To many who know me, this testimony may seem to be only a fleeting phase. I admit that I have undergone many transformations in the past few years. I have gone from a former would-be minister, to volatile adolescent, to a dilettante of eastern philosophy, to avid atheist. The latter being with what most people are familiar. I have written in many blogs, “preached” to many people I know about atheism (Oh, the irony), attempted to debate with public Christian groups, and been an overall ‘troll’ on the internet in order to further the ‘cause’ of atheism. I can only hope then, that people see this testimony as both a sincere recantation of those beliefs, and a firm statement in my belief in Jesus Christ. I have prayed to God for the strength to show the world my faults, and through Him, I am able to do this without shame.

Before I reached High School, I wanted to be a minister, but in retrospect, this did not come from a real devotion to the Lord, but rather, it was an outlet for a shy young boy to stand out amongst his peers. Being ‘religious’ was my way of gaining praise from my peers and loved ones, but by ‘religious’, I just mean that I had certain gifts in academics that allowed me to remember an awful lot about what we learned in Bible school, and what I read in the children’s Bibles that I had. I never really had knowledge about putting those lessons to use though, as I was a loner when I was young. I did not have many friends until I was in middle school, and I did not go out very much even when I did finally have a set group of friends.

It is important to note that I did not consciously manipulate and fool those around me into thinking that I was pious. I simply thought I was religious and therefore in the right. There was nothing sinister about it, and in fact, realizing that hardly anyone wakes up in the morning and says, “Well I’m going to be a manipulative asshole today”, is an important lesson that I have learned. We, as people, always think we are in the right, but so often, we are victims to our own arrogance and vanity.

My ‘faith’, which I now see as having been weak, began to seriously crumble when I entered High School. I had a girlfriend and more friends, and I was finally being exposed to the temptations of actually ‘having a life’. I began going out more and more, and when I say my faith crumbled, I certainly do not mean that I started using drugs or drinking alcohol. I actually only drank about two times before college, and I never touched drugs…ever. I just mean that I failed to have God with me. I did not live out my faith. I was morally weak, and my immaturity, unwarranted sense of self-importance, and arrogance played a large role in it.

I was never truly ‘real’ with myself, and that carried over into my college years. I was also having small spurts of things like training for long distance running of weight lifting, but I never had the commitment to actually improve my athleticism. I always had the capacity to be a straight A student, but I never really applied myself as much as I should have. I made the Dean’s List several times, but then I would have semesters and classes that I just thought I could blow off. I was ignorant to the blessing of being in college, and to my ‘shortcomings’ in the more social realm of life being a byproduct of my own insecurities and willingness to blame others.

Once in college, I became disillusioned with the world. I saw how much gray there was, and I somehow took it personally, as though I had been lied to my whole life. I thought of myself as a good, strong, moral person (as no one usually sees their own mistakes), and my own arrogance lead me into a rut. I became very cynical. I was cynical against institutions that were praised, individuals for being regarded as heroes, and especially of religion, as I thought it to be more or less a delusional lie.

I found, however, a temporary peace in my arrogance and ignorance. I had always been told how ‘smart’ I was, and I began to thrive off that. I began reading more, and one of the books I read was “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. That book moved me from ‘fence sitting’ about my belief in God to being an out and out atheist. I became active in my atheism. I treated it as though I was trying to convert people. I would go into blogs, chartrooms, online forums; I would post videos, and even openly challenge ‘theists’ to debating the existence of God. I would do this as often as I could. I came across many interesting people, who adamantly challenged me. When I say ‘challenge’, I mean they answered my call for a ‘debate’, and they used their faith and knowledge about God to combat my ignorance and arrogance. They did not penetrate me much though, but they still played an integral part in my salvation as I would find out later.

As much as I had ‘faith’ in science and reason, the only real satisfaction that I had was telling myself how much smarter I was than the rest of the world. I felt better about myself because of all the fools around me who put their faith in nothing, a delusion. I got such a kick out sites like www.gotquestions.org, which would go to such lengths to contradict the infallible science. I thought that all of the ‘born again’ Christians were fools, fakers, or weak conformists. Yet, the only arguments that I was really proposing to them were just regurgitations of Dawkins, Hitchens, and other cynics, or I was speaking out of my own personal pain. I was still very much disenchanted with life, and felt that I deserved so much more than I had.

This disenchantment helped me start a very unhealthy lifestyle. I used marijuana, but not every day, but I still looked forward to getting high in order to have a good time. Partially due to this, and being in a new school environment, I found myself alienated from many social activities, and it only declined.
This pattern of behavior continued until last winter, when for about three days I found myself in a depression. I simply did not want to talk to anyone, be around anyone, or even be awake, because being asleep was so much better than bearing the loneliness and emotional pain that I was feeling while awake. I felt unable to ‘make anything’ of myself. Then somehow, I thought of my Grandmother and what she would have said to me. She would have told me to stop crying and get on with it. This was a stepping-stone into a life with Christ, as my Grandmother has always displayed amazing strength and love, and she is deeply religious.

It was then that I realized that so many people around me experience similar things. As much comfort as I thought I was receiving by listening to ‘highly artistic’ and ‘super emotional and deep’ music to heal my wounds, I simply was not helping anything. I was just being reassured how wronged I was. Therefore, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I set goals for myself for my grades and physical health.

After a few stutter steps…I had the best semester of college that I ever had. My grades were fantastic. I was able to finally quit smoking cigarettes and marijuana (cold turkey mind you!), I met a wonderful young lady who is quite inspiring, a whole lot of new interesting people, and with all of that it was easier to just be a happier person.

I still felt slightly empty though. This is where I find it a bit hard to explain. I just somehow started going to church a little bit more, and I started to reopen my mind to the idea of religion. At first, I told myself that it was a cultural thing. Church and religion was just a community thing where people could come together to help heal each other of the mutual problems that I thought I had conquered myself.
But I still was not satisfied. There was still emptiness in my heart.

Then one lazy afternoon on the coattails of the cruelest winter I had ever experienced, I was listening to a Podcast talking about philosophy. It questioned our very existence. Then in some of my classes I was reading absurdist and existentialist works. I just felt lost in meaninglessness. So I was trying desperately to fix it.

I was overwhelmed once again. The conclusions and reasoning that I came to on my own failed me once again.
Even with all of my accomplishments that semester: the grades, the physical health, the friends, etc. I still felt overwhelmed and alone.
Then I found myself picking up a Bible, that came to my apartment by offhand chances (I had brought it down with me from home shortly before, just because I thought to have it), and I opened up to a passage in Matthew that I had highlighted when I was younger and a believer.

It was a parable about not worrying about things. That God provides. God provides for all of the other creatures of the world, and do they complain? Do they feel sorry for themselves? No. So why do we feel sorry for ourselves? Do not worry, God was telling me. And that was another stepping stone.
I found myself becoming more and more accepting of the idea of God. Then I understood faith. Faith is believing that God will lift you up and stay with you, despite your sins and inadequacy. I understood that God was not simply a ‘sapient’ creature with a beard in heaven who was the pinnacle of what a man should be. God was beyond me. Beyond any of our comprehension. A force of nature, who speaks to us in terms that we can understand and communicate with each other, but is so beyond all of us.

I understood that the world we live in is nothing without God. All of our arrogance and accomplishments are not greater than the Him. I understood that humans were more than the sum of their parts. We are more than just a hunk of cells. As wondrous and Biology is and how much splendor it shows us about life, they only illuminate the glory of God. We are more than just a mass of matter. We have souls, we have personality, we love, we hate, and we do so much. If I lose my arm, I am still the same person.

I realized that all of the stock I put into art, science, and the ability of man to conquer everything was folly. We cannot cash our own checks.
I realized that all of the pain I had in my life, from problems with my parents and friends, with the world around me, and most importantly with myself were all cured. I realized how blessed I actually am to have the life that I do and the friends that I do. Instead of simply being grateful, I am now inspired to show my gratitude through a life under God’s will. I have asked Jesus into my heart, and for him to take control of my life.

I have never felt a contentment like this; one so consistent and satisfying. He truly is the bread that always satisfies.

This was all progressive over a few weeks time span. I was talking to some of the Christians that I ‘battled’ as an atheist, and what they were saying was starting to make a whole lot of sense to me. I have been talking more and more to ‘born agains’, and their stories and what they are talking about makes total sense to me. I know exactly what they are talking about, and I know that they feel things that they cannot totally express in words. And they were strangers at the time.

Strangers, who I never met before, were experiencing the same things as me. I felt God then, and knew that Jesus was in my heart.
I pray that I can continue to be humbled and be in his care. And I have faith that I always will, and that He will be there until death.
I challenge everyone to lay down their arrogance. Read the Bible. I mean READ it. Read it all. It is entertaining to say the least, and understanding the messages and the truth in it are essential to developing a personal relationship with Jesus. I am working on forming a network of friends and loved ones who have also found Jesus, so that I can strengthen myself that way. We are called to serve in a ministry and show God’s love in all that we do, and I am undertaking that in my journey as well.

I challenge you all to do the same.

I pray that this testimony of an atheist has given hope to you, and that I can continue to be God’s instrument.

29 Responses to “Testimony of an Atheist: My Conversion to Christianity”

  1. Gail Says:

    Welcome to the body of Christ, brother! I will pray that the Lord uses your testimony to reach many lost and hurting people.

  2. Mike Says:

    “Strange evolution when people have come to believe we are it’s greatest illusion, hello God I’m avoiding the truth” – Dave Matthews

    When a pot-maker makes a clay pot, the pot does not ask it’s purpose in the world. Strange how we’ve become so mentally advanced that we can ask the question of what we are and why we are here.

  3. NICOLE Says:

    B*E*A*U*T*I*F*U*L TESTIMONY

    HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!

    JESUS LOVES YOU AND LED YOU TO HIM IN SUCH AN AMAZING WAY

    GOD BLESS

    XOXO

  4. abbie Says:

    Thank you for writing your testimony. I know that the Holy Spirit will use your words and your life to touch many young people who are searching for answers in their daily lives. I am searching for ways to share my testimony with my unsaved loved ones and you put it all into words perfectly. I pray God continues to bless you in your life.

  5. MATT Says:

    BEAUTIFULY written, I went through the same phase. I use to be an agnostic, I wanted proof that god existed. But i was swallowed in my arrogance, because the proof is everywhere. I just got tired of trying to convince myself that there is no god.

    Christanity saved my life, i am eternally thankful for what jesus did to the world.

  6. Hughes Says:

    Well, many people in the world started out as an atheist. It is what God had planned for us to be faithful since the beginning. With God’s grace, everything comes out beautifully in the end. So, I want to encourage all of us to preach. Preach what? The Good News!!

  7. bradsmission Says:

    AMEN!

  8. Bryan Says:

    Thank you! Thank you! That is such a wonderful testimony that really is powerful to hear your story. What is great is as you shared your testimony of God and His Son it grows and affects others too.

  9. Kelly Says:

    Welcome to the Family of God brother! Great testimony and a great reminder that we need to show all the athiest on the net LOVE LOVE LOVE and PRAY for them rather than get angry!

  10. Danielle Says:

    Wow! Wow! WOW! Amazzzzingg testimony my brother in Christ Jesus. I pray that you continue to grow in Christ Jesus each and everyday..God Bless you in your walk with Christ.

  11. M.R. Says:

    Hello brother. May the God of all grace comfort, strengthen and settle you. Pray you be counted worthy to be counted with the Philadelphians in that day where we go in and go not out again. Praise God!

    They shall know us by our love, not by our reason. When they see how we love God and one another, their reason will fail and the Love of God will draw them to His glory.

  12. zari Says:

    i hope i’m not too late but,

    welcome HOME. :-)

  13. Heather Says:

    Thank the LORD!

    I am also an ex-atheist who accepted Jesus in my heart. My life is so much better, healthier, fullfilled, as a Christian. God is my strength. Amen!

  14. Tim Says:

    That was a great testimony and I really felt that I went through a confusing phase not to long ago and in the end was put to the ultimate test and put all my ignorance to the side and turned to Jesus Christ and my life has been changed. I will pray for you brother and I pray that I can be a example to all those around me.

  15. jo Says:

    your testimony was heartwarming. Having Jesus in your life is awesome! nothing compares to the love and peace you feel inside. It’s impossible to try and explain to another person with words how it feels. Please! everyone reading let Jesus Christ into your life!

  16. Cody Says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. This boosted my faith so much. I’ve recently been in a situation where I am constantly worrying about death.
    I always denied it but deep down I knew that I was an atheist. I could never really grasp the fact that there is something after death because, How can you be alive….when you’re dead? you know?
    One day I let that thought overwhelm me, and I had felt this extreme fear of “There is nothing after you die”. I honestly could NOT accept that anymore. I felt there had to be something more. So I began doing research on religion and studying Near Death Experiences.
    After studying the Near Death Experiences I came to a conclusion that “Death is peaceful, afterlife or not” and that was enough for me….or so I had thought.
    But now once again I’m back in my depressive state, worried about death. I’m Trying my hardest to come to faith in Jesus Christ. I WANT to believe and I’m starting to get closer to truly believing, and your testimony has helped boost my confidence in Christianity. Thank you for sharing this.

  17. Isabella Says:

    Dear friend,
    I was very happy to read your testimony. I have been praying for a very important person in my life who claims to be an atheist, and I believe the Lord will answer my prayers and touch his heart as He touched yours. May your testimony be spread all around to encourage people to pray for their loved ones, ´cause nothing is impossible for our God.

  18. juan Says:

    Count me in into your forum. I’ve been think of creating one for born again or just new believers. We have to help them because you know that we fight against the Prince of darkness n he don’t like it when you turn your back on him.

  19. Sarah Says:

    Beautiful!!!

    I wanted to share something with Cody. Cody do not be afraid of death. God is there now and he will be there forever. When we walk through this world we face challenges every day. This life we are living is really no life at all. What is life will be the day we go to heaven and live through our LORD Jesus Christ forever! :)

    Philippians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

  20. Kayla Says:

    I needed this so much. Im not an atheist, nor have I been. But anxiety has been such a big problem in me lately. And I have been constantly attacked by atheists lately. (trolling facebook, i might add. as you mentioned you did at one time.) Its been hard to hang in there. But I know that God has been with me. And this is making me so much stronger. Your testimony is wonderful and I hope you are trying to reach and humble atheists and I pray you are winning people to Christ! :)

  21. Richard Says:

    Glory to God.
    May Our Jesus indeed reach out to all the rest that had turned their backs on Him, so His kingdom may grow more and more.

  22. Haley Says:

    You have a wonderful testimony! I wish atheists would read it and hopefully realize there is an amazing God! I think you should post your testimony on yahoo answers or something like that, because there are many atheists on there.
    God bless you!

  23. Ron Says:

    Great testimony. I’m currently on a mission to reach out to an atheist relative of mine. Thought I’d do some research and came across this. I actually pray for those internet trolls that seem like they have no hope at times. It’s inspiring to know that these people can change by the grace of God. Thanks for your testimony brother.

  24. fanny garita Says:

    Praise the Lord!!! I am christian and I have to confess my life was full of emptiness, sadness and loneliness since my early teenage time. I was thinking then: “what I really need in my life is to have God in my heart”. Since I have memory, I grew up inside my dysfunctional family, the world “God” was never used for praying or being thankful with Him. So my big question was: which religion should I follow? which one would take me to Him? there’s so many religions out there talking about God, but which one will be the right one? the one to take me to Him! then one day my aunt invite me to go to her church on a Sunday. I didn’t want to become one of those “fanatics”, talking about Jesus Christ day and night, singing and clapping their hands and yelling “Praise the Lord” at all the time, Oh no that would never happened to me! well God have another plans for me (His mind is not like ours) He is an Awesome God!!! on that very day He told my complete life, my entire life in the lips of the preacher, using this Pastor to heal my inside, I never will forget the preach was about Daniel in the lions den. Next thing was I stud up and walked to the front to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. God is real, He is more real than me, you, this planet or the entire universe. If you really look for an answer, He is the answer, only Him! I experienced Jesus Christ in my life, all the miracles, the healing, His answers, His unconditional Love. Thank God for people like you who are a living testimony of His real truly Love.

  25. Debbie Says:

    I’m glad to find this site and read about people who once did not believe in God or Jesus now say they do and have converted to Christianity. I’m so tired of reading on forums those that bash the existence of God and are dedicated to eliminating God from this society in America. Of course God exists, as does His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. May those who have converted and those that already believe become stronger in faith every day and in every way.

  26. tina Says:

    I have been searching for stories of athiest who have found God, as I myself had been a self proclaimed athiest. Since my re-birth, I’ve prayed that others like myself would also see the error of their ways and discover God’s glory. I yearn to here their stories and share my own as an inspiration to those who are unknowingly waiting for God to free them from themselves. I will never forget the evening that I finally opened my eyes and became “aware” of God. I say that now because my entire life, my rational, logical mind prevented me from believing and understanding something that I couldn’t see or touch. In my awakening I came to realize that He had been with me all along, never giving up on me despite my disbelief in Him. Always forgiving. It was and will forever be the most important day of my life. God bless you, and others alike that they too will discover God’s glory.

  27. Paul Says:

    What a great testimony to god’s love, faithfulness and patience. Just like the parable of the prodigal son. I was no atheist but I was worse. I was a self-righteous, pious, pompous, know it all religious freak until God changed me some 12 years ago. I would have been one of the Pharisees Christ remonstrated with. Then…….Christ appeared in visions and gently urged me to submit to Him. The world has changed and He keeps changing it, 1 person at the time. Welcome to God Who love us with His perfect love.

  28. Jennifer Says:

    God bless ya! I’ve been down a very similar road from Christian, to Pagan, to Atheist, and now back to Christian. I’ve found my home and will not leave it again.

    I have posted your article on one of my Facebook pages: http://www.facebook.com/NoLongerAtheistThankYouJesus, I hope you’ll join us. I love testimonies of ex-Atheists and I hope to see millions more of them in the coming years.

  29. Jodie Says:

    Thank you for sharing, your testimony is a God-send, He knew how much it would bless my life.

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