book with him, ‘Understanding the holy spirit today’. He began quoting scripture. ‘I don’t know my Bible like you do, Luke’, I said. I saw my sister sitting on my couch near him, and as it was clear that he could out-debate me, I saw her move closer to him, and he put his arm around her. I reluctantly got out my Bible. The only thing I was certain of was that all cults deny the deity of Christ. If they call him a god, it is just that: small god, not God. This allows the cult leader to have complete authority over the interpretation of scripture. I opened my Bible, and immediately it opened to the book of John. Immediately I saw Jesus’ words: ‘I am in the Father, and the Father is in Me’. ‘I and the Father are one’, and ‘He who has seen me has seen the Father’. As I eagerly read these verses aloud, I saw my sister pull away from Luke’s arm. ‘Do you have another Bible?’ she asked. I went and found my husband’s Bible. She, too, without prior knowledge of where to look, found verses to support the deity of Christ. The tide turned! Luke began to look perplexed, although he wasn’t ready to concede defeat.

They returned to Iowa. Within a few days this intelligent young man began making phone calls to find out if the allegations of illegal adoptions and weapons training were true. He found out enough to convince him that it truly was a cult. He attended another meeting or two of The Way, and shared his new found knowledge. Others began to share their doubts about the strictly controlled Emporia campus they had visited. Within a short time the entire cell had dissolved.

My brother, who was living in Illinois at the time, was aware that my sister was involved with the cult, and he tried to help as soon as he knew, but to no avail. Then some Charismatic Lutheran friends invited him to go pray with him one evening at church, and he went along, although he had never done anything that spontaneous in his Lutheran faith before. When I called him to tell him our sister was free from the cult, he told me ‘I know’. When I asked him who told him, he said that as he was praying for our sister at the church, alongside these friends, he had a feeling come over him that he described as ‘greater than when his daughter was born’, and he heard a voice (not out loud!) saying, ‘It is done! It is done! It is done!’

The last verse in the book of John says ‘But there are also many other things which Jesus did; were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.’ I KNOW that this is true! All that I have shared happened before I was 26 years old, and I could fill a book with all that He has done for me in the second half of my life. Imagine if all of us wrote down just what we know He has done for us, how many books that would be!