May 10th, 2011
First I want to start off by saying how grateful I am that there is a site like this where you can share with other believers things that you are going through. In 2007 I was involved with this guy for 3 years and we lived together, and yes I was aware that that was wrong because we weren’t married but I loved him so much I didnt want to leave. In the beginning everything was Great we were so in love with one another we hated being separated even for a day. Then in 2009 things started to change, we started arguing a lot and he wanted me to move out. He became more distant and I tried whatever i could to make Him happy. But to no avail.
So I would pray and pray but nothing would change. I started asking God what he wanted me to do, if he wanted me to move out but stay in the same state or move out of state to where my family lived which I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO DO! I felt God was telling me to move to where my family was, I didn’t want to believe it so I kept praying the same thing over and over, meanwhile things between me and the guy seemed to be getting worse. I felt that he was seeing someone behind my back, I was SO stressed up I started developing stomach pains regularly I couldn’t eat anything without getting sick to the point I ended up going to the ER. I was so confused I didn’t know what to do, I had three dreams that Him and I were going to get married but the day of the wedding we never got to say our vows it was like something wasn’t complete. So I was thinking is this God telling me He is the one for me?? So that made it harder and again I didn’t want to leave.
But like I said before the living situation just wasn’t good, we argued and I started to feel uncomfortable there and hurt because I felt there was something else. So I finally gathered strength one day and packed and left. I felt that God wanted me out of there and if I would’ve stayed any longer my Life probably would’ve been really rocked and I would’ve gotten really hurt because God was trying to let me know I needed to leave but i wouldn’t. And i know sometimes God tries to get our attention gently but then he has to take drastic measures sometimes to get our attention. So I am thankful to God that i got out when I did. So I moved in Sept of 2010, the first 4 months we’d communicate via text but now that has stopped completely! I have not contacted him because I think its best for me to heal. And he just hasn’t contacted me for whatever reason.
I still think about Him everyday and still have feelings for him. I keep praying for God to heal my broken heart. I forgot to mention that since I’ve moved near my family one night my sister had a dream about him that he was talking to his cousin telling him how much he was in love with me and that he’d be waiting for the day that we got back together. In that dream there were a lot of details that my sister told me, which there was NO WAY of her knowing because I never told her about. So I dunno what this all means. I have been praying to God and asking Him if He is the one for me, that he would let me know and if he isn’t the one for me i asked God to take him out of my heart and my mind. I DO want the guy that GOD wants for me because I know that it’ll be the RIGHT person, not who i want. So now I’m just waiting on God to answer me, and trusting that he’ll remove the pain from my heart. Oh and I’ve already asked God to forgive me for living the way I was and I’ve asked God to forgive Him for the things that he’s done to me. I ask that whomever reads this, it would mean sooo much if you could please pray for me! Thank You and God Bless.