Testimony Share

My earliest memories are of nightmares. As a young boy living in Oklahoma I seemed to have a pretty good life. My mother and father worked and I grew up in daycare. I had three half brothers and a half sister though I never met her until years later. Family life was rough. My father was constantly in debt and addicted to alcohol and drugs. He abused my mother on a regular basis and I think it was this environment that left me open to such spiritual attack as a child. From the age of two I would have nightmares of monsters and boogie men. One night I remember laying in bed trying to sleep after a particularly bad fight and looking at my night light. It had a glass base with a sculpture inside of a little boy who had been fishing. He was feeding his earthworms to some little birds in a nest. It had been a comforting scene in the past. This night though I remember the sculpture turning to look at me. It appeared then as if the boy came out of the glass and was a menacing presence. I got scared and shut my eyes. This had always worked in the past if I just shut my eyes it would go away. Only this time I didn’t. So I jumped out of bed and ran to my parents room. They had somehow made up after yet another fight and were both asleep. I stood in the hallway looking at them then I turned to look back down at my room and the boy was already on his way down the hall after me. I screamed and jumped into bed with my parents. The boy came into the room. I hid my head under the covers as my parents stirred. The boy had vanished and I found rest in their bed that night.

Some time later, when dad began to beat me, mom decided it was time for us to leave. So one day instead of daycare I stayed home with mom. My uncles from Texas showed up in trucks and a Uhaul and we left. We moved to Texas without my dad knowing that we were even thinking of going. I missed him terribly and didn’t understand why we had to go. I was almost five when we moved to Texas. Life was fun at first we stayed on my grandparents farm where I had fun with my two cousins and in many ways they became the serrogate brothers to replace the ones I had left behind.

I had a hard time differentiating between truth and story growing up. When my cousins and I would tell ghosts stories I would get overtaken by an intense fear. It didn’t help that my grandparents farm house was a two story farm home over two hundred years old and most of my aunts and uncles all had their ghost stories about it.

After a few months of living on the farm my mother found a job in the city and we moved into a duplex. I was still plagued by nightmares and scary visions. Our new home in town had a small berry bush outside my mothers window and I remember one time I saw a black almost shadow like substance dart into that bush and disappear.

My parents had attended a protestant church in Oklahoma and I had been raised with a basic Sunday School knowledge of God and Jesus. I didn’t understand why we had left Oklahoma and I cursed God on a regular basis for taking me from my father. I had a conversation at some point with my father over the phone and he told me that the Devil had my mother and that it was my job to pray for them to get back together. I got occasional letters from my father but when I was nine he died. It was at his funeral that I met my half sister for the first, and only, time. My fathers death embittered me toward God and I became increasingly iconoclastic.

While I was in elementary school I was also diagnosed with Aortic Valvular Stenosis of the left ventricle artery. My diagnosis was grim. I don’t remember all the ins and outs of it but I wasn’t expected to live long past my teens and I was immediately taken out of all athletics in school. Teachers were scared because I would come in from lunch pale and with purple lips after playing on the playground.

Life became harder. My mother couldn’t find any insurance to take me because I was a guaranteed loss. She was working as an accountant for a bar behind our house and was constantly worried and stressed out. My mother had been raised Catholic and left the church as soon as she left the house. She raised me to believe that organized religion was not to be trusted and that no one belief was better than another. She taught me that to experiment with drugs was expected but never to do anything too hard. She also introduced me to witchcraft. She unknowingly taught me that when dealing with spiritual things she had learned from some hippies in the 60’s that you were supposed to make a circle around yourself to keep out bad spirits.

It was around that same time that I discovered a passion for reading. My favorite books pertained to magic and dragons anything to escape and get me away from the pain of the real world. I delved at a young age into eastern mysticism and into Native American religions. I remember at one point I felt so in tune with the spiritual energies around me that i could run through my backyard out into the front yard and not even need to stop to open the gate in front of me. It would open before me and shut behind me.

In the midst of my growing interest with the very things I had lived in fear of for so long I remember telling God that I was tired of being “sick” and I wanted to be able to play like a normal boy.

I also remember making the conscious decision to no longer be afraid of the things that went bump in the night but to instead be the thing that people feared.

In the seventh grade I found a friend in english class who also read many of the same fantasy and horror books that I did. We became fast friends sharing this in common. It was around that same time that bullies became a real problem and he and I were both bullied by a group of older boys. That summer I hit puberty and became larger than the bullies and they quit bullying me.

I went on to high school but my middle school buddy did not go to the same school I did, so I had to start over and found friends once again that read all the same books I did. On one particularly bad day I was sitting in the lunch room with an older friend and began discussing a character out of one of our books. This character was easily identified with by me because of his sick weakly stature, but he became a wizard and soon both challenged and managed to kill a Goddess in the series. I remember asking my friend if he ever wished that all that magic stuff was real and looked me square in the eye and said that it was. He wanted to show me so I came over to his house for a sleep over one weekend. He pulled several store bought spell books and psychic manuals. We immediately began to try putting out candle flames with our minds and found some exciting success. That night I became a witch.

By my sophomore year there was a core group of five male witches at our high school. One of the guys mother was a member of the Texas Council for Magickal Arts and so we all had a pretty good hook up into the occult. We all frequented the new age and witchcraft shops around town. i became adept and finding and communicating with “Spirit Guides” reading Tarot cards and the like. My friends and I would all have sleep overs and practice witchcraft together. I lived this way from my freshman year of high School until I was 21 years old.

It was after I graduated high school that I delved deeper and more seriously into the witchcraft. Out of high school I had no goals or plan for life so I went to Massage Therapy school. I also learned Reiki which is simply another form of Witchcraft. I remember in the class at the end of it we went through a guided mediation to meet with a powerful spirit guide. In the vision I didn’t find a spirit guide but I saw myself standing at the feet of Jesus sitting on a throne frozen in a block of ice. The vision so disturbed me that I wouldn’t share it with the others in the class.

While I was in classes I found a job working at the mall in a seasonal Halloween store. There I met two lesbian witches and two Christians. I was really taken by the beauty of one of the Christians and instantly thought she was out of my league. By the end of the season though she and I were dating and sleeping together.

It was because of her parents that I first went to church. They were threatening to break us up if I didn’t at least visit their church. They had been told by their daughter that I attended another local church. So I did what any good witch would do for the sake of so called love, I geared up with all of my amulets and talismans underneath my shirt and I went with her to church. I had heard of this church it was a charismatic mega church and among the witchcraft community it was rumored that these Christians were crazy. I instantly disliked the businessy feel of the building but when I made it into the main Sanctuary I saw this bald, goatee clad man with an electric guitar rocking out in worship and I thought, “Man this looks nothing like my grandmothers Catholic Church.”

By the end of service I had so enjoyed myself that I told my girlfriend we could go back sometime if her parents forced us to.

Eventually the girl and I became engaged. One late evening after she had been hanging out with a witch friend and me, I asked her what she thought of my “religion”. Up to this point I had always been very confrontational about Christianity and could out argue her easily because she was lukewarm at best and had no idea how to defend a faith she herself didn’t practice. This night was different though…I had been explaining to my witch friend a new character I had developed for a role playing game I designed. When out of my mouth, not even in my voice, I began to quote scripture and explain the nature of truth to my friend. My fiance recognized it as scripture and was blown away by what I had just said, but I just played it off as if “just because I wasn’t a Christian didn’t mean I didn’t know what the Bible said”. My witch friend applauded my speech and went home. I was shaken by the experience and somehow was open to hearing what my fiance had to say about my religion.

So I asked her, “What do you think of my religion?”, she simply responded that it was demon worship. I flew off the handle with her and drove her home.

Later that night I was performing a ritual and cast my circle. I was surrounded by years worth of acquired witchcraft paraphernalia. Incense was burning as a sacrifice to my idols I had around the room. A Buddha, dancing Shiva, Tiki head, etc. and I sat on my bed enfolded in my robe and began to think this one thought. “What if she’s right?” My mind began to repeat that question and I grew cold and a cloud seemed to descend upon the room. Even though it was lit by many candles it became difficult to see and I once again got under my covers and tried to shut my eyes to lock out the fear, just as I had done so often as a little boy. I peeked out and it was as if a curtain had been lifted and I saw all around me not idols of wood and brass but laughing mocking figures that had no good intentions for me, but the evil had almost a physical presence. I despaired.

Just then in the deepest fear I had ever felt a voice spoke to me. Not like the voices of the spirits I had long communicated with but a voice of gentle rain, but also powerful thunder. It was a warm voice and a soothing voice and with two words it banished the fear and the images. The voice simply said “I AM“. The voice was so real and shocking that I jumped from my bed and began looking through my house believing that a friend was playing some trick on me. I found no one though and I blew out the candles snuffed the incense and as I began to fall asleep I heard another similar voice begin to tell me how much He loved me and I drifted off.

Six months later my fiance and I had completed our pre-marriage classes and went for our first meeting with the pastor she had chosen to marry us. He was a kindly older gentleman by the name of Phil Mercado. He began speaking to us and asked us where we were with the Lord. Now my fiance knew this was coming and she had been coaching me on the drive to the church to say that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior. I told her I got it and to shut up and leave me alone. So Pastor Phil says, “I don’t know you that well so tell me if you were to die today where would you go?” I said Heaven. To me heaven was an ambiguous place like the Elysian fields or the happy hunting grounds. He followed up by asking me “Why?”. I was dumb founded. I knew somehow I was supposed to say that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior but the words would not come out of my mouth. I sputtered some drivel about W.W.J.D. and always trying to do the right thing. Pastor Phils’ face fell, he opened his bible and shared the Romans road with me and then he said that for his own sake would we object to being led in a prayer. We agreed and got down on our knees there in his office in front of his desk. I repeated the words he was saying but in my mind it was as if I was kneeling before the feet of Jesus once again only this time he wasn’t frozen in a block of ice but was clothed in glory. I realized in that moment that my whole life everyone had been wrong. I realized that it didn’t matter that my mother thought religion was a crutch or that all my friends thought Christians were hypocrites. It only mattered in between me and Jesus and I accepted Him to be my Lord.

On the drive home I told my fiance that I had meant the prayer and she got visibly upset with me.

Three times before we were married God told me distinctly not to marry her but I did anyway. I mean the invitations were already sent out what was God thinking? He would just have to deal with it. As I grew closer to God she ran farther away. As a gift to her I set up a computer for her to use. Once again God told me in no uncertain terms not to set up the computer. I had promised already and did it anyway. Three months in to the marriage she met a guy online and left. She was the one thing at that point in my life that was more important than God and she was finally gone. I broke before the Lord and praised Him in my pain and sorrow. A few weeks later I lay on the couch and was reading my Bible. In Exodus Moses goes up the mountain to get the commandments and he questions God. He says to God how will the people know that I didn’t just make this stuff up but that it is from you. God says to tell the people His Name. Moses says what’s your name God and God replies “I AM“.

I got the chills and saw Gods providence in my life. That incurable degenerative disease? I was healed at some time. A few years after the initial disease I enrolled in Judo classes. One of the men in the class heard me talking about my condition and couldn’t believe the diagnosis. He read EKG’s and such. So he snuck me into the hospital (no insurance remember) and ran the tests on me. There was no heart disease. He told my mom to take the print out and have several specialists around the state and country read them but there was no disease there. His thought was that there had never been a heart condition. But my mother had the old printouts that showed it as well. I was healed. Even in my anger and hatred of God He had healed me, because He had a plan and a purpose for me.

After I was saved and my first wife had left I gathered up all the old witchcraft books and stuff I could find. Anything that wasn’t pleasing to God really. Cd’s, books, games, magazines, movies, etc. and I burned them all in my backyard. As the pillar of smoke rose from the flames I saw an evil face appear resembling one of the many evil spirits I had encountered in my years of witchcraft. The face came at me with the appearance of a scream and broke over me. Then it dissipated and the smoke continued to rise straight up into the night. I had Jesus now and for the first time in my life I didn’t have to fear any longer.

P.S. I am now a Youth Pastor and married to a beautiful Christian woman who loves the Lord and am the father of a wonderful little girl.

About 2 years ago, I was on holiday with my parents at to Ikare in southwest Nigeria. I suddenly realised that I urinated excessively after any carbohydrate meal and I began to lose weight. A physician diagnosed Diabetes mellitus which was scary to me considering that I was only 22. I was very perplexed and confused but in the process I came across some christian tapes. They inspired me and idecided to take my case to God, the holy spirit  inspired me to go on a three day special fasting and prayer session which I did. A day after the fasting and prayer I purged and felt very light and tired. I instantly knew something has changed… 2 years after, I have been eating and drinking what I like since then and I havent fell ill once. It provided me the opportunity to meet christ and become born again, my life hasn’t been the same ever since. I want you to know he can do the same in your life too if you give him the chance.

Hello,

I want to tell you things that Jesus did for me.  But before I get there, I have to go back to my youth.

I wasn’t raised with God or any other religion. I was raised according to my parents’ intuition.

I have had a terrible youth. I have a history with people who have humiliated me and were pulling me down and down and down in my feeling of beeing worthy.  It started at my kindergarden school. It didn’t stop till I quit my education to become a nurse.

It was really dramatic when my 4 years younger sister was born. My sister was 6,5 week too early. She was ill during the pregnancy and that’s why they let her come so early, they didn’t have a choice.

For me, as a 4 years old girl, it wasn’t dramatic, it was traumatic. From my eyes, my mom got ripped out of my sight, I was brought to my babysitter, for 3 weeks. And nobody told me what was happening. Now I understand why: it was just too difficult for everyone to tell a little girl.

I have done stupid things. I have made stories up. Like: boyfriends, illnesses, even a pregnancy of myself, and because that wasn’t true, also a miscarriage. I don’t know why exactly. May be it was about to feel love and care from the attention people gave. Or may be it’s a very deep desire to have a boyfriend and to have a baby in my life.  I just know I’ve hurt people with those stories, and especially myself.

Last year I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder.  In my life it have meant, and still means that it’s hard to get involved with relationships and to keep them. I means much more for me and it is really difficult to deal with sometimes, if I just want to do what my path is.  Because of the Borderline, it is very difficult for me to succeed in a job or anything with a curtain presure.

At one time, a very good friend of mine spoke prophesies over me. She has dreams about lots of things. And there was a whole week and she was dreaming a lot about me. She said that she has seen me fighting with the devil. And that was what I was feeling, but I was afraid to say things. She also said that the pastor’s wife from my church would understand and would be able to help me.

So as my friend told me to, I went to the pastor’s wife. We prayed and fasted together for 40 days. To be honest, I didn’t do 1 single day how we suppose to do it, but even because it didn’t keep it, I still prayed and made sacrifices.

I grew so much because of it. After we did the 40 days of fasting, God answered our prayers and He visited me. He came unexpected and with lots of strength. The pastor’s wife allready warned me to expect a lot from Him. I had to be ready for a huge deliverance, healing, and even manifestations.  when He came, He came with lots of strength. But it was like God was telling me: “don’t be afraid of My strength. If I come, I come with Love and Comfter. Things I do in your life, might hurt, but I am always staying to catch you if you fall and to comfter you when it hurts. I turn My arms around you and give you My love.” Because of that, I wasn’t scared for His strength anymore. I let Him come to me, and He ripped all scars and reasons of the wounds I had away from me. he touched my sore point. Places, I have never let anyone come close to ever in my life. But God gave me the trust I needed. And it hurt, but now, It’s all gone.

God has set me free from all of my history.  For the first time in my life I had trouble breathing. Because I felt my breath through my whole beeing. I always felt the air through my body, but now I felt it through my soul. As it was cleaning all the little left overs from all the wounds and scars.

Now I trust God more than anything in my whole life. Everything I’ve ever trusted, left me and disappointed me, God prooved me His Word and that He keeps His promiss.

Like my title says: I never felt I would feel or get better…. But since then, I feel amazing! I am praying more than I notice, and I’m worshipping more than I feel.

God is great. And with Him: All things are possible. And He has proved it.

My God is ‘YAHWEH MY HEALER’.

Exodus 15:26.

And He said, “If you will give earnest heed to the voice of the Lord your God, and do what is right in His sight, and give ear to His Commandments, and keep His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have put on the Egyptians; for I, the Lord, Am your Healer.”

Well, let me tell you about how He my GOD healed me.

I am 56 years old, who at the end of November 2006 I managed to tear my left shoulder tendon. The tear is was approximately 2.5 centimiters. For those who have been accident free, blessed or otherwise, it is an agonising experience to tear a tendon. It took the doctor some time to realise things were really serious, since I didnt make so much fuss.

Firstly I ended at his surgery at around 9:30 pm, after I had flung my arm like a cricketter to toss a wet bed sheet over my washing line. I felt the tear, it was quite painfull. To make things worse my neighbour, who is a solid 6 foot something Islander thought  he could help and said he could rub it down. Well, silly me I let him and he tore the tendon further as he rubbed my shoulder up and down. I had to stop him because the pain became agony. I rushed to my doctors surgery, some 18 kilometers away at 9 pm or so.

My doctor not knowing exactly what the problem was gave me 2 quarterzone injections, and it seemed to ease the pain a little. I went home a little happier with much less pain than what I walked in with.

Time went by, Christmas came round and with the holidays came the agonising pain again. Finally the doctor sent me for X-rays, ultrasounds and finally CT scans and we found out the seriousness of the tendon tear. Well a specialist was next and I was told an operataion is needed. $4000-$5000…… plus!!….. What can I say?

I had just finished a semester of teaching and being a casual-partime teacher, I do not get paid during holidays. Plus I couldnt move my shoulder even if I wanted to work. So half way through January 2007 , being already unemployed, I registered myself officially as an unemployed, taking another six weeks before I got a cent from social security, which left me pennyless with a heap of unpaid bills. Still the daily bread never ceased and I was never short of whatever I needed, but not the $5000 for the operation.

But thats not all, satan is not happy untill he really drags you down to the ground. Two or three weeks later while at home and playing with my server (since I study IT), I decided to lift it off one desk, and to put it onto a higher one, forgetting that my shoulder was not upto lifting anything. But the lift all went well until I almost reached the higher desk and when I got close I found out I was 3 millimeters short to reaching the top of the desk, so I stretched myself trying to bring this server to rest. Guess what? I managed to damage my lower lumbar region of my back by overstretching my muscles on the left hand side , which brought pain that the word agony does not come even close to describing this other additional pain.

Well two injuries in almost two months and both of them so painfull I was almost crippled, the left leg was numb all the way down my shin to my underfoot, where the arc of the foot is. All my pressure points felt as if they wanted out of my leg, some were so sore I had to wear modified socks to keep them warm. In other words I was in a bad state, but thanks to some heavy duty medication I was able to get by and live, bed ridden for the next three months, spending a lot of time in tracktion.

I must say I prayed a lot and prayed for healing, beleiving that My God the Healer will heal me. Then I woke up one morning and tried walking to the kitchen to make myself a cuppa. Normally by the time I reached the kitchen sink I would have been in pain having to push my LH tigh muscles inwards so as I could walk, otherwise it felt like my muscle was trying to push itself through my skin, undescribable!

Well this day I got to the sink not realising I had hardly any pain, I couldn’t believe this so I tried walking outside the house and still, I felt a little tired, BUT NO PAIN. By the end of the day I was tired because I was unfit, since I hadnt walked for three months or so. The only walking I would have done would have been once a week to shop a little for food, then it took two days to get over the pain, weariness and exhaustion.

As I was saying, I got up this day and the next was even better, hardly a stitch of pain. Haleluhjah I praised God MY HEALER for His Beautiful work. All I needed was exercise because as I already mentioned I couldnt do much walking and the body sort of got used to it.

Let me assure you, this made satan very unhappy seeing me back on my feet again and jumping for joy, for the LORD had HEALED me.

A few days went past, I started back into the normal routine and therefore I went shopping. As I went to park my car one day, in the car park I noticed the next lane was taken a bit over the line by some one not so good at parking, which made me park a bit to the side as well. Not realising that the concrete block which stops the cars from hitting the path, was left a bit exposed. Returning back to my car I noticed that there was not much room for me to get to the side door without having to walk sideways, and as I started my right foot caught the concrete block tripping me. I instantly had to turn sideways since there was not enough room and landed on my right hand palm, which folded into a 90 degree shape, doing a little bit of damage and leaving me with a bit of pain all over, so back to the surgery, more x-rays and ultasound which found two tears in the Right Hand shoulder Tendons. But my back stayed well and no pain, praise God

Well back on my knees and pray I went, specifically referring to the Great Healer and praying while mentioning Jehovah (YHWH) ROPHI. LO and BEHOLD a few days went past when I woke up feeling only little twinges of pain, I am so gratious and thankful FOR THE LORD again HAS HEALED ME. Oh how Greath art Thou My Lord. What a Healer, What a GOD! Who would have ever thought that a being, a mere man like me with so much injuries within a matter of seven months could turn around, go out and found a job and told to start the next day of the interview, which happened to be on the same day of the advertised job.

What else can I say. How can one explain how healing came about, not one but three different, no four injuries within the seven months. And now back in the workforce and back on my feet enjoying my work as I was before the end of November 2006.

I said four injuries. What I didnt mention was that during all the x-rays and scans, I was sent to do an MRI scan, which is an indept scan that shows a lot more than x-ray and CT scans, in fact it shows detailed soft tissues and other non boney material.

Here it was found that my L4 disk had growth on it that has grown out past my vertibrae and inward towards my spine and close to the central nerve.

Well the crasy thing is that I have not a stitch of pain anywhere and if could do a little exercise I might even think of starting playing soccer, if they let me. But being at the age of 56 I dont think they would let me join a team. So I will just stick to walking and have the occassional sprint, which I can handle. PRAISE GOD.

When I was about 6 or seven my grandmother drove 75 miles every Sunday to take me to church. She made a huge impact on my life.One year later our preacher announced he was moving churches. It was devastating! We mourned and cried, but we eventually settled that feeling. A month later our church burnt down to the ground. Then, if that was not bad enough the church members started blaming each other. So the thought was planted in my mind that that is what church is all about. Our church went into a split and every Sunday we would have a new preacher. So I stopped going to church. I figured that I could fuss and fight with people at home!!!I was nine years old when I stopped going. I went on through my 6th grade year and then, came to the summer part, the part all kids are supposed to enjoy. It was the worst summer of my entire life. My mom passed out one day. She went to the doctor and was told she had carbon monoxide poisoning. Well, that was okay. The doctor said he could cure it. Later test revealed she had eosinophilicgranulomatosis, short for lung disease. It scared my whole family to death. They gave her three years to live. It was that feeling of wanting to do everything with her during those three years, but everytime you looked at her you wanted to cry. It was horrible. At night I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I did not have any one to talk to her because my dad was always gone, so I just cried myself to sleep.

One of my friends invited me to a movie night, and so being bored at home I went. At the movie night they talked about God’s healing power. This is the night I got saved. It was a wonderful feeling and that night I prayed to God that he would heal her. I prayed it over and over. The next few doctor visits were the same news. Then one day she came home and her x-rays were clear. She had no lung disease! It was awesome. God works in so many wonderful ways. Our minds can not contain his blessings. Jesus is so wonderful!!

A testimony in my life that proves that the Almighty never leaves us or forsakes us. I would just like to share these powerful thoughts with you that Christ shared with me. The day of judgment may come tomorrow, but Christ is here today. Not to just provide us with our daily needs, but pour his Holy Spirit upon us. To continually help us grow form sinners to warriors, beggars to philanthropists, babes to men, cheaters to healers and liars to prophets. God does not expect us to be stagnant. He did not offer us his Salvation to watch us not prosper in his Spirit. I’m not just talking about prospering financially! In his Spirit, we are able to do all things according to his will in our life. That’s the true prosperity being delivered.

The lord needs Warriors in Christ. Who will dare to step out and put the full armor of Christ on? Who would follow the words of the Prophet Samuel if he told you today you would be King of Israel? Would you be like David and walk out in pure faith and face a 9’ tall behemoth with a slingshot, knowing God always secures your victory when you are with Him, and He is with you?

Or will you be like Saul and stay hidden behind the equipment when god has chosen you to lead? Don’t get me wrong, there is so much more to the lives of Saul and David, but in there days before becoming kings, there was a stark contrast of when they were faced with powerful decisions to make. For me, I would face Goliath with my slingshot. I did, and delivered my family back into the hands of the Almighty. The Word of God strikes true every time. No ifs, ands or buts!!!!

This is my testimony. My name is Anthony Torres. My beautiful wife’s name is Michelle. My two children are Ezekiel, who is 10, and my daughter is Moriah,9 years old. (she is named after Mount Moriah).Today we are a strong family in Christ. My kids need to come to know Christ, but my wife and I, we are truly one flesh. It has not always been that way though.

I was not a very good husband. This is not difficult for me to say. It is the truth. I consistently lied to her, spent money when I should have paid bills. I treated my friends better than her. I never physically abused my wife. But the emotional damage of being lied to by someone that supposedly loves you has devastating effects. I lied about so many things. Just feared the truth. So I lied. Period.

I am not just talking a about a few times this happened, I am talking years. I was Saved. I learned so much about the bible and Christ. There was several times that the Holy Spirit chastised me and I would turn from my evil ways and HE would pour His Spirit on me. But it never lasted long. My free will always took over and I went back to my old ways.

We were married in December of 1994. I will fast forward to November 2004. We were close to divorce, so we decided to seek some professional advice to see what if anything we could do to change this behavior. Instead of bringing it to the Lord, I chose to see a psychiatrist. The worst decision in my life. But my intentions were pure. I wanted to save my marriage. So I went…He asked me about 10 questions and decided I WAS Bi-Polar. Huh? But the devil made it sound so convincing, that the symptoms sounded like my behavior. He told me if I took these medications I would feel amazingly different. Well, to shorten this testimony a bit, over the next 3 and a half years they gave me over 20 different anti-psychotics,Benzo’s, sleeping pills, pain pills, and drugs that could easily kill an elephant. My memory of the last 3 and a half years has been wiped away. I don’t remember much. Only a few things here and there. Apparently, it did little to change my behavior. But besides that, it robbed me of my confidence, self-worth, health, business, job, seeing my kids grow up and finally, my marriage.

In august 2006, my wife told me she wanted a divorce, she could no longer do it. God bless her, she never gave up until that point. I don’t remember her telling me. The drugs had completely altered my brain and life. I could no longer feel anything. I was a zombie. Comatose. The walking dead.

In November 2006, she moved out, but I had no place to live, our lease was up. She allowed me to move in with her. She was still going through with the divorce.

Then, things took a turn for the worst on March 16^th 2007, I threatened my wife and her brother. I have absolutely no memory of this happening. I do remember the police showing up with a temporary restraining order. They asked me to leave. They took me to a hotel for a few days that my wife had paid for.

I had finally hit rock bottom But how did this happen? I had never, ever threatened my wife or kids. Its something that never crossed my mind. I love my family. I knew god, I’m quite intelligent, analytical, a leader with courage, a good father. What had happened to me?

On the third day of being in the hotel, it happened. It was like this happened yesterday. I was completely drugged on meds when the lord appeared to me. At that moment, all the medication in me was drawn from my body. Holy Spirit Style!!!!! Then the lord looked straight at me and said, “ Have you had enough?” He didn’t say it in a way to chastise me, but with his arms opened wide, like a fathers. I was FREE! Amazing Grace was poured upon me. Peace was back. I got up, and swore my life to Him, and have no longer touched a pill since.

The Lord and I spoke. I realized that I wasn’t Bi-Polar. Never was. I just fell prey to the subtle ways of the devil and my free will. I never had 1 day of withdrawals. All in one fell swoop of the Lord, here’s some of what he did for me that night. All the glory goes to Jesus. Its nothing I did:

1. He saved me from certain death from the medications that night.

2. Set me Free

3. Poured a Double portion of the Holy Spirit on me.

4. Restored my faith

5. Restored my confidence

6. Restored my Love for him

7. Restored my compassion and love for people.

8. No longer do I lie. The truth set me free

9. My warrior feelings restored

10. Everlasting peace

11. Wisdom

12. Knowledge

13. The list goes on and on and on.

So much in just one night. I knew what I had to do.

I had lost everything. My wife, kids, business, job, no money or food, no place to live, my connection to god was restored though.

All the worldly things gone. EVERYTHING!! Now, God had something to work with. Praise God. This is not a question of why it happened, but Glory to God that he gets all the credit and praise for all He did for me this night.

I knew I had to start somewhere. I wanted my wife back. Only Jesus could do that. So, that’s where he started. At first, I was going to give her the divorce uncontested, but again the lord appeared and said” I made Michelle and you one, let no man separate you.” I decided to tell her I changed my mind and refused to give her the divorce. According to the will of God.

Well, needless to say, I believed God would change Michelle’s mind, and BAM!! It took a little while, but here is what he did in less than 2 months:

1. She dropped the T.R.O

2. I moved back in.

3. He restored our marriage to a place that I wish all could feel.

4. My kids are doing well in school again.

5. We have confessed to Him we would mold our lives according to his will. Together.

6. She has her wedding ring back on.

God is the Great Healer. In all things. I know you will agree. I want to begin to tell people of the powerful testimony God has done in our lives. I have only told 2 people so far, but now its time,. There is so much more to this testimony that I have begun a book about it. The struggles of marriage, losing hope, getting hope back, restoration, peace, improvement, and especially the Angels that God has put charge over us. (Psalm 91). Gods Amazing Grace. Never lose Hope or Faith, no matter how bad the situation may appear, keep praying and praise and worship. The devil will always make it look 10 times worse.

I am 39 now, but this I believe,

“ My last chapters will be my best.”

“ My final song will be my greatest.”

I have truly learned that it is better to spend one day in the footsteps of Christ and all that will occur following him, than one day without him in a this world alone. I made some bad decisions in this life, but Jesus never left me. Like I said before, there is a whole lot more to this testimony, vivid details of Him coming to me, my divine healing, and my wife turning back to me. Michele’s testimony through all this is so powerful also.

When I was saved back in 1995, I thrusted myself into learning the word of God. A Baptist pastor dedicated 2 years with me and 3 nights a week to teach me so much about the bible. I learned so many truths. But still thought I could do certain things on my own. Man was I wrong.

I will say this today… I am in a place of everlasting peace. I wish all could feel what I feel. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my faults, but don’t we all. I just continually allow Jesus to show me them on a daily basis and try to change them.

I’m have been suffered from atopic eczema for 24 years since i was eight. It don’t really border me  much as it just very mild on my body but not until 3 years ago, the eczema sudden flared up aggressively & it started to spread to all over of my body. My skin was inflammed, dry & cracked all the time.  And i had been seeing the specialist doctor, they can’t help me much.  They only can precribed me the oral steriod & creams. Blood test after blood but found nothing. The situation doesn’t seem to be get improved despite all these had been done. I fall into a very deep depression & cried every night when i looked at my skin, i don’t even dare to look at myself on the mirror.

During this pit level of my life, i know that there is still a hope~The promises of God in healing. Every night, i desprately prayed & asked Jesus to heal me. And He shows me that He wanted to deal with some serious sins in my life. He wanted me to confess the sins with someone , which i find it very difficult, after much struggle, i finally humble myself to God & shared it with one of my close friends. She prayed for me & from then, i was set free from the foothold of the devils.

Still I didn’t see any improvement on my skin. But i keep on praying & claiming the word of God. Sometime, i felt so discouraged & down when healing seem to take place. but i know i still want to persevere & continue to claim the word of God. I believe the word of God will come to pass as we keep on believing. After a few months, God spoke to  me through a prophet when i attended a group meeting; i received the prophesy on God’s promise that the day discouragement & despair will be over, God wants me to know that He loves me; He wants me to know that the devils trying to discourage me but i need to be strong to overcome him with the Word of the testimonies in my life. God promised to set me free. I keep on confessing the word of God & claim the blood of Jesus until the breakthrough came.

The healing didn’t take place instantly, but gradually. Praise God! i am glad to tell you that i am healed in the name of Jesus! My skin is totally healed from eczema now, not more redness, dryness & flaking skin. Not one dot of syndrome. I am set free by Jesus! People was amazed & asked me what treatment did i go for & i just simply told them that Jesus is my Healer. I just want to encourage those who is going through sickness in life, do not despair, keep on confessing the word of God despite you don’t see any result yet. Look to Jesus, not the circumstances in your life, knowing that in everything God is in control. Keeping on trusting. For the Word of God says, “if you believe, you will see the glory of God” Amen!

All Glory to God!

I was sexually molested for years as a young child. It began with my father coming into my room at night when I was just a toddler. I’m cursed with an excellent memory, and the first time I can remember being molested by my father took place in the living room of the house I moved out of when I was three. My father also had a friend who lived with us on and off, known to my brothers and I as “Uncle”. He also participated in the sexual abuse. When I was about 8, he stopped.

And though he stopped physically touching me, it seemed as though it never stopped. I would have nightmares about the abuse starting again. At twelve, I began dating older guys and experimenting sexually with them, because I had no idea what a normal interaction should be between a girl and guy. Whenever I was with a guy, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was really my father touching me. I had sex with a guy who was 18 when I was 12 and 13, and cried everytime.

I entered highschool, I began seeking God. I went to a youth group type thing, and learned some about God and Jesus and the christian story. I had a very abstract idea of God, and was interested, but wondered how I could get past the hurt.

But even 6 years after the abuse stopped, I could still feel my father’s hands touching me every second. I was constantly being violated. Freshman year my father went to jail for selling drugs, but even though he was out of my life, he still followed me around. It haunted me to the point that I decided all convicted molesters should be given the death penalty so that maybe a victim could relax.

I spent many nights unable to go to sleep, the scenes of my father molesting me running through my head like a movie relentlessly, how one ususally gets a song stuck in his head.

But one night, I suddenly no longer had my father’s violating, poisonous hands running over me, but the gentle, healing hands of God, letting me know that He was there, and was replacing the feelings that had burdened me for so long. I fell asleep in God’s arms that night. He filled that tiny, gaping hole inside of my soul, and I’ve found a permanent safe home within his hands.

My father told me that his favorite quality about me is how real I am. I have always respected what he told me growing up, despite how different I am from him, and I think God used my father as a tool to help me become the genuine person I have become. I think it is a quallity that makes it easy to talk to other people about anything. At the same time, I never deny the Christian I am, and I never condemn someone I come face to face with; no matter what they believe. My parents raised me in the church, and I guess because I never once doubted the Word of God when I learned something new about it, my faith has been my Rock. It never falters, no matter how hard some of the challenges in my life have been. Don’t get me wrong - I have gotten angry with God plenty of times, but I never doubted that God would pull me through. I think that has also lead to me not being very good at ever being someone I’m not. My wife will tell you; I am a terrible liar. If I have ever tried to tell a little lie to my wife about whether I went to a movie or not, or went out late last night and bought a burger, or any other little trivial thing, my wife has always been able to call me on it. So about 97% of the time, I just avoid lying about anything altogether. What I want to say in this testimony is that God has used various events in my life to bring me closer to Him, and strengthen my faith in Him that much more. Although I do remember actually publicly accepting Christ as my Savior when I was twelve years old on a youth retreat, that has not been the turning point of my walk with the Lord. I would have to say that my urge to talk to others about Christ surged when my wife and I were going to have twins, and we lost one of our boys about six and a half months along in the pregnancy. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to overcome, but instead of doubting God or Christ’s love for me, I became Inspired. I mean it literally came out of nowhere while I was in the hospital room at my wife’s side; family and friends coming to visit as we waited to see if our other little boy was still going to make it. There we were talking with my parents, and I just took out a sheet of paper and started writing a poem. It was a poem about hope; a poem about family; a poem about love. It was a difficult time for my wife, moreso than for me of course, but I just chose to handle it by writing. The following Sunday, while my wife was still in the hospital, I went to Church. I spontaneously walked to the front during the Altar call, and I asked the Pastor if I could read my poem to the congregation. He perused it, and said of course. So there I was, in front of 800 people or so, and I spilled my guts right there with the words that God had put in my heart. Again, I know not why I handled the loss of John Robert Fort that way, but I think I made a lot of people cry in the Church that day, though that was not my intention. Now that I still have my little Miracle, my son Jay who was born June 20, 2002, I look back on that time and I still can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have his brother here with us. But here are the words of hope that I wish to share with the world:

A Perfect Picture

Can’t you just picture it?
A little boy with a golden smile
Plays baseball for a little while.
His daddy teaches him to ride a bike.
He goes with his family on mountain hikes.
Then he gets a little older…
Can’t you just picture it?

Can’t you just picture it?
A middle-school boy, with that same golden smile
Goes on Youth Group trips for many a mile.
He tells his dad what he learned about God;
Even says he understands why dad never “spared the rod”.
Then he gets a little older…
Can’t you just picture it?

Can’t you just picture it?
A tall young man, with that same golden smile
Cries with his dad at the end of the aisle.
He sends a smile to his mom before the doors open wide
And his beautiful bride stands by his side.
Then he gets a little older…
Can’t you just picture it?

Can’t you just picture it?
Another little boy, with an identical smile
Looks down from heaven all the while.
He sees his brother play ball and ride a bike.
He delights in seeing his family on a hike.
And he waits a little longer…
Can’t you just picture it?

Can’t you just picture it?
The same angelic boy with the golden smile
Stares down from the clouds in Angel-like style.
His heart fills with delight ‘cause his brother loves God.
But his brother seems bigger, and he finds this quite odd.
And he waits a little longer…
Can’t you just picture it?

Can’t you just picture it?
The same angelic boy with the golden smile
Sees his brother, now a man, walk a lady down the aisle.
He has a smile across his heart, just bursting with pride
As he sees his brother carry away his bride.
And he waits a little longer…
Can’t you just picture it?
Can’t you just picture it?
A boy and a man with identical, golden smiles
See each other for the first time in a long while.
The man lived his life while his brother watched from up above
Yet now they are together in brotherly love. 
No need for waiting any longer…
Can’t you just picture it?
In memory of John Robert Fort
March 15, 2002

God doesn’t guarantee us tomorrow and we don’t know what the future will hold. What we do know is; when we call on the name of Jesus mountains will move and nothing is impossible, if we only believe!

On April 24, 2006 I was bucked off the front of my horse. I went off over his head and did a flip landing directly on the top of my head. Everything went numb and silent. I could see the ground moving, but could not feel or hear. Then everything went black. When I came too I could not feel or move. At that moment I felt a helplessness that can’t be explained. I almost panicked, but instead I began to call on the name of Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus….. Then I heard the the Holy Spirit say “Move your arms.” I tried to move them and they moved just a little. I continued to call the name of Jesus and the more I said His name the more I was able to feel and move. I eventually was able to call 911.

After a series of CT scans I was told I had broken C1 and C2. These were the same vertebrae that Christopher Reeve broke when he was thrown from his horse. I later learned that 97% of people with these injuries die, 2% are on a ventilator the rest of their lives and 1% walk away!

Three months after my accident an MRI was done. It was discovered that I had 3 pinches, 2 damaged disks and a bruise on my spinal cord. I was having painful symptoms and was told that the bruised cells on my spinal cord would die off and I would not improve. I may in fact become worse. God is good, I did improve and 3 months later another MRI showed that all the spinal cord damage could no longer be seen.

I was also diagnosed with brain damage. I began to speak over my mind and in three weeks time the symptoms were gone and have not returned!

I could feel the presence of God almost continually throughout my healing. He has shown Himself faithful. When we put our trust in Him He will come through on our behalf.