Testimony Share

I am mother who fed, nurtured and raised her baby for 4 months, and then, I gave him up for adoption.  (This was Colton, taken before the adoption took place). 

 What would drive a mother to such insanity? How could any mother just give up her child after taking care of him???

How did this all start? To help you understand this story better, I need to start from the beginning.

Like many others in the US, I grew up in a dysfunctional home. My parents divorced when I was five. My mother then remarried to an abusive alcoholic. My mother was very unaffectionate and unattached to her three children. Due to living with an alcoholic, our lives were a constant, chaotic disaster. We moved from school to school as many as three times per year. There was also a time when the court system gave my mother an ultimatum—Herb or her kids—and she chose him. So I already felt very neglected by her. I never learned how to form friendships, not even with the first female I had ever known, my own mother. That combination of emotional disasters and scars sets the stage for a volatile explosion. It wasn’t until I was twelve that my mother finally divorced Herb. But by then, I was a pretty messed up kid myself. I started hanging out with other kids my age who were in just as bad shape (if not worse) than I was. I wanted to be accepted into their group, so I shadowed whatever they did. My friends taught me how to roll a joint of marijuana and sniff cocaine. They even introduced me to Budweiser’s and cigarettes. Truthfully, I didn’t care for the smell or taste of any of those things (I even had to practice inhaling a cigarette in my basement one day just to get used it), but I just wanted to be liked no matter what kinds of habits or drugs my friends were into, so I made myself do them.

The next thing I knew, I was getting high, skipping school, and I was well on my way to being a long-term drug addict. I became sexually active and explored teenage pornography. Yeah, life was one big party. Then one day I got raped and threatened with a knife, and just when I needed my friends most, nobody cared. Then I found myself overdosing on diet pills. I wanted desperately to have an out-of-body experience and to remain disoriented until my heart stopped. Immeasurable sorrow seemed to be my only certain destiny.

Well, it didn’t take long before my mother discovered my broken state and put me in a rehab center. I straightened up while I was in the center. I thought I had done a pretty good job until I got back from a visitation with my mom. Someone drugged the grape juice I drank prior to giving me my routine drug test. Today, they have better protective policies in place before giving a drug test. Back then, they didn’t. Then I had to talk my way out of the program because no one believed me, not even my mother who was fully conscious and with me the whole time. But the physiologists had her doubting her eye sight and memories of the night we were together, and by the time I was released, I was VERY angry at my mother (for more reasons than one). I wanted to be out on my own, out of her life forever.

That same day I was released, Herb phoned and offered me a place to stay. By that time, he and my mother had been divorced for a few years, and he was clean and sober. Somewhat skeptical, I considered my other choices (which at that time were nonexistent), and I seized the opportunity and moved into his small apartment. He offered me the perfect opportunity: a modeling job. Sounds good, right? Wrong! He told me more lies, and I believed them. My stepfather made me a prostitute. He took very good care of me. I had it all: a fully loaded car, an expensive condo, and the best that life could afford, yet I was miserable.

Miserable under the influence of my pimp, rapist, and role model stepfather—and he was making money off of my destruction. It wasn’t supposed to be that way with my stepfather, was it? By the time I was able to free myself from his grip, I started to develop an attitude because I was sick and tired of being used by people. Everything revolved around me: MY desires. MY wants. MY life. MY pride. I remained in the escort business and also worked in a whorehouse. Many times family and friends would lovingly try to tell me that I needed to change, but I wouldn’t hear it. Not even from my husband. Stepping over the puddles, I became pregnant and gave birth to a still-born son that was fortunate enough to be revived. I really loved him, even more than myself. I fought kicking and screaming while trying to work in the escort service to support him, but there were a lot of falls, bumps, and bruises a long the way.

Eventually I ended up in the state of Illinois with my boyfriend, Craig. I had painted this naïve picture in my head that we would move from Florida to Illinois and be one big happy family while I remained in the escort service. I got my son a babysitter for the evening, and the next thing I knew I ended up in jail. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But no sweat, I thought, it was my first offense. You see, a first offense in the USA is considered a minor misdemeanor. I should have been out in four hours. I repeat: four hours. But that never happened. Four hours turned into ten, then twenty-four, then two days, then three, then four. I was given no water to drink, not even a sip! I was cold. I wasn’t given a blanket, and I slept on a hard wooden-like bench. That wasn’t supposed to happen either. I will never forget that third night. You see, by the time that night came, I really believed that I was never going to get out, and I thought I was going to die from dehydration. I knew something wrong was going on behind the system, but there was obviously nothing that I could do about it. For four frantic days, all I knew was that my son was at the babysitters. All I could I do was feel completely hopeless over my situation. I just wanted to hold him one more time and tell him how sorry I was for being such a horrible mother. I thought that was where my life had ended. But that was where my life began. God knew what it would take to break me finally and bring me to my knees with my eyes lifted up toward Heaven. I chose the road that led me into that jail. God chose the road that led me out.

While God could forgive me, my journey was far from over. That situation, the lifestyle, and my inability to make mature decisions is what eventually led to my worst fear: My son was just four months old when I gave up the fight and placed him to adoption.I didn’t want to give him up. I fed him, nurtured him and took care of him but I didn’t want to stay in a lifestyle of prostitution either.  I had no help from my mother. The only person that was eager to help me was the last standing person on earth which was his babysitter who was very eager to adopt him. She told me that he would always remain a part of my life, so I agreed to let the adoption take place. His babysitter arranged to have a greyhound bus transport us from IL to FL.

The trip down was the most heart wrenching 24 hour trip of my entire life. Colton was about four months old, and he sat on my lap the entire time. Many times, he would look up at me with his big, baby blue eyes and smile, and then he would lay his head on my left shoulder. All I could do was stroke his hand while he fell asleep and think about the possibility of never seeing him again.The trip was long, and I wanted to savor every hour of it. As the bus neared the end of its 24-hour journey, it passed a town called Spring Hill. That was the last town before our stop. I held him as tight as I could with tears streaming down my face, “Mommy loves you, Colton. Please don’t ever forget me. Promise me. Promise me.” Then, against my own will, the bus stopped. It seemed like time was moving too fast. I dreaded the inevitable.Diane was waiting.Each step seemed like an eternity, but I knew deep inside that there was no turning back. I feared that I wouldn’t be any good to Colton if I were in jail, killed at gunpoint, or if I contracted an infectious disease. At that moment, all I could do was hold back the tears as I thought, “God, no, please God, no. Not now. Not this moment. Not ever. Please tell me this is all a bad dream. Dear Lord, please, God. I’ll do anything.” But I knew internally that there was no turning back.“Do you want to come back to the house with us?” she asked.With what little ounce of life in me I had left I mustered, “No. I prefer to just turn around and head back.”

It was too painful to bear. Still fighting back my tears and frozen embrace, I gently handed him to her, quietly kissed him good-bye, and left to face my future back in Chicago.In the background I could hear Diane say, “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine!” Fine? What was fine? I thought. Is this what freedom from the sex industry was supposed to feel like? God? Are you there? I’m walking toward the bus now. Can you see me? If you are real, show me. Just this once, let her change her mind. Save me.  I want my baby back! I’m walking up the steps now. God? This is not a joke! Where are you? Wait. Is that Colton I hear? Do I turn back? Oh God, what do I do? What have I just done? 

Nothing in my life could ever prepare me for the days ahead. I was used to putting him to sleep at night and yet I went home to an empty crib. I had nightmares every night. Often times, I would hear him crying only to wake up from a bad dream. I would grip my pillow at night and cry for years on end, even to this day, I still suffer in silence. I NEVER stopped loving him!! He has forgotten about me, but I have never forgotten about him. Why did I choose that lifestyle to begin with? I stayed in the business because I felt that I was never loved. I first filled that void with the affirmation of drugs, and then I filled it with the affirmation of men. And that became the infection of the next seven years of my life. It’s called DESTINATION DISEASE.

That was fourteen years ago, and I have never gone back to that lifestyle since. NEVER! I’m not going to tell you that it’s been a rose garden since. I’ve been through a lot of peaks and valleys. So, my dear friend, how have I changed? Now I have a relationship with God, and I have a testimony to tell you. Fourteen years later, God has transformed the way I think. That, in a nutshell, is a miracle. I was very stubborn! It has now been twenty-three years since I have had any involvement with drugs, sixteen years since I’ve been out of the escort service, fourteen years since I told my side client that it was over for good, and nine years since I’ve quit smoking! I have been married for thirteen years to a Christian man. God blessed me with three more beautiful children that I now home school. (Wow, what a difference it is to be able to raise children while knowing who the father really is and without worrying about the lifestyle of prostitution.) I’ve worked legitimate jobs ever since leaving the sex industry, and I have amassed a stable work history in the past, even receiving promotions into other departments. I am also now a published author of three books. One of my great previous titles was Pumping Breast Milk Successfully. Imagine that? A former prostitute who once couldn’t even care for her son, let alone cook, matures to eventually breastfeed for 28 months and inspires thousands of breastfeeding mothers in the process. Jesus was the one who made me want to change, He’s the one who set me free! It’s been an exciting journey! It’s now 18 years later. My obsession with money, men, and pride has been replaced by humility and a commitment to a life of service. I now have my own ministry at www.susanstafford.com.

Ministering and making a difference in the lives of others suits me much better than having the luxury of all that life could afford in the escort service. And I much prefer helping prostitutes over having a smelly, heavy drunk pounding on top of my body any day. My story has aired on national television which you can view at www.youtube.com/susanstafford2When I reflect back, I can’t believe that other person was me. But it WAS me! God took the drugs, the pain, the broken dreams and dead end streets and turned them into rainbows. If God could forgive me and take me from where I came from, he could do it for you to. If you bring all your trash to Jesus, He’ll take it and turn it into something good. It doesn’t matter how bad you think your trash smells, whatever you’ve done, or whether you think you deserve it or not, He’ll clean it up and give you a whole new life. The Bible says that “all of us have sinned and fall short of God’s glory. Because Jesus came as our sacrifice, He freely accepts us and sets us free from our sins” (Romans 3:23-24 CEM). The Bible also says that “if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9 NIV). Jesus says, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes through the father except through me.” I wouldn’t trade my experiences for the world! In fact, I’m grateful for them. I’d rather be broken and healed than selfish and doomed for Hell. Jesus is the real thing, the only thing. Just give it up: the pride, the games—you won’t surprise Him. The Bible clearly states that God has plenty of mercy for everyone. Psalms 86:5 says, ” O, Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask your aid.” You’ve seen a small glimpse of His forgiveness in me, and that doesn’t even scratch the surface. Let him turn your life into a life worth living. All you have to do—all you have to do— is ask.

My name is Peter Vergara and I am a man on fire for God. I have been through some amazing things in my life to get me to where I am today. In this e-mail I will share my testimony with you and beseech you to help me further the kingdom of God.

Pete Vergara, a Minister of the Gospel.  I have been discipling teens about three years now. I was a gang member, drug addict and alcoholic for over twenty eight years. I was born in 1963 and raised in New York City; in the Projects of Lower East Side Manhattan. I was born to a drug dealing father who later on died of an overdose in Alphabet City. At one time this was one of the most drug and gang infested areas in Lower Manhattan. I was selling and using drugs all my life, that’s all I ever knew. I never got past the ninth grade and was involved in a gang, the Hell Hill Boys, for over fifteen years. All I knew was violence, death and destruction. My family was in and out of jail for many years even to this day I have a brother in prison serving 9 to 18 years.

There is one thing that I can say now, that I always felt protected.  I didn’t know from who or what or even why; but I was. I was the only member of the gang that never got in trouble with the law and because of that I always said that I was lucky. The other members of the gang went to prison for many years but I was always protected.  I witnessed murders, overdoses and many other things in my life, but was always ”lucky.”

At the age of 40 I was so tired of living that way; I just didn’t care anymore about myself or anyone else.  I tried to stop using drugs many times but always went back to it. I just couldn’t do it on my own, and one day I just had enough.  I never could get out of that environment until November 23rd, 2003.  I went to Arizona for a week to visit some family members that were Christians. I wasn’t very happy about going there either, because I never knew anything about God. I just knew I had to get out of the neighborhood or I was going to die, just like my father did. So I went to visit there and they asked me to go to a Church with them.  They worked with this Church for many years and so I went with them because I wanted to try something new and I didn’t want to disrespect them in their home. So I went to the Church and said to myself, ”yeah ill just sit here and listen to these people out of respect for my family.”  The worship team was singing at the altar, and I was so touched by the powerful worship. I just started to cry like never before, and then the Pastor, Bobby Torres started to preach.  I forgot what it was about but it really convicted me. Then the Holy Spirit just hit me like a bat, and I fell to my knees. I just couldn’t stop crying, that very night I met Jesus Christ.

 I was delivered of all my addictions; I had no desire to do anything of my past ever again. I was redeemed and cleansed, I felt like I died and literally was born again. I was finally healed from an addiction that was so bad, that no doctor or drug counselor could have ever helped me overcome. Jesus Christ healed me in one minute, from an addiction I had for over twenty eight years. God is the doctor of all doctors, and now I know why I always felt protected, because Jesus had a plan and purpose for my life.

God spared me and had mercy on me. I have been all over the United States sharing my testimony in many Churches. I also teach youngsters about God in a Christian discipleship program in Phoenix. I ran a boys home for over 24 month’s. God has worked so fast in my life, and he has given me an anointing to share my passion for God to other lost souls. The Bible says to preach the Word to all the Nations and I have taken that to heart. I now have a desire to share the Gospel all over the world. God has taken me, a heathen man and transformed me into a believer and teacher of the Gospel.  I have become an assistant Director of a school of ministry called Elijah Generation International with my Pastor and Director Cecilia Torres. I also have a vision of being a missionary to the Philippines.  I have visited the Philippines to share my testimony.

When I went there I was blessed to see how much they loved the Lord there. The presence of the Lord was strong there; it was incredible. When you go to another country and see the power of God, you begin to realize how lucky you are to know Him. These people literally have nothing but God and they are the happiest people you have ever seen.  They are rich in Christ and I now know what I want to do and what God has planned for me. That is to become a missionary for Jesus Christ.

I have already begun missions work in the Philippines. I have adopted a family who had a palpable need for the spirit of God to be in their lives. I support them monthly with $250 which covers; rent, groceries, and all other bills. When I first met them they were Catholic I had the opportunity to evangelize to them and encourage them to attend a Christian church. They did and had an encounter with the Living God. They now serve Christ Jesus with an unshakeable faith. I am very blessed that I was the vessel God used to minister to this family and I know that God has called me to be the vessel for many other families in the Philippines.

I have become a God Chaser and a Hell Hater; I have been blessed to become an intercessory prayer warrior.  I also have been gifted by the Holy Spirit for speaking in tongues, evangelism and pastoring young people.  My Pastors Bobby and Ceci Torres have told me often times how much of a blessing I have been to this ministry.  

The life I used to live was a very dark and tiresome one, but all of the experiences I went through have brought me to where I am. I am here to tell you that my troublesome past was not in vain, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28). I know that it was not God’s will for the sin in my life. God is using what the Devil intended to damn me with, to envelope those who hear my testimony with trust and hope in God that He can overcome all circumstances.

All of the young disciples whom God has called me to teach His ways for the past five months, I have had the privilege of watching them grow into young men and woman of God. It gives me great joy to know that they have a great calling in there lives and I know God is going to do great things in there lives.

I have a vision to have an Orphanage and a school in the Philippines. To teach those about Jesus Christ, who don’t know Him. To teach the fatherless children that they are not alone and that they do have a father in Heaven.  I want to take in kids and share the gospel with them, to tell them that there are good people in the world that care about them. I want to start up a missionary team and school of ministry, in the Philippines. I want to bring up and train people here in the states so they can go and impart to the youth in the Philippines about Jesus Christ. I want to have teams all year round to go for a few weeks at a time to build churches, schools and homes for the misfortunate. God is love and that’s what the vision is to spread the love of God to the lost and to help them understand that God is there for them. I want to open a home as soon as possible for these children in need of God, families and a safe home environment. I believe that we as Christians must stand in the gap for one another and rise up our next generation to be Disciples of Christ.  These children will have the capability to start their lives over as leaders and ministers and experience all that God has for them. They can and will be the generation to prosper and stop the circle of poverty and dysfunction that has plagued their homeland for many years. We know that God has a plan and purpose for these children and there families. They just need to be put on the right path. As Christians we want to give them the same hope and love that God has given us and direct them to where God wants them to be. You can help us be the vessels that God uses to put them on their path of prosperity. We as children of the Lord have to help our brethren in any way possible.

I am planning a trip to the Philippines in 2007. I would like to locate a building and to start the necessary paperwork to birth an orphanage with your help. There I plan on planting the first seeds of my no OUR ministry and finding land to start an orphanage. Also find young men and women who will be willing to work with me in the orphanage. However I have been at my wit’s end as to where I will ascertain the funds. God has shown me that I cannot accomplish the task he has set before me on my own strength. I am going to need financial support to do what I know God wants me to do. God is my ultimate provider and I know that he will take me to where he has called me to. If the Holy Spirit is tugging at your heart and you decide to give know that your money will not return void. If you feel led to help me start the Lord’s ministry, then please contact me, Peter Vergara via Phone or E-mail. Any amount will be greatly appreciated and I thank you for taking the time out of your life to read the story of a man who was changed, by someone who was obedient to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

God Bless you and may you always prosper in everything that you do,

Peter Vergara

Acts 10:31 - “Cornelius, thy prayer is heard, and thine alms have been remembered in the sight of God.”

a href=”mailto:petevergara@gmail.com”>petevergara@gmail.com

Cell # 602-722-0600

My life was never expected or wanted.I grew up in the worst part of the ghetto.Being raised by grandma with more siblings that hope.I had always been a very depressed child being abused sexually by multiple family members and very poor.

As a teen I was a cutter and scuicidal.I was very rebellious, smoking, drinking,being permiscuous and running away.Until, I had decided to give my life to Christ at seventeen years old.I had always been raised in church but never really understood or cared.But when I was at my lowest and knew that I was in trouble.I realized that there was only one name to call on,Jesus.

I found out that I was pregnant with my first child the next day and my life began a downward spiral in the natural.But in the spirit I was getting stronger and wiser.I had two children by the age of nineteen,with no education and a abusive husband.Everything was going wrong but on the inside of me God was doing a good work.

To make a long story short I am now re-married to a wonderful man of God.I got my education and I am a youth minister studying Biblical counseling.My husband and I are dedicated Evangelist.I just want to say that it took me so long to see the results of my faith and I had to sow many seeds of tears.

But when you give your life to God and make him the Lord of your life, do not be decived, your life will be turned upside down.Things did not get better in my life when I did.It seemed to get worst! But be encouraged, after a long suffering, if you truly love God and endure, you will reap a mighty harvest.Praise the Lord!God is faithful.Amen.When I felt most alone and weary God lifted me up out of the gutter of homelessness,addiction and abuse.

Thanks to the love, wisdom,and faithfullness of God,I am not just a statistic of society.My life is a shining testimony of strength and not death.I am achieiving my dreams with God intended favor.The Lord has blessed me to never face a day alone.

My name is Ryan Caldwell, and this is my life story. I grew up in a small town in the mountains of North Carolina. I was the youngest in a family of four. I was raised in a home filled with love and without the presence of alcohol or drugs. At the age of 7 or so I began to visit my friends down the street to play. Some were my age, with the exception of some young adults around the age of 20 or so.

Little did I know that I would very quickly be exposed to the things that have nearly destroyed my life. As I would leave, my parents were sure that I was in a harmless environment. Within a short time I had seen it all. I sat on the couch as I viewed sexual explicit videos. I really wanted to try this “weed” they were smoking, but they said, “Your lungs aren’t through growing yet.” But what about the beer and liquor, I’d sure like to drink that. “Oh no, not now” they said. As a young kid I saw these older guys as my best friends and role models. They were older than me and I could hang out with them, and man they were cool, so I wanted to do exactly what they did.

Five years later when I was 12, I began smoking cigarettes. Before long my Mother had caught me many times, but I didn’t care. I began to rebel even more and did exactly what I was told not to do. Within a short time I had a collection of pornographic material, and a stash of alcohol.

When I was 14, I finally got my chance to smoke pot, and loved it. I worked as a cook, and always supported my habit. A habit indeed I soon had. I was smoking all day every day. My parents found it over and over, and I’d turn right around and get more. Grounded or not, I’d get it. The loving family atmosphere soon diminished as my words and actions destroyed it. Now that I couldn’t do as I pleased, I lashed out in anger by breaking windows, arguing, and being very destructive. This continued thru high school. During my senior year cocaine had came across my path one day. I sniffed it and it was the best feeling I ever had. I bought a bag, then another, and another after that. Within three days it had taken control of my life. The next morning my Mother brought me to school and I ran away. I had to get away from everything around me, especially cocaine. The next day they located me outside town, and I entered a drug rehab facility where I finished my senior year of high school.

I returned and I stayed clean for a week. Drugs came across my path again and I gave in. I was 17, and I was grounded for the next two months till I turned 18. Within the next six months I lost everything. I wrecked my truck, lost my job, and began to live from here to there wherever the party was. I became a heavy drug user of various types of drugs. Whatever came my way I had to have, and as much of it as I could get. Drugs were all I lived for every day. One fix after another.I became very thin, and I had 3 overdoses in a month. One night a friend and I was very intoxicated and broke into a store. I was told there was $3,500 in the store. There was $20. If there would’ve been that much money in there, I’m sure I would’ve killed myself with the drugs I was going to buy.

A week later I was arrested, and locked up in Virginia for six months. During this time I turned 19 behind bars. It had changed me in a way that I could gain some self control. But I got with the wrong crown again, and a week later I was arrested for marijuana, and drinking under age. My father bailed me out, and a week later I got a drinking and driving ticket. My Father bailed me out again. Now I stayed away from everyone and got a job, and began to attend a local college. Everyone thought I had stopped using drugs but I hadn’t. I had to take drug tests once a month for 4 years. I would carry in someone’s urine every time, because I would test positive. As I would pass each test, it showed that I was staying clean.

After class I would get high, and after work I would get high. Smoking marijuana everyday was the norm, but I always loved to have some cocaine, crystal meth, pills, or anything else to go with it. Within the next three years I became heavily addicted to cocaine, and crystal meth. Three times I had help from others to aid in my recovery, but I always went back.

I soon moved in with some college friends and rented a house. We partied all the time, and began using a lot of drugs. Then we started selling them, and that brought even more around. I was now 22, and still on drugs with no direction. There were many of us that hung together, and we’d all get high. From Oct-Dec. of 2005 five of my friends died from drug overdoses. I seen them yesterday, and they were dead today. My close friend Stacy was 20 yrs old. I told her she was taking too much and to slow down because I was there at one time, and it wasn’t worth it. A week or so later Stacy didn’t wake up. This was it for me; I couldn’t do it anymore because my time was coming if I didn’t stop.

So I did, and my friend Angela came over that day and talked to me about Stacy because I was quite upset. She said, “I know I’m ok, and when I die I’m going to heaven.” She looked at me and I couldn’t say anything, but just look at her. I became real scared and uncomfortable. And she talked to me a little bit about Jesus, but I was bit reluctant about it, so she eased off, so I left quickly!I thought to myself, why? Why am I running, it’s real. Eternity is real, and forever. So I thought about it, and I couldn’t comprehend it. Once I thought about God and heaven, I felt his presence immediately. I felt it right outside my chest.I felt like God was right there saying, “Ryan, just let me in.”For 3 days I was in a war. I was crying, and listening to the devil on my shoulder, saying oh come on, you can come to God later, let’s have fun, and then God was calling me.

So I moved home Dec. 17^th 2005. My Father and I talked till 3 A.M. in the morning. I told him how I felt about God, and that I needed him to help me. My Father shared with me the gospel of Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins, and if I believe that he was the son of God, and that he died on the cross for my sins, and rose from the third day, that I would be saved. So I believed in him with all my heart and asked Jesus to come into my life and be my Lord and savior, and to take control and show me the way. With many tears being shed I came off my knees, and I felt like a new person, and I knew I had been saved. That following Sun. on Christmas I was baptized, and professed the Lord as my savior.

Now let me share with you how God has changed my life. Since that night I’ve had no desire to use drugs, or alcohol. He’s given me a life to live with hope, and the strength to say no. I now live a clean life as I patiently seek what God has in store for me. He’s blessed me with a great job, a vehicle, and things I need in life. Before I had nothing, and now I have Jesus and he is the reason I live today. Because of his mercy I’m still alive, and by his grace I have a savior, and when I see Jesus it will be worth it all.

Trial to Triumph

Lost and alone; salvation unknown.

Drugs and strongholds made the evil-one known.

Strength overtaken, near death three times.

Addictions and afflictions, many of each kind.

Freedom vanished, locked behind barred doors.

Six months of insomnia, pacing concrete floors.

Freedom returned gaining untruthful respect.

Addictions again, dying to inject.

Loved ones and reality gained semi-control.

Deep inside the dark one had hold.

Just as life met the end of it’s rope.

A witness from the Lord spoke a glimmer of hope.

A chance to change for better.

And a life that lasts forever.

Down on my knees I met Christ.

Filled with love and empty of strife.

Blinded no more and chained no longer,

The Lord my Shepard hath made me stronger.

Living to know him and to make him known.

The lost and dying need to be shown.

The love of Christ thru the light of our lamp.

Not to grade sin or put on a stamp.

No time for that, work to be done.

Sharing the gospel and souls to be won.

Eternal motivation and promises I keep.

Guided by light patiently I seek.

I never thought someone would love me for me.

Until Christ entered my life and he made me see.

On my knees each day thanking God above,

Because of you I see the meaning of no greater love.

By: Ryan Caldwell

It has been a long journey, but as I look back I see that God had a plan for me and that every step I took in the journey bought me closer to God. I am 44 with two daughters. About 2 years ago my daughter was diagnosed with a brain defect and had to undergo brain surgery. Her name is Kerrilee and friends and family placed her and ourselves on prayer chains. At the time I did not realise how many people were in fact praying for her. She went into hospital and had the operation. The 2 doctors who attended to her were absolutely amazing. They even took into consideration our plight as parents and how we were feeling. She came through the operation beautifully and is still doing very well. It saddens me to read about other people with the same condition that also have had the operation but haven’t been as blessed as Kerrilee. During this ordeal I stopped praying because I was so worried, but I was aware that God never left my side. Then when she came out of hospital I retreated from life as the emotional strain had gripped me. I developed a physical pain in my hips and legs that kept me pacing at night instead of sleeping. Still I ran to doctors and although God was talking to me I was not listening. I stopped going to church because I was just so tired all of the time. The doctors diagnosed my legs as restless leg syndrome and put me on a medication for the pain and pills to help me sleep. The pills just helped the depression to grow. Then one day someone new joined my place of employment and she began chatting to me. I was drawn to her peaceful and happy disposition. One Thursday she said to me “I’m going to church tonight, would you like to come”. Without thinking I said yes and then spent all day concocting ways to try and get out of it. I hated going out !!! God had a plan though as I couldn’t think of an excuse and so I went. Well !! God claimed me back and I was hit full blast with the most awesome love. I also had the most insatiable hunger and thirst for Gods word. I wanted to stand on top of a hill and shout out to everyone how I felt. I have since found it hard to become involved in a novel as I love reading my bible !!! Since then I am back at church and I am happy. It took one step “going to church” for God to use that moment to snap me back. I have learnt so much. I was originally in a fairly traditional church which was good and am now in a more charasmatic church and it is wonderful. I give thanks to God for his Grace and for staying with me through my pain. For all those out there that feel that their depression will never leave them………..stop now !! because God took my depression and turned it into the most amazing joy… May God Bless you  to. I have also learnt that the power of prayer is awesome and God wants to bless us…

For years, I “thought” I was saved. Then I went to Community Baptist Church and heard Brother Eddie preach. And, boy, can he preach! He doesn’t pull any punches! His motto is…Hell is hot and sin ain’t right! So there I was, watching this crazy preacher jump around and shout, thinking, “I’m ok, I’m saved.” Well, being Christmas night, he informs us that we will be observing the Lord’s Supper. So I’m thinking, “Yeah, I remember this. We did this when I was a kid. Oyster crackers and grape juice.” Then he pulls the rug out from under me. God uses this moment in time to thump me right between the eyes. Brother Eddie starts talking about how you’re not supposed to partake if you’re unworthy. And I realized that I was about as unworthy as they come. In fact, I was lost and on my way to hell. Needless to say, when the grape juice and crackers came my way, I refused. Then after the service, he had the standard altar call. BUT. I couldn’t go down. I mean I. COULD. NOT. MOVE. Now I’m thinking, “Oh man, I’m gonna miss it, I’m too scared to go down there!” when Brother Eddie does something that astounds me. To this day, I believe it was just for me. He says, “With every head bowed, every eye closed, lost person will you just slip your hand up. Just raise your hand.” WELL. You better believe, I raised my hand! So then everyone goes outside, except for Blue, Brother Eddie, and me. We all go down to the altar and pray and I receive Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior! At first, I was worried that people would think I planned it, you know, getting saved on Christmas day. But now, I know, it was God’s gift to me, the best Christmas gift ever! Thank you, Lord.

Ever since I became capable of going onto the internet, I have had a problem that the majority of the world’s men face: pornography.   I was introduced to the concept when I was 6 years old by a “friend” (although I cannot say where he is now).  His father kept about 20 VHS tapes in a cardboard box under his bed, and once, when I spent the night, he pulled them out and showed them to me.  At first, I was repulsed.  This is disgusting! I thought.  But as I watched more, a change came over me.  I began to enjoy it.  It makes me ashamed to think on it.  After that, I put it out of my mind…at least, for the time being.  Then, about 7 years later, I got a computer as a gift.  This computer was internet-capable.  Back then, I didn’t know how to use it for an evil purpose.  I mainly used it to do research for school.  But in the summer of 1997, when my cousin came to visit, he showed me how to use it for more nefarious purposes.  Ever since then, I have become an addict to pornography.  I have tried to rid myself of it, with limited success.  When I went into the Navy, it became worse.  I spent 2 years in Sicily, and 4 months in Okinawa.  In both places, when pornography wasn’t enough…..and it is really  hard for me to write this…I would rent a car or go out into town and pay for sex.  I feel so dirty telling people this, but maybe I can feel lighter when I get this off my chest.  I spent a lot of money in both countries for sex.  Of course, I used protection, but that’s no excuse.  I should not have done it in the first place.  When I got out of the Navy in 2006, I went back home to Alabama.  But I still had a problem with it.  To make matters worse, I heard about a few places in the neighboring city of Huntsville where I could go buy sex again…..and I did.  At least 20 to 30 times before I finally just said “enough!”  It was a huge drain on many things in my life, but the three biggest drains were on my gas, on my wallet, and on my spirit.  I was saved in October of 2000, but I want to be even closer to God and Jesus.  I want to leave that life behind me for good.  I want to walk daily with the Father and Son and live a pure life again.  I know that the struggle will never end until the day I die, but at least I can put up a dang good fight!

Galatians 5:16 — This I say then, walk in the spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. (KJV)

- I’ve updated my testimonies from ‘My Life Walking With God With Dreams and Visions’ and added it here with a new title… God has been doing great things now in these last days. He is searching for people who are willing to answer His great calling. In Isaiah 6:8, God said, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me! -

Shalom!

Hi, i’m Candy Rosette from Malaysia. Before I go further here, I give you a glimpse about how God had brought me through this incredible journey with Him. It all started through the desires of my parents’ hearts that one day, one or all of their children will serve the Lord when they grow up. When my brother was born in 1980, my parents named him, Evangeliss. He was dedicated to the Lord in the Church. Then, after 6 years, my sister, Grace, was born. Eventually, when I was born in 1989, my parents gave me the name, Candy Rosette. My parents never gave up praying for all of us even before we were formed in our mother’s womb. After years of committing us into prayers to God, nothing happened to my brother nor my sister. However, God had chosen me apart from my brother and sister to serve Him in ministry. Growing up in a Christian family, we’ve experienced all kinds of challenges and hardships through trials and testings. Either in finances, health issues, spiritual warfares, or jobs. Eventhough the truths about God had instilled into my life from the time I was born, I never apply them seriously. Nevertheless, God had already begun to do something in my life at the age of 11 through a dream which I could recall even till now. From then on, God began speaking to me through dreams and visions.

However, I only knew the reason why I have all this visions and dreams when I was 16 years old. One night, He spoke to me when I sat at my study table and He told me to take my Bible. I knew He wanted me to read something. So I say, “God at least show me the word -VISION- or -DREAM-”. Then the moment when I opened my Bible, this word just shone out as if it was the only word in there. Can you imagine what I saw? “VISION”! I was so shocked because He showed that word to me and that was my first time asking God to reveal something to me in the Bible. (Isaiah 29:7) I read that verse and I noticed that there was another word -DREAM- in that verse…

First of all, on 5th September 2000, God gave me this shocking dream. At first, I did not realize that it had something to do with the end-time happenings. In the dream, I was together with a group of people somewhere in an open field not far from a big city. Many of them were drinking and having fun together. By the way, it was around midnight; they were still enjoying themselves partying. All of a sudden, I heard a loud sound and it went louder and louder. Suddenly the people around me disappeared and I stood there all alone. I was terrified! I turned to my right to see where the sound came from and to my utter shock, I saw a big plane flying very low in full speed with one of its engine on fire and smoke was coming out from behind it. It flew across the field and headed straight into the city. Then, it crashed right into the high buildings. It was a horrible scene. The city was on fire and I could see smoke rising so high. I could not believe what I saw because it happened so fast! The bushes were on fire too and I saw buildings collapse right before my eyes. Furthermore, I saw bombs raining down from the sky towards the city. The sky was bloody red and chaos was all around me. Suddenly, I found myself standing right in the middle of the city. It was very dusty and I saw debris and papers all around on the ground. I could not see anybody but I heard guns shooting and explosions all around me. Sometimes the sound faded and there was complete silence. I noticed that there were army tankers in the middle of the road. I felt so alone but I braved myself to walk along the five-foot way. While I was walking, I realized that someone was walking with me. I could not see him but he was talking to me at the same time. We walked pass a street with posters of famous Hollywood artists and actors. I saw the poster of Britney Spears, Elton John, and many more…

I woke up from the dream, not realizing that God was trying to tell me something. I drew the whole scene on a piece of paper so that I will not forget what I dreamt. A year passed and it really happened. On September 11, 2001, the dream became real. I was speechless when I saw the news in the television. Before the attack on September 11, I have never seen nor heard about the twin towers in New York. Ever since the night when God gave me that dream, God began to show me more revelations. Even so, I was still not very close with the Lord.

A few years later, I had another dream of whether to choose “life or death”. In my dream, I was drowning in a river somewhere deep in a forest. It was a horrible experience because I could not swim. My leg was stuck between a log or something. I was screaming for help and shouting desperately will all my might and strength. I shouted for my parents, brother, sister, friends, relatives and other people but no one was around. I was so scared and almost gave up because I could hardly breathe. A few times, I almost fainted and I thought I was going to die. Somehow, deep inside I had a feeling that I had not called someone…His name was “JESUS“. Before I almost breathed my last breath, I called out to Him and He saved me. Immediately after I called His name, I woke up from the dream. That was so real to me. I felt that HE lifted me out from the deep waters. This dream was just like what was in the Bible (Psalm 69:1-3 and 13-36). Please read Romans 8 also.

I was spiritually born-again when I was 14 years old. Broken before the Lord, I rededicated my whole life to Him. That was in the year 2003. I was baptised the following year on Easter Sunday but I didn’t understand much about it because I was quite young in my Christian faith. A week later after I was baptised, I had a wonderful vision when I went to the Church for the Sunday Service. During the prayer session, I had a vision of a beautiful white dove. Here was what happened; after the sermon, the pastor started to pray and I bowed down my head and prayed too. At that instant, I saw brightness as I closed my eyes. Normally when we close our eyes, we will see nothing but darkness. Well, I didn’t know what was happening to me at that particular moment. When I looked beyond the brightness, I saw something flying towards me. It started with a tiny dot but as it flew closer and closer to me, I saw a beautiful white dove. It was ‘whiter than white’ and so beautiful. I could hardly believe what I saw. I opened my eyes for a while but the picture of the dove was so clear before my eyes! I closed my eyes again and it flew towards me. I could feel the wind brushing over my face. No one knew what was happening to me, neither did I.

In March 2005, before my first exam in high school, I was so worried, stressful, depressed and afraid. Usually, everyday, I would pray and read the word of God but on that day, I didn’t. I didn’t call upon the name of the Lord. I’ve forgotten Him but He remembered me. I went to bed early that night and I didn’t switch off the light. In the middle of the night, I was having a dream and in the dream, I heard someone knocking at my balcony door. It was a light and gentle knock. Once in every 15-30 seconds. I ignored the first few knocks. Finally, I got up and went out to see what was outside. As I went outside my balcony, I saw a white old robe on the roof of my neighbour’s house as if someone had thrown it there. I felt weird so I thought of going back into my room knowing that no one was outside. (It was a cool, quiet, and dark morning. Only the light from my room shone out onto my balcony) Just as I turned back, I was shocked to see Jesus in front of me.

Instantly I knew who He was. I could see the scar in his hand and feet. He was dressed in a white robe with the red mantle around his shoulder. He stretched out His arms towards me. I was speechless and I didn’t know what to say. Then Jesus stretched His right hand towards me and I held onto His hand tightly. His tender touch flow into my body. I could feel the peace and comfort when I saw Him and especially to hold on to His hand. He told me; “It is your time,…GO IN PEACE”. After He mentioned that, I felt completely relieved from all my burdens. Then I felt my spirit flying into the air (I saw myself flying into the air!) The tears of joy flowed down my eyes. Later on, I could not remember what happened to me, until I woke up. This was a reminder to us that Jesus IS alive and He wants to help us in our life. He loves us even though we have not been close to Him. He is always waiting…and He is real… (Call unto Him and He will answer you!)–Jeremiah 33:3.

November 2005, a speaker came from Germany to Bintulu, Malaysia (my hometown). I did not know much about the anointing, healings, miracles, Holy Spirit, etc. My parents brought me to the S.I.B church here to listen to the sermon. Besides that, I was a bit stubborn at that time because I did not really like to go for the service. You know, giving all sorts of excuses (that was me LAST TIME). However, I heard a still small voice within me, saying that I should go and it was going to be my “special day”. Reluctantly, I went there. During the first praise and worship, I cried and I was so touched. I’ve never sang like that before. The pastor shared his sermon and later on there was another praise and worship time. This time I felt a bit different. While they were singing, I started confessing my sins and kept on asking God to come and fill me with His anointing. Suddenly, I felt something coming through my body and I felt so peaceful. I was in tears and I asked God to heal my headache (I have severe sharp pain and headache since I was in primary school). I put my hand on my head and I felt the heat flowing down my head like a burning fire. My body felt so hot and I could feel my face turning hot, as if my face was burning. Then my body started shaking so badly until I could hardly say a word! I just didn’t know what was happening to me. We were in the aircond room but I was shaking badly and my body was so hot!

The presence of God was so powerful. It was like being shocked by electricity. By the way, how I wish I could ask someone to explain why I was like that. Later on, all of us sat down while the pastor was still sharing his sermon. As I sat down, still shaking because of the anointing, I felt a gentle wind around me. My Bible was opened at that time and when I felt the wind (just like a warm blanket) around me, it was as if He was trying to show me something. I saw the pages of my Bible flipping very fast but gentle and it ended in the book of Hebrews! (My sister saw the pages of my Bible flipping but she did not know what was happening). She told me maybe it was the wind from the airconditioner…but that was impossible! I read the book of Hebrews and this verse caught my attention: “Today, if you hear HIS voice, do not harden your hearts.” I gazed at that verse repeatedly, I turned to the next page, and I saw the same verse. Then, there were prayers for healings and a few of them were slain in the spirit. I didn’t go to the front because I didn’t know what was happening to me but I was healed from the pain!

After the sevice, I went back home still shaking because of the powerful anointing. My parents prayed for me and things started to change. I couldn’t sleep the whole night until three in the morning. I was reading my Bible (like never before) and just praying and praying and praying. Through out that month, I prayed at night, reading the Bible. (This was the month when I started asking God to show me the word vision and dream in the Bible) Until one night while I was weeping and praying, I found myself kneeling in front of God’s throne. I saw God sitting on the throne, dressed in a beautiful white garment and He had a crown on His head. It was too bright as if I was looking at the sun but I could only see the smile on His face. This happened for a few nights when I prayed in my room. One evening, while I was sitting at my study table in my room, praying, I saw a vision. I didn’t see this vision once but I saw it at least three to four times in November 2005. I saw myself (probably around 20+ years old) PREACHING on a platform in front of so many YOUTHS. At first, I was shocked to see myself in my vision because I was very matured and different even the way how I spoke was unbelievable.

In December, I went to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia for a holiday with my parents. Before we went for a trip to Mount Kinabalu, I prayed and thank God for the fine weather and especially for the beautiful sceneries that we were about to enjoy. I took a lot of pictures of the mountain and the plants. Then, God spoke to me while I was looking around at the Strawberry Garden. He told me to look up to the sky and I snapped a picture of the cloud. The picture was so beautiful but I didn’t know why He told me to snap it. I went to my father and showed the picture that I snapped. I told him that it looked like a Chinese wording (actually, I don’t really know how to read Chinese). To his amazement, he told me that it meant “FATHER”. In Chinese, we pronounce it, “Fu”. From the picture, our Heavenly Father IS reminding us of His presence wherever we are going.

While we were shopping at Centre Point, KK, my father bought a book by Pastor Benny Hinn, “Good Morning Holy Spirit”. I was deeply moved by the Holy Spirit when I read that book. After reading that book, I prayed so hard that God will bring Pastor Benny or someone like him to Malaysia. Eventually, by the end of December last year, an aunty (quite close to my parents) told my parents that she was inviting an evangelist from Perth to Bintulu. Besides, there would be a service for those who wants to be filled with the Holy Spirit, who needs healings, speaking in tongues etc! Praise the Lord! He answered my prayers!

Early in the year 2006, a year of revivals and miracles happened in my life and my hometown. Before and after the clock strikes at midnight on 1st January 2006, my family and I gathered around to pray. Deep in my spirit, I knew great things are going to happen starting from this year. One week after 1st January 2006, around 6:30 in the morning, I woke up. Just as I wanted to open my eyes, God gave me a vision. I saw a horrible volcano eruption. The lava were flowing so fast and the smoke were rising so high even those who were staying far away could see it. It was very dark and I saw people running and screaming for help. They did not know where to run. When I saw those people running, they looked like locals because of their dark skin. This vision lasted for only 30-40 seconds. Immediately after the vision, I asked God; “What are all this about?” He spoke to my heart and said that this will happen soon. Again, I asked where would this take place and He told me that the name of the place would start with a word ‘M’. It sounded like Mexico, Miami, Me-…Because of the questions popping in my mind; I asked Him what I should do. This was what God wanted us to do, “Pray especially for the souls in US and INDONESIA.”

On 21st January 2006, I went to the auntie’s house for the meeting conducted by the evangelist from Perth. I was so touched and were filled with the God’s anointing. Miraculously, after the meeting, I met a friend and I talked with her. I started sharing about my dreams and visions! (Before, I was a quiet girl and seldom talk because of my shyness) God opened my mouth and I told her most of my experiences I have with the Lord. That was God’s purpose. Ever since that night, my life was “TOTALLY TRANSFORMED“. Never in my life have I experienced God’s touch so powerful. Wonderful and awesome things started happening everyday! Signs in the sky! Salvations in my friend’s life! Healings! Praise the Lord.

Furthermore, God showed the sign of a cross in the sky on the 11th February. It was so huge and bright! Then three more crosses at the beach the following day! Amazingly, I saw an old rugged cross at the beach at the same day! I remembered during the third night when I went to the meeting for healings etc (by the evangelist from Perth)… I was anointed and suddenly I had a vision. In my vision, God brought me up to heaven. I was standing in front of the huge gate. It was opened wide and on the right side, I saw a long winding path. Then, when I looked to my left, I saw this marvelous, huge palace! I managed to see a bit because I was standing outside the heaven’s gate. After a few moments, I woke up from my vision. It was amazing to see what He showed to me.

12th February 2006 (Sunday) at New Life Church. Two speakers came from US. Around 11.00am +, we were still having the Praise & worship time and the entire congregation were so touched and moved. During the worship, I have a vision from the Lord. My tears were flowing down my face when I saw it. I saw a big massive crowd of angels (millions & millions of them) bowing down before the Lord singing praises to Him! Holy, Holy, Holy… In addition, God was standing high above the clouds. Then I noticed that I was among the angels and my friend was somewhere behind me. The view was so awesome. Then the Lord spoke to me in a loud and calm voice: “I am your Lord” for three times!

On 15th February 2006 (Wednesday), my friend came to my home & we had a prayer session around 4.00pm. During our prayers, God gave us words of knowledge. In the midst of our prayer, suddenly God gave us some more visions! They were both interesting and horrible. Firstly, I saw a clock in my vision & so, I mentioned the word ‘clock’ & the time was moving so fast! When I mentioned this thing, my friend also mentioned the same thing! At the same time! After that, I saw a very long scroll with someone writing on it. I did not really understand the meaning yet but God answered my question a few days later through another speaker who came from Taiwan with the other teams from US during a seminar. (It was found in Exodus 34:27-28 / John 21:25 / Habakkuk 2:1-3 / Exodus 17:13-14)

On the 17.2.06 (Friday night). We had a cell group meeting with the youths from New Life Church at the pastor’s wife home from New Life Church, Bintulu. There were two speakers joining us. They came along with the teams from US. One was a Taiwanese and the other from England. During the prayer time, I was praying with the sister from England with another friend. Then I heard God spoke to me. He told me to go over to someone else and pray for her. Then God told me to lay my hands on her. As soon as I did that, the girl fell down under the anointing of God. Through out the prayer session, many of them were slain in the Spirit.

During the Ladies Seminar here at Li Hua Hotel (18th February 2006); the US team were conducting the seminar. After the sharing, there was a prayer session. Here was what happened:

Around 9.20pm, I went to the toilet for a while and later on, I went upstairs to go back to the room. Before I entered the room, my body started shaking and it went even worse as I entered the room. I could hardly stand on my feet! The anointing was so strong and God’s presence was so powerful. I stood at the back while they were all busy praying but my heart was itching to go forward for prayers (my parents were waiting for me downstairs but I couldn’t leave without going forward for prayers!). Therefore, I went over to the pastor’s wife from New Life Church and I told her what happened to me. She prayed for me. Then later on, the aunty from Germany saw me and she asked me; “What can I pray for you?” I told her, “Anything, just anything”. I couldn’t say much because of my shaking. She laid her hands on me and prayed for me (another aunty was praying for me too). As soon as she laid her hands on me, the Lord spoke through her for almost 15 minutes. What God told her to tell me was so powerful and it touched my heart. Besides that, my visions and dreams connected to what she prophesied. Here were the prophecies I received through her: “God will pour down His blessings upon you. He will fill you and the blessings will pour out like a cup that overflows. The water that flows out will touch MANY SOULS and you will reach out to many people around you…God is going to use you mightily and you are going to preach the Gospel to MANY NATIONS and therefore go out INTO THE NATIONS. Not just in Malaysia, but you will step out of Malaysia and into the NATIONS of the WORLD. He will send someone on your path. Someone who is going to help and support you in your MINISTRY etc…” Furthermore, on 19th and 20th of February 2006 during the church service and during my prayer session, God showed me how He was crucified on the cross in my vision.

Few weeks later, God put the burden for souls in my heart especially when He gave me another dream. The dreams and visions that I had were heart breaking especially to know that it ‘really happened’ just a few days later. During my school holiday from the 11-19th March, I went to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah (east-Malaysia) with my parents again.

Early in the morning on Wednesday the 15. Probably around 3am, I had a dream. I found myself in a very big area surrounded by trees and there was an abandoned two-story wooden house in the middle of that area. It seemed to be a green forest but it was near the beach. The weather was fine and I could hear people walking, talking, running, and having fun. Suddenly, the sky turned dark and cloudy. There came the strong wind and it started to rain. The fierce and strong wind plus the rain made the people panic. Many people were running and screaming, grabbing each other’s hand; searching for shelter and a hiding place to protect themselves. The wind and rain got even stronger and fiercer. The sound of the wind was so terrible in my ears and it was so scary. The trees were moving wildly, the branches broke and there were branches and debris flying everywhere. Although I could not see myself at the scene, I could feel the pain that the people felt when they were hit and pierced by the debris flying around them. It was like being hit by hailstones. The people whom I saw were the whites or the westerners.

Remember the wooden house I mentioned, it was badly smashed because of the flying debris. Then, I saw myself in that house. I was standing at the corner of the empty living room facing the dirty window. The house was shaking and I could hear the strong wind from inside the house. It was a horrible experience to see the windows smashed, the branches of the trees slammed into the house. At any moment, the house would topple and collapse. As I was standing there looking outside, tears started to flow down my eyes…

Few days later after having this dream, God gave me another dream. Early in the morning on Friday 17th, I saw myself in a car driven by someone (a Christian but not close to God). As we were moving along the beach, the sea was so rough and the current was so strong. It was neither a tsunami nor flash flood. I didn’t know what was happening. Then, we came across a long straight road whereby there were seas on both sides of the road. Along the road/path, there were coconut trees. At the end of the road, all I could see was brightness. When the man was driving along the road, there were two strong winds coming from each side and the wave slammed onto the dry land; the road. When the man saw what was happening, he was afraid to drive on. So, he u-turned and went back instead of driving forward. When I woke up that morning, I asked God what was all that about and He answered me after I drew what I saw in my journal. Around 11:50pm, (my parents were asleep so I took this quiet time to seek God’s explanation); I prayed and asked God to reveal the meaning to me about the dream. At 12:00am, just after I finished drawing my dream, God spoke to my heart and He explained my dream like this:

The dry land/road is the way to life. (There is still hope) “Jesus is the way, the truth and the life”. That was why I saw the brightness at the end of the road. In addition, God said many people have forgotten Him. When it comes to times of trouble and difficulties, not many will want to go through that way; they rather turn back and follow their own ways (their easier way). They did not know that even though they had to take the tough and difficult way, God WOULD lead them. He IS always there to guide them. No matter what, if we follow Him and believe that we can go through those trials with Him, He WILL reward each one who walks with Him and that is LIFE. Disaster will come from both sides (the western and eastern sea) but HOPE WILL NEVER END. Even Christians can turn away from God but God had made the way straight and we must keep on going forward therefore not to turn back. On March 29th, I read in the scripture and God explained some more about this dream. Please read Isaiah 43 ‘especially’ in verse 1-7. The promises are always there.

Regarding the dream I had on the 15th, I went back home to Bintulu (my hometown in Malaysia) on Saturday the18th and on Sunday the following day I read in the papers about what had happened in Australia. The cyclone that hit the eastern side of Australia was a shocking news for me since I dreamt about it a few days before. Each time when I read in the news about the disasters, I can’t hold back my tears! The dreams and visions that I had ever since I was 11 years old, they ARE happening now in this end times. Plane crashes (I dreamt about this on the 5th Sept 2000 and it really happened on Sept 11, 2001; and is happening more than before; in 2004 I dreamt about more plane crashes for two nights), wars (dreamt together with the plane crashes, nuclear bombs, fires, earthquakes on Sept 5th 2000), earthquakes (connected to my dream on the 5th Sept 2000 because this dream was about the end times happening), tsunami (dreamt few months before Dec 26, 2004; some more but worst will happen), hurricanes (dreamt about this at least twice), tornadoes, fires (just like hell), flash floods (middle of Nov 2005, I dreamt about it and it really happened in Dec 2005), volcano eruption (soon but some more will happen elsewhere), and cyclone (dreamt about this for two times in March 2006)! Jesus is coming soon, sooner than what we think!

Sometimes God spoke to me directly into my ears. He gave me verses in the Bible especially about what will happen to me and what I should do to stand firm. He is so good! He gave me verses like in 1 Timothy 4:6,11-15/ 2 Timothy 4:2-5/ 1Peter 3:8-22; 4; 5/ Romans 8/ 1 Corinthians 14…Some of my favorite verses are taken from the book of acts (Acts 2:17-21/ Joel 2:28-32), from John 10:27, Isaiah 40:31 and more. (All of His words are important to us).

On Saturday April 15 2006, the day after Good Friday, I went to the S.I.B in Medan Jaya, Bintulu for the special combined Youth Service. Just after the service, I went home around six in the evening. On my way home, I saw this huge marvelous rainbow in the sky. In the Bible, we read about God’s Covenant from Genesis 9:12-16; God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind…Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

Remember the vision I had one week after new year’s day (2006), I read in the papers on 17th April 2006 and was shocked to read this:

-”JAVA VOLCANO MAY ERUPT ANYTIME” …Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono yesterday warned people living on the slopes of ‘Mount MERAPI’ in densely-populated Central Java province that the volcano could erupt anytime…”MERAPI is currently active and could explode or emit lava from its crater anytime,” Yudhoyono said…-

On May 9th, around 10:50pm, I was watching a Christian Program and I prayed. During my prayers, I had a tearful vision…

I saw a man standing alone at the corner of a dark place in this world; feeling lost, sad, left behind… He was looking up to the heavens; wondering aimlessly. An angel was standing brightly in the clouds and I saw the dead been raptured and next, those followers of Christ were raptured too. I saw many souls been raptured except this man. When I saw him standing in the dark, I felt so sad for him… I do not want to be like him, I do not want others to be like him, God wants us back, God wants His children to come back to Him. From this vision, we knew of the light God provided. He is the light of the world. Many of them are lost in the dark… When Christ comes again, many people will be like that man but God has given us HOPE through Jesus Christ; His son. “The Lord is my Light and my Salvation…,” Psalm 27. The Lord wants to help you in your life. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The Lord gave me another vision when I went for my holiday together with my family.

On 6th June 2006, around 7:45pm, my dad, my mom, and I prayed for my sister because of certain things. As we were praying for her, I had a beautiful vision. I saw a child sitting alone on a hill, facing the open sea. The sun was shining brightly from the west. Then, there was a bright cross next to the child. As soon as I prayed for my sister, the Lord spoke through me. I was crying at the same time because of HIS words. Apart from that, I know that HIS words are not just for my sister but also for everyone. The SUN represents Jesus Christ (the SON of GOD). HIS GLORY will shine forever onto the people of this earth (HIS CHILDREN). HIS LOVE is as vast as the sky and wide as the sea. The CROSS represents HIMSELF/HIS PRESENCE in our life. Although sometimes we feel like we are lonely, no one cares about us, people hurt our feelings, hate us, or even say something bad about us, He is always standing by next to us. HE longs to touch, hug, talk, comfort, forgive, and love us. He cares about us so much. Many times people ignore Him and seldom talk to Him. He feels very sad but He is always waiting for us. (Please read Psalm 121) After my sister asked God to forgive her sins etc, I saw three angels looking down from the sky on the clouds; in my vision. They were rejoicing! Then, I saw the cross disappeared but the child was still sitting there. I knew that JESUS IS in the child. The child is not alone because Christ is in her. The child represents not just my sister but also to those who ask JESUS to come into their life. 

Then, on 28th May 2006, I received another prophecy from a visiting pastor and his wife, who came from New Zealand. I went to a Church in Bintulu for the service. First of all, during the last session of that Sunday service, there was an altar call for those who needed prayers. I wanted to go forward for prayers but my father wanted to send me home. Surprisingly, the pastor’s wife from this Church walked towards me and she told me, “do you want to be prayed for, why not you go forward for prayers…someone else will send you home.” I was so happy. Therefore, I told my dad about it. Then, I went to the front while the couple was praying for the others. Deep within my spirit, I knew God had something to tell me. In addition, I waited for the Lord to speak to me… all I heard was “wait…be patience”. After I waited for almost half an hour, the visiting pastor walked towards me, the first thing he asked me was, “is there any specific need or prayers you need?”, and the first word that came out from my mouth was, “my future”.

The couple started to pray for me and from there, the Lord spoke through the visiting pastor regarding my future. He said that God has a great purpose for my future and He is very interested in my future. God has put my life in His path and it was already the beginning of His great plan. God said that I am already walking on His path. He is going to open the door and I will walk through it. There will be showers of blessings in my future. The Lord had planned my future and all I have to do is to continue to walk in His path… In the midst of his prayer, God gave me a beautiful vision of a place. In the vision, I stood on a very wide and narrow road. It was a tar road leading to a big city, which was further down on the right side. On my left, I saw a very beautiful sea/river. When I stood on the road, I noticed that there were huge arrows on the road and the Lord reminded me to continue going forward. That was the road leading to my future and it was so beautiful and sparkling clean! By the way, I was amazed to see the city because there were so many high-rise buildings. Besides, I saw trees/ bushes nearby the city and there was a big empty area on the right side of the land.

A few weeks later, that was on 20th June 2006, a sister from Perth (my prayer partner) came to visit me in Bintulu for the first time. Actually a lady friend in Perth introduced her to me. I never met her before, neither did I know her. Gradually, we e-mail spiritual matters, back and forth. The following night, she came to my home together with this lady friend who stayed in Perth and we had fellowship together. My mom was with us too. While they were praying, I felt the presence of the Lord among us. There were at least two angels standing by my side and I felt their wings flipping around me. At that time, I closed my hands and bowed my head. When I felt the wings of the angels flipping around me, my body became warmer and warmer at the same time. Besides, I felt the burning heat in my hands and I couldn’t move much because of the heaviness from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. It was a unique feeling as if something heavy and hard was put on me. Just after the other aunt prayed, I was supposed to continue the prayers but I kept quiet. The presence of the Lord was too strong until I couldn’t say much. I just wanted to be still and be in His peaceful presence. However, my prayer partner, who was praising God, somehow said that she felt the Lord’s presence around me. Immediately after she mentioned that, my body became even hotter and the anointing was so strong. She put her hands near my body and she could feel the warm heat. Therefore, she put her hands near my head and started praying for me.

Later on, God spoke through her and she prophesied to me: “You are prepared for mission (going out to the nations)… there are many prophets of old… just like Moses; anointed and being the prophet that leads the people out of Egypt. Like how God anointed Moses in the old days, He is doing the same to you. You are a prophet ready for mission… You will have more dreams and visions… revelations… You will be blessed… You will touch people and they will be healed… You will have a deep impact especially among the youths…etc!” Furthermore, she saw the full armor on me including a PURPLE mantle. She said that she saw the crown on my head, the sword in my hand, the breastplate, the shield, the belt around my waist, and the iron shoes.

After the prayer session, I had a talk with my prayer partner and I described to her the city which I saw in my vision. Surprisingly, she told me it looked exactly like Perth City! That includes the Swan River, the Fremantle Park, and the city itself. From where I stood in the vision, I was actually standing on the southern part of Perth and I was looking towards the city which was on the northern side. Through all these prophecies, God had called me to go for mission and to preach the good news to all nations. After I knew the direction where God wanted me to go, I sought Him more. Finally, I came to know about a school called Youth With A Mission, Perth, Australia. From there, I applied for the January’s Young People’s Discipleship Training School. Throughout my application process for this school, God had never disappointed me. He planned everything perfectly according to His timing. With some help from some aunties and uncles, I managed to get my visa, medical process, and police clearance check, done without any problem. With God’s blessing, my parents managed to get the exact financial need for my course. After I completed my high school studies. I went to this school called Young People’s Discipleship Training School (YP DTS) at YWAM Perth the following year on 5th January 2007. The school started on the 7th…

(TO BE CONTINUED…….)

Jesus is coming soon, indeed; sooner than we think!
*May God’s will be done! May His Kingdom come!

Jesus said, “…if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.” (Matthew 18:19-20, NIV)

May God bless all of you!
With love and prayers in Jesus name,
Candy Rosette

 
Hebrews 11:40, “God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” (NIV)

p/s: I only updated the last few paragraphs. Sorry for some grammar errors
“My Life Walking with God With Dreams and Visions” is another link whereby I post the same testimonies… (there’re more comments at this link)

I am a young male in his 30’s who lives in Uganda.I Have lived in four different countries including Kenya, Zambia and England. I was raised by relatively secular humanistic parents who were well off by the standards of Africa. My Father is Roman Catholic and my Mother Anglican. I had always prayed since childhood especially before meals, a few times before going to bed, or even invoked the name of the Lord when i felt suppressed by an evil force at night. Yes a few times in my teens i felt like a satanic force was beside me and i would invoke the name of Jesus. I guess i am saying i always had some kind of faith that Jesus was Lord from an early age. However my living was that of an unbeliever.I was raised in traditional Christianity which meant prayer was just when you were in trouble, needed to pass exams, that sort of thing. On the whole one lived in a way that was independent, indulgent and sinful.

It all changed on two occasions. The first in 1994 and the next in 2003. In 1994 i clearly had a turn in my being. Feeling lost, sinful, separated from God and in darkness i turned to the Lord for help. I was living in pure sin and they seemed to be occult activity in my life. In desperation i turned to a Saved Christian in the University i attended in Kenya and asked him to tell me about Jesus. He had tried converting me to the fellowship of the saved. After he spoke we prayed to Jesus. I prayed to the Lord from my heart for the first time.I professed faith in Him and confessed my sins deeply in front of this believer. I confessed the offenses to God and man that came to light. When i left his room i felt slightly better like something had lifted. By the time i got to sleep and woke up i was absolutely peaceful and joyful. I could feel real love. It seemed there was a person around me and in me, a wholly new person i had never known. It just seemed like his name was wonderful, peace, love and joy. I realized that morning early in 1994 (cannot remember the date) i had touched Jesus Christ and had the sweet assurance i was in His loving care.

In 2003 over 9 years had passed since i had converted to Christ and Christianity. In that time i had gone through allot of dealings. On the positive i had experienced answers to prayer for myself and family, found new christian friends, occassionaly felt the presence of God and even prayed with a  few people to receive Jesus. On the negative i had undergone depression, sadness, dryness, felt the fear of talking about my experience of Christ, been persecuted and mistreated and even gotten back into more of a sinful lifestyle.

However in 2003 i met the saints, as i call them. They belonged to the Lord’s recovery or local churches started by Watchman Nee but founded on scripture. They did not only teach me new truths but helped me experience Christ more intimately and deeply. I begun to call on the Lord “Oh Lord, Oh Lord , Oh Lord Jesus!” This is a  healthy practise because it brings the Lord near to me and helps me experience a subjective salvation. Often i get saved from temptation when i do this.  They also taught me to pray read the word. This scripture reading was a real nourishment to me. I found i was getting into the person of Jesus. He seems to  be infusing me with faith and His person, His essence. The Spirit of God is embodied in the word and my Lord seems so sweet and real as i drink of Him in the word.

What a joy to be in the Church, the recovery, with precious saints who i can sing to the Lord with, call upon His name, experience Him and enjoy His word. I feel i have been recovered to a richer enjoyment of God in Christ. He is my supply giving me Himself. I have learnt i have a spirit. I am tripartite (1 Thesalonians 5.23) In Zecharia 12 we see the Lord created the heavens, laid the foundations of the earth and formed the spirit of man. I am a container just to contain God. Prayer is meaningful because i just receive more of this God when i contact him. Praise the Lord!!!

Ian Sekaggya

This is hard for me because I’ve never told anyone any of this.
How has God changed my life? In many ways. I was saved years ago….I’m 24 now….and I was saved when I was young….to be honest I have no idea what the exact age was….probably 8 or so…I am guessing…but anyway, when I was in 5th grade, I met a guy and become really good friends with him. Let’s call him Mark. Mark and I were friends for several years. But in 6th grade, at the end of 6th grade, I fell into this terrible depression. I remember all I wanted to do was sit in my bedroom with the door closed and cry and listen to this sad country song that said something like “Is it over yet? I can’t take seeing you packing your things are leaving” and the reason for this was because I saw Mark with another girl at the end of the school year and that hurt. Even though we weren’t romantically involved, it was scary to me because Mark was older than I was and this girl was as old as he was and I thought that maybe they were closer than I would be with Mark. And that hurt. That hurt a lot. I remember that summer one incident was when my mom told me to get ready to go to the bank. I felt terrible and I remember thinking “I don’t feel like going! Oh no!” I didn’t even want to go to the bank. Some time later, maybe months later…I don’t know how much time later…I did however read in a magazine that my mom had an article about depression. It was then and there I self-diagnosed myself with depression. I remember specifically the article told about a woman who said she looked outside the window at a leaf and for no apparent reason cried like crazy. That was me in a nutshell I decided. I never told anyone of this depression. Just kept it hidden. For years I suffered with it. Probably until I was 17. Then after all I had been through with Mark, he left. Mark just dropped out of school and I never saw him again. And that hurt. I lost all contact with him. Mark was the only friend I had in high school. I was so upset over him leaving. I remember one night I listened to a Christian teen talk radio program. The hosts on the show spoke of the sancty of life. I felt so guilty that some people didn’t even have a chance in life and I did and I was contemplating suicide at the time and God helped me through that. I sobbed my eyes out.

Then I went to college. I feel in love for the first time. It was the best feeling ever. However the guy that I was in love with didn’t know how I felt towards him. I would literally chase him all over the campus trying to get his attention. Trying to tell him how I felt about him but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even say hi to him I was so caught up and tongue tied. I tried this for 2 semesters and by the last and final semester, semester 4 he was gone. I never saw him again. A repeat of what had happened to Mark. I always had hope that someday in the future we would meet again and be together. So for 2 years I waited for him and searched for him. One day, I went to MySpace and just typed in what I thought was his last name. His first name was Justin but I didn’t know exactly what his last name was because I had heard it once or twice and was afraid that I had heard it wrong. Anyway, I found his my space page. When the results page came up, I saw that he was in a relationship. I clicked on his profile page and lo and behold there he was. It was bad news, however. Someone had left a comment with something to the effect of “Justin, I miss you. I’m sitting here eating chicken wings but I can’t wait for our big day tomorrow.” The next day was Justin’s wedding day. And it didn’t involve me. I sobbed. I cried like there was no tomorrow. Justin had also moved out of state. I remember that I couldn’t fall asleep that night. I listened to music through my I pod. It was an awful night.

A few months later I lost my job because I stole from my employer. I remember stealing things from the store and asking God to help me hide the fact that I was stealing from everyone. I thought that no one would ever find out but one day I was called into the office and was asked why I was stealing and was fired. I felt so bad because I knew that what I did was wrong but it had gotten to the point where I didn’t care. So I risked my job and lost it. 3 months after loosing my job and activately searching for a new one, I felt so down so low because by that point in my life I didn’t have any friends, no social circle, In 20 something years of my live I never had a boyfriend. I had credit card bills piling up with no job no way to support myself. One night I went into the bathroom and got a razor blade and started cutting myself. I had always had a deep desire to cut myself. It was a sick, disgusting urge. I had finally let loose and did it. At the time, it felt good. Really, really good. I remember thinking “I’m so proud of myself for finally giving in” but at the same time I was scared that I was going to cut too deep or cut a major artery or vein or cut myself so that I would commit suicide. I prayed to God and told him I would never cut again because I knew that was the only way that I could stop. Making a pact with him was the only way. That night I didn’t get any sleep. I woke up in intervals and felt so bad. When it was finally morning I woke up and prayed to God and recited all the reasons why I didn’t want to live anymore. That day was tough for me. I felt so afraid that I was shaking like crazy and I thought, “Why don’t you understand what I am going through?” to people who talked to me that day. All I could think about was cutting myself again and how good it felt and how scared I was. That night before I went to bed I was so afraid that I cried out to God again and told him I was fighting the temptation and how bad I felt. He healed me. He totally healed me. He gave me a new outlook on life. Does life revolve around how many boyfriends I’ve had? Or if I have any friends? Or how many credit card bills I have? NO! The focus of my life needed to be God and he made me realize that and I knew before that I struggled with that. But now God is in the drivers seat of my life. Whereas before I was afraid to allow him to take control of my life. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to know God & to have the relationship that I have with him. God saved my life. More than once. At the time I was cutting, I knew it was wrong and I felt like God was saying something like, “I give you life and I’m here for you and this is how you repay me? This is what you do? Life isn’t good enough for you?” I always felt as if there was some protection working for me. And when I cut myself for the first time, I was so afraid of people knowing about it. I was so scared. I went on You Tube and searched for testimonies and when I heard about ways that God has helped other people I cried tears of joy. It was so emotional for me. While thinking of suicide, I would listen to Josh Groban and other songs of hope. One song in particular was Good Charlotte’s “Hold On” and the reason why I mention this song is because the song says something like, “Don’t stop searching. It’s not over.” While hearing these words, I thought “It is over. It is. There is nothing left for me to do but take my life.” I am so thankful to God for keeping me safe and for protecting me during the time when I needed him the most. God is my strength. Now all that garbage from the past doesn’t matter any more. It used to haunt me. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to tell my story to other people today. If I didn’t have God I wouldn’t be here today. He saved my life literally. He totally changed my outlook on life.
 
Posted on October 10, 2007