Testimony Share

When I was in Africa (after I met Jesus) God showed me something. I and the people I was with happened to be driving through a town one day. People had their tents and wares set up on either side, it was hot and dry and people were milling all about. We had driven about a mile into town, and as we approached the center of it I sensed a change. The first thing I noticed was the hoards of flies buzzing everywhere, the second thing that hit me was the stench. It was horrible. I began to experience the smell of disposal, death and decay and I thought “What in the world?” And right there dead center in the middle of the town was a huge garbage dump. The road led right through it! There was filth every where, goats and dogs and rats were running about the place. Small children were playing in it. But that wasn’t the most shocking thing. To my horror people had actually built their houses out of the garbage and were living right in the middle of it!

I have known great thirst in my life. My parents worked a lot and I pretty much raised my siblings. I never felt loved and met a guy at when I was 15 where my mother worked. He paid me much attention and I misunderstood that as being loved. I became pregnant at 16 and when I told my parents, they told me that if I didn’t have an abortion they would send me away. They sent me to have it done and my boyfriend came with me. It was a horrifying experience for me. It haunted me for a very long time. Afterwards my parents told me that I was never allowed to see my boyfriend again and since I thought he was the only person that loved me, I overdosed on pills and locked myself in my room when no one was home. My boyfriend called my dad and he broke into my room and called the ambulance. I’ll never forget the look of disgust and embarrassment that hung on his face as he stood in our driveway as the ambulance took me away. My mother was a waitress and she didn’t even leave work to come to the hospital. I did not die that day, at least not physically. Counseling was mandatory for my parents and me but after one session they said the counselors didn’t know what they were talking about and we never went again.

I ran away when I was 16 and became a homeless person, later I married to a drug dealer who abused me terribly. I became an addict myself. I was raped and had been molested at a very early age. Many ugly things happened during those 4 years. It felt as though I had lived 9 lives! I knew that I hated myself and believed God couldn’t stand the sight of me either. I saw the world as one big garbage dump. I couldn’t bear the thought that no one really cared about anyone and if the next 20 years was anything like the last 20 had been, I wanted no part of it. I felt like a dirty used up rag that had been thrown away so many times it wasn’t usable anymore. In all of my pain and despair I decided to end my life.

This time I would succeed. At the precise moment I was about to act on my verdict, I was suddenly aware that the tv was on and I heard a man’s voice say, “It doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, God loves you so much that he sent his son Jesus to die for you.” Those words stunned me. I dropped to my knees and begged God to come into my life. And in that moment he drenched my thirsty heart with his love, and poured it into me in a way that was full of powerful compassion! I think it was the first time I had ever experienced real love. I couldn’t stop weeping. I had no idea what I had done, but I knew it was real. I never touched another drug again, never wanted to. That was 26 years ago!

I began attending a church of good works and good intentions. It was a place I was at first welcomed. I had such a passion within me for God but the abuse in my marriage continued and I turned to a man in the church for help. When one of the elders saw us together he called a meeting with the other elders and had me discarded from the church. All of the relationships I had built up to that point became irrelevant. They all “broke fellowship” with me and backed it with scripture. It’s been a long and painful journey and for the past 25 years. Life can be brutal. People can too, myself included. I have 8 children, and 5 grandchildren, a wonderful loving husband who I am so grateful for. And a God who never threw me away! On the contrary, God came into the garbage dump of my life and he knelt down and began to grow a garden of fragrance and beauty. He offered me his living water. That is one of his favorite things to do and he does it like no other when we trust him. I am an imperfect, shining example that no matter what junk you have in your life it isn’t ugly enough or filthy enough to make God pause in his love for you. His love is wild and extravagant!

 I am young man age 29, raised to know right from wrong. I had the love for the Lord placed in my heart from a when I was a little boy but satan and his ways took over my life for a short time. As a teeneger I did and choice some wrong paths. But Glory be to God and am Alive in clothed in my right mind to testify about my test. First came the demon of suicide. It was followed by the Demeon of homosexuality and was all wrapped up by one of satans well know tricks “street drugs”. My mind has always been on full speed, over thinking and being very hard on myself.  I had a good friend come into my lif, and he took his life in his own hands and ended if by suicide. I love him so much I even tried to take the path he took but God blocked it. As a teenager I found myself  walking a thin line between two lives. On of a straight teenager dating teh high school cheerleader and walking around the halls flirting with girls and cutting class to hang out on teh back side of the building smokeing weed and drinking beer. Then there was a side of my life where I found myself in parks giving and recieving oral sex for men. This was a very hard time in my life. I would go to bars and clubs at the age of 16 the knowing that this was a test in my life, I thought I was living having fun. I then went to college in PA to start my formal training to become a chef. Now this is when things got a lil tricky. I was on my own in my first ever apartment at the age 17 in a whole new city all alone. I dove head first into the homosexual life choices. I can remember getting on teh bus to ride to class and lil kids what say “mommy look at her she has a cooks unifirm on”. I then felt so weird, like something was wrong but just didnt know what yet. Shortly into my stay God sent me a Angel. At the time I didnt know why God sent this person into my life. He was dressed as a woman, had a hat on with weave falling from the sides ands back, some to tight cut of jean shorts on and a t-shirt holding on to a big purse. This persons name was Jessy or Jessica then. He sat next to me on that bus ride home which was short LOL. I was the first stop. Later in life this person became my best friend, moved in off the street into my apartment and into my life forever.

The drugs came in at a early age alos. smoking weed with my brothers and local friends in the hood ( witch was the subburbs). I then started to hang with as we would call the wrong crowd. I found myself baging up crack cocaine and counting hundreds cash in the basement of a friends house. We would smoke weed all day and run crack to the street . I had started drinking heavy to numb my emtions and d things I knew where wrong.  I lost some friends to being murder falling sick from aids and suicide and just lost in the world of sin. As I look back I can honestly say

“I made it by the Grace and Mercy of God.”

 I sit here behind my lap top a changed man. As my life pours out on this page I pray it is a blessing to you and others. I have been Saved and Forgiven By God. I have given my whole life back to Him to use me in any way He wills. I am clean now from drugs for 1 year 3 months to date. I have canceled out the thoughts dreams and acts of living out homosexual choices. I have been delivered from sexual sin for 2 weeks to date. This life is a test and my reward is in Heaven with my king Jesus whom I call bestfriend, protecter, counseler, Father  Daddy and my personal Jesus! I am lead by the Holy Spirit to Help some one out there in need to hear from and pray with a God Sent Miracle.  Maybe this person is in addiction or coming out. Maybe  this person is a family memeber of a homosexual. May this person just needs to hear from a man with the Joy of teh Lord in his heart. Who ever you may be I am here with open arms and an open heart. You can find me on yahoo changedman1978. This is me you guys, I made it and I am so happy I am able to share my life with you. I will not lead you to a bad place. I am here to help for the Good of teh Kingdom Of God. So in Jesus name be healed from crack and street drugs. Turn from your wicked ways of homosexuality. Be filled with the Joy and Peace of the Holy Spirit!

I was recently involved in a serious motorcycle accident, i was riding alonng a road when a car pulled out into my path, i had no time to stop or evade, i hit the car quite hard. I walked away from this accident with only bruses and a twisted thumb, had god not had his loving and protecting hand over me i would have been seriously injured or even killed.  i thank god in all his love and mercy that i am heer and able to give this testimony of his miracle in keeping me safe.

a picture of whats left of the bike is : here.

god bless

This dream took place in my room. In this dream I was awakened from my sleep and in bed. I did not have any strength at first. I felt paralyzed. It sounded like my room was filled with many things crawling and scraping on the wall. I could see my room completely but still could not move.

I realized these things were trying to harm me but I could not see them. I tried to speak and move but I could not. I knew to say “Jesus” when you are in trouble with anything out of your hands. At first I could not even speak but I keep trying. Finally I got the strength to whisper “Jesus.”

When I said “Jesus” I began to get more strength and I could move my arm. I moved my arm up in the air and pointed to my heart and said “ Jesus is my best friend.”

When I said “ Jesus is my best friend” the scraping on the wall went away and I got all my strength back. It was very cool.

Those demons and satan are all show. They are really cowards and will run in fear of Jesus. Just by saying his name they fled and they fled in a hurry. When I woke up my room looked exactly like it did in my dream. I was even in the same position.

If you are in any situation call on the name of “ Jesus” because there is power in that name. Nothing can stand in the way of Jesus. Jesus is pure strength. Jesus will save you out of harms way. Jesus will never let you down. It is incredible. Evil will try to scare you, but they don’t have the strength of Jesus and cannot even put up a fight. Remember to say “ Jesus” when you are scared it works every time.

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36 (NKJ)

Hi, I’m Eric. On a lucky day in 1973, in Bremerton, Washington, I cost my parents five bucks when I came into the world. Being in the military does have its benefits, I guess.

My parents raised me in the way I should go, but sometimes we don’t all feel like going the way we’re told. In 1979, we moved up to Alaska, and we stayed there until 1989. Then, my parents decided to sell their house, and we moved to Vancouver, Washington.

In Vancouver, during high school, I decided that I didn’t want to be a Christian nerd anymore, and that I needed to party a little bit. So that’s what I began to do. Although I still attended church on a regular basis and participated in youth group activities, I led another, different life. I made lots of non-Christian friends, ignoring my father’s advice, “The friends you choose is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.” My parents soon gave up trying to keep me in line, because I simply didn’t want to listen.

I dove right into the party world, living for myself. I started smoking, drinking, doing drugs, the whole bit. I didn’t want anything to do with Christianity anymore. There were too many questions that I simply couldn’t answer, and too much fun that I simply wanted to have.

I graduated high school in the top five percent of my class, with practically straight A’s. I started college in 1991, and started dating a non-Christian girl who dominated the next few years of my life. I either spent time with her, or I partied. One or the other.

I came close to death more than once. One night, all tweaked out on drugs, I was downtown Portland and a guy pulled a gun on me. I laughed at him. That’s how much I cared about life.

One night, after a long, crazy night up near Tacoma, Washington, my friend Tom and I cruised down the I-5 freeway toward Vancouver and a Cadillac rear-ended us and sped away. His 1979 Datsun B-210 flipped a bunch of times and ended up upside down on the median. We sustained minimal injuries. We could easily have had the windows open and had limbs fly out and get crushed. We could easily have ended up in the freeway instead of on the median. We weren’t even wearing our seatbelts. My dad picked us up from the hospital the next day and we went to look at the car. It really didn’t look like anyone could have survived. The back window fell out when we touched it. All four tires were popped. It stood only a few feet high. My dad told us that my mother had got up that night, in the middle of the night, to pray for us. God knew that we needed protection.

One day, I rear-ended a new Lincoln Continental that was at a dead standstill. My car was going around 40 miles per hour. I didn’t have my seatbelt on. I broke my windshield with my head. Yet I only sustained a minor cut to my chin (I have a hard head, as you will soon see).

One day, I did a back flip off a cliff into a river. After an eight foot fall, I came down head first and cracked right onto a rock that lay hidden just under the surface. It didn’t even faze me. I bled a little and just kept living.

The drugs didn’t satisfy me. The girls didn’t satisfy me. My friends didn’t satisfy me. My family didn’t satisfy me. Basically, I lived for number one and I lived to get wasted. But God still remained near. And I knew it. The promise from Scripture never left me. “Raise your child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it.” I knew that if God was true, and his promises sure, that His plan would supercede anything I desired, no matter how much I tried to run away. And believe me, I kept running.

My parents moved back to Alaska, in time, and so did my sister. I lived alone for the first time. Actually, I had lived alone for a while in an apartment and wasted about $7000 that I had received as settlement for the auto accident. But this time I felt that I was actually alone. I didn’t even have any relatives around. Now, I had to survive.

I moved in with Tom, and finally checked myself into a drug rehabilitation center. While in there, I received a note from a guy named Steve. I knew he had to be one of those Christian annoyances, but for some reason I called him anyway. He informed me that he had a place I could stay if I wanted to get away from the drugs and partying lifestyle. I thought about that, and finally said, “Why not?” I felt the end of my rope creeping nearer. Little did I know that the end of the rope was still afar off.

I moved in with Jim and Mark. New rules abounded. No drugs, no women, attend church, get a job, etc. I had to take care of the basics. I couldn’t really find a good job, because I had a terrible job history. I worked temporary jobs all the time. Every year I had at least 10 different employers. Jim and Mark bought my food, payed for my rent, gave me whatever I needed to live, and more. I hit some lady’s car and ran off in Jim’s car and he got his insurance cancelled. I smoked pot in the basement. I broke all the rules and took advantage of these nice people. And what started as a temporary living arrangement somehow turned into many months. Finally, we moved out of that place into an apartment. I lived there for a while, and then said, “Forget it.” I decided to drive up to Alaska in my truck and move in with my parents. I thought a new environment might help me with my problems. I smoked pot the entire way up to Alaska, and used my credit card that Jim had helped me pay off to finance the trip and the drugs. I got up there, and instead of trying to fix myself up, I immediately found the bums in town and maxed out my credit card with cash advances for drugs. One night, some “friends” and I went to the beach and drank a half-gallon of whiskey. On the way to the store, I wrecked the truck and broke the windshield with my forehead (again). I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt, of course. My dad and uncle bailed me out (in the middle of the night) and the cop, miraculously, let me go. They aren’t easy on drunk drivers in Alaska. My cousin almost got arrested for driving too slow. The cop thought she was drunk. In this particular instance, I was a stark raving lunatic. I couldn’t even walk or talk sensibly. I think my dad wanted to knock me out. Anyway, my “friends” stole my tent and other camping gear and left town. I decided to check myself in to a drug rehab program in Portland.

So, in Portland, I checked in and started living a clean life. This place didn’t mess around. The commitment was a year, and I lived with a bunch of other guys. I’ve never had so many rules in my life. I had to memorize scripture. I had to clean, and cook, and go to church, and man, did I get sick of being bossed around. They forced me to give up my girlfriend (the same one still) and I couldn’t take that. I quit the program so I could be with her. She wouldn’t have anything to do with me. No money, no truck, no job, no rehab . . . . I had nothing. To her, I was a failure. And she had me pegged. She drove me back to the rehab house and dropped me off. She left. They didn’t want me back. So I decided to just forget everyone. I lived on the streets for about two months. Hitchhiking around, bumming money, smoking pot, drinking whiskey or tequila or cheap beer, and going to bars defined my lifestyle. In order to get back into the program, I just had to keep attending church at their church. They had to know that I was making a serious commitment to the program and to changing my life. They finally let me back in with the requirements that I not see my girlfriend at all, and that my attitude improve. I lasted about two weeks and got booted out. Nobody wanted me now. Nobody.

I lugged all my stuff to the street corner and tried calling everyone I knew. Jim and Mark were my last resort. Of course, they took me in. Once again, they paid my rent, my credit card, my bills, and everything else. I continued to take advantage of them, being the self-centered person that I had become.

Finally, my long-time girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me and I started drinking and smoking pot in earnest. Every day, all the time. I became super-depressed, and happiness only came when I could get high or drunk. I can’t really even describe this part of my life. I had no job, not many friends, no church, and life just went on that way. The drinking and smoking and depression and loneliness and tiredness and emptiness just kept getting heavier and more intense.

Then one day, in the midst of it all, I met this delightful girl. It was Thanksgiving of 1997. I had nowhere to go so I went with Jim to his family get-together. His second cousin once removed or whatever you call it, was Don, and Don was a deacon in our church. So we went to this get-together, and being bored as usual with Christians, I decided to leave. But I had been playing cards with this most delightful girl, Don’s stepdaughter. I thought she looked quite appealing, so I called her the next night and asked her to dinner. She said, “NO.” Being used to rejection, I had to just shrug it off. Her excuse? She had to return to Corvallis the next day, to continue her education at OSU. For those of you not familiar with that place, well, their mascot is a beaver, if that tells you anything. Anyway, she said she would email me. And surprisingly enough, she did. We became good friends over the email, and soon she decided to come to Portland and attend PSU, where I planned on attending school.

In the midst of all this, I still kept on doing the bad things, while Jim and Mark continued to put up with me. Not only did they put up with me, but Jim encouraged my schooling, and he also funded it! Can you believe this guy? What was supposed to be a few day living arrangement had turned into what seemed like a lifelong commitment and investment (hopefully a good one) in me. Why? Because God wanted it that way. I sure didn’t deserve it.

Anyway, one day, while visiting my new love in Corvallis, I noticed some dark bruises on my legs. Weird, dark suckers. They scared me. The doctor checked me out and told me that my liver needed help. He said, “A few more years of this and you’ll be dead.” Right then and there I quit drinking. A few weeks later, a run-in with the cops scared me into quitting pot. So, at that one point in time, my life turned around. Jim’s investment finally started paying dividends. I quit everything cold turkey. The drugs, the drinking, the cigarettes . . . . everything. I started going to school. I got a job that I kept for the next two years. I started school full-time and graduated with honors earning a BA in English at Portland State. I married my sweetheart. Jim married us, and Mark agreed to be my best man. Tom agreed to be a groomsman. God decided to turn something nasty (me) into something nice.

So now, without bragging, I can safely say, beyond any shadow of any doubt, that Jesus Christ worked many miracles in my life. He saved me from death many times when I didn’t deserve it. He brought the people I needed into my life at the times I needed them. He healed my bruises. He took away my addictions. He gave me a wonderful wife that I couldn’t live without. And let me tell you, two people have never been better matched. He gave me a caring family. He gave me my mother and father, supportive Christian parents, and a supportive Christian sister. He gave me Jim and Mark, two selfless Jesus freaks. He gave me dear Christian parents-in-law. He gave me two genius Christian brothers-in-law. He kept me from going to prison. He funded my schooling. He fed me. He gave me the guitar I’ve always wanted. He gave me a nice apartment. He gave me a great church. He supplied the finances when I didn’t have them. He gave me the power to overcome. It’s impossible to run from God when you’re one of his. Jonah proved that to us. And I’ve proved it too. His Word says, “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it . . .” My friends, if you’ve ever even thought about following Jesus, then it’s already too late for you to turn back. If He starts a work in you, He will be faithful to complete it. Jesus lives and He heals! Praise be to God!

If you want to read more awesome testimonies of the love and power of Jesus Christ, visit the following site:

http://truthsaves.org/testimony/

You can also contact me by visiting the contact page at that site.

In His service,

Eric

     It was in October, 1991, that I wholeheartedly asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart as my very personal Savior.  I was sitting at my work station that day; feeling the sting of a disappointing life and wanting badly to find a way out that would, hopefully, be as effective as I’d thought suicide might be.  And so, through the instructions of a radio sermon I was listening to then, I sincerely asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart.  It was in that very moment that I began to experience a manner of feeling connected to God that I had not ever known before; an induction into the spiritual realm that felt profoundly overwhelming.

     Even so, little did I know then that, in spite of how excited I’d surely become about continuing on with my life, my journey toward some manner of spiritual  maturity would prove to be extremely difficult.  For I was a person with a fifteen year history of acting out as a lesbian.  Yet I’d only been wanting to turn away from that lifestyle for a few months, before receiving empowerment through Jesus Christ to actually do so. 

People,  what I need you to know, at this point, is that my knowledge of lesbianism came about when I was just a child beginning puberty.  You see, there were certain magazines in the house; one of which was a kind of weekly newspaper which had an ongoing lesbian story as one of its features.  So, with my young hormones feeling stimulated by that ongoing story, I followed it each week that newspaper was brought into the house.  Parents,  I admonish you to protect your children from such input with all your might.  For, I truly believe, my sexuality might not have been awakened toward my own gender had I not learned that such behavior was an option; right there in my own household. 

     Nevertheless, with all of my heart, I wanted to come to know more about Jesus Christ and learn to follow him to the very best of my ability.  And so, having now been made aware that my mind would be far more difficult to bring into submission to God than my flesh had been, I appealed to Him to just make those thoughts go away.  However, rather than to make things easy for me that way, God, instead, began to make me aware of certain things I needed to do on my own.  And number one on that list of things, I soon learned, was to steer clear of even the smallest amount of pornographic input.  For there surely would have been no progress to be made in my mind, whatsoever, concerning my deviant ways, without this very necessary act of willingness, on my part, to cooperate with God. 

     And so, as time went by, I began to understand far more about God than I thought  I did before.  And one of those things was that it didn’t matter how I started out; lesbian or whatever.  All that mattered to God, I came to understand, was that I was willing to cooperate with Him; that I surely wanted to be brought to a place of absolute deliverance from a manner of thinking I no longer embraced.  I came to understand, as well, that if change was to come about for me, it could only be through my redeemer Jesus Christ; the author of change.  For none other than he knows just how to restore within us that right spirit which brings us into agreement with God’s intention for our lives.

     So, for all I’ve shared here, and then some, I am surely delivered from my own lesbian tendencies; wholeheartedly and completely.  In this, I am empowered to choose not to misbehave sexually; a freedom of choice surely restored to me through the power of Jesus Christ and for as long as I am choosing to just let it be.  For this same freedom of choice, which is our birthright, had been lost to me the very moment I began choosing to do what I knew full well was wrong according to God; first heterosexually, as a teenager, and then, some years later, as an adult acting out homosexually.  It is a choice now made easy for me; for I have indeed endured what has been a painstaking and humbling process of becoming wholeheartedly transformed through the renewing of my mind; as it speaks of in Romans 12 vs. 2.   And in the place of the futility of trying to live for myself, I am, instead, choosing to live my life as a follower of Jesus Christ.  For, as he says in John 8: 31-32, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

     And so, for now being free, in that way, I indeed strive to be like Jesus; even with knowing full well that I’ll never reach such a degree of perfection.  On a daily basis, I try to practice love and tolerance; first for myself and then toward others.  And when I fall short of this, to keep striving to do so just the same.

     Through my efforts to mature as a Christian, I am made aware that the battle is not mine; but it is the Lord’s.  That it is for me, fully trusting in Him, to only seek to combat Satan’s strategies through God’s Word and on my knees in prayer.

     Nearly sixteen years have gone by now since I last acted out as a lesbian.  I am at peace with myself, for nothing appeals to me more than worshipping the Lord in spirit and in truth, and through the relaying of His message of hope.  In this, I am fulfilling a promise made to God many years ago; that should He choose to completely deliver me from a lesbian mindset, I’d testify about it to all who would receive my testimony, for as long as He would empower me to do so.

     Nevertheless, my message of hope concerning absolute deliverance from being imprisoned to homosexuality is clearly only for those who are truly seeking to be free.  For I have come to understand that, without sincerely seeking to be free of  homosexuality, there is no freedom to be found for anyone indulging in the behavior. 

Author: Edward D Fleming, Republished: Sat, 1-26-2008

“When the lord called my name” I would like at this time to share with you a part of my testimony and what my Lord Jesus has done for my soul and all glory goes to him. I was born in the hills of West Virginia on Sept. 7th 1946 to Robert and Thula Fleming the second of eight children. My father was a coal miner. Love was strong and noticeable in our home.(note : my dad went home to be with my lord Jesus in Sept. Of 2006). Mother was and still is a warrior of the cross and bound for the promised land. Edward D. Fleming was the name given to me. The (D) was for Daniel ( God is my judge). In my early years, my mother said I was the one that had an interest in the bible more than my other brothers and sisters, so as I was growing up I would spend a lot of time alone in the hills and woods. I loved the wild animals. My early life was all right. It wasn’t until I left home that the trouble started with the drugs and drinking and all that went with it. At the age of 19, my oldest brother and I, left home for the northern cities looking for work and came to a place called Flint Michigan to work in the automobile plants building cars. This is where the drugs and drinking really went from bad to worse. Being married at that time with one child, times where good and bad, but more bad than good. Things started going down. Soon there were three more chidren. My wife and I were drifting apart (it was mostly my wrong doing and bad choices) until we went our separate ways and I just got deep into drugs and drinking. There was no end in sight. I wanted to go back home to West Virginia but that didn’t happen. I just didn’t care anymore about life, and I just wanted out and the only ones who really knew that were my mother and my GOD of course. THEN one day it all came crashing down around me.

At this point in my life, it was over and it seemed like there was nowhere to go, nowhere to run. That is when I heard this voice, like it was calling my name and that, I couldn’t figure and at the same time I felt a peace come over me, there in my little two room apartment. Some how I knew it was my GOD and right there on the floor I began to cry out to him the only way I knew and it seemed like he put his hand on my head and it was so warm. It was like heat flowing down through me. After that things started changing, not real fast but change had come. My wife had moved away for awhile. We never got back together but I was able to see my children and that was great. NOW if you don’t mind I would just like to share with you what happened after I was saved. The war was on. It’s like this. I owe it all to my Lord JESUS to him be the glory, because I have been in some of the most wretched, miserable conditions for a Christian that any one could ever have been in, and every time the Lord came and rescued me out of it, every time. Then the unthinkable happened. One of my daughers was smitten with cancer and died at the age of 23. There is a long testimony about that but I’ll share that at another time. Just one year or so after that my only son was shot to death at the age of 23 as well, Like I said the war was on. I started drifting away from my Lord Jesus in all of that. Trouble was there again and it wasn’t long before I was back in the dark. I had been months in darkness, months in thinking that the Lord had left me. I though that I really offended him.

There was a time in my walk that I served the Lord with all my heart and still I failed. You see all the wrong choices caused things like that to happen. At times I could feel the cold darkness of death all around me just closing in on every side so fast and hard. Sometimes it was even hard to breath. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I was in a back-slidden state. I had left the church and the ministry. I just started running, going nowhere fast. It got worse and worse the more I ran. The pain was so heavy and there were no more tears to cry. I felt anger slowly creeping in, starting to take control of my life and there was nothing I could do about it and that was scary. I was so weak and worn out and just fed up with it all. There was no one to turn to, and I was so all alone, thinking at times about my children. All my nights where sleepless not wanting to see the next day, just wanting to die. I was in my own world of hell on earth, but once again the voice of my Lord Jesus came to me in the night. It had been such a long time. I was so frightened that I trembled. I knew that it was my Lord Jesus and I was so ashamed. I felt so naked before him. I just began to weep out of control. Tears that I once could not cry came back to me that day and my heart was hurting so bad I knew that my Lord Jesus had come for me and then I heard him say to me…. ” DANIEL (my middle name), you are mine and I love you so much and I have plans for you, for it is almost time for me to return and I have something that I want to do in and through you and when I called you it was not the wrong choice, for it is my desire that you live for me, that I may through you show myself to this world. I have many more sons and daughters just like you that I have plans for in this last hour of time. Know this and know it well. You are mine and I called you by your name. I am going to reveal my will in your life. No more running. No more hiding. It is time for you to let me rise up in you for the last time. I will have it no other way.” That’s what my lord Jesus had said to me and no matter what anybody says, from this point on it is my only desire, and that is to let my God have his way and no other, for there is none no not one but my LORD JESUS.

TO MY GOD BE THE GLORY!! PS. Please pass this on, thank you for taking the time to read my testimony “Thank you, My Lord Jesus”

I don’t really know where to begin but I wanted my personal testimony of deliverance to be able to touch someone who may be as I was: trapped with no escape because I was too afraid to cry out for help.  I wanted to let someone else know that when you are “Chosen By God” you have a greater purpose and when you are trying to fulfill your purpose without including God in it, you will always feel empty and incomplete. 

For a while I had been living a life of insecurity, defeat, depression, brokenness, and total oblivion to the world around me.  I was so trapped within myself that my life began to take this slow downward fall to Hell and after I couldn’t get a grip, I began to enjoy this downward spiral and the devil was enjoying taking me.  I didn’t really care who said what to me, who I made angry, who I talked back to, who I disputed with….none of that didn’t really matter because “I WAS RIGHT” and “NOBODY UNDERSTOOD ME.”

I continued to go about the normal routine of going to church whenever the doors were open, making sure that I didn’t miss a service unless I really had a “good reason” because I didn’t want anything to be said if I didn’t show up.  Sometimes I wanted to be there and sometimes I really could have cared less and even when I got there and those times I could care less, I didn’t really pretend like I cared even in other people’s presence.  I continued to get up and go about my daily routine job, and felt the same way I did about church, some days I cared, some I didn’t.  But, I avoided confronting the real issues at all with anyone.  If you didn’t like me, I didn’t care.  If you talked to me or not, I didn’t really care.  If you wanted to hang around me or not, after I had gotten so immune to being by myself anyway, and excluding myself from everyone, I DIDN’T CARE!  You see the pattern…The enemy wanted me to believe I was in the right no matter who I hurt or who I made feel bad and yet I was still “on my way to heaven!”  NOT!!!!  The more I got trapped within myself, the more the devil was feeding into my spirit all of the things I should do, who I should listen to, who not to listen to, who to steer away from (not all necessarily for the good), and who to just completely avoid at all costs!  AND I DID JUST THAT!

I was hurting deep down inside because I felt like no one cared, had this façade like it didn’t matter but it hurt to be alone, but all this time I had been making people not care because they didn’t want anything to do with someone who cared nothing about their self.  I hurt because the enemy had a hold on my thoughts, my mind, my actions, my attitude, and he never let me see myself.   Yes, some of those times in church I did feel the presence of God, God may have used me through a song or music, and even at those times when I felt like I really didn’t want to be there, it was at those times that someone might come and say to me “I really enjoyed you tonight, God used you.  Thank God for that anointing.”  And, in my routine, I would say as I had been taught, “To God Be The Glory!” and the devil would let me feel like I still had it together.  While others were looking like, “Yeah, whatever!  You just don’t know the real truth!” How many know that you can have an anointed leader who can intervene on behalf of the church and even in the midst of a service pray such a prayer that the devil will have no place to stick his head so that others that truly need and want something from God can still get what they are looking for?  That’s the kind of ANOINTED, CHOSEN Leader that I have.  My pastor is not just a woman of prayer and faith, but is also a woman of God that doesn’t mind going head to head, eye-to-eye, cheek-to-cheek with the devil!  And, that is why the enemy wanted to keep me trapped and caught up thinking it’s all about me and not seeing myself because the more I kept myself hidden from myself, I would push myself further away from God, further away from the leading of a great pastor, and further away from my “umbilical cord” in the spirit!  She is my lifeline ordained and predestined by God to not just watch after my spiritual being but to be a mentor to me and steer me in reaching my greatest potential in life as well as in Christ.  And, the devil knew if he could tear me away from that lifeline, he was going to literally kill me and not just in my spiritual walk with Christ!!! Yet, it was in deliverance class, the night God predestined a breakthrough for not only myself, but my spiritual lifeline, that God used a bond as strong as an umbilical cord to take over the natural desire to let go and instead allow the spirit to intercede on my behalf that would release a breakthrough in my life.  I can’t explain everything that happened that night, but I can tell you this—when the enemy had me telling my spiritual lifeline to just let me go and leave me alone, I know it was the spirit of God that overtook the words that came out of her mouth (because she too had had enough and was ready to give me up!) and instead of releasing me to die (which is where I was headed), in the spirit I heard the love of a “spiritual umbilical cord” begin to release words beyond her own feelings that broke through that wall of deception planted by the enemy.  It was then that instead of hearing the devil, God allowed me to hear the love of a mother I denied begin to intercede for a child she vowed to protect, nurture, and instruct no matter what. It was then that God allowed me to recognize the voice that kept me alive, the voice that called out in the midnight hours even when I was far away, and I felt the presence of God nurture me back to not just the loving arms of a denied mother, but the loving arms of a denied God!  

That night God manifested a 3-fold healing:  healing of my soul, healing of a relationship between God and myself, and the healing of a relationship between the umbilical cord and the baby that was birthed from that umbilical cord!  And, it was in that release in the atmosphere that I stand here today at peace with myself, at peace with the world around me, at peace with God, and at peace with my “umbilical cord” whom I love with all my heart!   I am being processed to a greater relationship in Christ and I know who I am and WHOSE I am, for I am DELIVERED TO BE DELIVERED TO…. I am no longer at a place where I am afraid to cry out to God for help for I know where my help comes from!  I am not afraid to walk in my integrity and fulfill the destiny He has chosen for my life because I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  I am WHO I AM because GOD MADE ME UNIQUE!  I am:
 
Unquestionably Saved,
Noble & Wise, because I am. 
Inspired by “My Lifeline”
Qualified Chosen to be
Undeniably Righteous Because I
Escaped From My Past!    

My prayer today and everyday now is that God would continue to take me to a greater dimension in His Word and I know that if I can keep my head up and keep my mind elevated on the spiritual that I can obtain ANYTHING I want and I can ACHIEVE anything I want in Christ because I have the POWER OVER THE DEVIL and everything in my past was erased by the Blood of Jesus! TO GOD BE ALL GLORY FOR THE AWESOME WORKS HE IS PERFECTING IN MY LIFE!!!

Hi

God has led me to this site at a time when I was about to give up praying for my brother who has been suffering from Schizophenia for the last 5 years. He was born with a problem where he had a brain damage in birth due to lack of oxygen and has been retarded since birth and was not able to achieve what we would call a normal life. But God touched his heart one day and he gave his life to Jesus in 2001 where he changed and Gods hand was on his life till some years later in 2003 when he had gone for a Christian meeting like a crusade and came back sick. Its another long story since its even a miracle that he came back home. He has never been the same and he tells us he had gone to another world. He always has conversations with unknown people and became withdrawn and lost interest in the things he used to like especially going to church. My mum took him to hospital where he was diagonised as being Schizophenic and has been on medication since then and seems not to improve at all. We have prayed with my mum alot for him and this year God gave me a word for him saying He will pay him back all the devil had stolen from him but he seems to get worse. And the imaginary conversations with unknown people has increased but I know God will keep His word and He will be delivered the problem is He doesnt know how to read and so cannot read the Bible my Mum tries alot to read the word with Him but he is never interested and is always on the edge of the seat waiting for her to finish so that he goes to his bedroom and sleep. My Dad’s family had a background of witchcraft and we prayed and broken these bondages trusting God for a miracle since this is a demonic attack. God has seen us through alot as a family being a provider protector and all that we need and I believe He will deliver our brother just need prayers for Him.

My name is Ryan Caldwell, and this is my life story. I grew up in a small town in the mountains of North Carolina. I was the youngest in a family of four. I was raised in a home filled with love and without the presence of alcohol or drugs. At the age of 7 or so I began to visit my friends down the street to play. Some were my age, with the exception of some young adults around the age of 20 or so.

Little did I know that I would very quickly be exposed to the things that have nearly destroyed my life. As I would leave, my parents were sure that I was in a harmless environment. Within a short time I had seen it all. I sat on the couch as I viewed sexual explicit videos. I really wanted to try this “weed” they were smoking, but they said, “Your lungs aren’t through growing yet.” But what about the beer and liquor, I’d sure like to drink that. “Oh no, not now” they said. As a young kid I saw these older guys as my best friends and role models. They were older than me and I could hang out with them, and man they were cool, so I wanted to do exactly what they did.

Five years later when I was 12, I began smoking cigarettes. Before long my Mother had caught me many times, but I didn’t care. I began to rebel even more and did exactly what I was told not to do. Within a short time I had a collection of pornographic material, and a stash of alcohol.

When I was 14, I finally got my chance to smoke pot, and loved it. I worked as a cook, and always supported my habit. A habit indeed I soon had. I was smoking all day every day. My parents found it over and over, and I’d turn right around and get more. Grounded or not, I’d get it. The loving family atmosphere soon diminished as my words and actions destroyed it. Now that I couldn’t do as I pleased, I lashed out in anger by breaking windows, arguing, and being very destructive. This continued thru high school. During my senior year cocaine had came across my path one day. I sniffed it and it was the best feeling I ever had. I bought a bag, then another, and another after that. Within three days it had taken control of my life. The next morning my Mother brought me to school and I ran away. I had to get away from everything around me, especially cocaine. The next day they located me outside town, and I entered a drug rehab facility where I finished my senior year of high school.

I returned and I stayed clean for a week. Drugs came across my path again and I gave in. I was 17, and I was grounded for the next two months till I turned 18. Within the next six months I lost everything. I wrecked my truck, lost my job, and began to live from here to there wherever the party was. I became a heavy drug user of various types of drugs. Whatever came my way I had to have, and as much of it as I could get. Drugs were all I lived for every day. One fix after another.I became very thin, and I had 3 overdoses in a month. One night a friend and I was very intoxicated and broke into a store. I was told there was $3,500 in the store. There was $20. If there would’ve been that much money in there, I’m sure I would’ve killed myself with the drugs I was going to buy.

A week later I was arrested, and locked up in Virginia for six months. During this time I turned 19 behind bars. It had changed me in a way that I could gain some self control. But I got with the wrong crown again, and a week later I was arrested for marijuana, and drinking under age. My father bailed me out, and a week later I got a drinking and driving ticket. My Father bailed me out again. Now I stayed away from everyone and got a job, and began to attend a local college. Everyone thought I had stopped using drugs but I hadn’t. I had to take drug tests once a month for 4 years. I would carry in someone’s urine every time, because I would test positive. As I would pass each test, it showed that I was staying clean.

After class I would get high, and after work I would get high. Smoking marijuana everyday was the norm, but I always loved to have some cocaine, crystal meth, pills, or anything else to go with it. Within the next three years I became heavily addicted to cocaine, and crystal meth. Three times I had help from others to aid in my recovery, but I always went back.

I soon moved in with some college friends and rented a house. We partied all the time, and began using a lot of drugs. Then we started selling them, and that brought even more around. I was now 22, and still on drugs with no direction. There were many of us that hung together, and we’d all get high. From Oct-Dec. of 2005 five of my friends died from drug overdoses. I seen them yesterday, and they were dead today. My close friend Stacy was 20 yrs old. I told her she was taking too much and to slow down because I was there at one time, and it wasn’t worth it. A week or so later Stacy didn’t wake up. This was it for me; I couldn’t do it anymore because my time was coming if I didn’t stop.

So I did, and my friend Angela came over that day and talked to me about Stacy because I was quite upset. She said, “I know I’m ok, and when I die I’m going to heaven.” She looked at me and I couldn’t say anything, but just look at her. I became real scared and uncomfortable. And she talked to me a little bit about Jesus, but I was bit reluctant about it, so she eased off, so I left quickly!I thought to myself, why? Why am I running, it’s real. Eternity is real, and forever. So I thought about it, and I couldn’t comprehend it. Once I thought about God and heaven, I felt his presence immediately. I felt it right outside my chest.I felt like God was right there saying, “Ryan, just let me in.”For 3 days I was in a war. I was crying, and listening to the devil on my shoulder, saying oh come on, you can come to God later, let’s have fun, and then God was calling me.

So I moved home Dec. 17^th 2005. My Father and I talked till 3 A.M. in the morning. I told him how I felt about God, and that I needed him to help me. My Father shared with me the gospel of Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins, and if I believe that he was the son of God, and that he died on the cross for my sins, and rose from the third day, that I would be saved. So I believed in him with all my heart and asked Jesus to come into my life and be my Lord and savior, and to take control and show me the way. With many tears being shed I came off my knees, and I felt like a new person, and I knew I had been saved. That following Sun. on Christmas I was baptized, and professed the Lord as my savior.

Now let me share with you how God has changed my life. Since that night I’ve had no desire to use drugs, or alcohol. He’s given me a life to live with hope, and the strength to say no. I now live a clean life as I patiently seek what God has in store for me. He’s blessed me with a great job, a vehicle, and things I need in life. Before I had nothing, and now I have Jesus and he is the reason I live today. Because of his mercy I’m still alive, and by his grace I have a savior, and when I see Jesus it will be worth it all.

Trial to Triumph

Lost and alone; salvation unknown.

Drugs and strongholds made the evil-one known.

Strength overtaken, near death three times.

Addictions and afflictions, many of each kind.

Freedom vanished, locked behind barred doors.

Six months of insomnia, pacing concrete floors.

Freedom returned gaining untruthful respect.

Addictions again, dying to inject.

Loved ones and reality gained semi-control.

Deep inside the dark one had hold.

Just as life met the end of it’s rope.

A witness from the Lord spoke a glimmer of hope.

A chance to change for better.

And a life that lasts forever.

Down on my knees I met Christ.

Filled with love and empty of strife.

Blinded no more and chained no longer,

The Lord my Shepard hath made me stronger.

Living to know him and to make him known.

The lost and dying need to be shown.

The love of Christ thru the light of our lamp.

Not to grade sin or put on a stamp.

No time for that, work to be done.

Sharing the gospel and souls to be won.

Eternal motivation and promises I keep.

Guided by light patiently I seek.

I never thought someone would love me for me.

Until Christ entered my life and he made me see.

On my knees each day thanking God above,

Because of you I see the meaning of no greater love.

By: Ryan Caldwell