Testimony Share

Hi my name is tiffany and my testimony is how God can bring you through a storm. Well it all started for me the end 2006 my husband and I were doing foster care for about 4yrs oh what a joy it was we had no kids of our own. So we thought why not share our love with children in need of love and care so early 2006 we got a call to take in a new born baby so we did.

At that time I always was running a home daycare everything going good just living everyday life. Well that all came to a end in the last part of 2006 I had daycare kids and one of my parents accused me of child abuse. I went to jail i was was so terrified. I had never gotten in trouble before didn’t have any kind of police record or anything. I spent a day and a half in jail a cold dem cell and as I sat in that cell i prayed to God and asked him to watch over me and just protect me i promised God my life i told God if he would save me i would never lose focus on him again.

I finally got out of jail and when i did i just went through this deppressive phase i didnt want to talk to anybody I constantly was crying I was a mess and let me tell you i went the whole 2007 yr. Going back and forth to court i thought it was never going to end. And i thank God for the people he sent in my direction at that time even though i didn’t want to be bothered God knew what he was doing. I felt like giving up! But let me tell you just when you feel like giving up hold on! God might not come when you want him to come but he’s right on time!

But let me finish telling you my testimony all the times i went to court my case just kept getting prolonged the foster baby i had since he was 4days old was taken from me and at that time he was 7mo. Old so that was alot of stress i really would have liked to adopt him. I just seemed like everything possible was going wrong i cound’nt continue my job i went from making good money every other week to zero.

But in Feb 2008 i went to court not expecting God to show out for me that day but he did. I mean it was a nice day you could’nt want a better day. But i walked into that court expecting the same as any of my other court dates but i walked out a free woman and to this day i thank God! He heard my cries through the brick walls of that cell so I’m telling you today look at what he’s done for me! He can do it for you to. Never lose faith in God please walk by faith and not by sight also the lord is our light and salvation whom shall we fear psalms 27.

I experienced the power of God when I was pregnant.

I am a single mom, night after night I would cry, stress my self out because I thought I couldn’t do it alone.

But thank God for Jesus, he never leave me nor forsake me, he was my help in times of trouble. At times I used to worry about where the baby’s clothes would come from, because I had lost my job early in my pregnancy, and I had rent to pay and other bills. But there was nothing that I worried about that God didn’t take care of!

I remember riding on a bus one day, I saw this man who’s hand was handicapped (it is customary in my Country that if you felt sorry for anyone with any deformitythen your child will be born with that deformity) I began crying and God worried because at that point I forgot what it feels like to be sorry for someone, my sisters and brothers if the devil knows you are afraid of something, he’ll drive the fear in you to a point where you might even start feeling symptoms. In this case he just drove the fear in me, I cried night and day.

The devil is a liar!

My stepfather was in the hospital and I decided to visit him, little did I know that God had a plan that day.

A man came to pray for my step dad, I did not know this man and this man did not know me but he said to me:

the Lord said to tell you to stop worrying yourself the baby is going to be fine!

What a mighty God we serve?

Sometimes we get a word and because we doubt God, we seek a secound opinion but if God says it he will do it!

I did an Ultra Sound and my baby was fine.

I decided to stop worrying but then I started worrying about the pain of giving birth because I was told by friends that it was horrible, so I decided then and there that I want to do a C- Section.

One Saturday I woke up, I was eight months pregnant a voice said to me that I must make a move so I went to see the Doctor, when I went, I said: Doctor I am going to do a C- Section, he said: Miss C- Sections are very expensive can you afford one? I said no, he said your too young further more its your first child, no C- section; I smiled.

He sent me to the examination room where he was going to examined me, after he examined me he said: you got your wish, you are going to have a C- Section!

I went to the hospital the same day they put off my surgery for the monday because they said that the operating theather was full for sunday, I cried out to God because I hate hospitals.

I said God I can’t wait until monday please let them do it tomarrow, thanks be to God the next day they examined me they said prepared the theater for this lady she has to have the baby today! God is a way maker!

No matter what your circumstances maybe turn it over to Jesus, don’t expect him to fix your situation and once you are sorted out you go back to the same thing and the same sinful life you were living before! God is a jealous God! Have the fear of God in you because if you don’t when disaster come upon you your  going to need him again to deliver you and God will remember how  you were ungrateful.

When you give someone something you expect them to tell you thanks, then why when God gives us deliverance we don’t expect to give him praises and honour! ( by honouring him I mean give him your life). We are living in perilous times and we are living like the children of Isreal!

I say this because sometimes after our deliverance we put God aside until next time we need him, it cannot work!

If someone was to do that to us we would feel like we are being used! God has feelings too! sometimes we need to dress back and walk in God shoe! I say this to point out because sometimes we might not realise! As for me and my house I will serve the lord!

My friends have no doubt that there is a God because he is real, you might be wondering why he hasn’t answered your prayer as yet but he will, just trust in him and watch for the result. This is my testimony, I am very ill and I prayed to God that he will deliver me and send someone to tell me that he will fix it, from then on I started to wonder if I must go back to school, I prayed one wednesday morning and I told God that I wanted an answer and I couldn’t wait until the next day because he is God, I said God I want a sign, I was going home that evening looking for a sign and couldn’t find 1, the Church I attend was keeping service and pastor was preaching, and I stopped, went inside and start worshipping too, in my heart I said I have come this far please don’t let me leave without answering my prayer, as the service was closing I said God are you really going to let me leave here without an answer and Pastor said: you must complete the job, finish it, finish the studies complete it, complete it.

I lift my hands towards heaven and started crying, because I know by completing my studies that God had a plan to heal me.

The same week on Saturday I was going to buy some past Papers for my exam, I said God was it really you who said that I must complete my studies show me a sign, when I went to buy the past papers the man gave me 2 free, and not only that I was at work the following evening and I sold somne things valued at the price I had payed for the past papers. Children of God hold on to Jesus he never fails, when all is lost Jesus can and he will fix it, if you believe, he has promised to fix my situation and I have no doubt that he will and when he does I’ll let you know. We serve a mighty God all powerful, all awesome!

Not a God of half way, but a God all the way, he’s able don’t doubt him, when all is lost take it to Jesus and allow him to fix it, even if he doesn’t come through for you praise him just the same he’s an untime God and he never fails, never! take my word Jesus is real and there is a God!

Written on October 12, 2007

I was raised in a Christian family, and when I turned 4, I went to Sunday school every week for about 6 or 7 years before stopping. I guessed I believed in God, but since I was too young, I didn’t have a real relationship with Him, and I didn’t really understand Him or know Him. It was an easy decision to quit at the time, since they made us move from a classroom setting to a more formal setting, and I didn’t like that. My parents didn’t force me to go, but I followed them to the adult worship service instead. We then gradually stopped going to church. The summer before my first year of high school, we had to move, and we stopped completely. Now I’ll have to explain my depression. We always thought my mom had good hearing, because she heard things that me and my dad could never hear. When I was younger, she “heard” my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends talking about her, and my dad would always say, “your mom has good hearing”. And I believed that she heard the things she heard, and I believed my dad. In grade 5, after my grandmother had a stroke, I started to develop a stutter. My stuttering got worse in grade 10. And it wasn’t until grade 10, thanks to my Psych/Socio/Anthro class, I finally realized my mom had schizophrenia, and still does to this day. She doesn’t take medication because she can’t and won’t admit that she’s mentally ill. We argued often (we still argue now, but not nearly as much). I decided that I didn’t believe in God. Because of my stutter, I had no friends, and because of my mom’s schizophrenia, I seriously contemplated suicide. Evanescence made me change my mind (about suicide, NOT about God). (as a Christian, the song Tourniquet has a similar, but different meaning to me now, if that makes sense. A lot of songs in general have a different meaning to me now, actually.) 

[fast forward to college years] 

I found it easier to make friends in college, but I still didn’t have very many. In the second month of my second year at college, my grandma passed away, and my stuttering became worse, but didn’t affect my friendships. 

[last year – March 2006] 

MTV Canada is re-launched. (read on). 

[last year – Summer 2006] 

Watched Cheyenne Kimball’s show on MTV, became a fan, and joined a forum. I made 2 friends there, one who I still talk to, and one who I don’t anymore (I won’t get into the details). I joined MySpace, and met a girl named Amy there, who, as of this posting, I’m still friends with. 

[more recent months - not necessarily in chronological order, but tried my best]

 She knew I liked female-fronted bands, so she recommended Paramore and Flyleaf to me, and sent me some of their stuff. At first I didn’t like them, but Paramore grew on me, and I became a huge fan after hearing Misery Business, and downloaded all of their stuff. Amy sent me one of her own songs, and I told her that she sounded like Lacey (lead singer of Flyleaf), so that inspired me to listen to them more, and they grew on me big time. I decided that I needed help with my depression/stuttering, so I went to see a psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I saw Flyleaf at the Family Values Tour, and became a huge fan. 

[August 2007 / September 2007 – not necessarily in chronological order, but tried my best]

 I’m not sure when Amy sent their stuff to me, but I had been holding off on listening to Aly & AJ. When I listened to them, I let them grow on me, downloaded all of their older stuff, and became a huge fan (I know I use that word too much). I decided to take a short break from MySpace, starting from August 15^th. That “short break” became longer, and longer. I found out that Aly & AJ were Christian. They were the third openly Christian band I got into (Evanescence doesn’t count, IMO, and definitely not Avril). That made me question my agnosticism.  I had thought Christians, or religious people in general, were kind of stupid, but now I think differently. I then read up on C.S. Lewis, and found out that he converted to Christianity from atheism, so I thought, “if he can do it, I can do it too.” I was already depressed, and had suicidal thoughts (as usual, and for the same reasons I mentioned earlier), so I prayed before going to bed, and asked God to show me that He was real. When I woke up, my entire field of vision was covered with flashes of light. And when I looked to the left, I saw a blanket, or a sheet, of bright light. I was scared. I couldn’t see properly. My parents took me to the hospital. The doctor told me that he didn’t know what was wrong, and he scheduled an appointment for me to see a specialist the next day. The specialist referred me to another specialist. He showed me He was real. I was converted. The next Sunday, I went to church for the first time in approximately 8 years (and continued to go every week, and still do). During the sermon, I noticed that my vision had improved. My eye started slowly getting better. I prayed almost everyday (currently, I pray EVERYDAY, not almost). During my extra-long MySpace hiatus, I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to learn, read, and research as much as I could about God, Jesus, Christianity, and how to get closer to Him and please Him. I learned A LOT, but I still haven’t learned as much as I wanted to.  I plan to read the Bible from cover to cover. By the time I saw the specialist, my eye was A LOT better, and he told me that he expected a full recovery. I’ve regained almost 100% of my vision, and I have God to thank for that. God answered my prayer. He chose to answer it with a test, a trial, a suffering, because He knew that it would draw me closer to Him. He knows each one of us best, even better than we know ourselves. God hears the prayer of everyone, even agnostics and atheists. It only takes a small amount of faith for prayer to be heard. Vision is something that people take for granted, and I’ve learned not to take anything or anyone for granted. I have learned that out of every bad thing comes a good thing, even though it may not be clear. I have made my decision to devote my life to God, and to do everything to please Him. God has been planting seeds in my life since the moment I was born, those seeds eventually led me to Him, and each one of them have been explained in this testimony. Nothing I mentioned here happened by coincidence. My mom still has schizophrenia, but the Bible teaches patience. I still stutter, but I’ve become less depressed, less alone, more hopeful, more optimistic, and more thankful.  

Out of every bad thing comes a good thing, and I plan to overcome my stuttering and depression with God’s help.

My husband had retired five years earlier, and I received news that my job was being eliminated in a few months.  We decided to move back to his country, Canada from the U.S., where we could both retire and have affordable medical coverage.   We put our house on the market right away.  After a few weeks, we were out to lunch with a couple from our church, and expressed our concerns about getting our house sold.  They looked at each other in a knowing way.  I asked what that look had meant.  He proceeded to tell us that they had many antique clocks in their house which didn’t run anymore; and that he had set them all to 11:59 as a reminder that God’s timing is not our timing.  I liked that idea, and told them that I also had a clock on my living room wall, that had been a gift from our Canadian church when we left there, and that it didn’t run anymore.  I was going to set it to 11:59 when I got home.

When we arrived home, I walked over to the clock so that I could take it down and change the time.  But already the hands were at 11:59!  I was so surprised, I asked my husband if he had done that.  He had not.  And so, I suspected that this was a message from the Lord to us.  Over the next several months, we had many people look at the house, but no offers.  My husband went on to Canada to buy and get a home ready for us, while I completed my obligations to my job.  It was difficult for us to be apart, and there were many times when I had to rush home from work and get our pets out of the house so it could be shown.  My last day of work was also to be the day we would pack the truck for the move, whether or not the house sold.  At work, I had often mentioned the 11:59 thing, and one of my Christian coworkers reminded me that it was 11:59 when I commented how difficult it was to leave the country with the house unsold.  In my frustration, I replied that it was 11:59:30!

We finished loading the truck the next day, and while we were loading it, a couple came to see the house.  They were very interested in it.  We drove away, not knowing if they would make an offer or not.  The next day we stopped at a rest stop and called our real estate agent, to see if there was any news.  She had been trying to reach us.  There had been another visit to the house a few hours after we left with the truck, and we had not one, but two offers on our house!  We praised the Lord right there in the parking lot.  We sold our house, and we thanked the Lord for His perfect timing.

I am a young male in his 30’s who lives in Uganda.I Have lived in four different countries including Kenya, Zambia and England. I was raised by relatively secular humanistic parents who were well off by the standards of Africa. My Father is Roman Catholic and my Mother Anglican. I had always prayed since childhood especially before meals, a few times before going to bed, or even invoked the name of the Lord when i felt suppressed by an evil force at night. Yes a few times in my teens i felt like a satanic force was beside me and i would invoke the name of Jesus. I guess i am saying i always had some kind of faith that Jesus was Lord from an early age. However my living was that of an unbeliever.I was raised in traditional Christianity which meant prayer was just when you were in trouble, needed to pass exams, that sort of thing. On the whole one lived in a way that was independent, indulgent and sinful.

It all changed on two occasions. The first in 1994 and the next in 2003. In 1994 i clearly had a turn in my being. Feeling lost, sinful, separated from God and in darkness i turned to the Lord for help. I was living in pure sin and they seemed to be occult activity in my life. In desperation i turned to a Saved Christian in the University i attended in Kenya and asked him to tell me about Jesus. He had tried converting me to the fellowship of the saved. After he spoke we prayed to Jesus. I prayed to the Lord from my heart for the first time.I professed faith in Him and confessed my sins deeply in front of this believer. I confessed the offenses to God and man that came to light. When i left his room i felt slightly better like something had lifted. By the time i got to sleep and woke up i was absolutely peaceful and joyful. I could feel real love. It seemed there was a person around me and in me, a wholly new person i had never known. It just seemed like his name was wonderful, peace, love and joy. I realized that morning early in 1994 (cannot remember the date) i had touched Jesus Christ and had the sweet assurance i was in His loving care.

In 2003 over 9 years had passed since i had converted to Christ and Christianity. In that time i had gone through allot of dealings. On the positive i had experienced answers to prayer for myself and family, found new christian friends, occassionaly felt the presence of God and even prayed with a  few people to receive Jesus. On the negative i had undergone depression, sadness, dryness, felt the fear of talking about my experience of Christ, been persecuted and mistreated and even gotten back into more of a sinful lifestyle.

However in 2003 i met the saints, as i call them. They belonged to the Lord’s recovery or local churches started by Watchman Nee but founded on scripture. They did not only teach me new truths but helped me experience Christ more intimately and deeply. I begun to call on the Lord “Oh Lord, Oh Lord , Oh Lord Jesus!” This is a  healthy practise because it brings the Lord near to me and helps me experience a subjective salvation. Often i get saved from temptation when i do this.  They also taught me to pray read the word. This scripture reading was a real nourishment to me. I found i was getting into the person of Jesus. He seems to  be infusing me with faith and His person, His essence. The Spirit of God is embodied in the word and my Lord seems so sweet and real as i drink of Him in the word.

What a joy to be in the Church, the recovery, with precious saints who i can sing to the Lord with, call upon His name, experience Him and enjoy His word. I feel i have been recovered to a richer enjoyment of God in Christ. He is my supply giving me Himself. I have learnt i have a spirit. I am tripartite (1 Thesalonians 5.23) In Zecharia 12 we see the Lord created the heavens, laid the foundations of the earth and formed the spirit of man. I am a container just to contain God. Prayer is meaningful because i just receive more of this God when i contact him. Praise the Lord!!!

Ian Sekaggya

Well my name is Roxanne and to be quite honest I was not really raised up in a christian home. My mother was brought up in catholic school all her life and I guess maybe thats why she rebelled and didnt really bring us up with church. I do believe in god and have for all my life. I was raised by my single mom who left my dad because he was a cheater and frequently beat her up. I was one when she left and didnt get remarried till i was 6. My step father never got along with me and my older sister and frequently hit us. I was raised a very domestic violence home and I’m happy thats of the past now. Just a little info of me and my life growing up.

 When I was 20 I met the man that would later father my son. I loved him with all my heart. Even though friends and family warned me against dating him because he already had 2 kids with the same girl and he was my same age. But when your young and naive you dont listen to anyones words of wisdom. Well his first babies mom made are lives miserable not to mention his family were pretty awful to me. Well need less to say we broke up almost two years ago. We have been off and on and during this time I lost the home we had together, gained alot of weight and went unto a deppression that I’m still going thru till this day. I tried everything to get over him, going out to night clubs, being promiscuous, reading the cards. Going to witch doctors hoping they would tell me the future. I also got heavy into smoking pot. I smoked everyday all day. I would cry myself to sleep because I wanted my son to grow up with the family he never had. 

 About four months ago I got a bible and started reading it, mind you I never really even prayed regularly. I picked it up and would read and read and I came upon a passage that god gives us the desires of are heart. And I know this is going to sound terrible but I thought well if I dedicate my life to god maybe just maybe he can restore my family and bring him back home. So thru gods grace I stop going out and I finally stop doing drugs. I knew I had to stop doing drugs because my son deserved better. It was day by day. I got a job and I feel good about myself today. But I always think I’m better and then out of no where driving home or laying in my bed I will just sob and cry for him to come back. I even about a month and half ago changed my prayer,I started telling god I understand god if me and him are not meant to be then its ok, I will accept whats in your will for me, just take this hurt out of my heart lord. It has gotten better and I cry less and most nights its easy to drift off to sleep. It used to not be easy at all.  About 2 weeks ago I had a dream that me and my ex were in a very dirty apartment living together and then after sometime we were moving into a nice clean apartment. The walls were bright white and we seem very happy and peaceful.  The next night, the deppresion got the best of me and I started crying and still trying to praise my lord. I got this sudden urge to get up and turn on the lights and open my bible….I opened it and it landed on  JOB 33

 1 “But now, Job, listen to my words;
       pay attention to everything I say.

 2 I am about to open my mouth;
       my words are on the tip of my tongue.

 3 My words come from an upright heart;
       my lips sincerely speak what I know.

 4 The Spirit of God has made me;
       the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

 5 Answer me then, if you can;
       prepare yourself and confront me.

 6 I am just like you before God;
       I too have been taken from clay.

 7 No fear of me should alarm you,
       nor should my hand be heavy upon you.

 8 “But you have said in my hearing—
       I heard the very words-

 9 ‘I am pure and without sin;
       I am clean and free from guilt.

 10 Yet God has found fault with me;
       he considers me his enemy.

 11 He fastens my feet in shackles;
       he keeps close watch on all my paths.’

 12 “But I tell you, in this you are not right,
       for God is greater than man.

 13 Why do you complain to him
       that he answers none of man’s words?

 14 For God does speak—now one way, now another—
       though man may not perceive it.

 15 In a dream, in a vision of the night,
       when deep sleep falls on men
       as they slumber in their beds,

 16 he may speak in their ears
       and terrify them with warnings,

 17 to turn man from wrongdoing
       and keep him from pride,

 18 to preserve his soul from the pit,
       his life from perishing by the sword.

 19 Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain
       with constant distress in his bones,

 20 so that his very being finds food repulsive
       and his soul loathes the choicest meal.

 21 His flesh wastes away to nothing,
       and his bones, once hidden, now stick out.

 22 His soul draws near to the pit,
       and his life to the messengers of death.

 23 “Yet if there is an angel on his side
       as a mediator, one out of a thousand,
       to tell a man what is right for him,

 24 to be gracious to him and say,
       ‘Spare him from going down to the pit
I have found a ransom for him’-

 25 then his flesh is renewed like a child’s;
       it is restored as in the days of his youth.

 26 He prays to God and finds favor with him,
       he sees God’s face and shouts for joy;
       he is restored by God to his righteous state.

 27 Then he comes to men and says,
       ‘I sinned, and perverted what was right,
       but I did not get what I deserved.

 28 He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit,
and I will live to enjoy the light.’

 29 “God does all these things to a man—
       twice, even three times-

 30 to turn back his soul from the pit, that the light of life may shine on him.

 31 “Pay attention, Job, and listen to me;
       be silent, and I will speak.

 32 If you have anything to say, answer me;
       speak up, for I want you to be cleared.

 33 But if not, then listen to me;
       be silent, and I will teach you wisdom.”

I am pretty certain that god is trying to tell me something, I thought maybe this means we will get back together I would like other peoples take on the dream and prayer maybe I’m all wrong. I know god in my heart was and is trying to tell me something, why can’t I understand what it is he is trying to tell me. I am totally turning my life around and also trying to get my family into god. I dont know why I can’t seem to bury this depression and except things I cant change. I continue to pray and pray and hopefully one day I will come out of this stronger and wiser like Marvin Sapp saids. (Gospel singer)

I didn’t have the best childhood, but I guess you could say it wasn’t the worst.  I grew up with an older sister and a younger brother.  We lived in what you would consider the ghetto in our small town, but it was the place that I learned to love as the years went by.  Life with a single mother was pretty easy although for her it may not have been.  We were on welfare after all.  My mother was single until I was about the age of 7 when she met my step-father.  The man that I loved, the man that wanted me to call him dad.  At first he seemed to be the perfect guy and like many others he turned out to be another one.   An alcoholic that is.  I’ll never forget the night he came into my room in the dark.  It was like I was expecting it.  I wanted to see what he would do so I tried to stay as still as possible and then it happened.  He crossed the line.  He was no longer the father I thought he was.

I blamed God for letting him touch me.  I couldn’t understand how he could leave me when I needed him the most.  God had abandoned me Not until later did I find out I was the one who left him.

As I grew up I turned to alcohol, drugs, and men.  I was the author of sin.  I know longer cared and I know longer loved. I was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 18.  It took me to many dark places, but it was an explanation for the life I was living.  At least I thought it was.

Recently I ‘ve been really depressed so I turned to God and prayed.  I’ve been praying and studying the bible alot lately. I’ve left God many times when he’s been beside me the whole time.  Today I prayed that I would see some kind of sign and I did.  Tonight in a vision I saw angels and I saw the old me die.  I was buried with my sins and today I am born again.   I touched the hand of an angel and I felt the presence of God.  It was so comforting.  The best feeling ever.  I hope to have many more visions to share.  God found me.  Now I am no longer in the dark.

In 1983 I was a little girl living in Meridain, Mississippi. I was 6 years old going through something that most six year olds shouldn’t have to go through. My mom worked two jobs. She was a hair dresser by day and at night she was a waitress. So she decided to get married. This left me and my sister and brothers home alone with my stepfather. It was going well for the first 3 months, I thought I had a father. Then he started to do the unthinkable. He began to molesting me and my my sister. At this time I started to have nightmare and began wetting the bed. I was afraid to tell my mother what was happening to me because he said that he would kill me. On this particular night I went to bed and I remember praying and asking God to just kill me so I wouldn’t have to go through this anymore. I fell a sleep and then I heard something so I opened my eyes when I did I saw an image so bright that I could hardly look at it, I could tell it was a man image but there was no flesh he was glowing and he was perfect. All he said to me that day was suffering little children come unto me….I was so afraid that I pulled the cover over my eyes the next day when I woke up my mom said that Jesus told her to get her children away from that man so we moved and I never say him again……

Hi Reader.

I have no idea why, but I’ve been wanting to write about my journey through faith for quite some time now. I just feel like I have a story, and it should be heard. I live in a small city  in Newfoundland, Canada, and I really feel like there is nothing I can do for God here sometimes. I feel like I’m trapped, and there’s nobody who I can even muster up the courage to tell my story to. My youth and senior pastor know a fair chunk of it, but not exactly by me telling them everything. I’ve only told them pieces here and there, and they’ve had to piece them together themselves as best as they can.

I don’t know how I will benefit by telling you my story but who knows? Maybe you’ll find an opportunity to tell this story yourself someday where someone in the same situations could benefit from it. Or maybe it will benefit your own life.

My story starts 12 years ago. I was 5 years old.  I remember doing something wrong in kindergarten one day, and when I came home from school, I received punishment that involved the use of a belt. I have no idea if that was my first time receiving this kind of punishment or not. This is my earliest memory of it though. I often think about this and wonder what I could possibly do at the age of 5 that was severe enough to receive such a punishment. But as the years went by, I realize that my crime didn’t really have to be very severe to get punished in that way.

I came from a big family. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters.  But for some reason, my family seemed to be split into 2 categories. There was the good side, and the bad side. Unfortunately for me and my sister Victoria, we were on the bad side. We could commit the littlest crime such as disrupting the teacher in class or being a few minutes past curfew and we were in big trouble. Punishments didn’t always consist of beatings. I remember having to stand for hours holding books and other random objects above my head until my arms were ready to drop. I remember having to stay in bed for weeks on end without being aloud to do anything. We were only to leave the bed if we wanted to use the washroom or if it was mealtime. And believe me, life can be pretty boring and restless when you have to lie in bed all day long and do absolutely nothing. We weren’t even aloud to sleep during the day because that would be like skipping our punishment. Let’s just say it wasn’t fun.

On the occasion that I wasn’t grounded it felt almost as if  I was. Both me and my sister were always confined to our rooms. We’d stay there all day long unless our parents told us otherwise. We would ask for permission to go outside. We even had to ask permission to use the washroom. We were never ever denied access to the washroom, but still it was rather an annoyance to have to even ask.

I lived with my parents for 14 years and I never ever once opened up the fridge door. I never ever went to any family events. When my parents went shopping I was to go as well, but only to sit in the car and wait for them. I had absolutely no freedom.
What hurt the most though was the emotional abuse. I’d constantly hear my mother on the phone telling about all of the good things that my other siblings done, while telling about that bad that me and Victoria had committed. Many of these things had not even been done by us, but by the ‘good side’ of the family. But they were obviously too good to be blamed for it so it’s obvious who always took the heat. There was no sense saying we didn’t do it though, because then we would be in trouble for lying on top of the crime that we never even committed. We were always put down and considered bad kids, and incapable of doing things, when I knew full well that I could do anything I put my mind to.

I did have a few things to take my mind away from home though. One was school. I loved school. Not many people like school, but I loved it. It was a  chance to get away from home for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. That was a golden opportunity. Reading was also effective. I loved reading more than anything. I could read for hours on end and forget everything that was going on around me. Reading also made my day go by a lot faster. I’d even read while I was grounded but on the occasion that I did get caught I’d end up with more time in bed. But the happy endings in the books always made it worth it.

Another thing that happened once a week to get me away from home was Sunday school. I was forced to go to Sunday school, but once again I didn’t mind. Me and my brother Steven would always sit in the back row and poke fun at everything that was said or done in the church. We would have a huge laugh. In Sunday school class, I always knew what they were teaching about though. Like I said, I was really into reading, so I had indeed read the Bible. I hadn’t read it because I believed it though. I read it because it was a book. A long one, that would take a long time to read, so therefore getting me out of my world and into a book for a long time.

The Bible was an awesome book. It was full of stories of every sort. The book of revelation was particularly interesting for me. It seemed to be a book of fantasy, full of  imaginary beats, and unbelievable events. Just my kind of book!
By reading the Bible and going to Sunday school, there were many times when I sort of wanted to believe what I was reading. Although this amazing love and grace seemed to be hiding behind a huge wall in my life because I could find it nowhere, I often wondered what my life could be like with it.

There were a few times when I actually prayed and asked for forgiveness to see if I could find that grace and love, but living in the situations I was in made it horribly impossible to even to anything good, let alone being a Christian.
Being good is hard when you’re marked as a bad person. I stole a lot, but only because I never did get anything like the rest of my siblings. What else was I supposed to do? I lied a lot because if I told the truth I’d be in just as much trouble. I was disruptive in class because being the class clown was the only way I’d feel connected. My classmate’s laughter at my silly jokes and pranks always made me feel connected.  So really, I was only bad because of my circumstances.
Needless to say, I was unable to become a Christian because it would be literally impossible.  So, I ended up putting it  out of my mind each time which made no difference because I didn’t really fully believe it anyway. I just always wondered what it would be like.

I lived this way until I was 14 years old. Then one day in school, we were doing a project on child abuse. I done exceptionally well on this project because I had first hand experience. Nobody outside of my family knew this though. During this project I learned about the options for people that are in that situation, and for the first time ever I learned that I didn’t have to put up with this. I could report it and get out of it. I didn’t really want to do it though because as much as my parents probably deserved it, I did not want them to get into any trouble. It did play on my mind for quite some time though.

My Best friend Janelle and I were building a snow fort one day and she could tell that there was something bugging me, and she kept asking about it until I finally told her. She was the first person I ever told about my situation. Her first words to me was that I should report it. I really didn’t want to do that though, and as much as she repeatedly told me to do it over the coming months, I could never just muster up the courage to do it. I was scared that something bad would happen to my parents or the rest of my family.

My parents ended up splitting up that June, and I went and stayed with my aunt for a bit. I loved it there. I had complete freedom and it was amazing. I was having the time of my life, and then one day my parents were planning on getting back together and I really didn’t want to go home just yet. Could you blame me? I asked to stay with my aunt for a little longer, and surprisingly, she agreed. One night we had a few friends over and somehow or another, a pornographic movie ended up being put into the VCR. I may have watched 10 minutes at most but then requested that it be turned off. It was definitely not my type of movie. It was gross. Like I said, I’m actually not a bad guy. It was just my circumstances.

Well, word gets back to my mother about the movie that we were watching. And 10 minutes to her is the same as the whole movie. She called me from our hometown which was about 150 kilometers away. She was really angry and told her that when they came to get me I would receive the worst punishment ever. Upon hanging up the phone I got to thinking, what could possibly be worse than what I had already put up with? I decided I would not go back to that life, and I would not receive that punishment. I phoned my mother back and for the first time ever, I had the courage to talk back to her. I told her that I put up with them for long enough and I was never coming back. This enraged both her, and my father. My father hopped into his vehicle at once to come and get me. I hung up the phone. I had about an hour and a half to figure something out before he got there.

After thinking about it, I ended up deciding to listen to Janelle and report them so I wouldn’t have to go back to that lifestyle.  So, I left my aunt’s house in a hurry and ran down the street towards the police station.

There was one police officer there, and so I told him my situation. While doing so, my father showed up at the police station and the officer would not let him in to see me. But I requested for him to be let in. I knew he could do me no harm there. He then gave me an option. The option was to come home with him the, or to stay and never ever be welcome at home again. I chose the second option. My father ends up going home in anger and I returned to my aunt’s house.

I spent practically all of that night crying. I had no idea what was to happen next. I was scared again. My father said it was over. Never again was I welcome back home. As much as I didn’t want to go home anyway, it still hurt to know that as of that moment I no longer had a family to return to.

Over the next few weeks, several events were brought to my attention. Social Services had received a court order and had shown up at my parent’s house to seize my siblings. My father put up a fight with the officer and ended up in the hospital for the night. The children were seized and placed in foster care. All of the blame rested on me. I was used to blame, but this was big. I was at fault for my whole family being torn apart. And although for once I wasn’t being punished, I felt horrible. I would gladly have taken a punishment to fix all that had happened.

I ended up going into foster care as well. Except not just in one place. Foster care really wasn’t my thing. I was bouncing from home to home, because I just would not let any particular place work out. I’d continually start fights and arguments and be switched to yet another home. This continued all summer.

Eventually, the social workers developed a visiting plan where my family would visit each other to try and patch things up. If all worked out, we would all go back home after Christmas. At first I wasn’t totally into the idea of visiting my parents and siblings. I didn’t want to see their looks of hatred and blame. The visits ended up not being half bad though. My family wanted things to work out so I guess they had no other choice but to get along with everybody.

One day, in the fall, I ended up getting into another argument with my foster parents, and it got to the point where I had to leave. My social workers had no idea what to do. There was no point placing me in another home. I was not going to let it work. They ended up getting my father to come and take me home. They were allowing me to come home earlier than I was supposed to. No more foster care for me! And maybe after all that had happened, my parents had changed.

So, I returned home, and a few weeks later, the rest of my family returned. Things went okay for a few months, until one day my father and I, got into a little argument which ended up leading to a big argument like the ones I used to have when I was in foster care. This as usual, resulted with me leaving and going to a different home! So I ended up moving in with my aunt. Then for the next couple of years, I started taking control of my life. I was sick of being forced to move around. I made up my mind to do things on  my own from now on. So the next two years were spent with me traveling across Canada, living with different friends and family, trying different jobs, going through girlfriends, facing new obstacles in life, while breaking down some old ones. I guess I could say I was searching for my identity. I could never find it though. As much as I searched, I just couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t even know exactly what I was looking for. So I end up coming back to my home in Gander, Newfoundland. I got involved with the youth group at the local Pentecostal church.

Our youth group is called DV8. I started going for fun. I’d show up and participate in the fun stuff, but as soon as the worshiping began, I left. I had no idea who I was at the time, and I was going through enough in life as it was, and so I really didn’t want to make room for some God who probably didn’t even exist.

We had a good youth pastor though. His name is Pastor Mike Freake. Let me tell you something about him. I never ever had respect for any man up until that point. As you can see, I hardly respected my father, and I was disruptive in school, so I obviously didn’t respect my teachers. I was disruptive in Sunday school, so there couldn’t have been much respect for my pastors and church leaders. But just hearing Pastor Mike talk made me want to respect him. He just seemed like the kind of person who really deserved it.

I ended up calling Pastor Mike aside one night after dv8 and asked him if he was okay with me going to youth just for the fun stuff and not staying for the worship. I was starting to feel guilty for taking advantage of pastor mike and his youth group. But Pastor mike, just waved my guilt aside and said I was more than welcome to come just for the fun stuff. Not everybody in the youth group is believers. But then he asked me why it was that I didn’t believe. I then started telling him some theories that I had picked up over the last few years that sort of state that God cannot exist. But he always came up with a rebuttal. I finally said to him, “Pastor, prove to me that God exists and I’ll believe.” He answered by saying that he didn’t have to prove to me that God exists. That’s all he said. Which got me to thinking what he meant by that. It played over my mind for quite some time after that. I was constantly thinking about it. I always said I couldn’t become a Christian because it would be literally impossible in my situation, but I was no longer in that situation. So, a part of me was trying to accept Jesus. At the same time though, I was scared. I just wasn’t ready for that. I stopped going to dv8 for a while after that. I knew I was changing, but I just wasn’t ready to yet.

Several months later I receive a phone call from my brother asking if I would go to dv8. None of my family were Christian. My brother also only went to dv8 for fun. So I decided to go with him and leave when he did.

That didn’t happen. I stayed to hear what Pastor Mike would preach on. And I enjoyed it. So I continued going. Every week. Pastor Mike’s sermons were awesome. He really has a gift. Then one night, I just started worshiping along with the rest. It was good. But I still didn’t pray and ask Jesus into my heart.  But less than 2 weeks later, I decided to give church a try as well. I went to an evening service and it was unbelievable. Then, all of a sudden, I was walking up to the alter. I was half way there when I realized exactly what I was doing. I couldn’t turn around then.  But upon reaching the alter, I started praying. Like I said, I’ve prayed a few times before, but nothing like what poured out of my heart that night. I prayed for forgiveness, and I finally accepted Jesus Christ as my risen Lord and Savior.

When I finished praying, I swear I was the happiest guy on earth at that moment. It felt awesome. I was free. Free from the standards of sin and death. It was amazing. After the service, I went up and told Pastor Mike what I had done, and he was thrilled. He presented me with a brand new study bible.

I went home that night and started to read it. It was no longer just a book to me. This was a guide to my life. To the life I have always wanted. The next few months were awesome. I was on fire for God. I carried my bible everywhere. Within 6 weeks the cover was falling off of my Bible. I spent hours on end at the church helping out or sometimes just hanging out. The church was my second home. God was everything in my life. It was amazing! Every single day I was learning more and more. I was slowly beginning to realize who I was. I was finding my identity. Things were going great!