June 13th, 2010
I dont really know where to start. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and the moment I met him I knew he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
About a month ago he noticed a lump on his testicle so we went to the doctor last week and he said that he thinks it is testicular cancer. When the doctor told us that we just about fainted. Hes only 21, im only 19, we had summer plans, our one year is the 22nd of this month, we want a family…im just devastated. He went to get his tumor markers yesterday and we should get the results in on wednesday.
This whole time My intuition is that it is just a cyst, because everyone in his family has had cysts or anything thats been wrong with them its been benign. Maybe im just in denial?Â But,when the urologists felt of it he said that it feels like a normal cyst. But the ultrasound is telling him differently. The word CANCER has been thrown around soooo many ways and they have trained you to be deathly afraid of that word, and thats what I am. Afraid.
Every morning I wake up and I just want to cry because idk what to do. Im scared of losing him, im scared of our future. I try to be strong but sometimes I feel like I just cant be.Â My boyfriend is even being stronger thanÂ me!Â He tells me, “We cant just sit around and be sad, that will just make it worse.” and he is soooo true. Â He is such an amazing guy, he is positive 24/7…people just love him.Â The only positive thing I have to hold on to is the fact that this is completely curable.
Sometimes I would love to blame god. Ask him why he’s doing this. I know everything happens for a reason, but how do you trust in god when everything just seems soo horrible. If everyone could pray for us that would be nice. Pray that when the tests come back its not bad, pray that IF he does have to have surgery that it will go well and pray that he would make a full recovery and the cancer will be completely gone.
Thank you =)