Testimony Share

Right, the way I am living is wrong at the moment, but I know I am going to get back to God!

Feel free to ask me why I am not living right, but while I have been ‘living in the world’ so to speak – I have met this girl, I’m 19,  she is 17, and I have been with girls before, but I really get on with this girl – never met anyone like her, we can talk for hours, and I’ve told her a bit about God, even though I am not living a godly life at the moment.

I want her to come to know God, and for me to get back to God, because I don’t want her to go to hell! – Even though this isn’t a godly relationship, it kind of feels right. I do bmxing and I have been wanting for ages for my local skatepark to be fixed it because it is the most low-budget skatepark in the world! And now this really good one is getting built right next to my girlfriend’s house!

So can you pray that God will speak to my heart and her heart, and bring us both back to God!

My family (small family) knows God, but her family are really posh and rich, and drink and smoke and live the worldly lifestyle, so if it wasn’t for me meeting her, she would not have this opportunity to get to know God.

Her name is Decima (pronounced like decimal but without the ‘L’ on the end) and my name is Adam.

Someone please email me, to keep in contact with me, and to pray through this situation!

a.tasker[at]hotmail.co.uk

or you could add me on facebook as well – search Adam Tasker Leeds – I am wearing a blue shirt and a red tie in the picture.

Thank you very much for reading this.

With sincerity,

Adam Tasker

My fiance dumped me a few days after my birthday and a month before our anniversary. I could not believe coz he had promised me in Jesus name he would never break the marriage promise with me.

It started right after my losing opportunities of scholarships and being diagnosed with breast tumors. He told me i made me feel stressed and that we d better cut our relationship untill i could find a job near his town (we lived in a long distance and our relationship was almost online where we first met). Since he was the first man i fell in love with (at my 30 when i was sure it was not a crush) and i truly believed he was from God and he pretended he was a believer, I trusted him completely. I sent him many gifts on post and he never appreciated it. I did not expect anything in response coz giving him all i could was what “I” really enjoyed. The more i became sincere and attached, the more he acted coldly. But he played the game of “get it hard”. He kept me in a position to put him on a pedestal… He insulted me easily and quickly but never tolerated any sincere comment from me. I felt like a slave but i enjoyed it. I think it rooted in my abused childhood. He and i was virgins which made me believe he was The Only One for me. The more he ignored me and my feelings, the more i got close to Jesus. I had received Him as my lord 6 years ago. I am and i was completely in love with Jesus which my fiance got jealous. He could toy me easily. Made me believe he was in love with me, to keep me but did not do anything in practice for me which i never expected. But finally, when i told him i had two tumors, he started to hide and finally when i complained, he dumped me in the cruelest way.

Later, being left with tumors, joblesss, and broken God opened a door for me: an opportunity to study in a seminary which has been my only dream. To do that i must leave my family whom i truly love. Besides i would live near the ex who had advised me if i ever could reach his country, he would marry me right away!!! The Holy Spirit made me not tell him about this when he cammed me after a month apologizing for his behavior. Although i wrote him he was forgiven in Christ blood and i did not hold anything against him, which was the truth, i declined making up with him coz i could not trust him again. But honestly, once a day i miss him so much that i cry. I know it is over and he is not a man i can trust my future with. Beside God blessed me with a rare opportunity of studying His word. At the same time, i will be competely culture shocked in the new country and wont have my mom and sister, my prayer fellows, around me. I know it will be a leap of faith. I can stay here and be with my family. I can go there and ask my ex to come back and live with me just to fill the emptiness. Or i can completely trust God who is the only cure for the emptiness.

My mom and sister, no matter how sweet and strong in faith they are, are humans and would leave me at any moment (of death or marrying) as  we must live apart for my new study plan. My ex would dump me again for no reason as he did before when he came upon a small hardship. I know i can not reckon of his help (financial and love) at all for he had told me he would only support me emotionally (which he never did coz he relieved himself telling me he had anxiety disorder so when i had a problem he hid) But God never leaves or abondans us. Lord Jesus died for me to be able to talk with God through His blood and have a future in heaven. I know i must trust God and no one else. But sometimes (once a day) i really need to hear a man (my ex) voice and see his pretty face (he was a red with beautful blue eys and i am an average dark and short middle eastern type). Pray for me to get rid of this viocious curcle of missing my abusive ex and my kind mom and sister whose love and my attachment to them would prevent me to grow in Jesus and would make me ignore my calling of leaving my nest and safe home to live in a completely foreign country to study Him and build my independet life and ALL MY TRUST in GOD ONLY.

First giving all praise and honor to our Heavenly Father, whom is so awesome and loving and forgiving, and so much more. God called my name before I was even conceived, and since then it has been a journey full of ups and downs…Allow me to explain:

I was raised in a good Christian home along with my eldest sister, and my mother, who was a single hard working mom. As my sister prepared to go off to college, I remember always trying to make my eldest sister spend time with me. She would always yell at me and didn’t really seem to like me very much, but I would try anyways. My tactics, were ususally to steal something valuable of hers, to get her attention of course, or I would tell on her, each time she’d have a party(when our mom left to go to work)

My life as a child was pretty much normal, and even though my dad and mom were not together, I stilll got a chance to see him every other day. After my sister left, it was just my mother and I, and this is when I began to fall in love with Jesus.

I didn’t really know who he was as a child, but I just really really loved him. I would ask questions during Sunday School and eventually, became Sunday School Secretary around 10 or 11 years old. I had a hunger for God, and I’d always seem to always understand fluidly, exactly what my Sunday School Teacher was teaching me. I eventually accepted Christ at seven or nine years old, got Baptised, and this is where my journey began…

Even at a young age, I was ministering to my first grade classmates, especially when they were doing something I knew was wrong lol I was on fire for God, and the way I felt, I wanted to let the whole world know. My first struggle in life was, reading. My first grade teacher was very very mean, and never seemed to get in trouble for grabbing our arms and jerking us by our arms and hands, yelling at us. I was her best pick…and everyday she would find something else new to pick on me about. She made sure that I didn’t go on to the second grade, and eventually I was retained. It’s not that I was a terrible student, it’s because I was bold for God, and God had a calling on my life even then…I belive my mother knew why I was having so many problems with my teacher, but chose not to explain it to me then, because I was too young to understand.

My second year around in first grade was so much better. I will never forget Ms. Buy, and how she was so patient and kind to me. She believed in me every step of the way, and even when I would cry and half- way give up, she would wipe my tears away and help me get through it. During that time, I thought I was never going to learn how to read, but as Ms. Buy began to work with me, I eventually became the best reader in my class. I was reading at a level of that of a third of fourth grader, only in the first grade. Subsequently, I passed first grade and went on to the second grade, where I struggled with Mathematics. I ended up failing which was named at the time, the TAAS test every year, but my grades, which were A’s and B’s , help me pass into the next grade every year. Unfortunately, as I progressed through all of my grades, I eventually began to believe that I was never going to be good at math.

All through school, I not only had to deal with not being so successful with math, but I also dealt with low self esteem. My classmates, would taunt me every day, reminding me that I wasn’t skinny like the rest……Keyword: “like the rest”. When some one tells you something like that on a day to day basis, as a child, you eventually began to believe it. See, satan knew that God had a plan for my life, and his goal was to make me believe that I was a mistake, that I was fat, ugly, not worth anything, and shouldn’t be alive, which would eventually lead to suicide. Then, there you have it…I would have never been who I am today if God hadn’t been in my heart.

So, I eventually reached Middle school, and yes the tauntings of me being fat, continued. I was in search of love, and thought that maybe if I let the guys feel and touch my body, that maybe they would stop teasing me. Of course, they never did not, and the tauntings would continue. Each day I found something new to hate about myself. Starting from the way I looked, to the way I smiled. I hated the way my hands looked, and the way my feet looked. Every day it was something new. Satan had a game going, and I was falling for it. It got so bad until I began wearing big jackets every day, even in the summer. I absolutley hated the way I looked, and jackets placed me in a comfort zone. I would feel so vulnerable when ever I didn’t have one on, and would do anything I could to be hidden. NO matter what ppl would tell me, the wounds were too deep… I had no one to talk to about how I really felt, and my so called friends would talk about me, when I wasn’t around. I could n’t even talk to my mother. I was very depressed, and it was effecting my social life as well as my grades. I felt like I wanted to committ suicide, and my teachers were getting worried. I would cry sometimes and think of ways that I could do it. There were several attempts where I tried starving myself. I wouldn’t even eat lunch at school and tried going all night without eating, but I got too sick, and my body was so weak the next day. My life just wasn’t right…and I knew this was not how life was supposed to be.

This was a lot of stress and pressure on me, at the age of 15 years old. Even now, when I think back on this, I still can’t believe how I allowed ppl to bring me down so low…Well, as I reached High School, I still was struggling with math, and was still in search of someone to love me. I must add that in today’s society, this is such a huge problem. Millions of girls my age, are battiling with knowing who they are and understanding that they absolutley have purpose in this world. Satan is on the rampage, but God is still strong and moving just as fast as he.

My sophmore year, I met a guy, by the name of Terrence, whom from the first time I met him, thought he was the perfect gentlemen. I “thought” that he was the guy for me, but deception can be very poisonous. Being just 17, and he 19, I was easily manipulated, and he gained my trust. I told him things about myself that I’d never shared with anyone, and my secrets were his secrets. He would be the first guy that I would show my body to..and I did. I was so deep in denial, and by the grace of God, he didn’t take away my virginity, even though you aren’t considered a virgin anymore in the eyesight of God, if you reveal yourself in that way to a man or woman. Down the road, he became very crazy and controlling, and turned me against my own mother and family. Satan had this plan for my life, to destroy me completely, exactly what he is here for: To kill, steal, and destroy us.

We argued all the time, and he even almost beat up this guy, whom he thought I was flirting with at school. My life was a mess, and I was doing things that I know weren’t right, and things that went against my belief and values. I had totally put God on the back burner, and my boyfriend was my idol, just one of the commandments broken. It was very hard getting rid of him from my life, because each time he would text me or call me out of no where, and say how sorry he was, and each time I would allow him back into my life. He cursed me out so many times and my self-esteem was worst than ever. There were times when I wanted to run away and never look back, because I felt so unpure and unclean, and I knew that my Heavenly Father was not happy with me. I thought that, I could never recover, and eventually I finally got rid of him…and that was only because my mom bought us new phones. Even then, it was going to take a lot more mistakes with guys, until I finally reached witts end, and said enough was enough.

It was then, when the next guy talked to me just like the last one did, I realized that it was time for me to stop running. This was a round my junior year in High School. I was so tired of all the compromising, all the bad break ups, all of the verbal abuse at only 18 years old. This was not God’s plan for me, and I knew that. I began getting involved in church again, and my life has been changing every since.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

When I first read that scripture up above, some how I felt a lot like Jeremiah.The only difference is, I felt that, I was so messed up, that God couldn’t have possible called me to do something great. In spite of how i felt, I had knew all along that there was something great in store for me. I was tired of running, and it was time to do it my Father’s way

I now find out so many things about myself each and every day. I am very talented and just had my first sermon/speaking in January. I wouldn’t say I’m called to be a minister, but I do know that I am a teacher and speaker of the word. This is my last year in High School, and God has defiently brought me so far from where I used to be. I’ve had to let friends go and start all over again, and eventually God has given me brand new friends, whom I’ve started a Bible study with here at school! The name of our organization is Stand For Jesus(S.F.J.) and we are reaching out to students, ministering to ppl about how God can change your life. I sometimes even minister and pray for teachers and substitutes. God has been using me greatly, and I now know who I am.

What an awesome God we serve! Even through the good and bad days, God will either send someone your way to remind you that he’s always there, or through some other source, especially through his word! God has great work for you, whom ever is reading this, accept His call and share it! God Bless!!!

Hello:

I have read Testimony share all the time and this is my 1st time posting…don’t ask me why this time but hopefully I can get some prayers my way to help me on the road/journey that I am on.

In  a nutshell, I was in a very long term common law relationship that ended because I wanted to start a family. We both in our late 30′s and we met in our mid 20′s. Over the years, while together, I tried not to push the topic. I tried to give him space and let him decide. But the yearning to start a family with the person that I was in love with for the past 10 years, just made logical sense, of course only to me.

I am at this stage in life now and I wonder if I wasted my years and if it is too late to have a child on my own. I sometimes wonder if I will meet someone that will want the same things I do.

I’ve always been and still a religious person…I’ve kept my faith. When my friends tell me that I should have gone ahead and had a kid with my EX without him knowing…I just could not.

Maybe I was simple minded to think that my EX would finally come around, even when we re-connected (he reached out to me)  for the 2nd time around – which was summer of last year -we broke up January 2010. But only to be told, he wants to travel and enjoy life and having a kid requires too much money.

So in a nutshell because writing my story will require me to re-read what I’ve written and the tears will never stop – so I am trying to be strong but sometimes I sometimes don’t know.

I try not to feel bad some days but of course, when I see couples or a mother with a child or father with a child, it just takes my inner strength to look away.

Thanks for reading and listening….

I’m having a difficult time lately. I’m 27, will be graduating with my bachelors degree in May. I graduated high school in 2002, I just feel like I have no motivation to go anywhere in life. I have been on antidepressants since I was 11 or 12. My biggest problem lately is with relationships. After my 5 year relationship with a great guy ended 5 years ago, I have just had a hard time. I’ve dated people, but it has never worked out, for various reasons. I am now dating a guy who I met at work. He’s 29, has two kids and is divorced. He is a good guy and is good to his kids and me. I never thought I’d be dating a divorced guy with two kids, but I thought I’d give it a try. My problem is I keep hearing the same thing from every guy I date…”I don’t think I make you happy.” I’m naturally kind of moody and depressed at times, and its not their job to make me happy…I just feel bad I make them feel that way and wonder, is it because he isn’t the right one for me? Am I missing something else in my life? It has been very important to me to find a man who lives his life for God. I want that bond with someone. Bill believes in God but is reserved about it. I want to pray together, to praise together…

I don’t want to stick with the wrong guy just because it keeps me from being lonely. I just don’t know if I have such an unhappiness with myself and am relying on him to make me happy, or is it that he really isn’t all I need?

Things I don’t like about myself – moody, selfish, unmotivated, emotional,

Things I do like about myself – open minded, my faith, honesty

Things I like about Bill- caring, genuine, honest, silly

Things I don’t like about Bill – lack of communication, not romantic, no zest in life- seems to just live day to day working and is content with that.

My testimony given in love through God’s grace: By God’s grace know that all of this came to be (by Jesus Christ), therefore I give ALL the glory to God. That I have just become a Christian a little over a month ago is too. Anyways, this night I took a small break from studying the Bible to fetch a snack. As I was about to return into my room my grandma and mother called me into their room. I responded by going to them; they asked me to sit, so I sat. Then they began to tell me things, so I listened. Grandma asked me that if I thought it was normal that I stay asleep so late? I didn’t know what to say, so I said “no” followed by softly murmuring “i don’t know.” In retrospect, I should have remained silent. My mom then clarified to grandma–mother knowing me better–that i must’ve stayed up all night. She was right; until 6am. My grandma then asked if i thought it was normal to stay up late and to thereby awaken later in the day. I didn’t respond that time. They gave me a short lecture on how God intended night for sleep and day for being awake. In my mind I was thinking how I stayed up because I felt the need to pray/study/weep/worship by God’s grace and also because night time is peaceful and I have trouble sleeping when our Lord is on my mind. Anyways, they continued to lecture and finally concluded by exhorting me to see a psychologist @ 10am–an appointment they had already set without my consent. In my heart, I asked God to reveal to me how to respond to them. Thus, not knowing whether to say yes or no I simply said I will give them my response in the morning; for I had to pray to God to show me the answer, I said. And to be honest, I was leaning more towards saying no.

A feint whisper in my heart told me I should  just tell them “no,” for two reasons: 1) they were members of a false religion, thereby having no right in telling me whats right for me and 2) there is nothing wrong with me or with what I did. I considered that if I said no to them I would be pleasing God. Nevertheless, I ignored this whisper and returned to my room, putting my trust in God. With the thought of intending to pray to God this night to reveal to me an answer by morning, and because of this I believe God fulfilled his promise talked about in Isaiah 65:24 And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer, and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. For what I beheld before my bed (where I lay to study) was my answer. Now I know many of you will probably not believe me (or try to rationalize it) but I write this for the glory of God, that it might bring others to believe in the Word of God (if it be His will): what I saw before my bed was nothing out of the ordinary, but to me it was a miracle. I beheld a pen over my notebook where I was writing my notes. I was sure no one had come in my room and distorted my things, nevertheless i asked everyone. No one came in, thus it was confirmed a miracle to me. You see, I had a pen I was using that worked well but which had vanished before my eyes while I studied. So I picked up a nearby pen which was of the same type except this one had a crack in the plastic and had a broken clip, and also it served poorly and could barely write when I used it on my notebook.

Therefore, I put the pen aside and decided to take a break to grab that snack. And when I returned I saw the good pen i was looking for mysteriously placed before, of all places, on top of my notepad with the tip of the pen pointing at a sentence from my notes: obedience is more important than sacrifice. I felt this was a revelation (also an important lesson) to the concern I had regarding my grandma and mom. Still, I didn’t know exactly what God meant by this. So I thought about it. I asked myself: what is the obedience to God? And what would be the sacrifice? And then it hit me, obeying God would be to say yes to my Grandmas and moms request, even though i had no major issues and evil of them; and that the sacrifice would have been saying no to them.

In reality, what I thought might have been a sacrifice would have been disobeying God, for everything in my mind was considering only what seemed like a sacrifice to God (for instance, it wouldn’t be God’s will to do sinners biddings, it is God’s will that I say no, and that saying no would please Him, that since psychologists reject God and give alternatives to God for healing/treatment I should not let them do their bidding)–in reality this evil whisper wanted me to reject what God commanded. This scripture led me to Matthew ch 5, which I had recently studied ( how quickly did I forget what Jesus preached).

How great is our God, that He was willing to set me on the narrow path. I’ll praise our God forevermore! Jesus clearly said: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 and if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And this is the one that really hit me… 41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain (my mom and grandma are compelling me to do something, and I’ll do it because I love them through the grace of God) 42 give him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. 44. But I say unto you,Love your enemy, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you… Undoubtedly I’ve been persecuted here with my own family; my mother going so far as to beat me without cause, but simply for preaching truth to them, and now to the point of telling me I am probably sick in the head for having faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But I love them and I constantly pray for them, which is why it’s important to obey our Loving God’s commandments for we are the light of the world, the light within us being Christ. And by not resisting their evil we can be the light before men, that by doing so they might see our good works, and glorify our Father which is in heaven. I thank our God for being so great, just, loving, and merciful. God bless you. Amen.

Hi,
My name is Suzanne. I have been married 20 years, but have been with my husband 22 years. I was saved on November the 22nd. 1997. I was totally surrendered to Jesus and was free for the first time in my life. I loved every aspect of my life and loved God with all my heart, mind and soul. Then between my verbally, emotionally, mentally & spiritually abusive husband & the preacher at the church where I was going constantly telling me I was going to hell because I wore pants, I wore my wedding rings, because I cut my hair & because I couldn’t speak in the unknown tongue’s, I became angry with everyone abd everything, even God. I left the church, turned away from God and started living a lifestyle that wasn’t me. I was misserable but I wanted something to fill the gap in my life that was there because of my disobedience to God.

I started working two jobs so I wouldn’t have to see my husband. I worked fron 5:00 am till 10:00 pm. then it was 11:00pm when I would get home. Then I met another man. He made fe feel pretty, good about myself & for once in three years I could laugh again. He was so good to me & I wanted to start a relationship with him, but something kept holding me back and dealing with me in a strange way.

Then I lost the second job and couldn’t be around him very often. I started to be convicted of the things I was doing and had done. I cried because of the emptyness I felt inside & nothing I did would fill that empty feeling. About 6 months later I started back to church & God let me see how I had let circumstances come in between my fellowship with Him. I longed for that more and more every day. I started praying for God to forgive me and let me feel his presence in my life again.

When I started back to church my husband started getting worse and worse saying if I didn’t go back to the way I was before he wouldn’t let me live here anymore. I kept praying and seeking God’s face and praying that God would change my husband, (He is an alcholic) and let me again feel His presence. But He hasn’t! My husband is doing everything he can now to destroy me spiritually, and I feel like God is just letting this happen. I need help!!!!Why doesn’t God let me feel Him anymore & why does he let my husband do the awful things to me he does? I feel abused and confused! I need and want God so bad in my life again until I don’t know what else to do. Please pray for me.

MEETING GOD

My name is Cesar Valencia. I am currently 17 and im totally in love with Jesus Christ and im not ashamed to let the whole world know. God saved me from so much in my life. I surrendered my heart to God someday in the summer for 2009 after finally falling from so much pain and hurt happening in my life. Before actually meeting God I had major problems with pornographic material and lust.Everyday i would feed on it and eventually one thing led to another.I cursed so much, I lusted so much. I couldn’t be around a female without thinking bad thoughts. The thoughts would drown me.I made friends, friends who would teach me bad things and introduced me to alcohol and drugs and other stuff but i never did those things though because of my parents. I thank god for giving me such supporting parents who taught me well and taught me wrong from good.I didn’t do those thing but all my friends were always doing it and the pressure of my friends and fitting in would always drown me. Everyday  i would always  battle two big wars alone with porn and the pressures of fitting in. Those two things were taking a big toll on me. I eventually began to be depressed a lot and less talkative in school and at home. I got dragged deeper into porn material, I began not caring about me, my education, or nothing basically. I began losing friends, my grades were not as good as they should be. Life for me was getting dull and depressing basically. One day my mom invited one of her really good friends. Her friend was christian and she had two sons who were also christians and I remember she brought them over. I became good friends with them but without the knowledge that God would use these people to turn my life around.  They invited me to their church. At first i was like eww church but then i was like “what do i have to lose…what the heck ill go”. I went that sunday and the enviroment of the church was amazing. I felt so welcomed and loved when i stepped in. The youth who went there (who are all know like family to me) welcomed me with open arms. i didnt feel judged, i didnt feel lonely. I loved the enviroment of the church so much i eventually began to go every sunday then from every sunday to every day there was service. I loved to be at church.I remember all my friends would be at some party and i would be at church. I eventually learned so much about god and what he could do in peoples lives and as days past i would grow more and more and more curious about God. Eventually I would sometimes spent a whole day learning about god.I still was involved in porn but there would be days in where i would forget all about it and just think about god. My life was starting to become interesting and actually fun. I enjoyed waking up in the mornings. I enjoyed living! After all this i eventually gave my life to Jesus Christ months after being introduced to the church. After accepting I remember the thoughts of porn just eventually started fading. I remember i would keep count of the days that i wasn’t involved with porn until I eventually lost count. My attitude began to change. I started cursing less and less until eventually I just stopped. I began to see people as god sees them. I began to be more caring and loving and way more sensitive towards peoples feelings. I humbled myself so much. I began sharing with people in school about god and what he can do in peoples lives. I made more friends because of how nice i was. I led my best friend that year to christ. I got baptized on semptember 26 that year. I began to love life. All this happened to me in a matter of 6 months. God is amazing. I’ve known god and been in love with god now for 1 year and 6 months and life has been an adventure for me so far!!! There is something going on right this moment though that has me confused and wondering “what is god doing in my life?”, “what does he want?”, “what is he trying to do?”.

HER

I really never had a real relationship with someone in my life and After accepting Jesus and being healed from my addiction of porn I began praying for someone. I began asking god to send me a girlfriend, someone who was christian, beautiful, hispanic, and other good things. Everyday i would pray for her. I noticed one day while at church this very beautiful girl walked in. She was 14 at the time, she is 15 now. I remember saying to myself “woooow she is soooo beautiful! she’ll never be interested in me….Ohh well”. Im sorta of a shy guy and afraid of rejection when it comes to girls I have crushes on but months past and she was still attending church and the only thing I would say and do  when I saw her was “Hey!” ..*hug*..”bye”….The fact that i wasnt getting anywhere with her didnt bother me it was just that I felt like I never had a chance with her, she would never like me so i just didnt bother. Few months more came by and I was on facebook with my best friend and i remember him sending me a message saying “dude!! she likes you!!” and i remember that message making my world turn upside down. I eventually began talking to her. We talked for four days before actually deciding to make it official and in those four days I found out we have so much in common down to the littlest things. I remember one of those nights we stayed up from night till the sun came up just talking. we eventually started going out but later in our relationship i had to let her go because she starting developing feelings again for her first love which i know its not her fault.she didn’t want to separate from me, she was confused and was trying to forget him and was always crying and depressed because of it. I tried to comfort her and be there for her but  i just couldn’t handle the pain of seeing her that way anymore and sharing her love with someone else so I had to let her go.. But during our relationship so much happened that made me believe she was the one for me. She had been through a lot in her past life and she trusted me with some of her deep hurtful things that had happened to her in her past life. We were so in common down to the littlest of things. We would cry together about god and how he changed our lives and sensitive subjects about our past lives. She got baptized during our relationship and began getting serious about her relationship with god. Her parents loved me and my parents loved her. She had everything i was looking for. I began being really comfortable around her and trusting her and so much more. I felt like this was the person that i had prayed to god for. Id had grown so attached to her and after i broke up with her it was just devastating. We’ve been broken up now for 5 months. But weirds things in which i feel like god is trying to talk to me have happened to me during those 5 months that lead to her! I had revelation from someone with the story of Hosea from the bible and how god is putting me through something similar to what god put him through. In the story god tells Hosea to marry an unfaithful women and love her so he can feel what god feels when his loved one israel is unfaithful to him. Read the story to understand it better. But then i had another revelation of someone saying she was my wife. Something else thats been happening non stop is well I listen to a christian radio station a lot and i dedicated the song god gave me you to her while we were dating and everytime i would pray for her or think about her the song would pop up. At first i didnt notice and everytime the song would pop on i would just be like” omg! the song…memories” but then i noticed that the song only comes on everytime i would pray for her or just think of her on the radio. And i have constant dreams of her that i feeeeel have meaning in them. She’s constantly on my mind. and just things happen that lead to her. Honestly this brake up got me closer to god because i started seeking him more for comfort and answers because of my heartbreak. We have been broken up 5 months now and we havent said a word to each other but recently I found out that she still has so many feelings for me, and how she feels so bad for what she did to me, and how shes been through similar situations like the ones i’ve been through and how I have always been on her mind since the day we broke up. I want to believe her but so many people bombard me with stuff such as she’s lying dont believe her.. shes going to brake your heart again and some others tell me she’s taking advantage of you because your all nice and what not and the thing is these people who are telling me this are people who are super close to me but there is one person who tells me otherwise than what they are telling me and thats my best friend. He tells me to just pray, trust and have faith in god and how he thinks were meant to be and thats exactly what im doing. Im just going to be patient, put god first and wait on god to tell me whats going on here. Its been confusing but all my faith is in the lord because he knows what hes doing and i trust in what hes doing.

I am still in the middle of the healing process. Nothing I can do but rely on God to heal my broken heart.

I met a guy 4 years ago. 3 months after our marriage, he cheated on me by sleeping a women who he met in the bar. I let him go, he didnt want to. I attempted suicide. I remeber the day when I was in the hospital, he came to visit me. He sat next to me and said he was sad. I asked him why, he said because I was in the hospital, he miss the birthday party if his girlfriend’s friend. I was shocked and suddenly realize how stupid I was which I almost lost my life for such a heartless man. I thanks God for giving me a second life and I have learnt to love myself more. I trust God will bring me my Mr. Right.

3 years later, I met a guy. We were together for 8 months. He even proposed in the late Oct and we decided to get marry in 2011. Unfortunately, I found out he purchased a flight ticket to fly to other city to meet a girl when I was out of the country. He said he loves me and tried to rescue. However, I couldnt trust him anymore and we broke up.

We broke up over a week already. We still will contact each other. I am so devastated. I couldnt sleep well, couldnt eat. I am totally lost. I have no idea why God will let the tragedy repeat again. I try to pray, but I feel no energy to do it. I feel pity on myself and feel losting the love from God.

I am still in the middle of no where. I know if I keep thinking like this, I will get depression. I just want to find the way out. I want to be healed.

My name is Alison and I’m 19 years old.  I’ve been a christian for like  4/5 years.  I’m still unsure whether to say 4 or 5 for definate because i gave my life to Jesus in 2005 but it took me a whole year to realise what I signed up for!  Anways i grew up in the church but stopped going when i was about 8 because it just didnt interest me.  I always felt out of place in my family if im honest.  My brother was the favourite because my parents always talked about having a son and that pressure was so hard to live up to or beat.

At about  14 i started going to church again because a youth group had started.  I cant describe how different it felt compared with everything else i had ever been taught about Jesus.  The woman who led the worship was so kind and full of love and i could tell her anything without feeling judged.  She is the one person that i tell basically everything to.  The teaching was amazing and the truth was so clear, but i have always struggled with love.  Once i became a christian my emotions flowed and everything came out and i started to feel free.  I felt God near me but there was always ups and downs.  I would always wonder when something happened whether or not it was a sign from God.  Whilst in about 3rd year of school i just lost interest, i mean its not as if i went totally off the rails or rebellious or anything i just stopped putting effort in at school but without much effort actually managed to gain passes at my standard grade exams.  My faith has always went through good phases and bad phases.  Looking back now i just see myself as being lost and trying to find myself.

I love to sing and have a gift from God in the form of singing.  I loved all the music clubs at school its where you would find me any day of the week and the teacher i had was so inspirational and a great encourager, i talked to her about a lot of things too.  i thought my career was heading towards singing so i focused all my attention on my music and in 5th year at school it was the only Higher i passed. i sat 4 highers that year.

6th year started and thats when things got bad.  i had started to hold back a bit from people due to lack of trust. i got talking to this boy in the year below me and i really liked him.  See im not the girl who gets all the guys or whatever im shy when it comes down to it.  I didnt have my first kiss until i was 18.

Anyways one day i found out he was going out with this other girl and it broke me.  that was also the week that my music teacher was leaving and the week my aunt died – by killing herself.  If this sounds bad the friend i spent all my time with at school wasnt there for most of the week i only saw her on the friday of that week.  All that in the space of a week was too much i couldnt handle it.  For a while i was depressed and was really lonely and whats worse is i didnt turn to God at all!

This all happened in September at the beginning of the school year.  I fell into a state of depression, crying myself to sleep withdrawing from like everything.  My school work just fell to pieces too.  At about christmas time things just deteriorated.  Our youth group had our yearly christmas party and after the teaching and worship i just cried and cried my friend held me so tight that night but it was uncontrollable tears.  I spoke to my youth leader about a little of it but things just didnt get better.  I went home that night and started to self-harm.  I just wanted the pain to go away i was so low nothing made me feel better.  This went on over christmas and into the new year of 2008.  My birthday is in January and i stopped harming just before my 17th birthday.  I met up with my youth leader and spilled out everything and she prayed with me.  On my birthday i was in macdonalds after a concert rehearsal and a little boy about the age of 5 told me i was beautiful! After everything, that lifted my spirit! To this day i know that was God and i believe thats what saved me.  I was still lost after that dont get me wrong but i looked at things from a different set of eyes.  i just saw the nastiness of this world and it changed me, matured me.

After that i was a little happier but school was just atrocious i was hiding my scars and i had a relapse when things just didnt go my way.  i think my friends became a bit distant too but to be honest everyone had their own problems a lot had happened within our year group and im not gonna go into detail here but if youre interested send me a message.

After school i went through a year of studying music at college and i just didnt feel right i wasnt settled.  i also started working at weekends so i really turned away from God and just didnt feel him around me so i walked away from him for a while.  I started my second year of college studying music when i decided to leave because i just wasnt interested anymore.  i wasnt interested in anything.

i started working more hours after i left college and i hated it!  i was in it for the money.  it tired me out and the colleagues i worked with were not nice people and i was overworked and taken advantage of.  it was my first job and it really changed me.  i hardened up a lot. i just didnt let anything affect me after that.  My heart was hardened.

i did things that were not me. i got drunk everytime i went out, i swore a lot, i gossiped and bitched about people behind their back i wasnt myself i was horrible in all honesty i had a cheek to call myself a christian when i was worshipping the devil with my actions.

This year i really turned a corner.  Every year our youth group goes away for a weekend of teaching and fellowship.  This year was no exception and i was really excited about going this year though.  God spoke to me loud and clear.  there was a bit of drama the week before it between me and a friend over guess what a boy.  this carried on into the weekend the two of us too stubborn to talk to each other.  that night i got a right shake up so i spoke to my youth leader and i was in hysterical tears and she prayed with me in tongues it was the scariest thing ive ever heard because i knew it was God. I was so afraid and it changed me because ive never had that fear of God before it was so powerful.  after that i spoke to my friend about our immaturity and we sorted it out forgave each other and things lifted.  That night i felt different couldnt get to sleep.

the next day we all got another shock some of our facebook comments were posted onto the projector it was so shameful.  i hated it because everything that was said was true.  how could i call myself a christian when im saying and acting like satan himself!  I vowed to change and i did. i repented and i felt like i did in the beginning where i was full of joy and not bringing people down it felt soo good!

Now God is really moving within me because he gave me the strength the quit my job and go to college and study highers.  i still have no idea where he is leading me but i put Him first by returning to church and now i help with the pre-school sunday class its great i love it!  ive also been praying for a christian man to come into my life and my friend told me he had feelings for me.  i was unsure what to do but i trust God and if its meant to be it will be. i havent kissed him yet and we have been “seeing each other” for a week now.  He has his own problems but ive told him to leave it in the past because i want to give him the opportunity to start afresh like what Jesus did for me.  He keeps lying to me and ive told him i wont stand for it but it doesnt stop him.  I dont even know how i feel about him because ive been hurt in the past.  i cant seem to give out love at the minute but im praying all the time for love both inside and out because if i love God with all my heart i can love others with the love he has shown me.  im afraid that if  i drop my guard i will get hurt.  Hopefully God will let me feel love again.