Testimony Share

Hi, i have been a believer for sometime now.  I have been active in my church until my dad got sick and died because of cancer.  Since then I felt cold. I felt so devastated by it and got traumatized from a lost. I tried to seek God once again and while i was in that process, i had a crisis about myself on what to do with my life now and family as well as with my boyfriend for more than 5 years. He wanted to marry me but i told him that the timing was off because of my father’s death. I asked for a breather so cooled off for awhile and got back together but then since i was having my crisis, i needed to leave the country for awhile to think things over. When i got back, i realized how much my boyfriend means to me and to my life. Just in the midst that i was feeling God in my life again, my boyfriend broke up with saying that he fell out of love. After a month saying that he wanted to get married. Before the break up, we were working things out between us. But then he told me that when i was gone he was detaching himself from me involuntarily because he doesnt want to get hurt again since the last cool off happend. He felt insecure about my plans of leaving the country to work, that he couldnt do anything about it even he didnt want me to go.  He told me that he’s been holding on to his defense mechanism of not loving me anymore bacause he was so hurt from the cool off.  He is very active in church by the way, he is a worship leader. I just feel that i am in wrenching pain, i am still grieving from a lost now i am losing my boyfriend who i thought we will end up getting married. He told me that it will be best for us to move on. He wanted to fix himself first so he wont be able to hurt anyone else anymore. I feel so deceived. Just when the time that i was willing to work things out with him, he just gave up. I dont know how to move on, i know that God has something instore for me and also for him, but i am in a cross road, battling with my emotions of heart broken and trying to understand things. Ive been seeking God since the break up, but one way or another, my emotions is killing me. I want to understand me ex but i feel so clueless. How can a man fall out of love wherein he was the one insisting to get married. I asked God about this and got nothing. He kept himself busy with ministry and fellowship, but me left behind because we have the same circles of friend in church and outside church. I dont know if he feels the same pain i have now but moving on because he has to. I dont know what else to pray for, i ask for grace and strength for Him. I want him back so bad and i am still waiting for him. I still want to end my life with him despite the pain. How will i be able to understand God’s will knowing that i lost the 2 important men in my life.

Please help me understand God better. I have no one to talk to right now but God. But i dont feel him speaking to me. I am believing that he will reveal his word to me soon, but the enemy dont want to stop from putting back some memories i had with my ex. we’ve been together for almost 6 years. I dont know how will i be able to move on. I asked him back once but he declined, he said that he need his time. There are no third party involved. God can attest to that.

Please help my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I dont want to give in to the enemy on doing things wordly.

I feel that i am in a battle field.

I was sixteen years old this yea. My cousin brought me to church in past two years, we’re living in Malaysia, due to She’s is going to having her studies In Australia. I stop attending my church , but still. This is past two years, I prayed every night before I slept. I hope that god could really answer my prayer.

So, now. God allowed me to get more closer with him once again since the July of 13th, year 2008. I started to attended my church again and now Im really committed to it. Before I was back to my church, I got a real unsuccessful relationship had happened.

I met up this guy in 3 months ago, I thought he was my real true relationship partner in my life but I was so wrong. Things really went well in the first but started to getting worst after a month , I almost got to suffer everyday of his ignorance, he kept on requiring nothing but sexual relationship , before this, I really dont know that sex before marrige was agaisnting god’s law. I love him so much and I would like to do anything just to make him happy. My virgin got taken by him and after a month . He leave me and my heart got really broken. After the broke up , we’re still having some kind of relationship together but, after awhile. God started to put him out in my life .

When we’re having some kind of relationship together, in this mean time. I started to attended my church again, it was god’s plan. To allowed me to get more closer with him once again. My heart got really broken, I really need heal from god but after all , I really thank god that he arranged my life very carefully but now, still. My heart is not really mend yet.

I pray to god. Hope that god could really answer my prayer, I really need heal from god. In a way, I hope. The foolish guy could really get out of my life, I dont wish to see him again in my life until I got fully recover but still, I really wanna thank god for standing my back in this 3 months and I dont get to see him recently in my life even though we’re really near in a same place.

Lastly, I hope . All the world of god’s people would pray for me. Hope that god will really heal my heart. Amen.

I prayed to the Lord that He make me not boast about the things that I had done; right or wrong. Oftentimes, I find that the man I love does that to me though. It really hurts my feelings and sometimes even makes me not feel like living anymore. I know that sounds ridiculous, but have you ever loved someone so much that it made you lose your love for yourself. The reason I feel so bad about this is because… can I ever really truly love God enough if I am so involved in this man like that. The most important relationship that I will ever have with anybody will be with Christ. I love Christ so much that it makes me feel really sad that I also love my boyfriend that much. I mean, he isn’t even my husband yet. I want him to marry me. Besides all that, I really ask that whoever reads this prays for my relationship with God and also brings my boyfriend to realize how important God is in his life also. Also I still want to marry him. I have also prayed to God for my boyfriend to marry me. One amazing fact is that I prayed for God to bring him back into my life when we were broken up also. One day, he came over and said to me that he doesn’t know why he came back to  me after we broke up, but that something just prompted him to. I said to him that it was my prayer to God. Overall though, as of right now, my initial concern is that my boyfriend does not boast about being right or wrong either because it is not what God would want him to do; not only to me, but to all of God’s creations.

There lives a young boy who fear god, doing his ministry and adventures to known about earthly life, He was so happy when he feels that he is going to venture and visiting many people after he finish is high school, everyone in the family likes him so much, he can cheer up every one those around him to make them happy as well.

And the day had come for him to leave the family and go far away to find his own living. He started to be independent, he founded work, he find foods and the life was totally different from where he was before always be a rounded with parents and relatives, the loneliness strikes him to find a friend to cheering up the days as he was before.

As the days goes by he meet a girl, she is a quite type of person, always like to be lonely but ambitious they started to get to know each other and the boy always make her smile and laugh, the boy love to help her in her needs, sending and picking up from her collage spending time together day and night chatting, and the times come where both of them fall in Love, this boy is so honest to his feeling and his love, but this girls so quite and secretive as who as she is but she is honest with her love, then both of them decided to inform their relationship to their parents, so they can build their love much steady and stronger, but everything not working as what as they planned, the girls mother didn’t like the boy to be in her family because he is Christian, the boy had broken heart and so sad of his First Love, he prayed so hard to God to makes this situation changed to be back as normal but nothing change, and the girl started to avoid and ignoring him from that day on, his promises and memories ruin his mind to force him to forget her by change his life mixing with unbelievers, he start smoking, he start drinking, he started to do all kind of evil thing that is not good in the eyes of God. He doesn’t feel the fear at all.

12years later…

After many people had passed thru in the boy’s life, all the relationship and Love he shown honestly is not blessed and fulfill, till one day after the last broke off the boy sit and thinking back where is the mistake that took place to this situation, he started to realize the relationship that he build around, the blessing that he had lost from the relationships he builds, tears start felling down from his eyes his heart feel crush of all the bad memories he passed thru, he cry and he cry and he cry but no one listen to him…

The boy started to pray to “Father, Please forgive me for keeping you wait for so long and didn’t realize the pure love that you shown on the cross…please forgive me lord, forgive me ”

He quit smoking, drinking and keeping away from all the evil and sin that he had did before from that day on.

One fine evening he back to his family and the family is so happy he’s back but in his heart he felt so bad because he doesn’t bring anything to bless his family. All the family members don’t expect anything from him instead helping and blessed him to be back as who he is before. Most of all his father bless him so much in his need and also his mother and brother and sisters.

He start to attend the church again, start to pray for all his sins to be forgiven, listen to the word of God and doing his ministry given. God is so good in this boy’s life, he touch him and blessed him again after the boy realize the real true LOVE of father in heaven.

Everything had change his life little by little, he is happy as before, he had found back the Joy and Peace in God that he had lost many years ago…. Please pray for him for his source of earning and blessing.

The real life of the Author of this story
jjmalaysia@gmail.com

God slowed my anger towards others and made me realize the need for forgiveness.  God made me forgive those who had done evil to me.  He also made me not deny that those things were evil and He dealt with it and healed it.  God made me protect myself from the consequences of my own anger by making me forgive myself for my “failures” and “flaws” instead of seeking to condemn and punish myself.  God took away the pride that was there keeping myself from confessing a mistake and apologizing for it.  God made me not keep a record of other people’s wrongs, or remind them of things that they had done wrong in the past, or constantly bring up their mistakes and failures.  I prayed that He make me honor the truth in my relationships, speaking the truth in Love and keeping silent when the truth couldn’t be spoken gently or kindly.  He also made it possible for me not to lie about my thoughts and feelings and He also made me let others speak their thoughts as well.  I prayed that He make me persevere in my efforts to practice good relationship skills even when those efforts didn’t seem to making progress or when thay were not appreciated or rewarded.  He made me patient as I learned to make wise choices, knowing that these skills did not come instantly. 

Hi

I’m an Indian, Hindu brahmin gal. i got married some 5 years ago. My husband & i are not in good terms. he comes home late does not eat food at home. He has a female friend whom is he very close . Though she is married & has a child still she does not want to leave my husband & my husband wants to leave me for her.Though am a hindu by religion but I am a strong believer of Lord Jesus. i always loved my husband with true heart & i still do. I donno if the lord wanted me to get married to him. after 5 yrs also we are still struggling to come close to each other.i really want to start a family but husband is still not sure whether we shud continue this marriage or not.that women really wants that we shud break off.I have not lost my faith completely i still feel that i can save my marriage & bring my husband out of her clutches.

please advise me & write a few words of encouragement sothat i can continue this fight & see a happy married life one day with my kids.

What I want to share is not really a testimony, but rather just wanting to put my thought and everything within me in writing. I am a 23 year old born again child of God and enjoying the fellowship with my Father more than anything. It has not been long since i received Christ into my life, it has been almost 3 years now. I have grown in love with this other brother from church, who I admire so.

This was a very cool dream. In this dream I was in a field. In the beginning my brother looked at me with a smile, but then it was time for the show. I think the reason I saw my brother at first was to feel comfortable. Where I was standing had a perfect view of the sky. The sky was huge and I did not miss a portion of it.

The sky was lit up in this very cool orange color, like when the sky is setting but way better. I remember calling the way the sky looked was like a campfire in the sky. The sky kept changing into different sunsets. I got the feeling like I could pick my favorite one. (They were all the coolest sunsets I have ever seen though) I picked the one I liked the most and said, “ I like that one.” The sky then stayed that way. I somehow knew there was someone else there and they were changing the sky and I asked, “ How do you do that?” I then saw a hand and it snapped its fingers (That is very cool to me).

After the hand snapped its fingers I was in front of my mom telling her that Jesus was showing me all the cool sunsets. She said, “How can you be sure it was Jesus.” She said other things and was in denial of the whole thing. That piece of trash satan was trying to take away my faith and to take away the magic of the coolest thing I have seen. What a piece of trash!!
satan will disguise himself as other people to confuse you, but do not let it confuse you. I knew it was from Jesus immediately after it was over. I just knew. The sunset I picked was very cool and had two vehicles parked next to each other way out in the field. One was a white van and I do not remember the other one. It was very cool. Jesus can do anything with ease. Just a snap of his fingers and your wildest dreams will come true.

After the dream was over and I woke up I made a very good breakfast. It was eggs and turkey and for some reason something told me to put some honey on it. That was delicious!! Then I went to make down payment on my EMT class. I took a CPR class and felt uncomfortable and questioned if I should be a EMT but I thought about it and decided to do it anyway.
When I went to the school to register I saw a white van parked away from all the other cars. It was just like the dream. I realized that all the different sunsets were choices not just to look at, but were experiences and choices I was choosing with my life before it happens. I still wander what were the other choices. The one I choose in the dream was the reality I am living right now, because I choose it.

i grew up in my church my whole life. my dad is an assitant pastor in my church. everyone loves him. everyone expects me to be a good guy. i pretty much have been a good guy throughout my childhood. growing up in a christian household, was so different from everything outside of the world. my parents never really taught me anything about stuff like music, all they would listen to is christian music, i did not kno anything about any music. . . and bc of that i was made fun of by other ppl. i’ve been pushed around mostly my whole life even in church. . . by the time high school rolled around, i started becoming more and more rebellious. i would start by cutting a class and that would increase to more classes every day. i even started hanging out w. the wrong crowd, who all they did was cut and smoke weed and juss be lazy. i never smoked at all. thank god. but me and a friend starting doing graffiti, and eventually we were caught by the cops and taken to jail. it was my 1st time so i was let go the next day w. five days of community service. but then i realized that people i used to talk at school didn’t want to talk to me no more bc i cut so much. and by the end of senior year, i only had a few friends and that’s about it. now for my main problem, i was a porn addict. it all started at middle school, ppl would juss show me pics and eventually i started lookin on my on. from that, it led to clips,and then films. eventually i started masterbating which was like 3 yrs ago. it was a daily routine for me. i even did it more than once in a single day. near the end of 07, i got into a relationship w. a girl. which was good bc i stopped w. the porn, but i was pretty lustful. the 1st time me and her were together, i had the urge to have sex w. her. but then, i stopped bc it was too quick and she would get mad at me. . . i was pretty happy w. her, i didn’t need porn at all, maybe like once i looked at it. . . eventually, we broke up. . . which really saddened me. . . and i went back to porn, by feb, something happened to me. . . i had a fight(not physical) w. her which had me furious with anger and resentment. that rage eventually turned into bitter loneliness, and even w. the porn, that didn’t help at all. . . i started feelin isolated from the world, and there were times were i even threw up bc i was so depressed. i couldn’t even focus on school bc it was so stressful and when i came home, i broke down into tears. i even started thinkin about committing suicide. . . and so i prayed and for the 1st time, after all those yrs growin up in church, i accepted christ. it’s been a month since i stopped w. the porn, but i still get images in my head. there are times where when i sleep, i start dreamin about it. . . and the are times where i have the urge to go back to the net to continue where i left off. . . but i never went back to that. anyways i’m 19,  but i do not feel 19, i barely know anything in the world, 1) bc i never paid attention, 2) i’m a pastors son.  i’m like the worst talker ever bc i have nothing to talk about.  i’m not really funny. and i’m quiet most of the time. which makes me feel even more lonely. & other than that, i don’t feel like i’m independent. i’m always takin orders from somebody else. i’m the type of guy who gets pushed around. the reason i don’t do anything back is bc i don’t wanna make it worse. but like i said, i’m like the worst talker ever. and the only real people i have in my life is my parents, a few of my cousins, and like a few friends. idk what to do from here, i know i trust christ now, i get sad but then i get better, but still, what should i do now?

Right now I am filled with joy. I am so happy that I have found this web site. I feel the Holy Spirit just wanting me to confess and write my feelings in this post. It is Christmas and I’m very happy that I am with my mother now, I’m happy that I am going to see my children tommorrow.

However, I am sadden because I have lost my children’s mother. I treated her so bad and it just saddens me because her and I never really wholeheartedly tried to work things out for our children. I’m just lonely now. I wish that she was my wife. I’m still living in the past and I’m trying to let go of this attachment. Maybe I am letting go. But I really wish that I had a wife and children and that I raised them in the same household. But I’m always not in the household and now I feel like fighting to be in the household. Why do I have to give up and stop fighting for my childrens mother. Why did I have to leave her. I’m so upset at myself. I’m sure that she is very excited and happy now that I’m not with her. She has been with other men since three years ago and now she has a friend who she talks to. I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t even talk to another women. I don’t like it. I wish that her and I could work things out I would rather be with her than any other women. But she has told me that she would never be with me again. She has a restraining order on me and she is talking to someone else. Why can’t I just let her go in my heart. Its like alot of pain this rejection that I am feeling. I feel hopeless. I’m trying to find peace in Gods word and I am but this feeling of emptiness won’t leave me. I want to fight for her but something is just telling me to forget about it its over she’s not coming back and we will never be with each other and often times I feel like a coward because I left her and my family.

I often wonder about my life and if it means anything. It seems like the most important things I have lost becasue of poor decisions like my family and my credit. So now I’m complaining but I want all of my family but I can’t make her love me and I understand I’m just trying to get rid of this hurt. So I give it to Jesus. I cursed at her and threatened her life because she told me that I couldn’t see my children so she put an order on me. I feel like I was set up anyways. I probably was because when I was away from her I had relations with another women while she was pregnant. And I am like I was even a christian then. So I’m always asking myself what is wrong with me why did I do such horrible things to her. I think I am crazy often times, but I profess to be a christian. I even witness to people. Now you can see why I often tell myself that i hate myself. I have lost so much my family and my children mother who if I was couragous enough I should have married her. But I didn’t and she had two children for me. So now I feel so hopeless like Idon’t deserve any good thing anymore. That is why I don’t date women. I don’t have a car and I can’t find a woman who is attractive to me on the outside. Plus I have two children and I want their mother because I want to be a father. I want to raise my children. But it seems like I can never make enough money to support my children or myself. And I pay tithes and give offerings and I go to church, it just seems like there is no end to my sufferings. The list goes on and on. But I hear God saying that all things work together for the good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose. I may never have another chance with my childrens mother. She has already told me that she dosen’t want me. I just have to believe that God has someone special for me he said he’d give me the desire of my heart. Not someone that just because she is a christian that she is my wife, but someone that I love and that God loves. I don’t want to give up hope withmy childrens mother but all the signs are saying its over let go and I have let go but these feelings still remain and I’m trying to let go and move on without any bitterness or feeling like a failure because I didn’t try to get her back. I’m still praising God in Jesus name no matter how the pain feels, please pray for me and give me encouragement or whatever I need to hear to heal my heart. I have apologized to her and will do it over and over again until she is satisfied if that is what it would take to heal her. Please help me thanks.