Testimony Share

When I was in Africa (after I met Jesus) God showed me something. I and the people I was with happened to be driving through a town one day. People had their tents and wares set up on either side, it was hot and dry and people were milling all about. We had driven about a mile into town, and as we approached the center of it I sensed a change. The first thing I noticed was the hoards of flies buzzing everywhere, the second thing that hit me was the stench. It was horrible. I began to experience the smell of disposal, death and decay and I thought “What in the world?” And right there dead center in the middle of the town was a huge garbage dump. The road led right through it! There was filth every where, goats and dogs and rats were running about the place. Small children were playing in it. But that wasn’t the most shocking thing. To my horror people had actually built their houses out of the garbage and were living right in the middle of it!

I have known great thirst in my life. My parents worked a lot and I pretty much raised my siblings. I never felt loved and met a guy at when I was 15 where my mother worked. He paid me much attention and I misunderstood that as being loved. I became pregnant at 16 and when I told my parents, they told me that if I didn’t have an abortion they would send me away. They sent me to have it done and my boyfriend came with me. It was a horrifying experience for me. It haunted me for a very long time. Afterwards my parents told me that I was never allowed to see my boyfriend again and since I thought he was the only person that loved me, I overdosed on pills and locked myself in my room when no one was home. My boyfriend called my dad and he broke into my room and called the ambulance. I’ll never forget the look of disgust and embarrassment that hung on his face as he stood in our driveway as the ambulance took me away. My mother was a waitress and she didn’t even leave work to come to the hospital. I did not die that day, at least not physically. Counseling was mandatory for my parents and me but after one session they said the counselors didn’t know what they were talking about and we never went again.

I ran away when I was 16 and became a homeless person, later I married to a drug dealer who abused me terribly. I became an addict myself. I was raped and had been molested at a very early age. Many ugly things happened during those 4 years. It felt as though I had lived 9 lives! I knew that I hated myself and believed God couldn’t stand the sight of me either. I saw the world as one big garbage dump. I couldn’t bear the thought that no one really cared about anyone and if the next 20 years was anything like the last 20 had been, I wanted no part of it. I felt like a dirty used up rag that had been thrown away so many times it wasn’t usable anymore. In all of my pain and despair I decided to end my life.

This time I would succeed. At the precise moment I was about to act on my verdict, I was suddenly aware that the tv was on and I heard a man’s voice say, “It doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, God loves you so much that he sent his son Jesus to die for you.” Those words stunned me. I dropped to my knees and begged God to come into my life. And in that moment he drenched my thirsty heart with his love, and poured it into me in a way that was full of powerful compassion! I think it was the first time I had ever experienced real love. I couldn’t stop weeping. I had no idea what I had done, but I knew it was real. I never touched another drug again, never wanted to. That was 26 years ago!

I began attending a church of good works and good intentions. It was a place I was at first welcomed. I had such a passion within me for God but the abuse in my marriage continued and I turned to a man in the church for help. When one of the elders saw us together he called a meeting with the other elders and had me discarded from the church. All of the relationships I had built up to that point became irrelevant. They all “broke fellowship” with me and backed it with scripture. It’s been a long and painful journey and for the past 25 years. Life can be brutal. People can too, myself included. I have 8 children, and 5 grandchildren, a wonderful loving husband who I am so grateful for. And a God who never threw me away! On the contrary, God came into the garbage dump of my life and he knelt down and began to grow a garden of fragrance and beauty. He offered me his living water. That is one of his favorite things to do and he does it like no other when we trust him. I am an imperfect, shining example that no matter what junk you have in your life it isn’t ugly enough or filthy enough to make God pause in his love for you. His love is wild and extravagant!

 I am young man age 29, raised to know right from wrong. I had the love for the Lord placed in my heart from a when I was a little boy but satan and his ways took over my life for a short time. As a teeneger I did and choice some wrong paths. But Glory be to God and am Alive in clothed in my right mind to testify about my test. First came the demon of suicide. It was followed by the Demeon of homosexuality and was all wrapped up by one of satans well know tricks “street drugs”. My mind has always been on full speed, over thinking and being very hard on myself.  I had a good friend come into my lif, and he took his life in his own hands and ended if by suicide. I love him so much I even tried to take the path he took but God blocked it. As a teenager I found myself  walking a thin line between two lives. On of a straight teenager dating teh high school cheerleader and walking around the halls flirting with girls and cutting class to hang out on teh back side of the building smokeing weed and drinking beer. Then there was a side of my life where I found myself in parks giving and recieving oral sex for men. This was a very hard time in my life. I would go to bars and clubs at the age of 16 the knowing that this was a test in my life, I thought I was living having fun. I then went to college in PA to start my formal training to become a chef. Now this is when things got a lil tricky. I was on my own in my first ever apartment at the age 17 in a whole new city all alone. I dove head first into the homosexual life choices. I can remember getting on teh bus to ride to class and lil kids what say “mommy look at her she has a cooks unifirm on”. I then felt so weird, like something was wrong but just didnt know what yet. Shortly into my stay God sent me a Angel. At the time I didnt know why God sent this person into my life. He was dressed as a woman, had a hat on with weave falling from the sides ands back, some to tight cut of jean shorts on and a t-shirt holding on to a big purse. This persons name was Jessy or Jessica then. He sat next to me on that bus ride home which was short LOL. I was the first stop. Later in life this person became my best friend, moved in off the street into my apartment and into my life forever.

The drugs came in at a early age alos. smoking weed with my brothers and local friends in the hood ( witch was the subburbs). I then started to hang with as we would call the wrong crowd. I found myself baging up crack cocaine and counting hundreds cash in the basement of a friends house. We would smoke weed all day and run crack to the street . I had started drinking heavy to numb my emtions and d things I knew where wrong.  I lost some friends to being murder falling sick from aids and suicide and just lost in the world of sin. As I look back I can honestly say

“I made it by the Grace and Mercy of God.”

 I sit here behind my lap top a changed man. As my life pours out on this page I pray it is a blessing to you and others. I have been Saved and Forgiven By God. I have given my whole life back to Him to use me in any way He wills. I am clean now from drugs for 1 year 3 months to date. I have canceled out the thoughts dreams and acts of living out homosexual choices. I have been delivered from sexual sin for 2 weeks to date. This life is a test and my reward is in Heaven with my king Jesus whom I call bestfriend, protecter, counseler, Father  Daddy and my personal Jesus! I am lead by the Holy Spirit to Help some one out there in need to hear from and pray with a God Sent Miracle.  Maybe this person is in addiction or coming out. Maybe  this person is a family memeber of a homosexual. May this person just needs to hear from a man with the Joy of teh Lord in his heart. Who ever you may be I am here with open arms and an open heart. You can find me on yahoo changedman1978. This is me you guys, I made it and I am so happy I am able to share my life with you. I will not lead you to a bad place. I am here to help for the Good of teh Kingdom Of God. So in Jesus name be healed from crack and street drugs. Turn from your wicked ways of homosexuality. Be filled with the Joy and Peace of the Holy Spirit!

Recently a young man in our church youth group committed suicide, despite the best efforts of the youth group leaders and the teenagers who loved him. He gave up on life when his home life became unbearable; his father having already committed suicide and his mother a drug addict. In hopes that this post will be seen by someone who is considering this solution to their overwhelming difficulties, I am going to share with you what I never shared with this young man.

About 14 years ago, I was caught up in sin. The nature of the sin isn’t really relevant to the discussion. I was breaking one of the Ten Commandments, and as a born-again Christian, I was swimming in guilt, and fear of being found out. I found I could not escape my sin nor my guilt, and suicide seemed like the only answer. I considered several methods, and one night I decided upon which method I would use.

The next day at work, I was sitting in my cubicle, and felt compelled to pull out the small Bible that I kept in a desk drawer. I opened it, and it fell open to 1 Corinthians, chapter 6. Immediately my eyes fell upon verses 19 and 20:

‘Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body’.

There was not the slightest doubt in my mind that this was God speaking to me about my plan. And it was the last time I have ever considered suicide as the way out of my problems, and it was the point at which I broke free of the sin that had me in its grip.

Addiction is what has separated me from my savior. The love I have for Jesus is what set me free. It took the Love I have for my baby girls, and the guidance from a friend at work, to move me beyond my addiction, and back to Jesus. My friend gave me a link to a website, Oneplace.com. where I was introduced to some excellent pastors on the web, I started listening to them 8 hours a day. The pastors, in addition to Pastor Stan, were Glorious lights from God to my soul, and I pray that God will continue to bless their ministries. The power of the sermons gave me the strength to stay in the light and walk with God. My heart was softening from the love I felt from God. I felt like a big weight had been lifted off of me. I became much more emotional, crying out of joy and thankfulness.

One day I was staring at my oldest daughter, Harlie. I was thinking just how blessed I am to have her as a daughter. My thoughts drifted, and I pictured my baby girl on the cross. Just like God had placed his little boy on thecross. I felt an outpouring of love from God. At that moment I felt an electric shock , and something popped inside my chest. I felt the Holy Spirit surround me, it was the most love I have ever felt in my entire life. My life was transformed in an instant, the chains that had been around my heart were cut. I realized just how much God loves me, and the price he paid for us to enter the kingdom of heaven. God gave his only son to die on a Cross, for our sins.

Now that I’m a father of 2 baby girls, I realize what and incredible price God paid for our salvation. I now feel God’s continuous presence in my life and an indescribable peace. I also understand why they call the bible a living, breathing, word of God. There is supernatural power in the scriptures of the bible. The past 10 months I have spent walking with the Lord, has been the greatest investment I could have ever made in my life. I picture myself as a little lamb next to my shepherd, with my eyes always focused on him. I will never leave my shepherd’s side. I now look at the cross and understand what Jesus did for all of us. I give God all of the glory.

i grew up in my church my whole life. my dad is an assitant pastor in my church. everyone loves him. everyone expects me to be a good guy. i pretty much have been a good guy throughout my childhood. growing up in a christian household, was so different from everything outside of the world. my parents never really taught me anything about stuff like music, all they would listen to is christian music, i did not kno anything about any music. . . and bc of that i was made fun of by other ppl. i’ve been pushed around mostly my whole life even in church. . . by the time high school rolled around, i started becoming more and more rebellious. i would start by cutting a class and that would increase to more classes every day. i even started hanging out w. the wrong crowd, who all they did was cut and smoke weed and juss be lazy. i never smoked at all. thank god. but me and a friend starting doing graffiti, and eventually we were caught by the cops and taken to jail. it was my 1st time so i was let go the next day w. five days of community service. but then i realized that people i used to talk at school didn’t want to talk to me no more bc i cut so much. and by the end of senior year, i only had a few friends and that’s about it. now for my main problem, i was a porn addict. it all started at middle school, ppl would juss show me pics and eventually i started lookin on my on. from that, it led to clips,and then films. eventually i started masterbating which was like 3 yrs ago. it was a daily routine for me. i even did it more than once in a single day. near the end of 07, i got into a relationship w. a girl. which was good bc i stopped w. the porn, but i was pretty lustful. the 1st time me and her were together, i had the urge to have sex w. her. but then, i stopped bc it was too quick and she would get mad at me. . . i was pretty happy w. her, i didn’t need porn at all, maybe like once i looked at it. . . eventually, we broke up. . . which really saddened me. . . and i went back to porn, by feb, something happened to me. . . i had a fight(not physical) w. her which had me furious with anger and resentment. that rage eventually turned into bitter loneliness, and even w. the porn, that didn’t help at all. . . i started feelin isolated from the world, and there were times were i even threw up bc i was so depressed. i couldn’t even focus on school bc it was so stressful and when i came home, i broke down into tears. i even started thinkin about committing suicide. . . and so i prayed and for the 1st time, after all those yrs growin up in church, i accepted christ. it’s been a month since i stopped w. the porn, but i still get images in my head. there are times where when i sleep, i start dreamin about it. . . and the are times where i have the urge to go back to the net to continue where i left off. . . but i never went back to that. anyways i’m 19,  but i do not feel 19, i barely know anything in the world, 1) bc i never paid attention, 2) i’m a pastors son.  i’m like the worst talker ever bc i have nothing to talk about.  i’m not really funny. and i’m quiet most of the time. which makes me feel even more lonely. & other than that, i don’t feel like i’m independent. i’m always takin orders from somebody else. i’m the type of guy who gets pushed around. the reason i don’t do anything back is bc i don’t wanna make it worse. but like i said, i’m like the worst talker ever. and the only real people i have in my life is my parents, a few of my cousins, and like a few friends. idk what to do from here, i know i trust christ now, i get sad but then i get better, but still, what should i do now?

I had a normal childhood up until a point. I went to grade school, came home and horsed around, and got into mischeif like most boys do when they are young.

When I was young, I remember throwing finger jello up on the ceiling. What surprised me was that it stuck.

In 1987, when I was 8yrs old, I could hardly wait for school to get out for the summer. When it did, I had fun like most kids do, that is until I started getting sick. For 2 weeks I had what my mom thought was the flu. The last and final symptom started the beginning of a change, not only in my life, but my family, friends, and my surrounding community.

 The final symptom was double vision.

I was taken to the community hospital in the city next to where I lived. An MRI was done and a brain tumor was revealed. I was then flown to a bigger hospital. During the flight I went into a seizure. Things were bad. I found out much later that I almost died during the helicopter ride. Once at the hospital I was rushed into emmediate surgery where a shunt was surgically placed against my skull to relese the fluid on my brain. 2 days late the tumor was removed.

I was then in remission for about 1 year. Then another tumor showed up in the same place.

This was when my parents  decided to take me Rochester, Minnesota for treatment. The Mayo Clinic and the biggest hospital in the world resides there, plus the hospital has a whole floor for kids with cancer.

I went through 1 year of alternating 2 week sessions of chemo therapy & radiation.

While on the cancer ward I made many friends my own age. What shattered me, was when one of them would die. This is when I would think that I would die too. Due to all of this I was tortured emotionally and this caused heartache and deep emotional scars.

This was so much to handle as a young child. I was only 9 years old at the time.

The chemotherapy that I was given was an extra strong dose. This was in order to kill the cancerous cells. This did not only take a toll on me physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

The chemo made me gain a lot of weight. Before the chemo I was skinny, and afterward I resembled the philsbury doughboy.

After the year of torture I went home and back to school. After all I had been through, you’d think I could catch a break. Once back to school I was relentlessly bullied about my weight. My self esteem was pounded on. There was a period where I cried begging my mom to let me stay home from school.

My last brain tumor was removed in 1997 towards the end of my senior year in high school. My last surgery changed my life for many reasons. The most important reason is because afterward, God revealed Himself to me.

After my last surgery I had a fealing like pins and needles were being stuck in and out of my feet. I had this fealing for 4 days and 5 nights. I got no sleep due to the pain.

During this time, 4 or 5 doctor’s examined me and they couldn’t figure out why this was going on. One of the doctors stated, “This goes down in the record book because we have never seen anything like this before”. Remember, this was the biggest hospital in the world.

On the fifth night of excruciating pain, I yelled out, “God take the pain away !”

Next thing I know, I was waking up. I was scared because I didn’t feal any pain in my feet. I swung my legs across the edge of my bed and put my feet about an inch or 2 above the floor. I was scared to put my feet down because I was afraid that the pain would come back. Thank God, it didn’t. I stood up and walked around because the pain was gone.

This was the 1st time God had touched my life, but I didn’t realize this until after I was saved. I was reading my Bible and God revealed to me Luke 5:17-26 Jesus Heals A Paralized Man. This passage is very similar to what happened to me.

I have learned that everything, good or bad, happens for a reason. Like up above, God performed a miracle in my life and now I use it to preach to people about what God is capable of doing for them.

Just because a miracle happened didn’t mean that everything was going to be perfect in my life.

After my last surgery, manaic depression took over my life. This caused me to go  in and out of phsych. wards for 3 years.

Thing got so bad that I attemptedd suicide. I ended up spending my 21st birthday in a phsych ward.

I am not crazy. I just had severe problems due to the after effects of everything.

When I was 22 or 23, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and I was reborn. If you don’t know what being ‘reborn’ means, go to the book of John in the bible and this should help you.

At the present time I am on disability and unable to wotk, but God is using this to have me work for Him as an evangelist. For those who don’t know what an evangelist is, it is a person who tells others about Christ. I minister to churches, schools, and to individuals when the holy spirit moves me to. Presently God is using my gifts through the internet, as well as in other ways.

This dream took place in my room. In this dream I was awakened from my sleep and in bed. I did not have any strength at first. I felt paralyzed. It sounded like my room was filled with many things crawling and scraping on the wall. I could see my room completely but still could not move.

I realized these things were trying to harm me but I could not see them. I tried to speak and move but I could not. I knew to say “Jesus” when you are in trouble with anything out of your hands. At first I could not even speak but I keep trying. Finally I got the strength to whisper “Jesus.”

When I said “Jesus” I began to get more strength and I could move my arm. I moved my arm up in the air and pointed to my heart and said “ Jesus is my best friend.”

When I said “ Jesus is my best friend” the scraping on the wall went away and I got all my strength back. It was very cool.

Those demons and satan are all show. They are really cowards and will run in fear of Jesus. Just by saying his name they fled and they fled in a hurry. When I woke up my room looked exactly like it did in my dream. I was even in the same position.

If you are in any situation call on the name of “ Jesus” because there is power in that name. Nothing can stand in the way of Jesus. Jesus is pure strength. Jesus will save you out of harms way. Jesus will never let you down. It is incredible. Evil will try to scare you, but they don’t have the strength of Jesus and cannot even put up a fight. Remember to say “ Jesus” when you are scared it works every time.

hi!

my name is Marcus and this is the first time i have to share my testimony through internet to those whom may be hurt. this is only some of the things that i have experienced during my walk with the lord. i am a slow typer but i will try all my best to write all in detail on how the lord changed my life. i was inspired by god to write this testimony and give it to the students in Suva, Fiji. tonight i have just got my email address and this testimony was in my computer at home. there are many other wonderful things god has done in my life that i wish to share. so i just cut and pasted it. any way i have many other things to share about and hopefully in time i will manage to share the rest of it to you my brothers and sisters in Christ. as a young person it is a great opportunity’s to know that god exist. praise god and my hope is with this little that i have may god bless you.

LORD I AM JUST A 17 YEAR OLD BOY

SUNDAY May 28, 2007

During this day we set out to do our work around the compound. There were cabbages to plant. So we set out to accomplish this task. In that day our Talatala and Radini with and a few of our members went to a mission.

So there were a few of us left in the prayer group. The mothers say about three and two other brothers of mine. At 7 o’clock we sat done and worshiped God of Israel then towards the night I sat down with my brother and we were sharing the word of God. (Isaiah 53) The suffering servants

Verse 1

The people reply, “Who would have believed what we report?

“Who could see the lord’s hand in this?

Verse 2

It was the will of the lord that his servant should grow like a plant taking root in dry ground.

He had no dignity or beauty to make us take notice of him.

There where nothing about attractive about him,

Nothing that would draw us to him

Verse 3

We despised him and rejected him; he endured suffering and pain. No one would even look at him-we ignored him as if he were nothing.

Verse 5

But because of our sins he was wounded, beaten because of the evil we did. We were healed by the blows he received.

Verse 6

All of us were like sheep that was lost, each of us going his own way. But the lord made the punishment fall on him, the punishment all of us deserved.

During our sharing we heard some one knocking at the window and felt that something different was present in the room then we sat down and prayed.

During our prayer the lord spoke to my brother and I saying “where is my children’ where is my children, be watchful and pray because the devil wants to get you, tell the others to be watchful and pray.”(He spoke in Fijian)

We sat and we prayed to the lord for help, and just thanking him. The place was filled with the Holy Ghost power. The things that had been unseen had been made known. The bad spirits that were around were known. It was like a battle field, good against bad, A spiritual war fare.

Than we went out side to the streets prayer walking giving to the lord the places we walked upon. The lord was with us during our walk. There were five of us in this war fare.

After we finished walking, we sat down and prayed in the room giving that special moment to the lord God of Israel. The lord spoke to us saying that he was victorious. During the prayer the lord gave me a vision. In my vision I saw my self standing out side looking into the house. Inside the house I saw a brilliant light that was shining, and I wondered what it was. It wasn’t the first time I have seen such amazing things. I have seen other things that God shows me but for the light shining it was indeed a wonderful experience a thing that you never see often. It is these amazing things that God show, because he wants his creation to know him, all his saying is that I exist, I am your God, who wants you to live.

I was curious to see what was in the room. Present in the room, where we sat was a man with long hair, Standing in our midst. his hair color was maybe light red. I did not see his face, but for surely the room was filled with a bright light. The whole house was filled with this light. It was indeed the glory of Jesus.

Than I saw a woman with long hair; her face was as if light shined out of it. The lady was so fare and beautiful. It was no doubt the lord Jesus, The coming king, the man that was standing there. Jesus came to save us. Now for the woman, there is a meaning to it, the woman represents something, a message for me.

(Mathew 18:20 – for where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there with them)
Jesus saved us from the forces of evil and so he can also save you and me from the lake of fire that is meant for the devil and his angles. When there is still time to repent so we must do so. Turn to God asking for forgiveness. For he is righteous and just to forgive all sin.

To you shoeshine boys, young people if your burdens are so heavy, your feet are weary to walk, people despise you, say evil things about you, gossip about you, those from broken families mom or dad have died. Or you, who have no hope, let me tell you something true. Jesus still loves you so much that he died for our sake. The lords will is that he what’s to use young people to stand for him. For I believe that the lord is going to use Fiji in a mighty way according to his will.

So dear friends the kingdom of heaven is near. So if you have not accepted him it is about time you do, the choice is yours. It is not Gods will that man should parish but for men to have eternal life. It is not his will that man should suffer in the flames of hell but to have heaven as his home.

(Isaiah 53: 7-8 “he was treated harshly, but endured it humbly; he never said a word. Like a lamb about to be slaughtered, like a sheep about to be shown, he never said a word.

He was arrested and sentenced and led off to die, and no one cared about his fate. He was put to death for the sins of our people.

SUNDAY 3 June 2007 (10.38)

I sat down to pray, a small voice spoke to me and said “why have you forsaken me, it was the second time in the day that this small voice spoke.

Not long as I sat to pray, I started to pray in an unusual language, than my prayer changed to English, than Fijian, than back to the strange tongue. Then a gentile voice spoke, I tried not to let doubt come into my mind. The voice indeed was the Holy Spirit speaking through me, for the house of the lord is within us. And he was preparing me for an encounter with the lord Jesus. The helper, the consoler was what he said he was. He said to listen well. He also said that I am going to experience something.

Soon after that I started to feel as if there was heat to my body. I sweat ed for a while, and then a humble and gentile voice spoke to me. It was indeed Jesus the son of God.

Jesus said “why have you have forsaken me”. I answered

“Lord please forgive me, it is hard”

Meaning that what I was going through was hard. Jesus replied “Marcus, mark of god it will only last for a short time, fear not for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. Pray to me, always pray, See what the devil is trying to do, the unspeakable things” Than in a vision I saw the bad things that the demons where doing, and I believe it is what the devil is doing to the young people and causing people to do such things, the things we know it is bad, sex before marriage, rape, murderer, and many other things. Jesus wants to help, because he is hurt to see what his people are doing, the filthiness that’s within us. He still loves us. No matter what we have done, he wants to touch the hearts of the young and not only the young people, everyone rich or poor. Not only the Christians also the non Christians just like he touched mine.

Than soon after the lord Jesus said “follow me” I followed Jesus and what I saw in front of me was a crocked path than we stopped at the end of the path and Jesus asked me “what do you see?” I answered “I see a ditch” And Jesus said “at the end of the ditch is a lake of fire and whoever walks in the crocked path will fall into the ditch.” Then he said “you are my witness to the nation, all the things that I show you must be shared, Because of you, people will live. I answered lord I am just a 17 year old boy. Then Jesus replied “What is in me is in you”.

Then Jesus again said “follow me” I followed him.

In front of me I saw two paths. It was in the form of “Y” the first path leaded to the right and the other was up a slight hill. Then Jesus asked me “which is the way”. My heart started to stir up, then I answered “lord you are the way the truth and the life no one goes to the father except by you” Then he said “you believe my son, those who believe in the son believes in the father who sent him” then he said “sit and pray and more things will be revealed to you” then I started to speak in the unusual language. In my heart I felt peace within me, so soothing that I didn’t want to lose it no matter what. When everything seamed so wrong it was the peace that the lord gives me, deep in my heart that brings so much relieve .It seem to say to me that every thing is alright because everything to God whether it may be hard, very hard, To god it is a simple problem, all he does is just say something and your heart leap for joy. His words is just like taking a drink in a hot day or when you are thirsty and water is just handed to you, I cant really explain how God does it but what I can say is that there is a God, his name is Jesus, the beginning and the end, the coming king

Monday 4 June, 2007

At the end of day, during the last period of class I had a lot of things in my head I was worried about this, about that, about everything, I felt really uncomfortable. Before that Ana one of my class mate, my friend, shared to me about Fiji being Israel’s little brother and the lost tribe of Israel.

During the end of the last period I prayed asking God for forgiveness and just giving everything in my heart and in my mind to him, I felt this peace again in my heart. A voice spoke to me saying “My child, do not worry about anything, worry about God”. (The voice spoke in Fijian saying “na luvequ ka kua ni lega taka e dua na ka, leqa taka ga na kalou”) I believe the Fijian language is one of the Israel languages.

Dear readers no matter what language you have, what race, we can never run away from Gods love. No matter where we hide, what we do, his loving arms is always stretching out to reach you, every single day, minute, second, all it takes is just a honest prayer from once heart, no matter how big your wrongs are, whether you murdered some one, or hated some one, or what is the biggest wrong you can think of? The lord still loves you.

But there will come a time when the lord will close his door of love and for surely we know what then will happen. The worst things will happen. I also believe that the lord will want to use Fiji in a mighty way according to his will. A brand new way, a way at which people will hear and read and are amazed at the news. God is indeed an amazing god; his works are more than the Seven Wonders of the World. You just sit and just be amazed. All we can possibly do is just say thank you lord thank you, and after we say thank you, we say more thank you and it never ends there.

There is another important message and that message is that Saturday is the day of worship (the Sabbath) which was revealed to me and my fellow youth group, talatala and Radini. It was through prayer, and because of prayer that God showed us these things and for it is my duty to share these things because God will ask me whether I have shared it and at that time I will want to say to this amazing God, the only God, Yes my lord, my king I have shared what you have shown me, and because of you lord, I had something to share. I believe that through prayer; more things will be made known. Ask the almighty God to reveal this day to you; I am sure with no doubt, that the lord will reveal it to you, just like he revealed it to use. (Mathew 28:1- after the Sabbath as Sunday morning was dawning; Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.) (Matthew 5:17 “do not think I have not come to do away with the Law of Moses and the teachings of the prophets. I have not come to do away with them but to make their teachings come true. Remember that as long as heaven and earth last, not the least, nor the smallest detail of the law will be done away with- not until the end of all things.) (Exodus 20: (Exodus 31: 12) (Deuteronomy 28)

I Thank God for his inspirations and without him there would have been no testimony and all these things would have not been known. May his name, only his name be lifted up and glorified.

Name: Marcus

Form: 701

School: Dudley high school

In this dream I was in a dark place. This place was like an old, ancient, abandoned church. The light was very dim, but very dark. I was with other people and we were all sitting staring in front of us at this wall. The whole placed had nothing in it and was barren. The wall reminded me of being inside a cave. On the wall were these carved pictures. I began to look for pictures of Jesus and the carved images began to get smaller as I looked at them. Then this light started to flicker out of nowhere. It kind of startled me and caught me off guard. The light was bright white and inside the light was a man. This man had brown hair and he had a golden glow. He was the coolest person I’ve ever seen. The golden glow even came out of his hair.

He was turned to the side and it seemed he was doing something but I did not know what he was doing. I was scared to talk to him because I felt enormous strength come from the light and I could feel that he knew everything that there was to know. Then the light dimmed and he went away. I turned to the woman sitting next me and said

“He was really cool”

and she said

“Yeah that was cool.”

As we were both amazed at what happened all of a sudden the woman I was talking to started to make these weird freaky faces. I thought she was having muscle spasms or a stroke. She started going around the room. I tried to help her and then I woke up. After I woke up I realized the man was Jesus. Jesus was not afraid of the darkness at all and it almost seemed that he was waiting for someone to try and talk to him. I read another dream similar to mine and the person that talked to Jesus got to see heaven. The light from Jesus snapped me out of the dull boring darkness and made me feel alive and excited it was amazing!

I am currently writing a book called, “FOLLOW ME! I’M LOOKING FOR HEAVEN! MAYBE WE WILL FIND IT TOGETHER!!!”. One of the chapters is called, “ADDICTIONS???=GET ADDICTED TO JESUS!!!” If you are interested in a copy of the still-in-progress book, please contact me at: 905-228-9973 or kenmathewson@cogego.ca. Below is my testimony on addictions:

MY TESTIMONY

KENNETH JAY MATHEWSON

Proverbs 23:21
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.

I am now 56 years young, and I found a Personal (Born-Again), Relationship with GOD in my early 20’s. I smoked my first cigarette at the ripe age of 7, (thought I was going to cough up a lung), and became addicted at age 16; experienced my first intoxication at 14, (thought my stomach was coming up); smoked my first joint and cocaine at 35, after separating from my wife of 13 years. I thank the LORD for not allowing me to become addicted to the marijuana or cocaine. My liquor addiction apparently was enough for the enemy to take control my life.

In 1980, I was fortunate, (or unfortunate), to win a lottery for $100,000. My 8-year marriage at that time was on very solid ground. A hundred thousand dollars in 1980 was a large sum of money to a thirty year old. On the way to pick up our newfound, so-called fortune, I said to my wife, “we can’t let this money change our lives.” Well, she didn’t allow the money to change her life. I, on the other hand didn’t heed my own advice. Please read the following verses: (1 Timothy 6:10 and Matthew 6:24)

1 Timothy 6:10
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
1 Timothy 6:9-11 (in Context) 1 Timothy 6 (Whole Chapter)
Matthew 6:24
24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Matthew 6:23-25 (in Context) Matthew 6 (Whole Chapter)

Please believe me, I have never hated nor despised GOD; however, I did err from the faith, and I was pierced through with many sorrows. The power of the mammon, (money), didn’t start controlling me, until a couple of years after the winfall.

In 1982, I quit my job and started up my own business. I opened up the first computer, video and satellite television store, in my small hometown of Fort Erie. To make a long story short, the business started reaping rewards within the first year of operation. However, I didn’t realize that the enemy was reaping my soul, at the same time. As I mentioned earlier, satan’s addictions are progressive. The money did become my first addiction, and that was the beginning of my spiralling downfall.

The next addiction that I encountered was the bottle. I found myself at the local watering hole, quenching my thirst with some of the enemy’s finest brews. Zombies and Long Island Ice Teas became my drug of choice. This started to become a very expensive habit, not to mention, the brain cells that I was frying. It also didn’t help my solid marriage. My wife put up with my late nights and my drunken stupors every night of the week. I’m not saying that she accepted my outrageous behaviour, but she did put up with the new me.

Prior to my drunken stupors, I had never considered cheating on my wife. Once Satan sinks his teeth into your soul, he takes over your mind as well. Any mind-altering substance will lower your inhibitions, as it did to me. He enjoys the taste of pickled souls, because they are much easier to devour. You cannot walk with JESUS on one arm, and Satan on the other arm. JESUS is a very jealous GOD! Satan doesn’t mind if you are walking with JESUS, he will attempt to steal you away from your walk with HIM. JESUS will still walk with you wherever your journey takes you, although HIS voice becomes silent, if you follow your will, and not HIS. The enemy will tug even harder on your arm, the closer you walk according to GOD’s Will.

Habakkuk 2:15
Woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drink, that puttest thy bottle to him, and makest him drunken also, that thou mayest look on their nakedness!

Habakkuk 2:14-16 (in Context)
Well, the next tug on my left arm, lead me from the local watering hole, to the local strip bar. He didn’t warn me that the cost of drinking would skyrocket; however, he did mention that the scenery would improve, and he had lots of friends that he would introduce me to. As I looked around the dark bar, all I saw was lost souls. It didn’t take me long to become one of those lost souls myself. This is when my next addiction began. ADULTRY!!! To this day, I cannot believe that I strayed that far from my walk with the LORD. This addiction was a costly one. It cost my marriage, my business and almost my soul. Now I could tell you that the devil made me do it. In actual fact, he is only the tempter. I was the one who gave into his enticing temptations.

1 Thessalonians 3:5
For this cause, when I could no longer forbear, I sent to know your faith, lest by some means the tempter have tempted you, and our labour be in vain.

It was nothing for me to spend upwards of $1000.00 a week, in my new home away from home. As my business and marriage was going down; my bar tab was going up. The further I erred from my faith; the more sorrows were piercing my soul. My successful business could not support my expensive addictions for more than three years; and my solid marriage, fell apart after 13 years of wedding bliss. You know the wedding vow that you take on your wedding day that goes something like this: “What ever GOD joins together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:5-7
Well, satan is not a man; however, he was able to break the bands of my marriage.

Revelation 12:8-10.
9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

In Heaven, GOD does not wear a watch, nor have an earthly clock hanging on the golden walls by HIS Throne. Although, HE has 2 time zones in Heaven: HIS TIME, and our time. Please read the following verse from HIS Word: 2 Peter 3:8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 2 Peter 3:7-9 (in Context). I will explain how, HIS TIME worked in my life, as I was walking in the darkness of my will.

One night, after visiting four dens of iniquity, (strip bars), I found my journey had taken me about 45 minutes away from home. I had consumed about 20 zombies and smoked a couple of joints. After closing time, I found myself upstairs in the bed of one of the dancers I had been seeing. As I stumbled out of the door of the bar around 2:00AM, I could not believe the snow that had fallen and still falling. It was the worst storm of the season. There was about a foot of snow on my van and the roads had not been plowed yet. I was barely able to hold my head up, much less drive home in these conditions. After wiping the snow off the vehicle, I got behind the wheel and found myself praying to GOD, “JESUS, if YOU will direct me home safely tonight, I will never follow this lifestyle again.” Well, HE held up HIS end of the deal. The journey home that night took about 2 hours, which I do not recall one minute of the ride. I just remember walking in the door and my wife waiting up to tell me, that she could not put up with another night of my drinking or late nights any longer. By this time, I was stone sober and I was bouncing off the ceiling because I realized, it was not me that drove home that night.

Jesus Take The Wheel

She was so happy to hear of my vow to GOD that night; and once again, HE and she had forgiven me for my wayward travels. It only took 3 or 4 months to break my vow to HIM and fall back into my sinful ways. I didn’t think that I could fall any lower than my previous state of transgressions against the LORD, or my wife, but there was still room for me to fall lower. At least GOD answered my prayer on HIS TIME that night. Please read the following verses, and you will see that you cannot walk contrary to GOD’s Word and think that there will not be any consequences to pay:

Leviticus 26:21
And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins.

Leviticus 26:24
Then will I also walk contrary unto you, and will punish you yet seven times for your sins.

Leviticus 26:28
Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.

This part of my story is still hard for me to tell, and understand, as to how I could have sunk so low. My drinking and womanizing took a turn for the worse. Within two years of my vow to GOD; I had left my wife; lost my business; lost my licence for a year on a drunk driving conviction; filed for bankruptcy; and attempted suicide twice; however, I had not lost my addiction to the bottle. I found that the drinking helped me bury my sorrows that night, but they still surfaced the next morning, with no solution to carry my burdens any further here on earth. So the devil had a solution for me. Why not take the easy way out, and your burdens will be removed forever? Well, a couple of times of over-drinking, I thought maybe satan’s solution may be the only way out. Drinking from the enemy’s cup can certainly distort your thought process! Twice, I attempted to overdose on pills, only to wake up the next morning on the floor, with those same pills as a pillow for my head. Both attempts, as the tears were rolling down my face, I prayed to GOD that HE would forgive me for what I was about to do. As I was praying, I was doing a death stare in the mirror, as I was empting the bottle in my mouth, thinking this would be last night and my suffering would be over soon. To this day, I believe that JESUS placed HIS finger down my throat, to avoid my untimely departure. It just wasn’t my time yet, nor HIS TIME to send me to the grave. THANK YOU JESUS!!! I WILL NEVER ATTEMPT TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE AGAIN!

In 1987, I returned back to my old job as a customs broker, that I had left 5 years earlier. My reputation had preceded me, and everyone in town seemed to know my life history; except for the suicide attempts. My drinking habit continued, and one of my fellow workers gave me the nickname, BIOM, (Bad Influence On Me). This handle was certainly well deserved and fitting, as I was starting to lead others down the wrong path. My walk was certainly not GOD’s path, and here I was leading others away from HIS path too.

Habakkuk 2:15
Woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drink, that puttest thy bottle to him, and makest him drunken also, that thou mayest look on their nakedness!
Habakkuk 2:14-16 (in Context)

After a year at the Fort Erie office, I requested a transfer to a Toronto office. I thought that I could hide from my past, and just lose myself in a population of 2 ½ million people, where no one would know my business, nor care. That plan might have worked, if the bottle, (satan), hadn’t followed me to Toronto. My transfer took me to the Toronto Airport office, and within a year, another transfer to the head office. Unfortunately, my identity could not be hid, because of my lottery winfall. Seemed like everyone at head office knew of me, and my past reputation, that I thought I had left behind me in Fort Erie. About a year later, I left the firm for a second time and pursued a career on my own, as a customs consultant in Toronto.

Well, the money was rolling in again, so I could satisfy my drinking and strip bar addiction again. I was such a good client at one of the strip bars, that they would drive me home at closing time in my car and have someone else follow, just to make sure I reached my destination safely. They wanted to be sure that I would be able to frequent their bar the next night.

I used to come home every night after drinking, and prayed that GOD would deliver me from my addictions. HE always guided me home safely; however, HIS voice had become silent to my soul. I started believing that JESUS had left my side, since I broke my vow with HIM a few years prior. HE delivered me back then; why had HE left me to drown in the bottle now? My daily drinking and daily praying went on for more that 10 years, with no salvation in sight. Why wouldn’t HE answer my cries for help now? I needed HIM in my life more than ever!

Psalm 13:1
How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
Psalm 13:1-3 (in Context)

As I mentioned earlier, GOD does not wear a watch; however, He knew that it was now time, for HIM to rescue me from my torments and sorrows. I was drowning and going down for the last time. By the GRACE OF GOD, HE reached HIS hand down to rescue me just in time. I had reached the bottom of the bottle, and had lost sight of HIM. On August 18th, 1996, HE broke HIS silence and answered my prayers. There was nothing lonelier, than walking this journey here on earth, without HIS hand or voice to guide me. I am finally free of bondage and have HIS Light to shine on my path again. I will never snuff that Light out; nor walk in darkness anymore! PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU LORD JESUS!!!

2 Samuel 22:29
For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness.

Since that day, I read HIS WORD, (BIBLE) daily; and get on my knees to thank HIM for erasing my addictions/sins. HE can do the same for you, if you just call on HIM and trust HIM. HE is never too busy to listen! You could strike up a conversation/prayer, something like this:

JESUS, I know that I am a sinner and I have sinned against YOU; I ask that YOU will come into my life/heart, and take over the wheel; I submit my life to YOU and ask for YOUR forgiveness of my sins/addictions. Please direct me on the path that YOU would have me to follow!!!

When you pray, pray from your heart and not just from your lips. Don’t just pray when you’re in a valley, (when you are hurting or in need). Pray also when you’re on the top of the mountain, (when everything is going well in your life). Thank HIM always for HIS many wonderful blessings. When you have asked JESUS to take over the direction of your life; don’t allow HIM to walk in your shadow; follow HIM, and let JESUS lead you by the hand, and walk in HIS shadow. HE is the Light of the world and casts a big shadow; Never lose sight of HIS shadow; Carry HIS Cross; Read HIS WORD daily!

John 8:12
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

Matthew 16:24
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Overcoming Drugs - Williams Story
Testimony of Former Drugs Dealer - Guy Iannello

AMEN, THANK YOU JESUS!!!