Testimony Share

I was born on March 20, 1987, In Quincy, Illinois to the parents: Michelle Diane Mangold age 17 and Lloyd William Fuhrman age 18.  From the get go I was in a messed up situation my father and mother wasn’t married my mother was a grade a student, and my father was a drug dealer who was constantly in trouble in school and the law.  My mother actually received an award for getting my father through school.  My Mother’s side of the family are well educated   teachers, construction foreman’s, C.P.As.

My father’s side is the type of people that would pronounce words incorrectly like “kmark” “walmark” and where party animals working in factories or dealing drugs on the street.  My Father was a very verbally and physically abusive boyfriend to my mother, and would constantly bring other women into my mother’s home while she worked hard sometimes working two jobs.  Working jobs like kitchen help, or working in chicken factories to just to take care of me.  My mother moved back into my grandmothers when she finally had enough of my father’s abuse.

And we secretly moved into an apartment that was very tiny and in a bad neighborhood, on 11th and lind in Quincy Illinois it was actually connected to the old Georges Potato chip factory and you could hear the tow motors all day and night.  Four blocks up from the main housing authority in our town.  I was constantly getting stripped and beaten and molested and called a fat a**, I was an overweight child, and began to get very angry and started doing stupid things to fit in with the kids of the neighborhood, one time my friend and I actually broke into an apartment just to steal ice cream, we set garages on fire, threw bricks through windows, would steal bags of chips from the potato chip factory.

I actually got expelled from grade school for sniffing white sand acting like it was cocaine and smoking newspapers, after my father found out where we lived he started getting me one or two times a month, and we were constantly going from one place to another to girls houses, and he would take me to the bar with him all the time.  I can still remember some girl watching me in another room and looking in the other room seeing my father smoking marijuana and some guy doing lines of cocaine.  When I was eight years old my Great Grandfather Elmer Mangold started taking me to Salem U.C.C. in Quincy Illinois a very beautiful church.  He taught me very important points about tithing, and how you have to completely rely on God.

And that was all good till I got back to my neighborhood, and had to fend for myself, didn’t know where I fit in felt all alone, hated my mother for my father not being around hardly.   I started to memorize the stories of the bible and new that everybody said there was a god, but I didn’t feel him, couldn’t see him working around me, didn’t have a personal relationship, you can go to church all your life but if you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus none of that matters.

I loved going to church, and was actively involved but was constantly being misbehaved in the church.  I can still remember watching pornals with my dad, getting drunk at the age of eight, losing my virginity at the age of ten; I began to have an obsession with pornals, and anything to do with sex.  In school I would constantly be joking around in class to try to hide the fact that I was obese.  When I hit Baldwin school I was starting to steal from stores, and throwing stuff down toilets to make them overflow, people probably thought I was part of the custodian staff with how much I had to stay after to clean the school for punishment.  Once I hit Junior High my mother could not control me, I was always out partying. But all that wasn’t me I was inside a lonely good hearted boy looking for attention the wrong way.

I was always actively involved in student council, was in Youth as Resources which was a program that gave out grants for youth to do great things for their communities, I founded an anti-drug program that used illusions, puppets, and rap to give the message not to do drugs, but yet I was getting high before we would practice.  I was in a group called Royal Rangers.  When I started Junior high we moved to the south side of Quincy on 7th and Washington next to and up above a boarding home for mentally handicapped adults.  In junior high I went through confirmation at Salem, and was baptized, I actually felt my calling from god when we went to a seminary in Chicago, Illinois he hit me quicker than I could blink my eyes and told me that I was going to become a pastor and spread the Gospel, I believed him but I ignored it because I didn’t want my dad and people to think I was weak or a goodie two shoes.  I was always getting in trouble at the lock ins and mission trips, I mean I once was caught sitting in the wine cellar getting drunk off of communion wine,  and would go down the stairs in wheelchairs, etc.  I actually was witnessed to by one of the mentally handicapped adults living downstairs from me, he came up to me one day and asked me if I would hang out with him and because I felt “sorry for him” (that’s what I thought at the time) I went into his room he put in a Michael w. smith music video, and then we watched cross and the switch blade movie, and it hit me if God can change that guy on the movie he can change me.  He invited me to his church Bethel Assembly of God; the first time I went there I felt out of place and was weirded out by people speaking in tongues and raising their hands.  But I felt the conviction all around me; my mother didn’t want me going to that church because she thought it was a cult.  So I would act like I’m going to a friend’s house and go to Bethel to church, and royal rangers, I actually fake signed a permission slip to get baptized at bethel and got baptized for the second time.

Also during my junior high years my father had his first aneurysm and he died on the helicopter on the way to Springfield, Illinois, and was brought back,  and that is where god taught me that we must forgive others, because he forgave us. He was in comatose for two weeks and was pronounced brain dead, but I didn’t give up faith I prayed and prayed and put a cross in his pocket and a year later he came out of it and was able to walk, talk and think once again, then he got colon cancer, once again I prayed for him and put a cross in his pocket and he was cured from cancer, then he had yet another aneurysm died again was brought back, was in comatose for two months and we were a day from pulling the plug when he opened his eyes.  He once again had to go through rehab to get his functions back.  Also in junior high my great great grandmother told me I was called to become a pastor and told me she wanted me to read her the bible once a week, and when she had her aneurysm she had me pray with her and as I finished and said Jesus take her, her body jumped up and I saw her spirit leave her body and head towards heaven I was thirteen when I officiated her funeral, and it was their where the rest of my father’s family asked me to do their funerals when they pass on.  Now in  high school, I  constantly was having sexual encounters, stealing merchandise from stores, homes, cars and selling them at the college where my mother was actually working at.

I was involved in a group that did back yard wrestling breaking boards, and glass over my head bleeding everywhere, streaking into YMCA, McDonalds, and other places drunk and high.  I couldn’t stay in school I even got kicked out of schools for misbehaved students, ended up having to go to the board of education and get one on one education.  Once I actually jumped out a second story window saying I was Satan and woke up bloody and vomit all over me, then another time I was selling stolen merchandise at a basketball game and they told me to get in their car and I did they sped off pulled out a gun and threw me out of their car that same day I got the news I was sixteen years old I found out a girl I was having intercourse with unprotected ended up pregnant so I went to my mother and told her I needed to leave town and change my life so I wouldn’t be like my father, (who now I love and have forgiven and we have a close relationship)so she started crying and pulls out this big box with all kinds of promotional dvds of places she was thinking about sending me, and together we chose for me to attend Earle C. Clements Job Corps academy in Morganfield, Ky.  The second largest Job Corps center in America, with 1800 students, 80 new students a week maybe 2 of each group staying and successfully completing the program.  Job corps was full of mostly adults between the ages of 20 to 24 I was sixteen years old.   It was their where I transformed my life stopped doing drugs and alcohol, stopped wearing clothes three times too big for me, and my pants down to my knees, I quickly  became a wing leader, and captain of jrotc,  Senator for student government association.  While there I would have these huge men with big muscles, and just  would come into my room at two or three in the morning waking me up and scaring the heck out of me, they would start crying and telling me their whole life stories, and asking me to help them and bring them to Jesus. While I was there I attended a Baptist church, and got involved in their ministry and in order to become part of their church you had to be baptized at their church, so for the third time I got baptized.  I graduated with honors with a G.E.D. and a vocational certificate for Business technology, I came back and Got married to the girl I got pregnant, (not because I loved her but because I thought it was the right thing, first wrong thing in that relationship) our relationship got mutually very abusive I wasn’t allowed to go to church, I wasn’t allowed to go to college, couple years after I came back my grandmother got very ill and was diagnosed with cancer in eight different places in her body, and ten tumors in her head, they gave her six months to a year and she lasted a month and a half,  during which time one night she came to me and we discussed what she wanted at her funeral and how she didn’t want a big service just graveside, so I didn’t get to play a song for her I wanted to play called holes in the floor of heaven, after discussing the arrangements she told me she wanted me to pray with her because she had never prayed before,  we prayed for a whole two hours, she started crying and said that’s all I needed and hung up.  The next day I went up to visit with her at the hospital  and she was talking about she just had a baby and sorry her house is a mess it’s because of the dog under the bed, she had hot pink fingernail polish all over the floor and all over her hands, we ended up putting her in hospice and two weeks later I’m working third shift finishing my sermon for her funeral and all of a sudden holes in the floor of heaven came on and not even 10 seconds later I got the call that she just passed away and I already knew, and was prepared for the services, then a little bit down the road my Great aunt Janice gets cancer, and has what doctors call split personality but I personally know she was processed because when I was taking care of her I would talk to her about Jesus and we would read the bible, and she would talk about wanting Salvation, mind you she’s very weak at this time going through chemo, and all of a sudden her eyes would go black and she would get very strong and start talking about how she hates people like me always talking about god,  a week before she passed away I constantly prayed with her and got her saved, and officiated her funeral, then a couple months later my Great Great Aunt on my father’s side fell and broke her hip, and was in the hospital I prayed for her every day, and prayed her last prayer with her, and once again officiated her funeral. To get back to my relationship with my first wife we ended up moving to phoenix Arizona on the hardest street their and was surrounded by people getting high off embalming fluid, and all kinds of crazy stuff we end up homeless roaming the streets for almost a whole week, and when we got back our relationship was just over, she was talking to guys on the internet telling them she loved them they where going to move here, so then I searched  for a girl I dearly loved growing up but did her wrong, found her had to prove that I was changed and we have been married tell this day.

As you can see God has been using me through the years, but I wasn’t committed to him, so he kept putting me through all kinds of trials, once I got with my current wife, i devoted my life to Jesus and got off the fence and have had an awesome ride with him.  The Crossing Church actually helped me become fully devoted to Jesus and my family.  I got baptized for my last time at the crossing to symbolize that I was getting off the fence, and I was going to stop running from my calling.  While attending the Crossing I was living in a very dark trailer park, full of violence, crime, alcohol, drug dealing, and low income families needing Jesus and no one was ministering to these people and that’s actually how I started Quincy on Fire Ministries, I was having Bible studies in my small trailer bringing in anywhere from 12 to 16 people every Wednesday, and baptizing 8 of them. I also had people coming to me at 1 to 3 in the morning asking for help and to come to salvation.  I also dressed up like Santa Claus and passing out gifts to the children, with scriptures on them.

We went to nursing homes and did activities with them, helped an autistic child’s father whose mother left them because she couldn’t handle him  find furniture, clothing, toys, and all kinds of stuff, we started an outreach program called Teens in Action which was originally just a puppet ministry we was trying to do too much so my old Mentor from Royal Rangers  Mike Quigley took me under his wing and taught me to choose one ministry and that’s when we chose to do the outreach program, we have been harvesting it the last two years and a half and fine tuning it and are now ready to go out into your community and spread the gospel!To sum it all up no I didn’t go to Bible College, or seminary, but I have the calling on my life to spread the gospel as a pastor and evangelist, and I am empathetic with others, and can relate to the struggles they go through. Recently one of my friends  who was seventeen that I built a relationship with out in the trailer court just had a child, thought he was Mr. gangster like I used to, tried committing suicide and eventually dying from suicide enforcing in me that we need to get out there and let these youth and children know that they are loved and that Jesus is always there for them and that there is always someone to turn to and talk to.  Just to share with you some more information about me, I love to spend time with First God, secondly my wife and children and then my family.  I have two half-sisters, my older sister Tiffany two years older than me we have the same father she was adopted by her grandparents, my older sister I didn’t know existed until i met her at my surprise skating party at the age of eight, what a great surprise, and my younger sister Ashley is seven years younger than me we share the same mother.

My favorite book is the Bible I mean it is a beautifully written book full of miracles, not illusions, parables that teach us, and illustrate the love of Jesus, Proverbs that give us advice, I mean it’s beautiful. My favorite Artist is God I mean how could he not be the best artist look all around you at the miraculous scenery he has made, look at the universe with hundreds of million stars for each star there is a grain of sand on earth, and he knows each by name, he created perfect images of himself which is us.  My Favorite kind of music is praise and worship music, I love to take pictures, edit videos, do Christian illusions, preach, write poetry, scrapbook, do projects with family, help others that need help, and much more.  See I’m a city boy, let’s talk about my wife she’s country she was born in Quincy, Illinois as well but was taken from her real mother .  Her name before she was adopted was Barbara Lou Sanderson, and then she got adopted and her name was changed to Barbara JW Morse, and now she is Barbara JW Fuhrman.  Eventually, she was adopted by Mike and Barbara Morse and lived in Coatsburg, Illinois.   She has a beautiful heart and soul, and her eyes will melt you in seconds, you can’t help but love this precious woman of God.  She is my a valuable part of all my ministries, and she has a heart for foster children, abused, and molested children, and the hurt in general.  And as a team it is our goal to reach the hurt and lost and help them find Jesus the one who can fill them with Joy and heal their hurt. She has three biological sisters, and one brother: Marlayna Speirs(marshall), Amber Marshall, Annabelle Sanderson, and Freddie (Alex Nokes). She has  four adopted sisters, and six adopted brothers.  We have many nieces and nephews: Elayna, bella, christabelle Tuter, Dale, and  Dalayna Brooks, Henry Speirs the third,Josiah Speirs,  Mariah, David, and Austin Baze, Madison and Emma Mcconnell, and many more.We have four children, Hailea, Leah, Zachary the second, and Amera.  We  can’t forget my dog cookie, dove’s Faith and Hope, bunny Floppy, and two gold fishes. We love animals, Also I was recently ordained through National Association of Christian Ministers, my ministry is chartered through them as well.  I’m also a member of the Fellowship of Christian Magicians. It is time for us as Christians to get out there forget about denominations,the way each other look,  and all that  stuff and build relationships between the lost and our Lord and Savior we are his Ambassadors and its time we act like it!!! Please Join Christian Illusionist Zach Fuhrman as a donator, allowing us to perform for your organization, or church, or just by helping us bring home the lost, May God bless you!

Brothers and Sisters the LORD has been speaking to me about deception in the church there are a lot of movements my intention is not to offend anyone but to speak the truth in Christ Jesus. Please take a look in the following scripture where the LORD spoke to me 1 Corinthians 1: 10-17 it speaks of how people where following people and not Jesus Christ himself. People the devil is seeking to destroy the church by masking people to claim to be of God to deceive even the very elect his plan is to separate the churches with non-ovbious means that way we don’t preach the gospel like we should be doing.

We are living in the last days we need to wake up brothers and sisters. Looking in youtube I saw men claiming to be the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ, others claiming that Jesus himself appeared to them saying that Jesus has a new plan that there is many ways to salvation. Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the father but only through me. The true God never changes if it is new it’s not true. He said that heaven and earth would pass away but his Word will never pass away. DO NOT BE DECEIVED read Gods true word and be led by the Holy Spirit ask him for supernatural discernment. The Holy Spirit is so strong in me as I write this.

Others are claiming many manifestations of gems, gold, and levitation going on in the church where nowhere in the bible is this mentioned. God did say that he will pour out his Spirit in the Last days but he meant in supernatural knowledge of the bible, visions, dreams, prophecy, and other gifts of the Holy Spirit. Never do you see gold appearing in the Bible. Not that our God can’t do it but he’s not doing that he would have told us before hand. Please brothers keep busy doing God’s work and reading his word, and praying without ceasing.

i have somthing to share also, this vision i saw is some thing unusual but first of all i want to clarify to you that im not insane or suffering for some illnesess. i dont know where to start but then there was this vision january 9 2012, im a roman catholic o still live with my family , 20 years old , i got alots of vices but im on my way and keeps on pursuing to change my self and so i started to read the  bible day and night, i keep praying day and night. making some vows that would keep up my relationship with the lord jesus christ.

Then there was this morning, i woke up and do my morning prayer humbly asking lord to walk in my heart and show wether in my dreams or in reality, and so i woke up and pray. i breathe and the sun shines and blind my sight and so i move a little from left to the right side of my bed , and continue to pray. again , i closed my eyes (concious) then started to pray our father . and i was totally shocked! and make my heart beat, in my vision i saw a man with white robe standing in an open door like a tunnel and at the door theres a sky, i tell you the truth, i was shocked and concious and so i opened my eyes and i was like what!!! im not dreaming! and i closed  my eyes again and it was there! then i open my eyes again and went to the window and kneel and closed my eyes again. i cant see his face
because im at the back of him, and i walk through him and he turned back and look at me and i dont know why my head fell
down to his feet, and he goes near me and said ‘take heart, and dont let go for the kingdom of heaven is at your midst’ something like that. and when i try to look at hes face again. my vision was lost and backed to normal.

i just want to share this experience, btw i forgot to tell you that the sky i saw is not pure white. it looks quite reddish. thats all. god loves us. we must hold and make up our relationship with him.

I want to start off by saying how difficult this is for me to share my story with all those who will read this. This is a true story and accurate to the best of my ability to remember.

Even though many of you will never see my face, the thoughts of those scars residing in times past, will without mercy overwhelm me, bringing that dark and tortured heartless nightmare back to a saved man once again. I should tell you even though these memories may bring great sadness to my heart, they by no means thrash me in slavery as they once did in my past. I am a man who has been covered by the blood of One who truly loves me, so much so, that when He took that wicked man that I was, upon Himself, I became stripped and emptied awaiting new instruction, left with a radiant new heart saved from the slavery in which I was chained to, for what I thought was an eternity without hope.

As a child I grew up in a home which harbored great physical abuse upon me and my siblings whenever we did anything wrong, or just because our father endured a trying day at work. My memories take me back to a time when my father’s rewards for our wrongs would bring the wrath of his belt, his fist or his open hands, and if by any means he did not feel satisfied, he would grab us by the ankles, hanging us upside down against the wall and would proceed in beating our heads into the floor.

We would be playing with great joy and sharing the thoughts of a child-like fantasy in some made up war theme, playing with little green army men, when suddenly our father, swinging the door open to our room with great force, bringing us to an immediate trembling in fear of the pain that was about to take place, grabbed my brother lifting him under the shoulder with one hand bringing him high and to the wall, proceeded to beat him as if he were a monstrous beast to be killed.

My heart would race and tears would fall from my eyes knowing that I was next and with great confusion and despair I could not find a place to hide avoiding the anger that filled my father’s heart at that very moment. When he finished with his violent corrections inflicted upon my brother, he quickly threw him aside and turned towards me as if a lions hunger was left unsatisfied. Quickly grabbing my shirt by the chest, with great force he threw me against the wall striking me in all vulnerable areas across my body, leaving me feeling each blow like a rippling explosion consuming my body every second. With a quickening speed, he pulled me away from the wall just to slam me back up against it once again, removing the very breath that was left within my body, bringing my cries for my mother to a silence.

Finishing his wrath from exhaustion, he threw me into the dresser as if I were a toy with such strength that it toppled over and crushed me underneath. The pain from the dresser falling upon my body was so over whelming that I again lost my breath, leaving me with an inability to cry out. Then walking out to leave us to care for our own wounds, we laid very still attempting to calm our rapid breathing, crying in silence, horribly afraid to make our father’s wrath any worse.

That night alone in my room after bedtime, by sheer desperation, after so many years of abuse I sought the help with praying hands calling upon satan himself to end my father’s reign in our lives. In peril and torment lasting day after day, hatred and anger became common place within my heart, birthing a vengeance inside of me that only satan himself could place a definition upon, and by no means was this vengeance passive or unresponsive. At the very age of 9 years old, I fired back, but not of my own will….. something in me snapped, and even though I was still small in comparison to my father, I was a monster to be feared.

After a beating from my father one day, as he was walking out, I broke. My whole body and thought process just shattered. It was as if something else hoarded itself within me, taking over. Coming up from the floor with fire screaming from my eyes, I proceeded to attack my father grabbing anything and everything that was available to me at that time. From that moment on I could only remember bits and pieces of flashes as to what happened in all that took place. I had no idea as to what I had done, the most I can remember is my father running from me heading down the stairs and from there everything went black as if my very existence ceased. I awoke and everything in my room was destroyed, I struggled for air but couldn’t get enough, my sight was hindered by a fading blackness that would come and go within seconds, my body was paralyzed with exhaustion having tears falling from my eyes rolling off my cheeks, listening to every drop hit the floor as if I were floating over a pond.

Within a few minutes of my awakening I heard sirens, and soon after, the sounds of many footsteps racing up the stairs running to my room with many people hovering over me as if I were going to die. Sweeping me away just as quickly, they placed me, tied to a gurney, arms and legs restrained from any movement injecting me with something that immediately put me to sleep. When I awoke from the medication that was injected into me, I found myself locked in an institution being assessed for information concerning my long term stay.

It is with great sadness for me to say that my fears and pains were not over, I had a false hope of safety from the pains that I thought would end. I was now starting with a completely new round of torture and pain, one that I knew never existed, leaving me feeling hopeless and worthless as if my very life meant nothing to anyone. I was left without hope of ever feeling the love and joy from any one person again. I soon found myself in a downward spiral facing over 20 different institutions with my years as a youth and young adult. In those institutions, much hardships and hatred was engraved into me, searing within the very depths of my soul. I was at the mercy of those whom I was supposed to trust and yet even they found in their temptation ways to hurt me without others having any knowledge, threatening me of the oncoming doom I would endure if I was to ever reveal their dirty secrets. In my growth relationships with others was, “to say the least”, unhealthy. All my friendships and relationships were born and tilled in these institutions. My first girl, fights, fun, arguments and schooling were all part of my life in these institutions. I even received my GED under the guardianship of a state institution.

By the time I was sent back to my parents, we were moved by my father’s new job within months of my release. In no time, I lost the ability to remain in my new home because of my disobedience leaving me homeless and in hunger. I ended up finding a place to stay in these apartments that were being constructed about a mile away and my little brother with his great dedication would bring me food and drink, hoping for a better solution to my situation. But in desperation and lack of wisdom and anger, I felt I had to make a choice and I knew no one in the new state that I lived in and knew many from the state that I left , so with little, money and no clothes to pack I left and headed to those I knew best and felt safest. To my surprise very few came to my response for help and being under age I had no real avenue or prospects for work. The streets became my home now and I soon found out just how keen predators were in picking out those who were runaways or just lost and desperate souls.

It happened within the first day, I was manipulated into going with this man to his home and being as hungry as I was, the promise of money through small tasks, seemed alluring, tempting me to a degree of happiness through the pounding uneasiness residing within the depths of my stomach. As soon as we got to his home these tasks changed and he took off his shirt and requested that I rub his back. I was in danger and I knew it, so giving him a relaxed agreement, I told him to lay down and when he did I immediately ran to and out the door and continued to run until I could take no more hiding in a building shaking in great fear of him ever finding me. You may find this to be a lesser story to which you might have wanted to read but nevertheless the impact of the immediate danger was real and the offences of my past granted me the wisdom of discernment. The rules of survival had changed; I was no longer living in a controlled environment and no longer were others also limited by their environment. It was a grab for all, especially in the parts of the city that I found to be easy access to the things I might need.

As days went on I soon became so overwhelmed with hunger that I raided a McDonalds dumpster in order to fill my stomach. And fill that stomach I did. My time spent looming on the streets left cold, hungry and scared had me searching for places on a nightly basis to rest my head in a safe environment. The goodwill dumpsters became my home at night finding warm donated blankets and safety because I could dig myself deep and be hid out of site. About a year later I was so fed up with the life on the streets being unpredictable at every turn I soon pickup a pay phone and dialed 911 telling them that I was a run away from another state and I needed help. It didn’t take long for them to arrive and with gentleness they brought me back to the station and questioned me as to where I was from and do I want to go back. As much as I didn’t want the same thing to continue to happen with me and my father I said yes I want to go home. The officer got up from the table and went and called my parents house and soon returned with an angered look upon his face, and with compassion and regret he told me my father never wanted to see me again. I was speechless but not surprised and yet for some reason it hurt. I was soon within 1hr or so delivered to a lockup for kids until they could determine what to do with me. Within weeks I was taken in front of the family courts asking me as to why I was in the situation that I was and with the answer explained they were still left as to where to put me. I told them that I could stay at a homeless shelter until my birthday and then they could release me from state guardianship at that time reaching the age of 18.

To my surprise this was allowed.

After years in this never ending cycle of a perverted and tampered edition to the meaning of life, I did find a way out and to me it was the Holy Grail (Drugs and alcohol). These two mind bending products hid the pain and brought about a boy who in times past could only fantasize such happiness. By no means did this cure me as to what I thought was my life beginning anew, though I was numb to the abominations of my current and past circumstances, what I felt to be a new life soon became a hidden liability changing me into the hunter and not the hunted. I inflicted much pain and tribulations upon those whom I thought were my friends and those closes to me, even the stranger passing by. I’ve stabbed people, and stolen that which never belonged to me, from homes, people, cars and whatever I suppose you could ponder. I received what I reaped in many lockup facilities and each time I came out going right back to the drugs and alcohol, those products I felt to be the loved ones of my life in that I could trust and base my daily decisions on. I know now more than ever that if I hadn’t been under such influence of drugs and alcohol that there would be several people who would be at peace in their lives, not troubled over being victimized by what they may interpret as a heartless piece of trash worthy of only darkness behind bars.

The thrashings of my past living within me dictating and consuming my soul with fire left me alone not only within myself but brought a wall between me and my Creator. It was always the thoughts as to why did all this happen to me and how can I end this with the impurities and evil to be imputed to all those whom I felt transgressed me. I, of myself, became an idol to my surroundings and by no means did I ever feel or consider as though I was undeserving of the satisfaction for revenge. I cannot stress the hatred and the evil that took comfort within the depths of me. I felt as if you all had no right to live and with that I was the one who should address the actions into your deaths. I ponder wicked thoughts in my heart and wished horrible things to take place upon others hoping for their torturous downfall. I wasted so much time hoping for the fall of those who hurt me, wishing those who tore pieces from my heart would suffer a greater torment.

I never knew how much time I wasted in allowing such thoughts to consume me. My anger and hatred for others imprisoned me. I was no one but belonged to everyone. I’ve spent 35 years of my life thinking of nothing more but vengeance. In that energy and emotion I spent so much in thought towards others that I found myself to be lonely, hurting for more, searching for truth and peace from this torture that I myself fed throughout my lifetime. Eventually my anger directed itself inward. I found myself to be thinking bad thoughts just by habit and yet my very heart cried out for understanding and comfort. I could take no more, I knew no way out, my very life was consumed with the thoughts of others and they themselves where carrying on with their lives as joyful and fulfilling without thought of me. I didn’t matter to them.

I was broken and didn’t know it, I was laid up in sickness and dying in an illness that consumed me by habit. The doctors knew and spoke of my nearing death. I was finally at the end I could go no father in my dying body and I knew within the marrow of my very bones that I was condemned. I knew even though that every part of me was wicked and undeserving that there was hope, I knew because I saw no other path that lead out but the path of righteousness. I broke down and cried upon my covers and asked with a fearful broken heart calling out to God, Save me Father, save me, I am so undeserving of your love, let alone your desiring attention, yet I, Father, ask within my cold and wicked heart will you please take this broken man that you see and save me from the depth of hell that I so well deserve.I am yours I surrender; you have all of me, do with me what you wish, just please come into my life and save me my Father.

With those last words coming to a finish in my prayerful cries to God a voice penetrated every part of my body giving me that chance allowing me to know that He would be there for me, but it was the only chance I had. I was afraid, I had not experienced such a thing in my life, but I submitted to His authority and from that very moment on I walked as a new born baby, walking and stumbling throughout my new growth with a new heart. I cried so much in pain from all the years I’ve wasted not knowing the love and forgiveness that God’s Son Jesus Christ has had awaiting for me. My life was made new in Christ, I am in love with others and think not of the wicked things I can do to others, but have much concern for those who take so much of their own thoughts and time to justify their hatred. I stemmed such growth on the very words of God to counsel me in my every step. If I slipped and reverted to a sneaking wicked habit I would call out the words of encouragement and love from the Bible, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. I knew in my heart that I was a refined individual stepping ever closer to that heavenly gift promised to me. And yes my friends my walk with Christ was not one filled with riches and complete peace in this world but one filled with riches and peace within the Holy Spirits residing presence in my body, having a growth and understanding from the temptations and hard times, refining the new man that I am, founded firmly in God’s word ready for that righteous and revealing Day of Judgment for all.

In all, I may have had some hard times in my growth with God but my heart stayed at peace in Jesus and as I drew closer to Him, He drew closer to me, filling me with his wisdom and love for all. I could not and would not trade my true love “God Almighty the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” for the life that I left behind. I no longer stand in fire with the hatred of satan within my heart. I now stand in righteousness firmly founded upon the true wisdom in guidance and love for every thought and step I take in this new life. Our anger that we hold in our hearts, only projects an image of immaturity and loneliness posting our feelings as if we deserved the throne of charity, boasting around about as if we owned authority. We already stand condemned in our lives without Christ Jesus, even if we live a life of joy and prosperity, even if you fill that you stood strong guiding your children up in great wisdom, even if you strived to love and give to others with all your might and dedication.

In all this,… anger,… depression,… happiness,… a giving heart,… a dedicated mother or father or a hard responsible worker, you will still stand condemned being judged alone and your sentence will be that of an eternity in the depths hell to be tormented forever, never seeing another death again.

If you have not the Father, all that you do stands against the Father being sin and the Father being God Almighty in His Righteous Judgment cannot and will not look upon you with mercy in that revealing day of his Glorious Sons coming for the gathering of his children, those who have died first then those who stand alive next but all taken within a twinkling of an eye.

But in all this suffering and prideful living, we don’t have to stand alone to face this judgment and condemnation, for we have an attorney (Jesus Christ), an advocate standing with powers far above kings and kings against kings, ruling all as far beyond the sights that man could endure to see or imagine. Where by Him in His unwavering love, will stand in our place and speak of the great sacrifice that has been given to cover our sins. There is no room for Christ in our lives while such bountiful riches in our hearts take weight to the wants and desires of this world in the individual’s life.

You may fill as though it’s too much to give up, too much has been done, I have so much to straighten out, if only I can just put this away. Take this, my very words to heart with all sincerity that I speak to you…. Through the very thoughts being of the same mind in times past that you now have, I give you this promise as even the Father has promised me and all those who come to Him unclean or clean. You can at anytime with a sincere and repentive heart call upon the name of Jesus Christ confessing your sins no matter how big or small and in you will He fill with His Holy Spirit, renewing your hearts in a new birth ready for that redeeming and revealing day of salvation for all whom believe in the Son of God. Remember also this, if by any means this may comfort you, God does not measure salvation by the weight that you carry, instead the Fathers Son Jesus Christ enduring the burdens of sin throughout the world died so that he could lift that weight off your shoulders carrying it for you.

When I gave all that I was to Jesus allowing his love to bear my burdens, I became free in spirit and mind. I can only pray and look upon you with a wishful heart that you would share such a gift with me being released and having hope in the now and ever after.

This testimony is such a small piece from that person you may think you see. But let me please with love speak to you with gratitude thanking my Father God almighty and the Father of our precious Lord Jesus Christ, that by my tribulations and trials, though they be in many numbers, they are the golden cups by which I may drink of for your edification, confirming the love and patience of our Father, tilling and planting the purity of truth into your groaning hearts for the revelation of Jesus Christ your Savoir and love, that you by no means search any excuse to deny Him but by the wants of your own hearts condemning yourselves to the eternal condemnation awaiting all those that choose by freewill “that” which they can see, leaving behind “that” which they cannot see bringing the very words “Faith and Hope” to no avail.

I pray my most precious love. Please awaken a dead, angry and wounded heart out of the condemnation of eternal fire awaiting those who know you not and give them the same confirming hope that you so graciously blessed upon me. Watch over them and give them light to see, circumcising their minds for your glory and their understanding, walking in confidence on that narrow road leading to your kingdom. Bless them Father Bless them even from the very concerns of my heart, if it be your will. In your Son’s Blessed name I pray for them Father, for your Glory and Kingdom will come, in your name will a new earth be revealed and may we all find Your Welcoming Arms awaiting us in our day of redemption.
Amen.

I now Understand what it means to be faithful, stand still and wait on the Lord.

I am the person who was giving up on God because I was failing some college classes. I am the person who wanted to rip off the bible but that same night when I cried to God accusing Him for not responding to me, He still made me kneel down and pray.

Some of you might have read them already and gave me really wonderful  advice and upliftment.  I failed Physics which means I have to retake it, I didnt fail calculus but the grade wasn’t what I wanted but I give thanks to the almighty.  I have never searched for God like I am doing right now, imagine if I was having all As, would you think I would keep in mind that there was a God?  The answer is NO.  I can not tell you how much this experience has given me strength, patience, hope and courage to continue on waiting on the Lord. He is faithful my dear friends . As for now, I read the Bible in the morning and night time, I am just a typical college teenager who could have been spoiled and think that I was smarter than everybody and was cool but God said no no no, let me teach you the way.

Although sometimes when I’m sitting in a class where I feel challenged, I feel like im being looked down  at because I can’t give good answers,  I just feel like im dumb but I have told the Lord that grades should not fully define who I am and what I am capable of doing in my life.  The worst part is that I am a pre-med student, a sophomore and my pre-med advisor is telling me to drop my major and I told him no. I am a chemistry major and I love it, enjoy it, im passionate about learning about it and this is it. It is just the Physics and Calculus which I am struggling with. So far, I have taken hard 3 calculus courses and the struggle i went through is not worth dropping my major in the middle of nowhere.  I have told God that I will fail doing chemistry if I have to because this is what I love. I cant quit now and so many people have offered me help, I have started studying for my classes already so that I can go ready to ask my professors questions.  I believe that the Lord has my right hand and He is forever faithful. My struggles are nothing to Him and He is greater than them.

I just wanted to give thanks to the Lord because I have realized that It is all about praising  Him, pleasing Him and follow Christ. This world has nothing for me. Since letting God be  my helper, I have so much freedom in me, although sometimes I get worried,  I have learned that the Lord is always here to help me. He does not sleep or rest but He is with me in everyday of my life.

I dont know how to thank God but I am a strong person and the Lord will reward me for being faithful. God of the God and Kings of the Kings, He deserves Praise.

Please pray for me that I continue to be strong and trust in the Lord. Thank you my family and God bless you all.

It’s almost 2012, nearly 4 years since I testified on this website. what has changed? that’s hard to describe. do I still feel lonely? lustful? yes. I selfishly lost my virginity to some girl, and porn is still there too blech. I did have close friends for a while but they drifted off (what a shame) but now I’m still learning that people come and go in our lives, no matter how I feel. It sucks that I never had that core group of friends or that best friend growing up, which makes me bitter sometimes(>:( ) . I know a lot of people today but they’re merely acquaitances. I understand that everyone has responsibilities to take care of, especially with age.  I’ve always been the black sheep in the family, amongst my relatives. I cringe at family reunions haha. But enough of me,God is good. I’m not here to seek help, God is my help, I must die… to self. A daily struggle for all of us, but it’s through our struggles we learn to wait on Him and Him alone. works don’t mean anything! just the perfect work of Christ in us, God doing a supernatural work in you , not to make your problems go away… you see, when I posted this, my view was that if I followed christ, all my problems will be solved, I’d be successful, feel smart and have a better social life . Are those things ok? sure, but that’s not the whole goal of christianity, even if the prosperity gospel teaches that, it’s just incorrect. either we esteem self or we esteem God. pick one, that’ll be your choice. Looking back on that now makes me seem a bit selfish, like having God fulfill all my selfish needs rather than live for Him, no matter what! to hell with everything else! my view now is on Him, God saved me from Himself, and the outpouring of His wrath. How loving is that? He didn’t save me for me. God’s glory manisfests even if humanity didn’t exist! (#truth) He saved us for His glory. That alone keeps me going, even in the midst of suffering, I am learning to trust Him. I never felt suicidal since those days and that’s a good thing, God sees worth in me even if my friends left me, etc.. Life may not turn out the way I want it to be, but that shouldn’t keep me or you from living and knowing who God is. It’s not about you, it was never about you. Don’t wait till you get to heaven to rejoice, start now! What should I do now? is no longer the question, because God answered me. (testimony below for those who haven’t read)

Mar 19, 2008

i grew up in my church my whole life. my dad is an assitant pastor in my church. everyone loves him. everyone expects me to be a good guy. i pretty much have been a good guy throughout my childhood. growing up in a christian household, was so different from everything outside of the world. my parents never really taught me anything about stuff like music, all they would listen to is christian music, i did not kno anything about any music. . . and bc of that i was made fun of by other ppl. i’ve been pushed around mostly my whole life even in church. . . by the time high school rolled around, i started becoming more and more rebellious. i would start by cutting a class and that would increase to more classes every day. i even started hanging out w. the wrong crowd, who all they did was cut and smoke weed and juss be lazy. i never smoked at all. thank god. but me and a friend starting doing graffiti, and eventually we were caught by the cops and taken to jail. it was my 1st time so i was let go the next day w. five days of community service. but then i realized that people i used to talk at school didn’t want to talk to me no more bc i cut so much. and by the end of senior year, i only had a few friends and that’s about it. now for my main problem, i was a porn addict. it all started at middle school, ppl would juss show me pics and eventually i started lookin on my on. from that, it led to clips,and then films. eventually i started masterbating which was like 3 yrs ago. it was a daily routine for me. i even did it more than once in a single day. near the end of 07, i got into a relationship w. a girl. which was good bc i stopped w. the porn, but i was pretty lustful. the 1st time me and her were together, i had the urge to have sex w. her. but then, i stopped bc it was too quick and she would get mad at me. . . i was pretty happy w. her, i didn’t need porn at all, maybe like once i looked at it. . . eventually, we broke up. . . which really saddened me. . . and i went back to porn, by feb, something happened to me. . . i had a fight(not physical) w. her which had me furious with anger and resentment. that rage eventually turned into bitter loneliness, and even w. the porn, that didn’t help at all. . . i started feelin isolated from the world, and there were times were i even threw up bc i was so depressed. i couldn’t even focus on school bc it was so stressful and when i came home, i broke down into tears. i even started thinkin about committing suicide. . . and so i prayed and for the 1st time, after all those yrs growin up in church, i accepted christ. it’s been a month since i stopped w. the porn, but i still get images in my head. there are times where when i sleep, i start dreamin about it. . . and the are times where i have the urge to go back to the net to continue where i left off. . . but i never went back to that. anyways i’m 19,  but i do not feel 19, i barely know anything in the world, 1) bc i never paid attention, 2) i’m a pastors son.  i’m like the worst talker ever bc i have nothing to talk about.  i’m not really funny. and i’m quiet most of the time. which makes me feel even more lonely. & other than that, i don’t feel like i’m independent. i’m always takin orders from somebody else. i’m the type of guy who gets pushed around. the reason i don’t do anything back is bc i don’t wanna make it worse. but like i said, i’m like the worst talker ever. and the only real people i have in my life is my parents, a few of my cousins, and like a few friends. idk what to do from here, i know i trust christ now, i get sad but then i get better, but still, what should i do now?

And He Saved me from Going to Hell and Took me away

I used to be in a gang. I was in the gang for 2 years, but i was bangin for 4 years since i was in the 8th grade and i am now a high school senior. As a kid i was always attracted to gangs. My family was brought up in gangs, my parents when they were younger and cousins who i grew up with. when i was in elementary i dressed like a lil gangster. As the years wet by I grew older and started doing different things because i was in middle school. I was always a good kid, never in trouble, always did my work, never in fights, and listened to my parents. as i was in 6th and 7th, there were people who messed with me. i was never a snitch but i was kind of bullied in a way because i was skinny and small.

In 8th grade i started dressing baggier and walking different. i talked different and looked meaner. i always tried to look at someone with a mean look. My family was a good, loving, and caring family. As i was in the 8th grade I started getting in trouble, kicked out of school, breaking and entering and getting 6 months probation for it. right now im on probation for tagging on walls putting the gang i was in on the wall in my hood to let my enemies know we were there. the reason i joined a gang was to be like old school gangsters. and 2 years ago i got into a gang because of my homie who is now on the run for murder. and to get into the gang i fought for about a week straight, fight after fight after fight just to prove to them i was down and crazy, but now i regret that and i want to let everyone know that God can make a change in your life and that he loves every single one of us. He sent his one and only son. We are all his children but Jesus was special.

I’m also an ex-scratcher. A scratcher is someone who does tattoos from their home and is not professional. tattoos are a sin because God doesn’t want us to mess up our bodies. He wants us to take care of them, sure tattoos are beautiful, but Gods love is more beautiful than anything in the world. I love to draw. Drawing is my life (after Jesus of course) I have been drawing since i was 2 my mom says. And now I want to draw for Jesus, the Lord, God. i want him to give me visions so I can paint them or draw them out for everyone to see. I love Jesus and he Loves me and everyone sinners or not. We all have a purpose in this life. Some people are sacrificed and I want to let everyone know that Jesus can make you happy and give you strength. Jesus made a change in my life and he can make a change in yours.

I went from carrying a gun or butcher knife to carrying a bible. I went from running up on people asking them what they bang to walking up to people and blessing them and telling them my testimony. I went from being angry at the world to wanting to save everyone i know and everyone I don’t know. I even want to save my enemies from the depths of hell. Gangs aren’t good. But people should stop criticizing gangs because those people have a reason to be in a gang and they don’t live an easy life. Demons influence people like me or people in gangs especially younger kids. A gang is an army of evil, one of the devils greatest creations to destroy lives, the community, and the world. Devil is bad and evrything good is God. You choose, you know what is wrong and what is right. And for those who are afraid of getting out of a gang because the only way getting out is by them killing you, well call for Jesus and hell come. Cal for the Great almighty Lord and he will come unto you. for any of you gang members out there trying to get out, heres a prayer, you can add to it or change if you’d like…Jesus, oh great Lord i come unto you asking for forgiveness, and i repent from my crimes and sins i have done, oh father for i have sinned and i trust in you and believe in you because i know that God awakened Jesus from the dead, I know that he died for my sins even though i wasn’t even born yet, Oh father, take away my pain and struggles, give me happiness and joy, take away my evil mind and give me strength, courage, and make me wise, Dear Lord i love you and pray for everyone on this earth, which you love, in the name of the father, Amen…..now you will serve the Lord and they to save everyone from hell, you can make a difference, if your going to be in an army might as well make it God’s. God bless you.

My testimony. I dont have one experience that I can really point out. My whole life is my testimony I see now.

I was born the youngest of 7 to two hard working parents with no education. Immigrants from Mexico, they came to the US to make a better life for us. I never appreciated my parents or family as much as I should have. My father and my brothers built houses, my mother worked and made tamales. I look back and remember the hard times, for some reason thats the majority of what I can remember growing up. The hard times. I understand now how stressful it must have been to provide for us. My youth was spent alone being angry and crying, always confused . Wondering why things where the way they were. Even then I remember staying up at night talking to outload and crying to them, asking them why things where the way there were. Even then, I must have know he was listening to my crys. I lost my best friend to diabetes soon after I graduated highschool. I had ups and downs with my faith but with this loss, I definitely became detached for a few years. These years would be the hardest iv experienced so far in my young life of 24. I went out on my own wanting to take control of my life but having no direction. I made poor decisions, I made my future and money my priority and told myself that it was me against everyone else. I felt very angry, I felt alone, I didnt think I was worth anything. I hated myself. I found myself in a relationship with a man that was 12 years older than me. I had not had much experience with love and I was manipulated, used and abused. But I felt that was where I needed to be. But after 3 years that person lost their job and had to rely then on me, his young girfriend. I felt that this was part of Gods plan, maybe he wanted to test my streanght and loyalty. I worked, took over bills, I had already fallen for his son, we were very close. So I saw this as one of Gods tests. But this person I thought I loved, cheated on me, and again I was alone. The little family I had come to call my own, was never really mine. I drank, and I hated, and I cursed, and I lost my will for a while. I stayed in bed for days at a time, didnt care about my job, I couldnt stand to be around anyone. I felt ashamed, embarassed, a waste of a person. I was put on anti-depressants that truly didnt change the way I felt, thy just didn’t allow me to react normally, I felt like a robot. Because of the medicine I was always drowsy, my mouth was dry, my legs would shake, this wasnt a cure.

But in all of this God was still working in us, not losing faith in me, his child. My neice Carolyn was born to us 6/26/2002, a real angel from God sent down to earth. She was born with cerbal palsy, scoliosis, constant seizures throughout her days. She went through several surgeries that included her head, her eyes, G-tubes, etc. She could not walk, talk, she lacked the simple luxeries that we take for granted in our every day. But she was a real soldier of God. She smiled like she knew something we didnt. And she laughed, it was the most beautiful sound her laugh. She loved her music, she loved her family. But she was so fragile on earth. The simplest cold could turn into phemonia and send her to the hospital for a month full of poking and proding, with her sensitive skin not even able to have tape hold her tubes in place because it would tear her skin off. She was strong like I could not be. She slipped in and out of comas for a while after a few collapsed lungs. Doctors would tell us that she was on her deathbed and we prayed and 3 times she woke up smiling and laughing like if she had just come back from a trip, leaving doctors in shock. But I wasnt shocked, I prayed to God and I knew he was there. But her body grew week and that 4th time, she was sent home for her final days. God bless my sister for staying by her little girls side till the very end. Doctors said she would be gone by the end of the day, she gave us 6 days. Reminds me of the day she was born, doctors saying she would have at the most a week, and she gave us 9 years. That was GOD.

When I felt selfish and only thought about myself, something would happen, shed get sick, or end up in the hospital. She always had a way of waking me up. We get caught up in ourselves, our drama, our bills, our own selfish needs and we forget that its not about us. Its about God. We should think more about others, than about ourselves. And it took me a while to see that, but I see it clearly now. God sent storms my way to redirect me, much like the story of Jonah. Things happen for a reason, people come into your life for a reason. And I thank God that he has made me the person I am today, by blessing me with the people, and lessons, and hard times. One night I fell on my knees and cryed to God for salvation, I repented my sins. I prayed and I trusted in him. And my days began to improve, I started to read the holy scriptures, I stopped cursing, I stopped all my foolish behavior because my eyes had been open to how real and awesome Gods love was and I needed to try and be christ like. I got off my anti-depresents and I realised I didnt need them. I needed God. Even on our worst days, we should give thanks and love one another. Today I have a wonderful man that loves me and stands by me and I appreciate the man he is and he appreciates me in the ways that I didnt think I was worth. When im at my lowest, he reminds me how God made me beautiful and in his image. He just smiles at me and says “Your a clay pot babe” and I feel better. Thats God. Finding my way back to God when I was at my lowest, realizing how selfish I was being. My life has turned around, I see things so clearly. I am so grateful. I pray for strength, patience and love for all of us. I do not lose faith in Man. We are his children and he wants us so badly to be reunited in his kingdom. But we must take a look at how we are living, help and love one another. I feel like I need to tell everyone how much God loves them. God is such a great and loving God! God is always taking care of me, he is my shepard, I will not stray again. I am looking forward to my baptism, I’m all in.

Hello my friends, my name is Ricky, I’m 20 years old, live in the United Kingdom’s and I’ve been a born again Christian for over 2 years now.

This is my story.

At the age of 1 and 2 years old, me and my older brother were adopted by my Grandparents. The reason we were adopted was because my mother and father were unable to look after us, our mother was suffering from severe depression and mental health issues and would reject us and our father was a heroin addict and a drunk.

I never saw much of my Dad growing up, just some memories I have where he’d stumble into my Grandparents house drunk or high on something and pass out in front of us and my friends, it was no wonder my friends parents didn’t let us play with them after moments like that.

I didn’t have a mother-son relationship with my Mum until I was around the age of 15 but before then I didn’t even know her name.

Growing up for me was hard, emotionally and sometimes physically, even though our Grandparents spoilt us so much, they couldn’t do anything when I use to go to school. I got severe bullied every day for 4 years in primary school(middle school in you’re American) in fact the only happy memories I had of school was when the bell rang at 3pm and I’d be the first one out of the door running into the arms of my Granddad who’d be wearing his big dorky glasses! Man, I’d never forget those glasses..

My Granddad passed in 1999 and it really tore our family apart my Nan had to look after two young children by herself and she was already retired and old (bless her heart) she did a great job but majority of the time she struggled, with two boys in the house, we needed a father figure and we never got one so we controlled the house growing up and I use to force my Nan into buying us expensive things and got her into so much debt.

High school wasn’t different either for me, we couldn’t really afford nice uniforms so we’d get the old ones which were sometimes ripped or smelly and everybody use to laugh at me for it, it wasn’t nice and before I knew it I started getting physically bullied every day, I was the small smelly kid who didn’t fight back so I was an easy target for most people.

When I use to get home from school my Nan could see I was being bullied but I never told her, I didn’t want to upset her but then my frustration from being bullied just exploded on her, I use to shout at her, scare her and even hit her. I was such a lost child – all I wanted was a father to help me with my boy problems but I never got it.

It was the year 2003 when we had a knock at the door, it was the police and they told us that my Dad had killed himself and to be told that at my age literally destroyed me and my innocence. After that night I started getting depressed – I dropped out of high school and started hanging out with the guys on the streets, in fact it was the guys who use to bully me but when I started to do what they did, drink, steal, break things etc they I guess accepted me into the ‘gang’ as it was. I was now 15 when I started hanging around on the streets.

After 3 years of contently on the streets drinking, fighting, stealing, sleeping with women and then some, I thought to myself that I’m not getting anywhere and there must be something in life better than this.

In 2006 I enrolled myself into College, College in the UK is just another version of high school in the USA, it’s free and the same age 16+ I didn’t know how to read and write at the time so I thought going to College would help me, which it did and it was great at times.

In my first year of College, my life had two major moments, the first one was when I met a guy called Dean, he knew who I was from stories and things from the streets and one day at College he randomly invited me to a Football match (Soccer to the Americans reading this) If you don’t know, Football in the UK is the main sport and there is a lot of violence in it, that’s what I got into, the violence not the sport.

After about 6 or 7 months of petty football violence I got really tired of drinking early, wasting my money going around the country to watch my team play and I got really tired of getting beat up by a group of guys! So towards the end of my first year I left that side of football behind and started focusing on College again.

About a month of just getting head dip in College work, I met a girl called Tracey, she ended up being my first real girlfriend, I was so excited and happy! Previous years I’d just be a joke to a girl or a drunken mistake but now at that time a girl was actually interested in me, for me! I was over the moon!

Anyway after all the loveable ‘aww’s’ in the relationship out of nowhere she fell pregnant, it was a shock for us both, we were both young and this was both our first times so we had no idea what to do. I always thought I’d be a good Dad because I was never good at anything else in my life but when a child was around me, I’d look after him or her like a hawk and make sure they were happy and enjoying themselves and I thought I could of done that with my child.

After we told my girlfriends parents they strongly disagreed with it and told Tracey that if she doesn’t get an abortion she will get kicked out of her house, Tracey was so scared she felt she had no choice in the matter and before talking about it she went and got an abortion – which destroyed me and broke my heart so much.

After months and months of fighting me and Tracey were just about to break up, it didn’t happen because she told me she was pregnant and after that even though I didn’t want the relationship with her I felt that I needed to stay because I didn’t want my baby growing up like me without a father so I stayed.

It eventually happened and we broke up, it was such a horrible and heart destroying break-up. I felt like I had no hope and no reason to live. Tracey took my son away from me and spread lies about me which the police then got involved and told me I’m not allowed within a 100feet of her. She just lied so much and I didn’t know what to do.

After a while of drinking and just falling apart I met this girl in my last year of College – she wasn’t like any other girl I met, she was different and we eventually became really good mates.

She could see that I needed healing so she invited me to Church one day, I turned her down a good 6 times or so but after a while I felt I needed to go.

Coming to Church for the first time with somebody like me was totally alien, I didn’t know what to expect or think really, I just thought Christians were all just crazy Bible bashing freaks, ha!

When I arrived at this Church the leaders were so welcoming and loving, I’ve never been welcomed into a place before and I just felt so much love coming from them and after 2 months of going I really wanted to know how I can be happy like them and I really wanted to know who this Jesus guy was they were talking about all the fricking time!!!!

About a month or so later after asking for help they really got along side me and started teaching me about Jesus and the Bible and invited me to places all the time. It was great! I thought I was making so many great friends and I eventually said I would like to become a Christian – but I didn’t do it with all my heart – at first it was just a thing to make new friends, maybe even meet a nice Christian girlfriend and I loved the free gifts.

I was in a sermon once and I learnt I was forgiven for everything I have done and before anybody could even explain it to me properly I thought with an immature mind that I can still drink and sleep around and be forgiven because I still loved doing that, so I did! I carried on sleeping with women every weekend, drinking heavily and getting drunk.

I remember talking to my best friend and telling him what I’ve been doing, told him about Jesus and how we are forgiven for everything we have done so we can still do bad – he took one look at me and said ‘’Ricky, YOU ARE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!!!!!!!’’ I said to him, ‘’what do you mean I’m not doing it right? I’ve forgiven so it’s all good’’ He just left shaking his head and told me to grow up, I got so offended with him! I was like ‘’ How dare he say I’m not doing it right! I’m forgiven, I can do whatever I want!’’

The next few weeks that was still in my head, I was thinking to myself, am I doing it right? What is the right way? And one night the most amazing, most beautiful thing ever happened. I found myself at 1am on the bottom of my bed randomly praying to a God I didn’t fully believe in, I couldn’t control my words, they just came out, I said to the Lord that I want to really know him, I want Him and only Him and I want to find my identity in Him and nothing else. I prayed for a good hour or so and after I was finished the Holy Spirit came rushing into me for the first time in my life and all I remember that night was I cried so much, so much was healed that night, all my problems, all my fears just instantly went, it felt like it wasn’t in my hands no more.

I felt so alive! I just knew Jesus Christ is Lord and HE DIED FOR ME! I was so happy I just felt at peace with everything. I became a Christian that night in November 2009. It was the most amazing moment in my life, even better than the birth of my son.

After that, within these 2 years I found my calling as a street evangelised and my heart is for the broken, the lost, and the poor. If I can describe my calling in a Bible verse it’ll be this exact one

Luke 4: 18-19 which says ”The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor”

I could go on all night about what things Jesus has done for me in these two years but I just want to leave you with this

The night I became a Christian felt like I came home for the first time in years being away from it. My God is a faithful God and He healed my pain. He can heal yours, will you let Him? God bless my friends.

My Journey Into Hell
by
Norman A. Sims

I clearly remember back in 1966 when I was 8 years old, long before I knew anything about the Bible, the Lord’s Plan of Salvation for mankind and how He defeated Satan on the cross over 2,000 years ago I was suddenly taken into hell without warning. I cannot say for certain if I was in or out of the body but I knew without being told I was in hell. Nobody ever told me about the afterlife nor during that time have I ever viewed a deceased person until 2 years later. I did not see the Lord nor did I hear Him speak to me although I knew there was a God and a devil but I did not fully understand nor was I aware of the warfare taking place daily between Christ and Satan. When I was taken into hell I immediately knew that I was in hell without being told and I also knew the people I heard screaming had died and did some bad things before they died and went there. I was suddenly dropped into hell inside a protective cubicle I believe was made of pure gold that was transparent just like it is written in the Bible. After I was dropped into hell while sitting in the center of the cubicle I saw flames miles high unlike on earth. The flames were so intense that the pressure from the heat of those flames caused the cubicle I was in to bulge slightly. As the Bible says it is like being in a furnace. Those flames roar very loud as if being in a furnace but many times louder than a furnace. The screams of the lost souls could be heard from all around and constant. Slightly below the cubicle I was in I saw the dark shadow of a woman in the flames constantly screaming with her face towards the sky in extreme agony.

The cries and screams of the lost souls in torment is awful beyond belief and unforgettable. I cannot describe it in mere words except to say if you could hear those screams it would go through your whole being and terrify you. Those screams alone will stay with you forever in your memory. I did not see any demons nor other parts of hell nor did I see any kinds of torments inflicted on the lost souls. The only thing I clearly saw and heard was the awful flames and the constant screaming of the lost souls in hell. I clearly heard the screams of the lost souls down in the flames but I could not see them except for the woman slightly below the cubicle I was in. As suddenly as I was taken into hell I was suddenly taken out of hell and found myself awake on the cot I was sleeping on. I was shaken up and thought I was being punished for something I did so I asked: “God, what did I do?” But no answer ever came.

It was many years later did I come to realize that the Lord wanted me to know about hell and the reality of it at an early age and neither I nor anyone else had to go there. I also realized why Jesus is oftentimes referred to as The Savior. Many do not realize the significance as to why He died and shed His precious blood on the Cross of Calvary for the remission of our sins and what He is saving us from. It is not written for nothing that all must call on the Lord Jesus Christ and repent now before it’s too late. I can tell you firsthand that hell is very real because I’ve seen some of it and it’s no joke or a laughing matter. Just the screams of the lost souls and the intense flames alone is enough to terrify you like nothing on earth. Although I was a casual visitor in hell within a protective cubicle I was terrified like nothing on earth. The second time I was shown hell was in 2003. While lying across my bed relaxing before I went to work I suddenly saw a panoramic screen come at me and suddenly I was taken up in the vision. I wasn’t in a protective cubicle this time but I was taken through an area of hell very fast.

The area of hell I was taken through was extremely dark and cavernous. Straight ahead I saw flames coming out of a wide pit that reached as high as a 3-story apartment building. I saw several dark figures being thrown into that pit by unseen hands. I was pulled towards that pit as if being pulled by a giant magnet. While being pulled towards that pit I felt myself being squeezed by a person to the right and left of me as if being packed like sardines in a can. I felt myself naked and I also felt powdery dirt on the ground and heard the pleas and cries of thousands of lost souls in the darkness crying: “O, Jesus please save us, O, Jesus please save us!” As I got closer to the pit I began to feel the heat from that pit and the stench of death and afterwords I suddenly came out of the vision as suddenly as I was taken into the vision. Upon leaving for work afterwords I heard a voice inside my head saying: “Now get up and go to work.” I got up and went to work as I normally did and did not relate this story to a few persons until a week later.